Two Steps Back

Image from tumblr
Image from tumblr

Don’t ever give up.
Don’t ever give in.
Don’t ever stop trying.
Don’t ever sell out.
And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for a brief moment,
pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper a prayer, and start where you left off.
But never, ever, ever give up.
~ Richelle E. Goodrich


It had to happen.

I’m on new treatment. We’re working on my detox pathways, and some brain rewiring and rehab before I hit the lyme drugs again for another round. Both my doc and I are new at some of this – both the treatment modes, and the regimes. They’ve been tried and tested by other doctors, with other patients, and their positive results have spurred us to try the same. (In my 30 plus years as a Lymie I’ve been a guinea pig for lots of stuff – desperation and a sense of the curious will do that to you.)

On the plus side for this new regime? We know it works. I’m getting noticeable results.

On the not-so-plus side?

Too strong. Too fast. Because of that I’ve gone backwards a little. A temporary thing. My poor old brain has been overstimulated, and my detox pathways are not coping with the load. So there have been some unpleasant side effects.  Headaches. Ramped up pain. Small seizures. Temporary loss of vision in my troublesome left eye (neurological rather than an actual eye issue). Disrupted sleep patterns. Mega brain fog and exhaustion. Slurry speech.

Thinking is hard. Problem solving stresses me out. Or else I look inside my brain for an answer and there is nothing…

Image from
Image from

I got properly checked out, and I’m fine. I just need to rest. Rest some more. Cut back my program. Drink lots of water. Did I mention rest and avoiding stimulation?

Soon as I’m feeling better we’ll try again, more gently this time.

So I’m going to step away from blogging for a few days so I can have a proper no-pressure break.

At least I got to enjoy a semi-normal weekend just a few days ago. Moments like those are gold. They show me that everything I’m doing is worth it, even the less-than-fun spaces like the one I’m in right now. I’m miles ahead of where I was this time last year. It feels like a different life, that me of a few years ago where I was dying and every day was a miserable struggle.

A setback is just that. A setback. It’s only a failure if I stop trying. Anyway, if I’d quit when the going got tough I’d have died years ago. 🙂

This round of treatment has been a valuable learning experience about what not to do. Next round, I’ll do better!

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Image from
Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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21 thoughts on “Two Steps Back

  1. Thinking of you today abd hope things are better. Time heals all. Thank you for the plant extract information, i ordered and am looking forward to their arrival. Bless.

  2. Be well Nicole, take all of the time you need to restore…..there’s always time later to blog. Meanwhile I hope Nurse Bert has come on duty and is making the tea for your long nap time!

    Sending big hugs and lots of love your way!

  3. I love that “I can’t brain today” graphic. So beautiful and true. Like you, Nicole. Rest now warrior, for there are more battles for you to fight ❤️

  4. rest and hugs to you. Thank you so much for the blog posts and the inspiration. When I found your blog I had no idea that you were ill, your light shines through so much that I didn’t see it at first.

  5. We want you to be well and don’t mind how much time you leave us until you are . Mind , we will miss having you around …enjoy the rest sweet Nicole ❤️

  6. You’ll be fine, Nicole. You will be enjoying so much more of life. Have a good rest, let yourself sing to sleep. Sending warm thoughts and love. Cécile

  7. Get all the rest you can dear.. You know we’d all be here. Frankly your brain is playing a prank on you ;), even then you managed to write such an inspirational message for all of us.Thank you for that…Lots of love.

  8. Rest up dear one….You are true inspiration. Wishing you lots more of the ordinary mixed in with some excitement soon. <3

  9. I know detox brain very well. It’s like an alternate universe. How cool that you are far enough ahead that you can write a blog post to assist in keeping your wits about you. I got paint and paper out yesterday and somehow it changes everything.

  10. You are a stronger person than I. Blogging everyday would be the end of me. The cat photo says it all. I’ve noticed I’m having more trouble typing words these days so it indicates more rest. If I get a post once a week or every 2 weeks, I’m doing well. I can’t even read all the blogs that post every day. Just not the brain power. Rest and rest some more. Be well.

  11. Take a break rest and recover enough to return to us who give a rats ass about you and ant you to be feeling better more then worse, I won’t say a 100% because I don’t think you get to a 100% but that said we want you to feel as good as you can

  12. I just reread my post – and you guessed it – I have a little brain fog myself today.
    As the Aussie saying goes, ” You get that on the big Jobs”.
    How very funny !!!
    Love Susan

  13. Speechless. Breathless. Hurting for you, Nicole. Your ongoing strength and courage and determination keep me afloat when my going gets tough. [ NOTHING compared to what you’re challenged with! ] Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers & heart… always. Gentle hug. Much love. xox

  14. I love the arrow diagram – that about sums it up.
    A big rest and a little potter in your garden sounds good for the body and soul.
    When the old brain fog comes around I find myself singing the song from the
    Old Tin Man in the Wizard Of Oz – “if I only I had a brain” !!!
    Here’s hoping you find yours soon.
    Cheers Susan

  15. Nicole your strength and resilience leaves me in awe, your words bring support, love and encouragement to so many, know that is returned to you three fold. Sending you love and healing thoughts, rest and recuperate.

  16. Oh, I hope you feel better and everything settles down soon. Rest up and enjoy some moments in the sun and enjoying nature in your beautiful part of the world. Thinking of you. Take care xxx

  17. Hi Nicole,
    I ‘m so proud of you and in awe of your courage. Thanks for being a shining light, lifting others up when you are still struggling yourself. Sending prayers and light your way…
    Hugs, Karen Tyrrell xx

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