Why Being ‘Nice’ Can Be Poisonous To Your Soul


“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.” 
~ Dan Pearce

Lovelies, today I want to share my perspective on ‘making nice’ with you.

Kindness is a loving balm, understanding is a mental tonic, compassion grows our hearts, love is food for the soul, but niceness? Far too often niceness is a poison administered to ourselves by our own hand.

There is a trend (and I recognise it because I once was in that same place!) where people beginning to become spiritually aware try to live from a place of unconditional love. That’s a beautiful thing, but too often what gets practised is not actually unconditional love but ‘niceness’.

Many people consider niceness to be a virtue; a sign of living from heart, and acting from love. I’m not referring to kindness, or good manners, or amiability. I’m talking here about pleasing others, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, and being agreeable and amenable, even if it comes at a high cost to yourself.

Speaking our truth honours us, and it teaches us honest and direct communication that honours and respects others. Can we come from a place of unconditional love and still speak our truth? Absolutely! Because the premise of unconditional love is that we also love ourselves.

Authenticity requires us to live with honesty – not with silencing ourselves or suppressing our true thoughts and emotions.

Niceness is not about unconditional love – it is about giving up honesty in order to avoid disapproval, confrontation, rejection, ridicule or embarrassment. It elevates the happiness and well-being of others above your own. It is based on falseness, and by its nature, niceness prevents honesty and authenticity. When you come from niceness you teach others to devalue you, and disrespect you. You do not set clear boundaries.

Niceness does not come from a heart-centred life. It grows out of fear and a lack of self-worth. It is a behaviour that goes counter to our intuitive wisdom, and to those gut-based mechanisms that keep us safe.  We tell people what they want to hear, we do and say things to keep others happy or to keep the peace. We act in a way that pleases others but that robs us of a little (or a big bit!) of ourselves.

There is always a way to tell the difference between being nice and being kind.  Kindness comes from a place of being centred, and it empowers us.  It strengthens us, as it strengthens others. We can act with generosity or compassion and there is no cost to us, or it is a cost we willingly bear.  We give without expecting anything in return, for the sake of uplifting others.

Niceness always leaves you with an aftertaste – you know you have’t spoken truthfully; you feel that twang of inauthentic energy, that twinge of discomfort, or you even get that sense of being taken for granted or taken for a ride.

Niceness diminishes us, even when it strengthens others. We bite our tongue in order to say the flattering thing, we do the act with a little flame of resentment in our heart. And sometimes it starts out as kindness – but our kindness becomes expected, or disrepected – we are taken advantage of but we are unable to speak up about that and voice our own feelings. So we act nice instead.

When we choose niceness it poisons us.  It leads to depression, anxiety, shame, emotional distress, guilt, anger and despair.   Life-long patterns of niceness leave us open to exploitation and invite difficult, damaging and dangerous relationships into our lives.

We end up doing things we don’t want to do – we can become an entirely different person to who we are on the inside. We can lose ourselves so completely that we have no idea any more what makes us happy, what our preferences are, what we want in life…

Taken to extremes, through living a life of niceness we can cease to exist. Instead, we become a support role in someone else’s life. We become Cinderella, at home scrubbing the floors while her stepsisters are out having fun!

Are you too nice?

Maybe it’s time to start honouring your own truth. Love starts with the self, and healthy self-esteem can only be built by standing up for yourself, giving your feelings a voice, and attending to your own needs.  You can do that and still be polite.  You can do that and still be kind.  You can do that and still be likeable, lovable and accepted.  Don’t keep drinking that from that poisonous niceness bottle!

And if your acts of self-respect and kindness aren’t taken well by others? Maybe it’s time to  get some space, maybe it’s time to stop giving, maybe it’s time to move on… If you have to be ‘nice’ in order for your life to work, the price will always be too high.

You might be surprised. As you begin voicing your honest thoughts, you give others permission to do the same. Being authentic can create great change. It invites miracles. And this week supports that kind of energy, so be brave and embrace your truth then live from that space and watch the magic begin to happen in your life. Choose love. Choose kindness. And above all, be true to yourself. It’s worth it! 

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

Image from www.simplereminders.com

Embrace Your Inner Activist

Photo: Cindy Trinh, Activists of New York, activistnyc.tumblr.com


“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ~ Elie Wiesel

I have a challenge for you, dear readers – I want you to embrace your Inner Activist.

If you seek a more spiritual life, or a more balanced or mindful one then it is not enough just to practice self-care, meditate, eat healthy, do yoga or pray and think that’s all you need to do. As someone who is moving to a more conscious way of being it is also important to use your voice and your actions in order to create to a better world.

Follow your passions, contribute your energy, act!

What do you care about? Bigger things like global warming, plastic use reduction, clean energy, racism, gun control, equality for all, safe food, clean water and air, social justice, access to education, health care, families, elder care, human rights, animal rights, saving wild spaces and species? Smaller things like protecting an old tree from property developers, saving your local library, recording oral histories from elderly community members, teaching migrants to read and write, stopping a local beach from eroding, cleaning up your local waterways, petitioning for public toilets to be installed at the park near you, getting disabled or pram-friendly access for public transport, making drinking fountains available in the inner city. People like you have changed the world, because they cared and because they dared to become involved.

There is no time to stand by and wait for someone else to fix things. We need to stand up for the things that we value and speak out against the injustices, inequalities and issues that go against our values.

Your voice matters. Contributing to the conversations and actions that can change the world matters. Please don’t think that someone else will fix things. Don’t count on governments, politicians, big business and global organisations. Real change always comes from grass-roots movements, from many people adding their individual energy to create momentum and progress and measurable outcomes.

Many of us were brought up to believe that it is rude to speak up, to make waves, to make others uncomfortable or to rock the boat. We’ve been taught that it’s better not to get involved, not to make ourselves a target, not to ruffle feathers. And that’s how injustice and inequalities flourish. Indifference and lack of action are actually a silent condoning of the things you fail to speak up about or act upon. Of course, I advocate personal safety always! But if it’s safe to speak up then do so.

Define what activism means for you. For some people it is speaking out, literally. Joining rallies and protests or blockades or affirmative action groups. For some people it’s writing letters or sharing blog posts or social media. For some people it’s becoming involved with a local group whose values match your own and adding your energy to their existing work. For some people it’s starting their own local group or action. Or maybe you’ll be a solo activist – picking up trash and putting it in the bin, planting trees, reusing and recycling, finding meaningful ways to put your beliefs into action. Every dollar you spend has a voice too, in the energy company you choose or the food you buy. Let your dollars be more aligned with your values.

Can’t find the courage yet to use your voice? That’s okay. Support a person or group whose voice you believe in. Follow them on social media. Give financial or other support if you can. There are already so many good people in the world doing great work. The more you look and realise that’s true the more hopeful you’ll become.

Being an activist is simply being a good citizen of the world – one who cares about the community around us and the planet that sustains us. We are the change that the world needs. It’s us! No-one else is coming to save us or our planet. The power is already in you. I urge you to use it, just as Greta Thunberg, a 16 year-old Swedish climate change activist is doing:


Biggest hugs and love, Nicole ❤ xx

When You Lose Track Of Time You Know It’s Love!

“How did it get so late so soon?” 
Dr. Seuss

At 8.30pm last night I told Ben I’d be in bed soon. I just had to do one little thing first…

A little after 2am this morning I looked up and to my surprise hours had suddenly flown by.

Has that ever happened to you? You got engrossed in something and lost all track of time?

The picture above is of my desk, at the end of my last big session of putting our pre-order Planner and Mala packs together. I was listening to music, channelling crystals for people and making special personalised essential oil blends and writing Christmas Cards and pouring love into everything and my night just vanished!

So I’m writing my blog now and scheduling it it post for me in a few hours and meanwhile, hopefully, I’ll be asleep.

Oh my goodness, I am so proud of our Planners and Malas and all our new online courses. I’ll tell you all about them tomorrow and they’ll all be up in our store for you tomorrow too. But first I need some sleep. After I do my 4am meditation (at 3am) because it seems dumb to go to sleep for an hour only to wake up and meditate. I’ll be sending you all lots of love and light and blessings to help you navigate the last of these current energetic shifts.

The pic below is me happy and loved-up and ready for my meditation. Yay for big nights of soul-calling work. (And yes, I still can’t see properly so I am not looking directly into the camera because I couldn’t see where to look!)

Love you! Nicole ❤ xoxo

Reclaiming Your Dreams – Monday Oracle 17 July 2017

“The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.” 
~  C. JoyBell C.

Hello, Lovelies,

I’m just loving the energies of July. It’s such a supportive month! Here’s the oracle card I have chosen this Monday, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead. I use any oracle or tarot cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. ‘Self-worth’ is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman.

If you read my forecast for July, you’ll remember that July helps us to see our place within the bigger scheme of things. It supports love, connection and community and warrants some quiet time this month with loved ones.

Let’s look at the gifts Self-Worth brings us this week.

Have you ever wanted something but were afraid to try, afraid to fail, or someone talked you out of it?

There are some big messages in this Self-Worth card.

This is a week for reclaiming our joy, and reconnecting with our dreams. (Did you notice the Snow Angel in the bottom right corner of this card? 🙂 )

Why do we need to reclaim them? Why do we need to reconnect?

Because at some stage in the past we were told that we couldn’t have the dream. Or we couldn’t do the thing that gave us joy.

Or that it was better to make someone else happy ahead of ourselves.

Maybe it was us telling ourself no. Or perhaps it was a parent, a partner, an overbearing sibling, a disenchanted teacher, a jealous friend, a well-meaning but misguided mentor.

We internalised a message of low self-worth. We weren’t young enough, clever enough, pretty enough, talented enough, good enough, worthy enough. We were too dramatic, too ambitious, too deluded, too much of a dreamer. We didn’t have the money, the time, the support. Our dream or idea was crazy, dumb, not that good, done already. We needed to grow up. To act our age. To stop being embarrassing. Or selfish. Quite frankly, we needed to put that dream or that quiet love down and embrace reality. We were told to move on.

Luckily our hearts know what they want.

Our hearts never stop knowing.

Despite all the negativity and well-meaning but incorrect advice that is heaped upon them, despite our own negative self-talk or the put-downs of others, our hearts hold onto their own truth.

Inside, our dreams continue to burn. Ideas flicker, waiting for a breeze to fan the flame. Our long-neglected interests and hobbies need only a ray of sunshine and a little fresh air to spring back into being.

This week those dreams and longings begin to come back into focus. A little more of ourselves is restored. Our courage grows.

When we give ourselves permission to follow our dreams and do what makes us happy all kinds of magic begins to flow in our lives.

It’s a fabulous week for becoming much more fully ourselves. And happily so!

Supportive crystals this week?

Rose Quartz helps us to be open to love and support in all forms and to be able to RECEIVE (Load up your pockets, my loves!). Yellow Turquoise opens our hearts and helps us to heal from old hurts, enabling us to love again – especially ourselves and our dreams. Blue Obsidian gives us mental clarity and self-awareness, strengthening our ability to communicate and connect. Amazonite provides us with courage and a sense of optimism and adventure.

Helpful essential oils?

Young Living’s Believe essential oil blend, or a combination (or singly!) of any of Cardamon, Spruce, Ylang Ylang and Orange. Believe essential oil blend is uplifting and promotes confidence, spiritual connection, clarity and a belief that we can change. It also helps us to let go of fear, doubt and old emotional pain and hurt.  I often use this oil when I am writing or journalling, or working with cards for myself. (Writing is my dream and personal love, and Believe is my ‘magical sauce’ for words on the page!) It’s my oil of choice in my diffuser again this week. You can find all the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for a you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

Choosing What Matters – Monday Oracle 15 May 2017

“Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never even knew you had.”
~ Alice Sebold

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
~ Thomas Merton

 

Hello, Lovelies!

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen this Monday, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead. I use any oracle or tarot cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. ‘Destiny’ is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman.

If you read my forecast for May, you’ll remember that May brings beautiful heart-nurturing energies, helping you to move towards love, forgiveness, inner peace and emotional freedom.

So, what gifts does Destiny bring for you this week?

Destiny reminds us, with love and wisdom, that this is our one beautiful life. These days will never be repeated. There is no second chance. No matter what other lives we may have, no matter what comes after this life ends, today is all we have, and we cannot rely on having a certain number of tomorrows.

What do you want to do with this one precious life? What do you want your days to look like? Your weeks? Your years?

I don’t mean what was expected of you by your family or your teachers or your culture. What you think you should do. What you think you have to do.  What you think it’s too late to change. And I don’t mean what you are doing now; what you trained for, what you fell into, what you’ve fought for or been handed . No.

I’m talking about what is in your heart. That secret dream, that desire, that urge, that longing, that curiosity, that idea which won’t let go.

Today is all we can be sure of. Destiny nudges our heart, and helps us to see what really matters, and if it matters to us then we must act to make it real for us.

So, my lovelies, what will you choose this week? What matters to you? What would you die regretting if you didn’t follow your heart on this?

Supportive crystals this week?

Rhodonite is great for supporting us to follow our hearts. Snowflake Obsidian will help to remove old negative self-talk and replace it with optimism. Citrine opens us to ideas creativity and being able to accept help and opportunities. Red Jasper will keep you grounded and emotionally supported if you need to move through trauma or anxiety in order to make changes.

Helpful essential oils?

Young Living’s Awaken essential oil blend, or a combination (or singly!) of any of Rosemary, Orange, Frankincense and Lavender. Awaken essential oil blend smells sweet and woody and can be worn as a perfume (place on wrists, over heart and on back of neck) or used in a diffuser. A few drops in the bath are heavenly too. It’s a great oil to get you out of your head and into your heartspace. It promotes spiritual connection and intuition and is deeply calming. I love this oil, and it’s my oil of choice in my diffuser this week. You can find all the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for a you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

Finding Sandra – a son’s quest to find the mother he never knew

Image from About.com

Image from About.com

“But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin.” 
― Mitch Albom, For One More Day

*NOTE: I’ve changed the names and locations in this post to maintain the privacy of those involved, although their story is used with permission.

A young man, Darren, came to see me for a psychic reading earlier this year. At the end of our session, looking a little uncomfortable, he eased a much folded and tattered photograph out of his wallet and slid it across to me.

“Can you tell me anything about the woman in the picture?” Darren asked. “I know you don’t work as a medium, but I thought, well, you know…”

I held it for a moment, and then I looked up, puzzled. “She’s not dead,” I said. “At least that not what I’m picking up.”

“Are you sure?” His tone was urgent, and wildly hopeful. “Her name is Sandra. She’s my mum.”

I tuned in as much as I could. I was sure she was alive. And the more I tuned in the more information I got.

“She’s living in Baltimore. And she works in a hardware store.” The words just jumped out of my mouth. As I said them, the thinking part of me was saying ‘really?’ but I’ve learned to trust those blurted sentences so I went with it.

“Baltimore? That’s America, right?” Darren asked.

“I’m pretty sure.” I was very sure.

“So she just left me? That must be why everyone told me she was dead. What kind of a mother abandons her child?” His face became puffed and red, and a tear ran down his cheek. I felt so bad for him right then. He was in such emotional pain.

But I knew his mother hadn’t left him. Not willingly. And I said so. “There’s something not right,” I said. “I’m sure she didn’t want to leave you. It’s as if you just disappeared. She was very upset and frightened, and she had no money or way to stay in the country. So she went home. And home for her is America.”

He muttered something under his breath, and then told me the story of his earlier life. His father is heavily involved with a religious group. I guess some would call them a cult. Darren had been raised by his father and his father’s partner within this very closed community in a rural area of Australia. He was told that his mother had died when he was a baby, and Darren had no recollection of her. He had stolen this one precious picture from among his father’s possessions many years ago and hidden it so he would not get into trouble.

Darren had never been allowed to talk about his mother or to ask questions about her. He’d only learned his mother’s full name when he’d obtained a copy of his birth certificate so that he could get his learner’s permit for a driver’s licence. But Darren had always had doubts about what his father and step-mother had told him. As he became older and began to question the teachings of the leader of their community, and the actions of the group members, he began to think more and more about his mum.  Perhaps she had some family still alive with whom he could make contact.

When Darren came to see me he had left the community and religious group, and was trying to make a new life for himself. He was now shunned by the people he’d grown up with, and he was feeling very alone in the world. We talked some more about the possibility of his mum being alive, and then he asked me about study and his options for a career, and we finished up our session.

I didn’t hear from him again until the night before last. I was lying in bed and my mobile phone began ringing. I saw that it was an American number and so I answered it, thinking it was one of my friends who lives over there.

Instead it was Darren, who’d managed to obtain my number somehow. “I’m in Baltimore,” he said, “and I really need your help. I’m out of money, my visa’s about to run out and I’ve hit a dead end.” He’d visited every hardware store in the Baltimore area, and had discovered that his mother had worked at one until a few months ago. But they wouldn’t give out any of her personal details. He’d then used a phone book and narrowed his search down to three possible residential addresses, none of whom were answering their phone. “Can you get anything? Anything at all?”

In my mind I saw a picture of a red brick building that had been divided into apartments. I knew his mother could see the water from where she lived, and that there was something unusual about the door knocker. But that was all I could get.

Darren called me back a couple more times over the next few hours as he made a last desperate bid to connect with his mother.

Finally Darren found a place that had many buildings like the one I’d described. He went to each of them and eventually came to a door where the door knocker was a brass whale.

Image from Etsy

Image from Etsy

We both thought it could be the one. No-one was home so he sat and waited on the steps and eventually his mother came home from her new job, and there he was waiting for her.

I spoke to Darren again today. He said his mother recognised him right away because Darren was the spitting image of his maternal grandfather. They’ve been reunited and Darren is at last hearing his mum’s side of the story. One very different from the one he’d believed, growing up.

Darren can’t explain why he had this compulsion to suddenly look for his mother. His whole trip had been impulsive. And yet following his heart helped him be in the right place at the right time for him to reconnect with family.

There’s a lot to be said for following your heart.

Why do you keep running from the thing you want?

Image from www.divinebodyandstyles.net

Image from www.divinebodyandstyles.net

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”  

~ Henry David Thoreau

 

 

It’s a simple enough question. And today I’m asking you. Why? Why do you keep running in the opposite direction to the thing you want?

If I could I would sit you down here, under the tree at my farm, or on the veranda. I would make you a cup of tea. And then I would tell you this:

Point 1 – None of this matters. Our life is here and gone in the blink of an eye. The things that seem so vitally important to us will be rendered into nothingness and dust by the processes of time. So, in the face of that, have courage. Who cares if your idea is crazy? Who cares what others might think of you? One day no-one will remember anyway…

Image by violscraper at flickr

Image by violscraper at flickr

Point 2 – I know I just said it doesn’t matter, but the truth is it matters to you. If it didn’t matter you wouldn’t be all tied up in knots over it. And the whole point of you living YOUR life is to take hold of the things that matter and shape them into a meaningful existence for yourself, one where you can look back and think ‘I did that’. Doing what matters to you makes for a satisfying life. So you need this thing; not for anyone else, not to impress, not to win prizes or have your name in lights – you need this thing to define you, to fulfill you, to forge you into the person you came here to become.

Image from www.theneckercube.blogspot.com.au

Image from www.theneckercube.blogspot.com.au

I know it’s scary. But there is something worse than the fear that keeps you running in the opposite direction. The scariest thing is getting to the end of your life without ever having tried, and then running out of time.

Maybe this thing is so important to you (in fact the most meaningful thing in your life – perhaps your very life essence… ) that you fear attempting it. If you hold this thing out in front of you it remains a possibility, but if you try it and fail the dream is gone. And then what will have meaning in your life?

Have you no faith? The Universe never whispers in our ear, our heart never holds a deep desire, unless we have within us the potential to realise that dream.

Don’t talk yourself out of it without ever having tried.

quote-life-shrinks-or-expands-in-proportion-to-one-s-courage-anais-nin-136058

I’ve heard all the excuses.

You fear that you will be successful and then everyone will want something from you and you will lose your freedom, or be under enormous pressure to keep succeeding. If this is you, refer back to Point 1.

You believe that you’re not worthy. You believe that success belongs to others. Or maybe you’re punishing yourself by not striving for this thing.  Perhaps you’re thinking too much about others and not enough about yourself. Refer back to Point 1.

Enough already.  Refer to Point 2.

You know this thing you want is always in the back of your mind, and often in your daily thoughts.  It comes to you in quiet moments, and pops into your consciousness when you least expect it.  Busily you turn away, stuff it down, talk yourself out of it, step around it and come up with another validation for why you’re not doing it, can’t do it, and so on…

All this energy you’re using to run away would be better spent in doing the thing.

All you need to do is start.  No grand gestures, no wild positioning statements, no colossal expectations.

Stop running. Take a breath. Find a place to make a modest beginning, and just start. You don’t even need to look this thing square in the eye. That will come, in time. For now, know that turning to face your dream and engaging with some small part of it is all you ever have to do.

You are here for a reason.  In your heart-of-hearts you know that reason by name. And this world will be the poorer if you never take your place in the sun.

You’re the only one here who can do it. That’s why it’s calling your name.

Stop running.

It’s time to embrace the dream and become who you came here to be.

Trust – A message from the Universe

“Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger.  If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.” ~ Dale Carnegie

“You, down there? Get on with it!” ~ Rollo

**Today’s post comes to you courtesy of the Universe.  Read on…

“We know that you’ve been asking for a sign, that you’re looking for reassurance, and some confirmation.

So here it is.  Just for you.  Because we believe in you, and we trust in your outcome.

It’s normal, at the beginning of a long journey, in the middle of a long journey, to feel a little overwhelmed.

Alright, maybe a lot overwhelmed.

Starting up again from nothing is daunting.  Being brave enough to try one more time is  hard. One hundred thousand words is so many when all you have is an idea for a novel. The deposit for a house is enormous when you barely have a dollar to your name. When you haven’t exercised for a decade and your health has been let go, fitness may seem an impossible dream.

You may have a goal in mind where you’re not even sure how to get to your destination, or what the guideposts will look like along the way.

That’s okay.  In fact, that’s how it always is.

That’s why we wanted to remind you about something important that you seem to have forgotten.

No matter what your goal is, if your heart is calling you to try…

Image from www.lair2000.net

Image from www.lair2000.net

all you ever need to do is trust, and take one small step.

The first step matters. Once you’ve taken that step, be brave and try another. That’s all you have to do.  One small step.  Another small step.

If you keep taking small steps, eventually you’ll be somewhere new, and your world, and you, will be very different.  You might not end up anywhere near where you thought you might be. Humans often can’t see that far ahead.

But we can. So we’re asking you to trust. Just trust and take that step.

The thing’s already written in your heart. The energetic plan’s already in progress. We’re conspiring in your success. All that’s needed now is a little commitment, and a little action.

So here’s what you need to do:

Commit to that small step.  Take that small step.  Repeat.

The synchronicities are up to us.  The helpful people and lucky breaks are too. Don’t worry about mapping out the entire journey.  That’s not your job – it’s ours!  We have a much better view from up here.

So, you have your confirmation.  Don’t put it off any longer.  Life’s grand adventure awaits!

Follow the path

Oh, and one other thing…

If you asked for a specific sign; you know, a unicorn or a hedgehog or a magic word, or your name written in pink magic marker on a white fluffy cloud, well, we want you to go ahead and open this box.

box

See, we’ve thought of everything.  So no more excuses.  We believe in you, and you can do this. Go to it!

All our love and support, The Universe.”

**PS If you enjoyed this post please vote for this blog, Cauldrons and Cupcakes, in the  Best Australian Blogs 2013 Competition.  You can do that here.  Thank you.

Simple Antidotes to Resentment

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~ Carrie Fisher

Resentment – it’s a corrosive emotion that causes damage to the container, no matter how cautiously  you try to hold it in.

Why do we get resentful? You might not have ever been consciously aware of it, but resentment always comes down to time.  We feel resentful when we believe we’ve wasted time on something or someone.

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Most of us start out in a relationship or activity giving willingly of our time.  In fact, all of us have been in situations where we consciously choose to put our own needs, wants or interests to one side BECAUSE of what we consider to be a higher priority. We want to invest in a new relationship, we want the person we love to achieve their dreams, we want to give a new job our best shot, we want to give everything we can to the raising of our children.  We make sacrifices. And at the start we are glad to do that, even though it means we move into a place of imbalance.

But over time, if we don’t begin get a pay-off for the sacrifice we’re making (enough money, appreciation, acknowledgement etc) we start to get that niggly uncomfortable feeling that reminds us we are off our path.  In fact, if we are still neglecting the things that are important to us longer term, even if we are now well remunerated or appreciated, resentment will show up in our lives.

As a society we deal with resentment in one of three main ways, and usually in this order:

  1. We swallow it down and become a ‘martyr’, carrying on in our unfulfilling life and always putting others first.  We keep a lid on resentment, or worse: begin to live a colourless formless life that is all about function and never about heart or art.
  2. We simmer with anger and crankiness, which pops up unexpectedly in our lives as over-the-top reactions to people and situations, or as passive aggression.  We develop a fondness for muttering under our breath or closing doors just a little too hard.
  3. We slide into depression, despair and apathy.  We begin to give up on ourselves and our dreams.  We lose faith in ourselves and our abilities.

So what are we going to do about it?

If you suspect that you are burdened with resentment in any area of your life I’m going to ask you to do something radical.

Stop for a minute, and invite Resentment to come have a chat with you.  Don’t be intimidated by them, or scared.  Resentment looks like a five year old stompy-footed version of yourself…

Image from www.sheknows.com

Image from www.sheknows.com

The stompy-footed five year old inside you is very clear about what’s not working in your life right now, so why not let them get it all off their chest.

The best way to work with your Inner Child directly is to have a conversation between the Big You, and the Little You. You can do this through what is known as Left Hand – Right Hand Dialogue. It’s an easy thing to do! Simply find some different coloured pens or pencils. Use your dominant hand (the one you usually write with) to be the Big You, the conscious awareness of you as an adult. Choose one pen for this hand. Then use your non-dominant hand to represent your Little You, and let that hand pick a pen, or pens to write the responses.

Have your Big You write a question for your Little You, and then let your Little You respond. The writing will be awkward, so don’t worry about spelling or vocabulary. What you’ll get is honesty, and love, and isn’t that all we really ever need to get clear about life?

Here are some suggested questions to use with your Inner Child work:

  • Why are we so angry?
  • What’s the worst thing about right now?
  • What would we prefer to be doing?
  • What would make us happier?

Of course, your Inner Child will have a list of hurts and complaints, but don’t expect it to be all everyone else’s fault.  Your Inner Child has a lucidity and an honesty that will get right to the heart of your situation, and it might not be what you think!

I’ll share an example from my own life (about fifteen years ago) at a time when I was just starting to get hugely busy with my spiritual and psychic work.  I still had a corporate communication business, but my spiritual work was taking more and more of my time. I was becoming ‘very professional’ and ‘successful’ as a psychic, and my quiet love had become a business in its own right.  I was also feeling a little burned out, and my initial enthusiasm was waning:

Big Nicole: Hi Little Nicole, why are you so cranky right now?

Little Nicole: It’s just not fair! We never have fun anymore.  You only ever use your cards for the other people.  When do we get to play with them?  Why don’t we just play with the crystals like we used to, or go sit in the garden with all the fairies? You’re always too busy. I hate that. And Mr X is so mean and stupid to you at work.  It doesn’t even pay good money!!!

 

Oh.  I hadn’t expected that. I thought the problem was that my husband left his dirty dishes on the counter and could never get them into the dishwasher.  I thought it was my never-shrinking to-do list and the things I never got time to get to. I thought it was all these other things…

When you have finished writing with your Inner Child, go make yourself a cup of tea or get a nice cold drink (yes, take the time to have a five minute disconnect from the process you just worked with – you  need to be firmly back in your adult brain for this next bit ) and then sit down and read over what you wrote.

Your Inner Child has given you a magical list of resentment remedies.  Take a pen and underline the important parts of what they said to you.

Little Nicole: It’s just not fair! We never have fun anymore.  You only ever use your cards for the other people.  When do we get to play with them?Why don’t we just play with the crystals like we used to, or go sit in the garden with all the fairies? You’re always too busy. I hate that. And Mr X is so mean and stupid to you at work.  It doesn’t even pay good money!!!

Now you need to put your Inner Child’s guidance into action. Start by finding some small windows of time just for you. Following my own Inner Child’s advice I gave myself the gift of ten minutes (that’s nothing! – anyone can find ten minutes!!!) each morning to choose a daily card, reflect and write a few insights, and play with my crystal collection.  One day a week I took a half-hour walk out in nature. Even though the amount of time I was gifting back to myself was small it made a huge positive change in the sense of freedom and expansion in my everyday world.

Little Nicole was also right about the mean man – I had a corporate client who was hugely demanding, calling me at home on weekends and expecting me to work 20 hour days to complete projects to his insane deadlines.  I finished my contract with his organisation and walked away, knowing that I had enough clients to work at my spiritual ‘job’ full time.

And I asked my husband to please put his plates in the dishwasher, and after asking him, he did!

My resentment melted away because I was honouring my own needs and making space for them in my life.

We feel resentment when there is not enough time for our own dreams and interests.  Of course our resentment will find a place to focus our attention, so we end up thinking it’s our annoying boss, or our ungrateful husband, or our demanding children who are ruining our lives.  But in fact, it was us and our choices all along. And in the beginning we were happy with those choices.

By making time for ourselves  and our dreams, our lives become more fulfilling and sustainable – and we find that the unbearable becomes tolerable again.  We might even regain our zest for the things that are currently dragging us down.

Resentment always has simple antidotes.  It is about reclaiming a corner of your life for YOU!  Life is short, and precious.  Don’t taint it with resentment – it’s just not worth it.  There’s always a better way.  Today I’m holding the intention that you find clarity, and the courage to take action to make your life more aligned with your Soul.  ❤ Much love to you xx

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Honouring your Intuition – Why aren’t you doing it?

second-guess: definition:

Second guess is defined as to question a decision or action that has already been completed. (verb)

An example of second guess is when you make a decision and then you start to think about it a little more and decide another decision might have been better.

~ Websters New World College Dictionary
We’ve all done it.  We make a decision, feel good about it, and then at the last minute change our minds. Sometimes we panic, or maybe we become filled with self doubt.  Sometimes we are swayed from our original decision by the opinions and advice of others. Inevitably the decision we go with second has nowhere near as good an outcome as if we’d stuck with our first choice.
All of us are intuitive.  We are guided daily by our own internal wisdom, and perhaps something more… Some people call it following your heart, some call it listening to your inner wisdom, some just call it intuition – but whatever we call it, it amounts to the same thing: an ability to make sound decisions that lead us to positive outcomes.
I know you’re already an expert at second guessing yourself – don’t feel bad, we all do it!  The more pressure we are under, and the greater our level of uncertainty and insecurity, the more prone we are to second guessing.  The problem with that is when we are already in a place of weakness – and then we make a decision that doesn’t go our way – we further erode our confidence in ourselves.
So how do we turn things around?
Firstly, it’s important not to put yourself under pressure by expecting yourself to tune in to your intuition with high stakes decisions.  You need to rebuild confidence in yourself, so it’s best to start small.  Intuition is like a muscle – the more we use it, the stronger it becomes.
Secondly, you need to actually honour your intuition or gut feeling when you’re guided to make a decision that might be different to what you might ordinarily do.
So the next time you are driving to work, and you suddenly get an urge to go a different route, act on that urge. You know that all the times you second guessed yourself and DIDN’T follow your intuition you ended up stuck in a traffic jam…
Trust yourself when you get a small idea about what to cook for dinner, or that you should get milk and bread on the way home even though you only shopped yesterday and should have plenty. Chances are you’ll get home and someone will have drunk all the milk, and eaten all the bread!
The more we learn to trust ourselves on the little stuff, the easier it gets to apply our intuition and heart guidance to the big stuff.
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Your heart is a wonderful guidance system.  Even after you make that second (worse) decision, it will keep feeding you information in the form of feelings and physical sensations to let you know you’re headed the wrong way.
How many times have you changed your mind and done the thing you didn’t want to do, and then felt physically sick, or had a nagging feeling of dread the entire time?  Later on you say to yourself I knew I shouldn’t have done that!  That’s the wisdom of hindsight, which is only ever useful after the fact.  Intuition will keep you running true before you even need to make that decision and act upon it.
A life guided by your heart is a journey that allows your true gifts and purpose to shine through, so that you live your best life for you, instead of always living to please (or not upset!) other people.
Starting today, tune in and listen to your heart. Do it with the simple things, like what to have for breakfast, or whether you should go to the party tonight. Practice, practice, practice – make it fun!
Before you know it, tuning in and using your intuition will become a natural part of your life – just like it used to be before you stopped trusting it.
If you’d like to explore your intuitive abilities further, I recommend my series of activities on strengthening your intuition.  Just click on the link below.  Bless ❤ xx