5 Simple Ways To Love Yourself Better

 

“Have the courage to love yourself like you always wished someone would.” 
~  Vironika Tugaleva

 

Everyone knows that self-love is vital to building self-esteem and self-confidence, for setting healthy boundaries and feeling good about yourself. Problem is, if you don’t feel good about yourself to start with, if you don’t like yourself much and you’re feeling pretty depressed and miserable, then trying to love yourself is like holding onto a single helium-filled birthday balloon and expecting it can fly you to Mars.  Mission Impossible!

So what do you do when your sense of self is hanging by a thread, but you just can’t make that mental leap from loathing to loving?

When loving yourself and feeling good about yourself seems impossible, then what you need to do is parent yourself. That’s where you do the things you know you need to do, even when you don’t want to, can’t be bothered, or feel that you don’t deserve to treat yourself well.

Good parents create environments where we can grow, be safe, and learn to get to know ourselves and the world around us.  They support us, provide emotional connection and support, love us and guide us until we move to a place of maturity where we can do these things for ourselves.

Even when you find it hard to love yourself, there is a wise part of your soul that intuitively knows what you need to get back to a place of balance. Your job is to let that parent part of you – the Wise Soul – make the choices for the part of you that is struggling to get on your feet and feel good again.

Image from www.linkedin.com


Here are five simple things you can do to make a start towards healing your relationship with yourself. I’ve also added suggested crystals that are supportive for each step:

1.  Decide to accept yourself right now, as you are and where you are in life. Too often we tell ourselves that we’ll like ourselves better when we’ve lost weight, found a job, left a bad relationship, found a good relationship, stopped smoking, gotten fit, or won lotto. When we put conditions on loving ourselves, we never get to that mysterious just-around-the-corner place that is forever up ahead and out of our reach.  Be honest with yourself.  If life is painful, admit that. Don’t numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, food or overwork.  Reach out for help if you’re having trouble coping, or need some new skills and strategies to make tomorrow look different to today. Best crystals for self acceptance – Tiger Eye, Blue Calcite or Rhodonite

2.  Create a safe space.  Everyone needs a place to call home, where they can relax, be themselves, and surround themselves with things that reflect their sense of self. Music, plants, posters or paintings, colours and fragrances – all of these things can help ground you and give you a sense of belonging and security.  It’s not about the objects as much as the energy they create. Start by making sure your space is clean. Dirt, mess and clutter drain you and create stagnant energy.  Clear the clutter, and then begin to make your space somewhere that is inviting, uplifting and positive. Best crystals for a sense of safety and peace – Banded Agate, Smoky Quartz, Rose Quartz, Sodalite and Snowflake Obsidian

3.  Practice respect.  Respect yourself enough to avoid, minimise your exposure to or end toxic relationships and to stop toxic behavours. Respect your body by eating well, and by exercising daily – even when it’s hard.  Especially when it’s hard and you don’t want to. That’s what parents do.  They make sure we drink enough water, eat our greens, get enough sleep, and get out of bed in the morning.  In everything that you do, ask yourself “Does this action or choice honour me?”  When we suffer from a lack of self-love it’s easy to make choices that don’t do the best by us.  In some cases we even choose things that sabotage our well-being.  Once again, if you’re really struggling here, ask for help, whether it’s a counsellor, personal trainer, rehab facility or a good friend who has your back. Great crystals healing self-sabotage and supporting self respect – Black Tourmaline, Amazonite, Yellow Turquoise, Bloodstone

4.  Find something to look forward to and work towards it, or include it in your life.  Whether it’s an overseas holiday, salsa dancing lessons, art classes or writing your life story, everyone needs to have a sense of purpose, and that purpose doesn’t have to be career related. Don’t be afraid to dream big, even if you have to start small. Best crystals for joy and connection to the flow of life – Green Aventurine, Citrine, Rose Quartz, Fluorite

5.  Spend some time in nature each day. Fresh air and sunshine has been used as a remedy for depression and to heal all manner of ills for centuries. Watching animals in nature has been proven to lower blood pressure, increase endorphins and relax tension in our muscles. Having contact with pets also helps us heal and feel better about ourselves, and teaches us responsibility for others. Best crystals for connection to nature and the earth – Jasper, Carnelian, Hematite,  Septarian Nodules, Unakite

Treat yourself with kindness today and always. Holding you in my prayers and meditations,

Nicole ❤ xx

A Note of Encouragement For You – Monday Oracle for 27 February 2017

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”
~ J.K. Rowling

Hello, Lovelies.

The oracle card I have chosen to guide us this week is ‘Acceptance’ is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman.

If you read my forecast for February, you’ll remember for these last few days of the month that February is all about turning inwards, and tuning in to our own wants and needs, staying true to ourselves and our goals despite our fears or what other people may tell us. Keep that in the back of your mind as you read through the rest of this post.

So, what gifts does Acceptance bring for you this week?

This week is a week for accepting that where we are at is where we are! We cannot run away from ourselves or the truth of our current situation, even if we want to be further along in our lives, and have a head full of plans and dreams to make it so.

We are also reminded that we are enough. If we have been given a dream, we are enough and there is enough within us for us to be able to realise that dream.

We are worthy of love. We are worthy of success. We are worthy of happiness. We are worthy of redemption. No matter what has gone before, what choices we may have made or failures we may have endured, there is always hope. Life is constantly changing, and so can we.

Sometimes the realisation of our hopes and dreams starts in the most humble of ways, with steps forward that are invisible to everyone else except us.

But we can see them. That matters!

Saving an extra $5 a week, walking around the block, writing 500 words a week, putting one less sugar in your coffee, devoting an hour every Sunday to your bigger plan – none of that is dramatic or sexy or immediately life-changing. But it all adds up. Slow steady change is more likely to become transformative and sustainable than one or two crazy efforts that exhaust you and can’t be easily replicated.

Acceptance encourages us to stay true to our course, even if we can’t see results yet. It reminds us not to compare ourselves to others. It tells us not to give up on ourselves and our dreams.

Supportive crystals this week?

Carnelian will support you if you are tired, unwell or plain burned out! Add White Howlite to this if you are struggling with depression, anxiety or overwhelm. Just pop them in your pocket, or wear them somewhere on your body. They are also good to hold in meditation or to place under your pillow before sleep. If you are struggling to communicate your thoughts and ideas, or need support to speak your truth or ask for help, choose a lovely blue Sodalite! Rose Quartz if you need a boost of love, kindness and nurture.

Helpful essential oils? 

Young Living’s Joy or Common Sense essential oil blends, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of Rose, Rosemary, Lemon, Vetiver and Lavender. The Joy blend is fabulous if you are feeling anxious or uncertain, or a bit sad or stuck. It’s reassuring and uplifting; wonderful for gently shifting depression and self-doubt. I often wear it as a perfume. Common Sense oil is a super stress-buster that will help with allowing you to become clear about what you want, and to feel secure with your choices and decisions, especially around change. It’s my oil of choice in my diffuser again this week.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for a you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

A Short But Important Message For You

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“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.”
~ Shannon L. Alder

 

Every morning when I wake up I sit in meditation.

I say prayers for my family and friends, I send healing to those who need it, I send energy and love to my students, and then to the world.

After which I always think about you, dear readers, and I ask ‘What do my readers most need to know today?’ This usually helps me to write a blog post, or to prepare an activity or meditation.

Today when I asked, I got a very clear message. So clear that all I need do is record it here:

“Everyone on earth should believe that they have something to give the world which cannot otherwise be given.”

I know that this is true.

And I know that it’s a message some of you absolutely needed to be reminded of today.

So, go be you. Go be who you are and know that this is enough. To live as yourself. To act and think as yourself. To interact with others as yourself. To love as yourself. Your true self. You whole self.

Even if you have never been brave enough to be you until now.

Because it’s time.

I love you.

Go well today,

Nicole <3 xx

 

Acceptance – A Short Documentary about Owning Who You Are

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“The things that make me different are the things that make me.”  ~ A.A. Milne

“You are always welcome at my table.” ~ Nicole Cody

 

Last year I invited my friend Kerry Warnholtz to come spend some time with me as I prepared for and then ran my Chakra Wisdoms retreat.

Kerry is a talented photographer and videographer who sees the world through soulful and ever-watchful eyes. I hoped that she might be able to capture some footage and a few stills for my new website. My brief to her was that I wanted her to somehow show the love and care I put into each event that I run, and how precious each of my students is to me – how much I take that teaching and mentoring responsibility into my heart.

Kerry didn’t just capture that – she captured me – a little snapshot into my life, and the struggles I have had in coming to a place of self-acceptance. This short film speaks a lot to my WHY – why I do what I do – and I thought many of you might relate to the struggles I had in my earlier life to accept myself as I am.

What I want you to know, more than anything, is that I believe in you and that I want you to be who you are and be true to yourself. Being you is the most important thing you can do, and it’s time. The world needs us to stop pretending to be who we are not or to represent ourselves in the world as less than we are. It’s time to embrace ourselves and each other in all of our glorious diversity and similarity.

So, watch this little documentary. Come meet me at my farm, and in my life, and know that you are always welcome at my table.

You are among friends here.

Thanks for sharing the journey with me,

Nicole <3 xx

 

PS – If you want to see more of Kerry’s wonderful work you can find her at www.tsi-multimedia.com

Concluding Our Oracle Card Challenge

“The outside world can only trigger or block your experience of your true nature. Each time something beautiful takes your breath away, that’s you experiencing yourself. Each time you fall in love with someone, that’s you experiencing yourself. Each time a child’s smile gives you unspeakable joy, that’s you experiencing yourself. Your true nature is beautiful. Life is the art of rediscovering yourself, again and again, in different forms, celebrating, rejoicing, welcoming. You are beautiful. You are life itself.”
~ Vironika Tugaleva

 

Thank you so much for being part of this Oracle Card Challenge.

Now that you are familiar with using cards to help you to gain insights and direction, you can apply the methods I have shown you to work with any situation in your life where you require insight or inspiration.

 

I recommend that you use cards as a tool for clarification, rather than as an instrument of prediction. You are the force of power in your life. Within you lies the capability to steer yourself true and to make decisions and choices that are well aligned with a positive future. That future is shaped by your intentions and actions. Don’t give your power away by using cards to predict your own future, or to keep asking a question over and over until you find an answer that pleases you. All successful change comes through deliberate thought, intention and action. No matter your current circumstances, you have these things at your disposal to help bring about changes in your life.

I also recommend that you go back through your journal now, and explore each area you wrote about in more depth. Create an action plan for yourself. Decide on some priorities. Implement your plan, and watch what magic you can create in your life.

Love and hugs, Nicole <3 xx

Day 3 – Oracle Card Challenge

“What we call our destiny is truly our character and that character can be altered. The knowledge that we are responsible for our actions and attitudes does not need to be discouraging, because it also means that we are free to change this destiny. One is not in bondage to the past, which has shaped our feelings, to race, inheritance, background. All this can be altered if we have the courage to examine how it formed us. We can alter the chemistry provided we have the courage to dissect the elements.”
~ Anaïs Nin

 

My Relationship with Myself

Our relationship with ourselves is the singular most important human relationship in our lives. How well do you know yourself? Like yourself? Trust yourself? Respect yourself?

The more we improve our relationship with ourselves, the better and more honest our other relationships will become. Remember, that all we are doing is getting a position on where we are right now. Where we are can change once we put awareness and insight to our current situation. Let’s explore this further.

 

Here’s what you need to do.

Take your crystal, and complete this short guided meditation:

Hold your stone in your cupped hands, close your eyes, and slow your breathing. Bring white light into your body until you feel peaceful and calm. Then bring white light into the crystal too. Allow yourself to connect to the stone. You may feel it tingle, or visualise a colour in your mind’s eye. When you are ready, open your eyes. Keep your stone near you, and hold it when you write.

 

Now shuffle your cards, while silently asking the question to yourself ‘What is my true relationship with myself?’

When you have shuffled the cards and they feel ‘done’, select one card using the method that feels right for you.

Place the card face up in front of you.

Clear your mind by closing your eyes and taking one deep breath in and then out. Open your eyes again. Take a minute and look at the picture.

Image from www.wowoon.com

Image from www.wowoon.com

What stands out for you today? Is it an image or a colour? Is it a number or a word? What are your first impressions? What thoughts come into your mind?

Write these down in your journal.

Now let’s go a little deeper. What feelings or words does this card evoke in your mind when you think about the card and its images in relation to the question ‘What is my true relationship with myself?’ Take five minutes and write some stream-of-consciousness thoughts down. Don’t censor or judge them. Trust the process. Draw a second card for clarification if you need to.

Finally, read back over what you have written.

This may have been a difficult task for you today. If you feel emotional, sit in meditation again at the end of your session and run white light through your body and then bring pink light into your heart.

Know that you can come back and keep working on this question over time. Congratulations! This is a big, brave step.

Lots of love, Nicole xx

The Non-Believer and the Desperate Hour

“Desperation can make a person do surprising things.”
~ Veronica Roth

 

*This post is a continuation from yesterday’s The Non-Believer and The Amazing Offer

Sunday was a rare crisis-of-faith day for me. I’d slept poorly for days, I was churned with anxiety over a job offer from my old life, and I was wondering if what I did really made a difference in the world. Even more than that, at nearing fifty years of age, I still struggle at times with having a parent who does not accept what I do as a psychic and is not proud of me, but who would be if I went back to the corporate world. (I know… but my job is always to be truthful with you, so there it is. It creates a sucking sadness in me that dulls and roars in turn, and I never quite know what might trigger it. The little girl in me still aches to please.)

Sunday is an unplugged day for me. I have a session with my Planner, I spend time with my husband, and I don’t work at all. I don’t even look at my computer, because that way I can ignore the constant stream of messages and emails, of which a handful are always urgent. If I read one, I’d have to respond. If someone needs me I can’t not.

On Sunday afternoon my phone began to ding as a series of messages came through. I glanced at the screen and saw that they were facebook messages so I ignored them. But they kept coming. I realised that someone was urgently trying to get hold of me. And something in me made me break my Sunday rule. I opened the first message, and then read them all one by one. They were all from the same person.

They were all from the business coach who’d slammed me for being a psychic earlier this year, and who’d then trash-talked me to my friend. The same coach who’d urged me to give up my psychic work and go back to the ‘respectability’ of the corporate sector.

Contact me, his message said.

After six messages, it changed to Contact me urgently.

Image from www.dr.dk

Image from www.dr.dk

I knew it wouldn’t be about him reconsidering me as a potential client for his mentoring program. I knew deep in my bones that he had a problem. I could feel the desperation in those three terse words.

I texted him back. How can I help?

A series of photos followed of his tiny daughter. The coach was travelling with his wife and young family, doing public speaking engagements and such. They were away from home and his little girl was ill. Nothing specific. A fever. She was quiet. She didn’t have much appetite. She’d been listless. They’d taken her to a local hospital, and the staff there diagnosed her with a cold. They’d given her something for the fever and sent her home again.

For him to even contact me, given how rude he’d been and how clearly he’d told me he was a non-believer in all things psychic, I knew he was out of options. I was his last resort.

I skyped him.

The coach was awkward, and wouldn’t quite look me in the eye. Did I think there was something wrong with his daughter? Because both he and his wife thought there was something not quite right.

I tuned in.

What I got disturbed me. I could feel infection through her tiny body, building up into a crisis. I knew it had already affected her kidneys. I knew she was not far from going critical.

Put her in the car, I said. Take her back to the hospital, the closest one. Go now. It’s something serious. She needs urgent medical attention. It’s an infection, I said.

He hung up on me.

Forty minutes later he called again. They were at a new hospital and the staff wanted to send them home. His daughter’s fever wasn’t too high. They thought she had a cold or a little viral infection.

Did you tell them she’s had medication for the fever, I said. That’s what’s masking the true situation.

Over the next hour we talked a few more times as the doctors told the man to take his daughter home, after which he’d check in with me and then at my insistence tell them he wanted her to stay. But I could feel his resolve wavering. He was tired. He thought he was over-reacting.

In my mind’s eye I saw it. Something the little girl hadn’t had half an hour before. Show them the rash, I said.

What rash? She doesn’t have a rash! He was belligerent now. Angry with me. Angry that he’d contacted me.

Lift up her shirt, I said. She has tiny purple dots on her tummy and back. Hurry!

I didn’t hear from the coach again for hours. Not til nearly 1am on Monday morning, my time. During that time I’d held his family and his daughter in my prayers, sent her healing energy, and meditated on her soul and on her life. I felt how touch-and-go it was.

Image from www.verywell.com

Image from www.verywell.com

This is what the coach told me. They admitted his sick little girl straight away, diagnosing her with meningococcal disease. They gave her life-saving drugs, but she was already in a critical condition when that happened. And it progressed quickly from there. She had now sustained kidney and liver damage, and it looked like she might lose the fingertips of two fingers, and the top joint of a toe on one foot. It might get worse, he said. He was sobbing.

She’s already turned the corner, I told him. You saved her life. I know it looks bad, but she’s going to be okay. I talked to him for over an hour, just supporting him and being there for him. By the time I got off the call I was wrung out.

I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Instead I meditated and sent them love and healing, and prayed for them. I was grateful that the coach had honoured his own intuition in knowing that there was something wrong, and then in reaching out to me of all people.

 

On Monday morning I rang the guy trying to recruit me and told him a flatout no. Then Ben took me and Cafe Dog out for breakfast. I told him what had happened with the coach and his baby girl, and what the outcome was.

See, Ben said to me. What you do does matter.

And I knew Ben was right.

The corporate man will find someone else to head up his ridiculous-deadline project now that I’ve declined his offer. Some other person will flog the team senseless and create the things that I won’t do, no matter how well paid I would have been. It doesn’t matter if people like the coach lambast me and put me down. Even if later, they turn to me. There will always be people, within my family and within my community, who judge me for what I do and find me wanting. Who don’t understand me. Or who fear being judged themselves, by virtue of association with me .

I can only be who I am. Who would I be, and what message would I send if I tried to turn my back on this thing that I am? How could I ever support you, and encourage you to claim your own intuitive and psychic ability?

We were made this way for a reason.

It’s hard, sometimes, this road that I walk. But it’s worth it. Just like it will be for you too. Each of us have our own unique natures and gifts. We all matter, and we all have something to offer. All of us must strive to be true to who we came here to be. Or else, why live at all?