“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
―
Hey, Lovelies.
Have you ever had to step away from your screen and take a moment? A message recently hit my inbox, and when I read it (and then read it again) I found myself needing to take a break. The message came in response to my Saturday post about working with a trauma psychologist.
Here it is, in all its glory…
Dear Nicole,
I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I read your blog (mostly for the recipes) and I write in response to your latest post about needing Quiet Time, and I thought to reach out because you seem like a misdirected person and you are obviously struggling. I an so concerned about this path you are taking and I wanted to tell you that God will never give you anything you can’t handle and if you are not handling things in your life it is because you are not walking with God.
I know that you think that seeing a psychologist will help you but that is simply the work of the Devil. You are coming to your problems from a place of weakness and the psychologist will only reinforce that weakness within you and weaken your mind and weaken your spirit.
Please consider inviting Jesus into your heart and finding a good church with good Christian people near you. Jesus will heal you because you can give Him all your burdens. That is why He died on the Cross for you. With God everything is possible. If you are uncertain what to do I can speak with you over the internet and help you invite Christ into your life. All things come from God and all things can be healed by our Almighty Father and his Son by their Grace.
With kindness, XXXXXXXXX
It’s hard for me to even know where to begin here.
At first I was angry. Then I was upset. I was also in disbelief. This is such a toxic and simplistic and judgmental and unhelpful message.
Still, I believed the writer was honestly trying to guide me, based on her beliefs, or what she is being taught by her church and her people. Mind you, after 27 messages on the same day from people I don’t know that all look like this (see below), I am not sure what to think anymore. It ended up feeling like a kind of assault.
So, I took a break, and had a cup of tea and sat in the company of old trees for a while. I calmed down.
For a while, I wanted to explain myself.
I wanted to write to the woman who told me I just needed to cosy up to Jesus instead of my psychologist, and tell her about a recurring nightmare I have of a domestic violence murder case that I was involved with some years ago, and how I felt both the victim’s terror and pain and the awful way she died – shockingly mutilated and dumped in a river while she was still alive – felt it as though it was happening to me, as if I was looking through her eyes and feeling through her skin, and that at the same time I felt and knew the perpetrator’s cruelty, cold sociopathy and the pleasure he got from the control and devastation he wielded over her. I wanted to tell her how traumatising that was. And that it has never left me.
I wanted to tell her about the many terrible things I have seen and felt, or have been told or shown (not just in the psychic sense, or from people sharing their stories with me, but actual footage and still images of atrocities as part of my prior and ongoing corporate work). I wanted to tell her about how I have no control over when these unbidden images may haunt my dreams or my waking hours. I wanted to tell her how hard it can be to hold the burdens and cares of those I love, my clients and community, my colleagues and friends, and to keep turning up day after day. I wanted to tell her about the number of first responders, military personnel, medical and veterinary practitioners who take their own lives; some of them my friends, some of them my clients. I wanted to tell her how I lie awake some nights worrying about people, and the troubles they are facing. I wanted to ask her how all of that suffering and pain and anguish and at times horror could come from God.
But I didn’t.
I guess she’ll read it here instead.
Mostly what I want to do now I have some space between that message and me is this…
I want to tell you, dear readers, that I am not weak in seeking help. I am strong. It is a good thing to reach out and admit a problem, or an inability to cope. It is a healthy and good thing to invite that help in, and to look for practical ways to heal wounds to your mental health, your emotional health, your soul. Sometimes there are just too many things. Your coping skills go down. You sink instead of swim. And it might make no sense to you. Especially if you are usually a person who copes with everything life throws at you. Especially if you’re a person who usually copes with what life throws at you. In the end all that matters is recognising that you need some extra support.
It is a good thing to defrag your mind and spirit, and to find new and better ways to handle the things that have happened in your life. If you need help, I urge you to reach out and find it too. It is not weakness – it is strength, and wisdom in knowing yourself and caring for yourself, and not keeping everything bottled up inside.
I am sure that faith and community can play a part in healing. So can healthy coping and self-care skills, qualified practitioners, counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists.
It’s surely time to destigmatise mental and emotional health issues, and to support each other as we journey through our lives. Life is beautiful, and I am grateful for mine every day. Still, life will surely also deal every one of us our own share of troubles, pain, grief and loss. That’s how life is. Learning to cope with the hard bits is something all of us need to do, and getting help for that is healthy, natural and normal.
Much love, Nicole xx