“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
―
Hey, Lovelies.
Have you ever had to step away from your screen and take a moment? A message recently hit my inbox, and when I read it (and then read it again) I found myself needing to take a break. The message came in response to my Saturday post about working with a trauma psychologist.
Here it is, in all its glory…
Dear Nicole,
I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I read your blog (mostly for the recipes) and I write in response to your latest post about needing Quiet Time, and I thought to reach out because you seem like a misdirected person and you are obviously struggling. I an so concerned about this path you are taking and I wanted to tell you that God will never give you anything you can’t handle and if you are not handling things in your life it is because you are not walking with God.
I know that you think that seeing a psychologist will help you but that is simply the work of the Devil. You are coming to your problems from a place of weakness and the psychologist will only reinforce that weakness within you and weaken your mind and weaken your spirit.
Please consider inviting Jesus into your heart and finding a good church with good Christian people near you. Jesus will heal you because you can give Him all your burdens. That is why He died on the Cross for you. With God everything is possible. If you are uncertain what to do I can speak with you over the internet and help you invite Christ into your life. All things come from God and all things can be healed by our Almighty Father and his Son by their Grace.
With kindness, XXXXXXXXX
It’s hard for me to even know where to begin here.
At first I was angry. Then I was upset. I was also in disbelief. This is such a toxic and simplistic and judgmental and unhelpful message.
Still, I believed the writer was honestly trying to guide me, based on her beliefs, or what she is being taught by her church and her people. Mind you, after 27 messages on the same day from people I don’t know that all look like this (see below), I am not sure what to think anymore. It ended up feeling like a kind of assault.
So, I took a break, and had a cup of tea and sat in the company of old trees for a while. I calmed down.
For a while, I wanted to explain myself.
I wanted to write to the woman who told me I just needed to cosy up to Jesus instead of my psychologist, and tell her about a recurring nightmare I have of a domestic violence murder case that I was involved with some years ago, and how I felt both the victim’s terror and pain and the awful way she died – shockingly mutilated and dumped in a river while she was still alive – felt it as though it was happening to me, as if I was looking through her eyes and feeling through her skin, and that at the same time I felt and knew the perpetrator’s cruelty, cold sociopathy and the pleasure he got from the control and devastation he wielded over her. I wanted to tell her how traumatising that was. And that it has never left me.
I wanted to tell her about the many terrible things I have seen and felt, or have been told or shown (not just in the psychic sense, or from people sharing their stories with me, but actual footage and still images of atrocities as part of my prior and ongoing corporate work). I wanted to tell her about how I have no control over when these unbidden images may haunt my dreams or my waking hours. I wanted to tell her how hard it can be to hold the burdens and cares of those I love, my clients and community, my colleagues and friends, and to keep turning up day after day. I wanted to tell her about the number of first responders, military personnel, medical and veterinary practitioners who take their own lives; some of them my friends, some of them my clients. I wanted to tell her how I lie awake some nights worrying about people, and the troubles they are facing. I wanted to ask her how all of that suffering and pain and anguish and at times horror could come from God.
But I didn’t.
I guess she’ll read it here instead.
Mostly what I want to do now I have some space between that message and me is this…
I want to tell you, dear readers, that I am not weak in seeking help. I am strong. It is a good thing to reach out and admit a problem, or an inability to cope. It is a healthy and good thing to invite that help in, and to look for practical ways to heal wounds to your mental health, your emotional health, your soul. Sometimes there are just too many things. Your coping skills go down. You sink instead of swim. And it might make no sense to you. Especially if you are usually a person who copes with everything life throws at you. Especially if you’re a person who usually copes with what life throws at you. In the end all that matters is recognising that you need some extra support.
It is a good thing to defrag your mind and spirit, and to find new and better ways to handle the things that have happened in your life. If you need help, I urge you to reach out and find it too. It is not weakness – it is strength, and wisdom in knowing yourself and caring for yourself, and not keeping everything bottled up inside.
I am sure that faith and community can play a part in healing. So can healthy coping and self-care skills, qualified practitioners, counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists.
It’s surely time to destigmatise mental and emotional health issues, and to support each other as we journey through our lives. Life is beautiful, and I am grateful for mine every day. Still, life will surely also deal every one of us our own share of troubles, pain, grief and loss. That’s how life is. Learning to cope with the hard bits is something all of us need to do, and getting help for that is healthy, natural and normal.
Much love, Nicole xx
Not even going to dignify that utterance with any comment, ignorance is happy in it’s own company, let her turn her blind eyes to her light and ignore the suffering around her.
Thankfully there are people like you in the world, Nicole, who step unerringly into the Shadow, to seek the souls who are wondering there, to draw them back with love and support, even if that work wounds you in the process. We gather our love and send it to you to support you as you seek the help you should. You were needed in that awful situation, YOU. Not your troll.
‘Who heals the healer?’ is a well known question. The answer here is ‘Whoever she damn well chooses!’
Our path is not for everyone, and it scares quite a few, and usually they retreat to whatever religeon they have and, as was so beautifully pronounced in a comment above, weaponise it. Use it as a club to beat the unknown which frightens them so.
Thank the Gods for your bravery is all I can say.
Brightest Blessings Nicole. I hope your sessions can gently sort out the imbalances and restore you to equilibrium. Sending the biggest hugs (and holding my beautiful Carnelian to to guide them)
Yiiikes, I cringed all the way through that ignorant and smug-sounding message. I think Jesus would’ve been all about psychologists and therapists had he had access to any. Easier said than done of course, but if you can laugh off future messages like these, I would. Just my two cents. Love and big hugs from a huge fan in NYC <3
Therapists can be so helpful. I also think why couldn’t God be seen as working through people (like therapists). My strategy the last 10 years was “things feel difficult, what support can I access to make anything/everything easier?”. You’re awesome. I’m sorry you got these judgemental upsetting messages on top of the original traumas you’ve experienced.
Could someone you trust read/vet your inbox and weed this stuff out so that you don’t have to deal with it?
Cheering for you🌟♥️!!!
The weaponization of any belief system is dangerous and reflects poorly on the person who follows that. I’ve always believed that proselytizing in any form does more harm than good. If one believes deeply and follows the tenets of Christianity their life should speak for them not their mouth. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer a group of women invited me to a prayer group so they could pray for me. I was a terrified woman and this sounded so warm and caring. When I got there I was informed that my cancer was because of sun in my life and I needed to publicly confess. Sobbing and angry I told them that they were closer to being the devils disciples than anything a loving God would recognize. I left and never heard from them again. However, the wound there words left is still there. Pay no attention to this woman. She doesn’t know you and her presumption is both rude and unnecessary. Block her.
Jeez! so sorry you went through that. Sending you hugs too.
Love U 🥰
Dear Nicole
Thanks for your contribution to a kinder world
Love
Mary-Anne
I am grateful even this week that I have a pile of mental health issues in my family and I read your words and find comfort. Many, many thanks Nicole
Nicole, my advice to you about this “well-meaning” person is to ignore her. She is living her life on a different wave-length than you and your readers who appreciate you and what you share with them. This person believes that it is her job to convert anyone who doesn’t believe as she does and my guess is that nothing you say to her preachy message will change that. You really do not need to respond to her! Just delete her messages and go about doing and believing and thinking what feels right for you. And don’t waste your energy thinking about her one more minute!
Words fail me🤦♀️ My dear Nicole💖, haters are gonna hate (and use their “faith” to do it) sadly.
You need regular down time and support .. those of us that travel the same path understand completely and do not judge others for doing so.
I for one love your words and what you share with us, and am very grateful that you do.
You just take care of you and don’t even give a second thought to those that need to push their faith.
Sending loads of love and a giant hug 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
There are so many people you know and don’t know who read your blog and think of you with love and admire the love, kindness and empathy you lavish on so many others. I honestly don’t know how you have the strength to absorb the anguish, pain and terror other people live with and was glad to hear that you have found someone to support you. Please don’t let a person whose world view is so far from reality shift you from your course.
Sitting with trees works for me too x
Nicole again thank you for sharing your experiences not to many people have your courage. Following since 2011 it’s been wonderful for my own growth. Your guidance when I have contacted you and your example of living your shared experiences,
💕💐 Julie
hi Nicole – I have followed you for many years. you are one of the strongest, bravest and most loving person I have ever know. it always amazes me that people can be so ignorant and think they know what is best for someone else. thank you for all you have done to help others and help goes both ways.
What is with some people, do they really think their judgmental and narrow minded messages help or do they just want to cause upset