Getting Ready For The Sokli Diet

Everyone has healing nutriments that make them better and that also includes stuff you can’t eat and that is important nutriment too – like places and things you love and things you can do as well as eating things. So I like making nutriment plans to help people get better because then they will be happy and when they are happy they can feel and hear and remember their connection to the Earth and help her too. Love from Sokli, who is a fairy who knows stuff.’ ~ Sokli

Those of you who know me well will also know that one of my dear friends is a fairy. Her name is Sokli, and she’s funny and wise and only a little bit old (about 200 years) and she is very interested in helping humans.

She often speaks to my students at my retreats and live events when I channel, and helps them with their health and well-being by telling them about what foods are best for them or what crystals, or where their best healing place is, or the best activity for them to help them be well and happy. She lavishly doles out information and usually sprinkles in some advice for people’s pets (animal family people, she calls them!) too.

Sokli has made Ben and I promise that we are going to follow her VERY BOSSY AND GOOD SOKLI DIET (her name for it, of course!), custom-made just for us, for ninety days.

We couldn’t start while we were away on our break – there was wine to be drunk, and chocolate to be eaten and all sorts of other lovely ‘holiday treats’ as Sokli calls them. Sokli is all for holiday treats and eating for pleasure, as long as people don’t eat like that every day.

I’ll be spending a few hours with Sokli on Sunday, getting our instructions and lists together. She has saved my life with her ideas more than once and is always so funny and supportive.

I’m actually looking forward to following her diet to the letter – except for the occasion of my PA and right-hand-woman Trish’s birthday, where Ben and I have been given the okay to GO CRAZY JUST A LITTLE BIT to celebrate.

I’ll keep you posted on how it all turns out.

Trish has actually suggested that I start doing channelled health readings with Sokli as one of our personal consultation options for our clients. (She already does this for a very few people who have been totally stuck with their health stuff.) We’re seriously considering it!

But first step: Ben and me and the VERY BOSSY AND GOOD SOKLI DIET.

I’m so ready for this.

Lots of love, Nicole xx

A Very Hygge Holiday

“Hygge is a quality of presence and an experience of togetherness. It is a feeling of being warm, safe, comforted and sheltered. 
Hygge is an experience of selfhood and communion with people and places that anchors and affirms us, gives us courage and consolation. 
To hygge is to invite intimacy and connection. It’s a feeling of engagement and relatedness, of belonging to the moment and to each other. 
Hygge is a sense of abundance and contentment. 
Hygge is about being not having.” 
~ Louisa Thomsen Brits

Ben and I are going away for a week. As you read this we’ll already be on the plane.

A friend is at the farm taking care of our dogs and cows and vegetable garden. My team are looking after my emails and the phones and the work stuff.

Ben and me? We’re looking after each other. It’s been a tough year. The illness, decline and death of his mother. The loss of a dear friend. The support of another going through a terrible time. Drought. Illness.

We’re tired. We need a break, before one of us breaks.

I’ll still be meditating. And I’ll still blog. Because those things are as ingrained in me as cleaning my teeth. I can’t not do them. But everything else can wait.

Be kind to yourself this week while these energies make all of us empaths more sensitive than usual.

Biggest hugs and love, Nicole xx

Energies of June 2019

“An awake heart is like a sky that pours light.” 
~ Hafiz

Hello, Lovelies!

At the beginning of every month, I discuss the energies and gifts of the month ahead and how we can best use them to make our lives satisfying, meaningful and productive. I also choose a card to support the energies of the month. The deck I am using this year is The Good Tarot by Colette Baron-Reid, and June’s card is 8 of Fire.

June brings energies of growth and transformation. 

This month you can build on existing situations, foundations and opportunities, further transforming your life through work and self-belief. You’ll start to see results, and your progress will become visible to others too.

The power of teamwork and of focus can’t be overestimated this month. There are so many choices in front of you now, and you may feel like there are too many choices and that everything is moving past you too fast. 

If you feel like that, look for some quiet time amid the bustle and haste. Use nature and meditation to bring you back to calm. Choose just a few things on which to focus. 

Let the rest go for now, or delegate it to someone else. And get a team together – people who can help and support you. You’ll go so much further together than trying to get it all done on your own.

June puts an emphasis on your health, healing and wellbeing. Don’t let your health slide at the expense of your dreams and goals. Look at ways to work sustainably and get help wherever you can.

Make sure to get a health check, and to keep on top of all of the habits and choices that let you live your best life.

Leave a little time for celebration this month too. Don’t let everything be everyday ordinary. 

You don’t need a reason to celebrate – being alive is enough! 

Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. 

Do things that make you feel alive. Celebrate others too. Share the joy around.

Fill your life with colour, love and passion. Trust in the journey and believe in good outcomes.

Best crystals this month?

Map Jasper and Peach Moonstone

Map Jasper

Map Jasper helps you to concentrate, analyse and understand. It supports the adrenals and counteracts overthinking and intellectual exhaustion. 

Peach Moonstone

Peach Moonstone encourages self-care, soothes worry, raises vibration and stimulates your capacity to problem solve using both intuition and reason.

Essential oils to support your journey?

My choice for oils that will support focus, clarity, planning and action this month are Peppermint, Rosemary and Lemon. Choose one or all of them for your diffuser – they work beautifully together.

For relaxing, enjoying lift and lifting your mood try any of these oils on their own or in combination – Wild OrangeLavenderGeraniumFrankincense and Cinnamon Bark.

I’m passionate about essential oils and their capacity to support our wellness journey and our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to know more or want to source the oils I recommend and trust visit this site or contact me at channelnc@gmail.com

Want to get even deeper on your spiritual journey and psychic awakening?

Think about taking the last remaining place on my upcoming Temple of Light Shamanic Meditation RetreatMore details on that here.

Wishing you a satisfying journey this month. Make the most of it – these energies are life-changing and life enhancing.

Lots of love, Nicole xoxo

A little note from us…

https://cauldronsandcupcakes.com

“Three things in life – your health, your mission, and the people you love. That’s it.”
~ Naval Ravikant

Hi Lovelies!

It is with great sadness that Nicole and her team have made the decision to cancel the Fairy Solstice High Tea Party on 22nd June.

With Nicole’s health being precarious at this time, the amount of energy she would need to expend for this event may just tip her over the edge and back into hospital…. Which is something we wish to avoid.

And so – as much as it pains us to cancel, please know that Nicole (and Sokli) SOOOOO value your support and understanding.

The online course and resources Nicole had mentioned in her Facebook Live events will still go ahead, so the juicy contents of this event will be made available to all in due course.

Should you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me (Trish Nicole Cody PA) at nicolecodyinfo@gmail.com. I’m disappointed to not have the opportunity to connect with those of you coming to the event personally on this occasion but look forward to doing so in the future.

Much love and gratitude, from Nicole and her Team xx

PS: Check out our store for Membership and courses, Mala, support packs and other goodies. Click the button below for more information.

https://cauldronsandcupcakes.com

How Controversial Should I Be?

“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.” 
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I was working with a client a few days ago, and the topic rolled around to suicide.

She had been suicidal once, at a truly difficult time in her life. With therapy and support her life has now moved beyond the worst of the pain and back to a place of balance. But there is no-one to talk with about what happened, she said, now that she no longer pays a therapist to listen. And she worries people will think she is still in that space if she tries to talk about it with friends or family.

‘I understand,’ I said to her.

‘How could you?’ she answered crossly. ‘Only people who’ve been there understand. I mean REALLY understand.’

‘I can feel into your body, and step inside you where you met that pain head-on. So yes, I can understand it from inside you – as a psychic,’ I said, ‘but I also understand. Me. I understand.’ I said those last words more slowly this time, weighting each one.

‘No way,’ she said. ‘You? I don’t believe it.’ She looked genuinely shocked.

‘It’s true.’ I looked her in the eye. ‘I have stood in that place twice, and both times it was unexpected. Each place was a different planet I hope never to go back to. Both times I found a solution that ultimately kept me here. And you’re right. No-one ever talks about this stuff.’

We were out of time, and this was about me now, not about her.

‘Maybe you could blog about it,’ she said to me as we finished up. ‘I would have found that useful, to have known someone like you could have had feelings like me. I mean, I was so f*cked up and broken and ashamed…’ She paused. ‘To have read that, to read that now, would still be helpful. So, could you?’

What do you think, dear Tribe? I’ve written about being psychic and being incontinent and all other manner of personal over-sharing. Should I break this taboo too?

I’ll be guided by you.

Much love, Nicole xx

Rest And Find Your Center – Monday Oracle 27 May 2019

“Activity and rest are two vital aspects of life. To find a balance in them is a skill in itself. Wisdom is knowing when to have rest, when to have activity, and how much of each to have. Finding them in each other – activity in rest and rest in activity – is the ultimate freedom.” 
~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Hello, Lovelies!

Here we are in the final days of May. May has been such a breakthrough month – it’s been a time for positive progress, big leaps forward and fine-tuning of your self-awareness. Lots of lightbulb moments, dramatic shifts and realisations and the odd bit of pattern breaking. So I know you’ll appreciate the energies and gifts of inspiration which the card Rest brings us this week.

Rest is about you recognising it is important to find that balance between sustainability and momentum. Nothing can burn bright endlessly. Everything needs replenishment. So what nourishes and replenishes you?

It’s easy to think of food and exercise as nourishment. They are, but we are also soulful creatures with hungry minds and searching souls. Our souls have their own appetites. Maybe you need to go watch a football game and revel in being part of the larger crowd. Perhaps live music will fill you up, or a wine and cheese tasting at your local cellars. An early-morning surf could be your thing, or a picnic with family or friends, or an intimate date with your beloved. How long has it been since you read a book, listened to the birds in the backyard, visited a new restaurant or attended a workshop about something that interests you?

Rest is also about trying to work out how to incorporate rest into your every day, rest into your week or your weekend or your month. It’s about you thinking about longer holidays. Can you find a work/life rhythm that works for you? Can you start work earlier and finish earlier, or give yourself a later start one day a week? Can you clear one day on your weekend to simply relax and have time for yourself? Can you put the kids in care one afternoon a week to create a window of time just for you?

The messages and wisdom of Rest help you to become mindful about creating sustainability in your life so that you don’t burn out.

Supportive crystals this week?

Pyrite provides passion, power and protection. It builds determination and self-belief.  Dalmatian Jasper helps you move forward, living in mindfulness. It releases stress and amplifies joy. Rose Quartz (pictured) is a stone of love and nurture – it helps you to be open to the giving and receiving of love. Yellow Obsidian is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and for embracing change.

Image from www.chrysalisheart.com.au

Helpful essential oils?

This week look to create a nurturing blend from any or all of the following oils:
Lavender keeps us in flow and relaxed, Neroli invites optimism and a sense of safety, Frankincense elevates our mood and promotes spiritual connection and intuition while keeping us grounded and Ylang Ylang opens our hearts and is supportive when we feel anxious or exhausted. To diffuse add 2 or three drops of each oil to your diffuser.

I’m passionate about essential oils and their capacity to support our wellness journey and our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to know more or want to source the oils I recommend and trust visit this site or contact me at channelnc@gmail.com

Guided Meditation Bundle

Looking for energetic and soul replenishment?

I’ve bundled together four powerful guided downloadable meditations and created a companion workbook to support you in your spiritual journey. The Stardust Connection Meditation Bundle will help you to connect with and explore Earth Energies, Ancestor Energies, your Solar Plexus energies and personal power, and the Stardust Energies. There is over an hour’s worth of Guided Meditations and a 38-page workbook. The workbook holds specific instructions for using the four guided meditations, as well as journalling activities and reflection/awareness exercises.

The material in the Stardust Connection Meditation Bundle can be used at any time over the next four years, and beyond. My intention with this bundle is to help you become confident in your direction, your intuition, and your contribution to the unfolding history of the world and humanity. To access the bundle or to learn more about it go to my store or click on this link.

BE gentle with yourself this week. DO your best to tune in and care for yourself, and remember that REST is always worthwhile.

Lots of love, Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, Rest, is from the Sacred Power Reading Cards by Anna Stark . I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. 

Rest

I’m Not Ashamed

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” 
~ Brené Brown

‘Oh, Nicole!’ That’s how the email started.

‘Darling friend, I’m so sorry to hear you are still battling Lyme disease. I hope you’re on the mend soon. Just wanted to give you some advice. What you write stays on the internet forever unless you decide to remove it, and even then it may be too late. So why on earth did you write about having incontinence? Nic, pull it down as soon as you can. That kind of stuff is so damaging for your image, and if you ever get a publishing deal you’ll regret this kind of over-sharing. Trust me.’

Hmmm….

Over-sharing? I don’t think so. Damaging? Some people will judge me, for sure. But they are not my people. You, dear readers, are my people.

Here’s what I know about my tribe, and about life in general.

Shit happens. Terrible, awful things can happen to good people for no reason. Life-changing accidents can happen in the blink of an eye. Wear and tear, illness and calamity can render the most sound of bodies and minds suddenly limpy, broken or cobbled together with tape, string, tears, stubbornness and fervent prayers. Many illnesses and incapacities are invisible. People live with all kinds of pains, traumas and problems that most people around them will never even guess at.

Right now I am suffering from neurological incontinence. Inflammation in my brain and nerves makes a signal go haywire and sends a message to my bladder instructing it to void. Which it does with no permission from me. One minute I have a full bladder, the next minute my bladder is emptying wherever I happen to be and no matter what I am wearing, doing or what my plans might be. It’s happened to me dozens of times over the years since I first began treatment for Lyme, and my solution is adult diapers. Which mostly work, and sometimes don’t.

People can suffer from neurological incontinence as a side effect of MS, advanced Lyme disease, brain or spinal cord injury, brain lesions, degenerative brain diseases, or the long term effects of radiation or cancer treatment, alcoholism or diabetes. It affects men and women, children through to people in old age. It affects me.

One day it may affect you or someone you love.

Few of us get a free pass through life with no adverse side-effects! My dear friend Carly-Jay and I often have a laugh over the bits of our bodies or bodily functions that fail us. We belong to a club of people who live well despite how our bodies sometimes misfunction or misbehave. We call that club the Unreliable Club and I’m sure some of you are already card-carrying members. (Maybe we need t-shirts!)

When I was first diagnosed with neurological incontinence (which comes and goes in me – I last had an attack a few years ago!) I looked everywhere for information and found almost none. It’s something no-one talks about.

So, I’m talking about it here. It’s not the end of the world. It can be managed. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s just wee. Everyone does it. Every single day. It’s a normal part of life, and for some people it’s a part of life that doesn’t work well for any number of reasons. If more people talked openly about this kind of thing we’d realise just how prevalent these kinds of issues are AND THEY ARE NOTHING FOR WHICH YOU NEED EVER FEEL SHAME.

The Continence Foundation of Australia offers the following statistics:

  • Urinary incontinence affects up to 13% of Australian men and up to 37% of Australian women (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report, 2006).
  • 65% of women and 30% of men sitting in a GP waiting room report some type of urinary incontinence, yet only 31% of these people report having sought help from a health professional (Byles & Chiarelli, 2003: Help seeking for urinary incontinence: a survey of those attending GP waiting rooms, Australian and New Zealand Continence Journal).
  • 70% of people with urinary leakage do not seek advice and treatment for their problem (Millard, 1998: The prevalence of urinary incontinence in Australia, Australian and New Zealand Continence Journal).
  • An Australian study found that over a three month period, 50% of women aged 45-59 years of age experienced some degree of mild, moderate or severe urinary incontinence (Millard, 1998: The prevalence of urinary incontinence in Australia, Australian and New Zealand Continence Journal). 
  • The prevalence of urge incontinence, which is strongly associated with prostate disease, is fairly low in younger males and increases to 30% for those aged 70-84 and 50% for those 85 years and over (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report, 2006).

It’s wee. It’s not working in a very controlled manner in me just now. That’s okay. I have bigger stuff to think about. This is just small stuff, not worth sweating over.

If you feel the need to unfollow me, unfriend me or avoid me because of my bladder control issues and embarrassing habit of oversharing then go right ahead. I’ll still be here for you when life gets bumpy. And then I’ll remind you that you can still live the dream while rocking adult diapers and I won’t love you any less for it. Instead, I’ll be cheering you on!

Much love, Nicole xx

Gumboot Adventure and a Lyme Update


“One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am – a reluctant enthusiast….a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive the bastards.” 
~ Edward Abbey

*Note: I recommend reading all the way to the end of this post. Past the pictures even. Oh yes, I do.

People are always asking how I am and I almost always say ‘fine, thanks’.

Truth is, I have advanced late-stage Lyme disease, and as with any chronic degenerative illness I have a catalogue of woes so to actually tell you how I am might take hours. Boring. I’m over it long ago. So ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ mostly does the job. I manage. Many days are great, and I am working, living and making the most of what I can. Happy, happy. I don’t dwell on my health or lack thereof.

Mostly.

I’ll level with you, though. The last few days have been rough.

I’m miserable right now.

I picked up a cough while visiting Ben’s mum in the nursing home. After four weeks it has steadily become worse and I can’t shake it. Because of that, my UTI flared up. I’ve been peeing five times a night and my bladder is agonisingly sore. I have been feeling myself slowing getting more run down no matter how good my self-care and health care has been.

So I started on new Chinese herbs two days ago for my latest infections. Great news – they’re working! Less great news? They are also killing Lyme Bugs so I am herxing like crazy as the Lyme dies and releases toxins into my already overloaded body. My eyes are red and streaming and only one is working, only one side of my face is mobile and responsive, my skin is on fire, I’m photophobic, I have stabby pains and night sweats and swollen glands and bone aches and head aches and nerve spasms and tender teeth and numb fingers and toes and neurological incontinence (I wee my pants for no reason!) and generally more misery than I remembered was possible. Yay? But fighting bugs, so yay!!!!! Now we’re working on getting the dosage correct so that I can manage the chest and UTI infections without going mad from herxing. Please don’t worry. I’m in good hands. (And yes, I have cried, screamed and whimpered often this past few days because I’d forgotten how truly awful herxing can be.)

I’m smiling here, honest! It’s just that only one side of my mouth lifts up right now…

In the midst of all of this misery I needed to go open a gate at the farm for Ben. I got out of bed, left my pyjama top on, threw on some shorts and my gumboots and slogged down to the Tractor Shed paddock.

Oh. It was so beautiful there in the misty cold afternoon. The ground was soft and green and lush. The trees shone with a vibrant light, and the birds sang. It felt good to be out of bed and outdoors.

When my short adventure was over I hastened back to a hot shower, fresh pyjamas and more rest.

It was worth it to have that little gumboot adventure.

I’m wishing you little adventures too. No matter how shitty life gets, a little tiny adventure, a small moment fully lived, a simple pleasure fully and mindfully experienced – that’s what makes it all more manageable. I rate my coping skills as high. And that’s one of the reasons why!

Biggest love and hugs from this tired and battered Lyme Warrior. I’ll be back at my best soon, I’m sure. Meanwhile, I’m happy to be herxy. (Well, mostly! xx)

PSS – Thanks if you scrolled down this far. Just a reminder that I am massively sleep deprived and in pain right now. So if you:

  1. suggest that positive thinking might be beneficial or a cure-all,
  2. offer to hook me up with your miracle-inducing network marketing product, or
  3. remind me that I somehow manifested all of this as a learning experience,
  4. or that this is karmic

then I can’t be held responsible for my actions. Need more help with this because you’re itching to do one of the above? Read this first.

I was horrified the first time it happened…

“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.”
~ Harvey Mackay

I remember, years ago, when I first started channelling.

It was excruciating.

My logical mind was stuck in judgement, cynicism, scepticism and disbelief. My soulful self trusted anyway and urged me on. I was conflicted, confused and stuck, with no-one to show me the way or help me.

And then my sister stepped forward.

She used her scientific curiosity and encouraged me to do the same. With her beside me I stepped more and more into the person I am today. I worked from a trance channel space, with my sister or trusted friends sitting with me, asking questions, guiding the sessions and recording them for me or taking notes.

At first I channelled Guides and Spiritual Beings. Their messages were helpful and wise. We found evidence of things that proved that I wasn’t making it all up. That helped me to not give up. I worked on my craft and became more and more competent in what I was doing. It was fascinating. I began to feel good about my abilities.

And then the awful day came.

I was with my sister and some Aboriginal friends; Vynette, Leanna, and Liz. We meditated together and then I settled into the trance space. But instead of channelling one of my Guides I channelled this squeaky-voiced, childlike being.

She told us her name was Sokli, and that she was what we humans would call a fairy.

My friends asked her many questions, to which she happily responded. Sokli was funny and earnest and talkative.

The session ended and everyone was abuzz.

Everyone except me.

I was horrified. I had just channelled a fairy. What if someone found out? How would anyone take me seriously ever again? I didn’t know anyone who channelled fairies. All the spiritual and psychic folk channelled dead people or Ascended Masters and Master Guides and Very Important Energies With Wise Sharings For Humanity.

Perhaps it was a fluke, I convinced myself. But at the very next session she turned up again. And again. And again.

Gradually we began to know her well. That was over twenty-five years ago, and Sokli has now become a dear friend and companion. She’s still funny and wise, and all of my students and clients who have met her have been entranced by her eagerness to help, her specific and personalised wisdoms about health, food, crystals, animals and plants. Sokli is generous and caring, and she has a beautiful innocence and straightforward way about her.

I’m embarrassed that I was so awkward about all of this emerging spiritual and psychic phenomena back then, and about people finding out that I believed in fairies. I still worried so much about how I would appear to others, and about my credibility.

Now I feel blessed to have Sokli as one of my crew.

Humans from all corners of the earth have long believed in spirit beings who came from the earth herself, and who could – at times – walk between worlds or dimensions. Not Gods. Not Angels. Not ETs. Beings different to ourselves who are intrinsically tied to nature and the planet. There are many names for them. Many cultural beliefs. Our Ancient Tribes have always believed.

Children believe in them.

But as adults in the modern Western world, we are taught that this is childish. After twenty-five years of experience, I beg to differ.

Come hang out with me and Sokli in Brisbane on June 22 (Details here) and find out for yourself.

And don’t worry if you live too far away to make it. After the event we’ll create a special online package to share the magic with you, no matter where you live!

Why Being ‘Nice’ Can Be Poisonous To Your Soul


“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.” 
~ Dan Pearce

Lovelies, today I want to share my perspective on ‘making nice’ with you.

Kindness is a loving balm, understanding is a mental tonic, compassion grows our hearts, love is food for the soul, but niceness? Far too often niceness is a poison administered to ourselves by our own hand.

There is a trend (and I recognise it because I once was in that same place!) where people beginning to become spiritually aware try to live from a place of unconditional love. That’s a beautiful thing, but too often what gets practised is not actually unconditional love but ‘niceness’.

Many people consider niceness to be a virtue; a sign of living from heart, and acting from love. I’m not referring to kindness, or good manners, or amiability. I’m talking here about pleasing others, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, and being agreeable and amenable, even if it comes at a high cost to yourself.

Speaking our truth honours us, and it teaches us honest and direct communication that honours and respects others. Can we come from a place of unconditional love and still speak our truth? Absolutely! Because the premise of unconditional love is that we also love ourselves.

Authenticity requires us to live with honesty – not with silencing ourselves or suppressing our true thoughts and emotions.

Niceness is not about unconditional love – it is about giving up honesty in order to avoid disapproval, confrontation, rejection, ridicule or embarrassment. It elevates the happiness and well-being of others above your own. It is based on falseness, and by its nature, niceness prevents honesty and authenticity. When you come from niceness you teach others to devalue you, and disrespect you. You do not set clear boundaries.

Niceness does not come from a heart-centred life. It grows out of fear and a lack of self-worth. It is a behaviour that goes counter to our intuitive wisdom, and to those gut-based mechanisms that keep us safe.  We tell people what they want to hear, we do and say things to keep others happy or to keep the peace. We act in a way that pleases others but that robs us of a little (or a big bit!) of ourselves.

There is always a way to tell the difference between being nice and being kind.  Kindness comes from a place of being centred, and it empowers us.  It strengthens us, as it strengthens others. We can act with generosity or compassion and there is no cost to us, or it is a cost we willingly bear.  We give without expecting anything in return, for the sake of uplifting others.

Niceness always leaves you with an aftertaste – you know you have’t spoken truthfully; you feel that twang of inauthentic energy, that twinge of discomfort, or you even get that sense of being taken for granted or taken for a ride.

Niceness diminishes us, even when it strengthens others. We bite our tongue in order to say the flattering thing, we do the act with a little flame of resentment in our heart. And sometimes it starts out as kindness – but our kindness becomes expected, or disrepected – we are taken advantage of but we are unable to speak up about that and voice our own feelings. So we act nice instead.

When we choose niceness it poisons us.  It leads to depression, anxiety, shame, emotional distress, guilt, anger and despair.   Life-long patterns of niceness leave us open to exploitation and invite difficult, damaging and dangerous relationships into our lives.

We end up doing things we don’t want to do – we can become an entirely different person to who we are on the inside. We can lose ourselves so completely that we have no idea any more what makes us happy, what our preferences are, what we want in life…

Taken to extremes, through living a life of niceness we can cease to exist. Instead, we become a support role in someone else’s life. We become Cinderella, at home scrubbing the floors while her stepsisters are out having fun!

Are you too nice?

Maybe it’s time to start honouring your own truth. Love starts with the self, and healthy self-esteem can only be built by standing up for yourself, giving your feelings a voice, and attending to your own needs.  You can do that and still be polite.  You can do that and still be kind.  You can do that and still be likeable, lovable and accepted.  Don’t keep drinking that from that poisonous niceness bottle!

And if your acts of self-respect and kindness aren’t taken well by others? Maybe it’s time to  get some space, maybe it’s time to stop giving, maybe it’s time to move on… If you have to be ‘nice’ in order for your life to work, the price will always be too high.

You might be surprised. As you begin voicing your honest thoughts, you give others permission to do the same. Being authentic can create great change. It invites miracles. And this week supports that kind of energy, so be brave and embrace your truth then live from that space and watch the magic begin to happen in your life. Choose love. Choose kindness. And above all, be true to yourself. It’s worth it! 

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

Image from www.simplereminders.com