Listening To My Body

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“The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.–Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.”
~ William Wordsworth

 

Yesterday I stopped.

Although I am on holiday and had a million exciting events planned I decided to cancel all of them.

Instead I put myself to bed and slept. Rising in the late afternoon I took a short walk, ate a simple meal overlooking the world from the top floor open-air cafe of our hotel. I watched the river flowing. I watched the sun set. I watched the play of lights in the night sky, and then put myself back to bed again.

So much sleep, and I feel as if I could still sleep some more. So it’s likely I will.

 

Once I would have pushed through this exhaustion. I would have allowed stubbornness to keep me upright and engaged, no matter how fatigued I might be.

No more.

Part of my holiday plan is to listen to my body and give it what it needs. It needs sleep. So I will happily comply.

How about you? If you take a moment, close your eyes and tune in, how do you feel? How much charge is in your physical battery? Your emotional battery?

What do you most need right now?

Try to give yourself some of that today.

Thinking of you, and sending so much love,

Nicole ❤ xoxo

Join Me For A New Journalling and Oracle Card Challenge?

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“The closer you come to knowing that you alone create the world of your experience, the more vital it becomes for you to discover just who is doing the creating.”
~ Eric Michael Leventhal

Keeping a journal is something I’ve done since I was a child. I don’t mean a simple diary, where you record the events of the day. You know what I mean… I ate this. I did this. Someone said that. No. I mean a place where I could explore ideas, talk with myself, and find my own answers.

Over the last few years I’ve created several journal challenges here on my blog, and I’ve just made a new one for you, to take advantage of the fabulous energies March and April bring for uncovering the hidden and neglected aspects of yourself, and for determining where you are out of step with yourself, so that you can bring your life into alignment with your true nature and values. It’s a great time for getting to know yourself better and for forging new directions in your life. Would you like to join me?

We’ll be starting this new challenge on Tuesday 28 February, so that you have time to gather your resources together. Our first Tuesday will be an orientation day. Then each Tuesday for March and April I will have a new journal activity for you to complete during the week. You’ll need a minimum of ten minutes to set aside each week for writing, and an additional five minutes per day for five out of seven days for energy work on yourself to facilitate your own healing and wellbeing. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. You can be a complete beginner at all of this!

I will be using the Chakras as a guide for this challenge. You don’t need to know anything about them either. All you need to do is bring a willingness to know yourself better.

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Here’s what you’ll need:

  • A new journal. Choose one that feels right for you. Make sure there are enough pages to get you through nine activities.
  • Some pens and pencils.
  • A crystal or stone to use as a gratitude and focus stone. (If you’re doing my Year of ME program feel free to use your 2017 stone for this challenge!)
  • A deck of oracle or tarot cards.
  • A sense of adventure and a readiness to explore your inner world.

NB: A note on choosing oracle or tarot cards – choose cards whose pictures and messages are meaningful to you. Avoid cards such as tarot decks that show only coins or cups etc. Instead choose a deck whose imagery really speaks to you. It’s the pictures that matter. Don’t worry if you don’t know how to use them. I’ll be showing you.

That’s my own journal, cards and stones in the picture below. I’ll be right beside you doing each week’s activities too. My gratitude rock is a smoky quartz and amethyst point (that’s the big one – the other two are a tourmalinated quartz and a prehnite that live in the same bag as my oracle cards and who came with me on my holidays). The oracle cards I’ll be using are Colette Baron-Reid’s Enchanted Map cards. And I just bought a new journal from a cool bookstore here in Vietnam, where I am currently travelling. It’s just the right size for our challenge and not too heavy in my luggage. (I won’t tell you about the other five journals I bought at the same place…)

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Who’s in? Pop your name in the comments or let us know over on facebook. If you post a pic on the facebook page during this challenge, you’ll be in the running to win a cool prize! Stay tuned for details.

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

 

Sneaking Back to Bed

“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired.
Smile, even when you’re trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision.
Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Frolic, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you’re afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can’t run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience—you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don’t live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”
~ Alysha Speer

 

I’ve had a big few days, lovelies.

A big month actually, between having intensive IV therapy to combat my superbug, and doing a load of readings and coaching for clients, and of hand-holding souls at the end of their lives, and of supporting people I care about through hard times.

This morning I woke up after a restless night, did my healing meditation for the world and all my loved ones (that includes you!) and then thought I would write my blog and get onto my avalanche of unanswered emails and messages that keeps growing while I have been busy attending to more urgent matters.

But I changed my mind.

My husband is sleeping in a dark, cool room. Harry dog has snuck up beside him.

And I am still tired.

So I am going back to bed for some more sleep and cuddles with my loved ones.

Because that’s what self-care looks like.

I hope you are looking after yourself too!

Hugs and love, Nicole ❤ xx

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 12 December

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“Civilization is always threatened from below, by patterns of belief and emotion that may once have been useful to our ancestors, but that are useful no longer.”
~ Roger Scruton

“Whereas moral courage is the righting of wrongs, creative courage, in contrast, is the discovering of new forms, new symbols, new patterns on which a new society can be built.”
~ Rollo May

 

Hello, Lovelies!

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen this Monday, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead.

‘Morality’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck. This card signifies the great importance of the week ahead. It’s a potent time for pattern breaking – both the patterns and limiting mindsets that we have created for ourselves, and for the perpetuated and limiting patterns that have been passed down through our family lines.

Please stop judging yourself and others for past decisions and actions. It’s never helpful, and it holds us tied to thsoe old energies and actions. Instead, seek to recognise limitations, embrace forgiveness, then make different choices which create space for healing and change.

Remember that who and where you’ve been doesn’t have to decide your future, it only informs your past. You’re bigger than your past. And we’re always growing, changing and moving on.

 

December is a time for reflection, and for sitting in the Supermind. This month we’re encouraged to truly give thought to who we are, where we’ve been, and where we want to go next.

As part of our reflection we’ll be able to see our current blocks and obstacles much more clearly this week. It’s a week that supports our decision to bust through these limits, or simply to start believing in a different story for ourselves and our futures.

 

We’re reminded to think kindly of ourselves and to come from a place of love and compassion in all that we do, this week and always.

Don’t keep mindlessly buying into the dramas of other people, or of the world. Choose to live with hope and optimism. Use your awareness to create shift and change, starting with yourself.

This is a fabulous week for creating a crystal grid to help release and heal old limiting ancestral patterns of thinking and behaviour. Clearing and healing family lines as 2016 draws to a close will enable us to move into 2017 with a clean slate, and a host of fresh and new possibilities.

I have seen many changes and synchronicities happen after creating such a grid. What matters most is your intention to break patterns, to heal, to be inclusive and to come from a place of love.

If you visit my shop (link at top of this page) you’ll find some downloadable instructions under the ‘Free Stuff’ category to guide you through the process of creating your own crystal healing grid to help close out 2016.

I have also set up an Ancestors and Songlines crystal healing grid here on the farm. If you’d like to be a part of my grid, please pop over to that blogpost, or to my facebook page (click to follow the links) and add your name. I’ll program and dedicate a crystal to you, and then place it within the grid. From today I’ll be posting pictures on Instagram and Facebook of the stones I’ll be dedicating for you. Look out for yours!

If you’d like me to see a picture of your grid, then please tag me with #cauldronsandcupcakesgrid or post to my facebook page and I’d be thrilled to come take a look. ❤

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Need some extra support to break patterns and beliefs?

Over in my shop is another free download called Soul Healing Statements. Download this sheet, and then choose the affirmations that resonate for you. Repeat them often, and let them help to rewire your thoughts and beliefs in positive ways.

 

Supportive crystals this week? Green Aventurine, Rhodochrosite, Labradorite, Smoky Quartz and Snowflake Obsidian.  Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Joy essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of rose, cedarwood, lavender, bergamot and frankincense.

Wishing you a breakthrough week of wisdoms, insights and shift. Release, forgive, and embrace hope this week. As we close out 2016 and step towards these new energies of 2017 allow yourself to connect back into optimism.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations.  All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

Join My Ancestors and Songlines Crystal Healing Grid

ancestors and songlines crystal grid

“The songs of our ancestors are also the songs of our children.”
― Philip Carr-Gomm

 

Here on our farm I’ve made a special healing grid for us, as 2016 staggers to a close.

This crystal grid is anchored by an Aboriginal stone club head representing masculine energy, and a selenite fish tail representing feminine energy.

It is ringed by Cockatoo Dreaming beads (painted seeds).

Within that ring are also tumbled clear quartz and ruby in fuschite.

Extending out from the beads are a ring of chevron amethyst.

Beyond that are natural quartz generator points, tumbled quartz and black tourmaline.

This is the foundation of the grid. I will be adding more stones to it in the days ahead.

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The grid sits beneath a Crow’s Ash tree – an ancient Australian teak tree which is now host to a young fig within its upper branches. Staghorns and elkhorns are supported in the higher boughs. This tree is a favourite roost for the powerful owl that comes and sits here often. The trees help to anchor the energy of the grid deep into the earth, and to reach it far up into the sky.

I’ve created this grid for energetic support for us as we shift from the old energy into the new. For support from our ancestors and guides as we shift old family patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us. As we pattern break for ourselves and our loved ones.

I’ve created this grid to help our feet find our souls’ own songlines so that we can become part of this great shift of consciousness by being who we came here to be, and doing what we came here to do as we move into 2017 and this dawning new energetic era.

Can you feel the energy of this gracious and wise old tree when you tune in to the grid?

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I will be performing a healing ceremony and meditation on the evening of the 14th of December to coincide the with full moon in the last of the old energy, and then again on December 29 to herald the energies of 2017 under the new moon.

If you’d like to be a specific and named part of this grid, and to be a part of the ceremony and ritual please add your name below, or over at our page on facebook. I’ll program and add a crystal to the grid for you, so that you can be anchored into this energy too.

These named stones will radiate out in circles from this foundation grid. I’ll post pictures as the grid develops.

Hugs and love, Nicole xx

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When Husbands Are Right…

“Wherever you find a great man, you will find a great mother or a great wife standing behind him — or so they used to say. It would be interesting to know how many great women have had great fathers and husbands behind them.”
~ Dorothy L. Sayers

 

Big day for me yesterday!

Two specialist medical appointments at hospitals, one at either end of my day. I was feeling pretty good, so I walked – from one end of a mega-carpark to another, and then through the maze of floors and hallways of the hospital that housed my doctors.

Lots of tests. Prodding, poking, bothering.

I still felt pretty good afterwards, because finally I had some good news! The urologist was sure I would end up with permanent incontinence. Nup. Somehow I defied the odds. And my massively resistant superbug that is non-responsive to antibiotics is in fact responding to herbs and essential oils.

And my vision has marginally improved when they said that the damage was permanent.

I guess it was more of an emotional high than anything. I felt like I could dance all day.

My brain was full of ideas. I spent time between appointments organising some new projects, and a pop-up shop and workshops for late November.

I felt AMAZING!

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Snoopy happy dance – Image from www.keywordsuggestions.com

The entire day my husband kept saying ‘let me get you a wheelchair, Nic’. Or ‘wait til I bring the car round’. Or ‘maybe you should nap now’. But did I listen to him? No.

So. Much. Walking.

So much getting in and out of cars, and off too-low lounges.

So much sitting up and doing stuff.

‘You’ll pay for that tomorrow’, Ben said.

‘I’ll be fine’, I kept affirming.

Hahahaha!

 

Not fine.

I lay down for a quick nap yesterday afternoon that became an all-night sleep marathon, punctuated only by the endless bladder-infection-induced zombie runs to the bathroom still half-asleep.

I woke up late. Way later than usual.

So sore and stiff today that I can barely move. And new eyedrops made it impossible to see out of either eye this morning, although the extra blurriness has mostly cleared now, three hours later.

Sorry, Ben. You were right. Next time I might even listen…

 

Tomorrow I’ll put my eyedrops in AFTER I blog.

Today I’ll nap. I’ll stay extra quiet and still. I’ll rest and rest and rest. Because Ben’s right. I may have overdone it just a tad.

I’ll go now, before the deafening chorus of all of your voices joining Ben’s overwhelms me.

I know. I know.

You were right…

Resting now. Big hugs and love from a still-air-punching-and-happy-dancing-in-her-head Nicole ❤ xoxo

 

Nic’s Latest Update: Life as a #Lymewarrior

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‘Brave’ by WillowWaves at www.deviantart.com

“O snail
Climb Mount Fuji
But slowly, slowly!”
~ Kobayashi Issa

“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”
~ George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

 

Ah, Lovelies,

I’d hoped to be bringing you a good news post, a happy ‘post-surgery things are looking up’ story. And it is true, some things have improved. I am out of hospital. I am home in Brisbane, although not yet home to my precious farm. After an entire month of having my hair in a bun on the top of my head I have finally gotten all the knots from my hair and washed it (a three day effort that only others with chronic fatigue or pain will understand!). I have moved from a shuffling gait to a slow walk.

But I’m not as far along my healing journey as I had expected. Because, you see, having Lyme Disease complicates everything.

Having Chronic Late Stage Lyme Disease means that I’m immuno-compromised. Which is why I picked up two infections pre-surgery, which were treated with a metric tonne of antibiotics to get me infection-free before my operation. Treatment worked, but I was a ball of misery as the antibiotics killed not only my infections but lyme bacteria as well.

Surgery went well. Longer than expected and more complicated. I needed unplanned bowel and bladder surgery and repair. But I came out of it strongly and was making a good recovery, even on the new metric tonne of iv antibiotics and antibacterials I was given.

Unfortunately I then I caught a new infection (via my catheter we think) just as I was getting ready to leave hospital the first time. Tests showed it to be an antibiotic-resistant urinary tract infection superbug. It still responds to some old-school antibiotics, but not regular ones, so I was placed onto those.

One tablet, three times a day.

Which should have cleared it. But it didn’t, so now I am on massively increased doses. This old-school antibiotic is also used to clear late-stage lyme (but my urologist and gynecologist know nothing about that – Lyme is well outside their fields). It targets and kills the cyst form of the bacteria by damaging its DNA. Awesome news. So now I am on a drug that kills my superbug AND lyme. (The typical Lyme dose of this drug is just one tablet three times a week.)

Lots of lyme bacteria dying means lots of herxing. So now I am in agony. It hurts to pee. It hurts to poo. I can’t see out of my left eye, and vision is distorted from my right. I am sensitive to light and to sound. My skin hurts. My teeth hurt. My bones hurt. Old injuries are aching and paining. My muscles spasm and cramp. I have a killer headache. I am hot and cold in turns. I can’t sleep. It feels as if someone at odd times is tasering me, or pouring acid on my skin. And then there is my belly wound which goes from hip to hip, and the fact that my insides feel like someone has stitched them into a too tight sausage casing and then punched me in the gut a few times for good measure. And the pinched nerve in my back which has rendered one arm numb and painful and much less mobile than usual. Which instigated a case of shingles. My balance and strength is shot and I need a cane to walk. Let’s just say, it is not one of my better adventures.

I spent most of last night cry-laughing on the toilet. Because of my recent bladder repair it only holds about 200ml of fluid before I need to go, and I need to be drinking LOTS of water right now to flush both the drugs and infection from my system. Peeing hurts. A lot. Before, during and after. Although at least the feeling of pissing razorblades has resolved as the antibiotics kicked in and began working on this little superbug of mine. Now it only burns. So I sat on the toilet more than I was off it. Crying and laughing at the same time, because it was funny but pathetic, and scary but also ridiculous, and as I cried and laughed I panted power phrases like ‘This is just f*cked’ or ‘You can do this, Nic!’ depending on what frame of mind I was in for any given minute.

My friend Jennifer visited me while I was in the hospital and gave me a little bracelet. Inscribed on it is the phrase ‘Be Brave’. Those two words have been a constant reminder to me in the past few weeks. Be uncomplaining. Cry if I need to. Pull myself together. Chin up.

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I am mostly coping okay with the pain and lack of decent sleep. I am being well cared for by Ben, Nurse Bert, Cafe Dog and my dear friend Carly. I have everything I need. The hard thing is my vision loss (which is a temporary situation, we hope, and one I have faced several times while undergoing Lyme treatment in the past). This last fortnight I have had limited vision. My left eye is a complete blur, and my right eye has a restricted field of blurry vision – if I wear glasses, cover my left eye and increase my screen magnification by 300% I can read for short periods, but it is exhausting and gives me a headache. I can’t write. The television is a blur. Do you know how much stuff you suddenly can’t do when you can’t see?

I can’t check my messages on my phone or my emails. I can’t see my phone well enough to call a number – but Siri is getting good use as I task her to read my texts or call my mum. I can’t blog or update you. (I needed help to get this post written and published.) I can’t read any messages you may have written to me, so forgive me if I have not responded. Thank goodness for audio books and imagination land, and for good conversation in small doses.

I’m also exhausted, and after ten minutes of anything I am ready for a nap.

It isn’t where I expected to be, four weeks after surgery, but this is where I find myself. Nothing to do but wait for improvement.

I am good at sucking it up. Truth be told though, I am more than a bit over it. Still, it is what it is and it will get better – just maybe not in the timeframe I’d hoped for (and I am ALWAYS impatient!)

I’m missing my Year of ME Planner and choosing oracle cards to guide my week. I’m sad to be unable to tick things off my to-do list. From experience though, I know that it will all be waiting to help me get back on track again with all my dreams and projects just as soon as I am able. Meanwhile my wonderful team are working on all kinds of lovely things for next year’s Planner, our upcoming courses and retreats, and my new website. (Thank you Dana, Bek, Kerry, Chelsi and my PI transcription crew!)

I’m still sending you so much love in my daily meditations and healings, and I’m grateful for all the good energy you’ve sent my way too.

Hopefully things will sort out sooner rather than later and normal programming will resume. I’m looking forward to that. I AM getting better, it’s just a slow and bumpy road. Fingers crossed that my healing gets fast-tracked very soon. I am choosing to see all of this as a fabullous opportunity to kick Lyme’s butt in a bigger way than I had ever dreamed!

Hugs and love, Nicole xx

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