Maybe Visualization Works After All…

Image of Dr Gregory House from fanpop

Image of Dr Gregory House from fanpop

 “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” 
~ Morpheus, The Matrix

I have teetered between unwell and totally incapacitated for my entire adult life. And in all that time I’ve been searching for a solution.

I’ve ended up entertaining two enduring fantasies for the past ten years, both of them so deliciously appealing that I have run them over and over in my imagination, making them as tangible as possible.

The first is that I would find a genius diagnostic doctor like Dr Gregory House, the TV character who could get to the bottom of any medical mystery and create a decent clinical diagnosis and treatment path. This brilliant doctor would finally be the one to work out what was wrong with me.

The second is that I would find a magical pill that would miraculously cure me.

In the last year I’ve been blessed to have two doctors come into my life who’ve been able to give me that diagnosis. And I’ve ended up with magical pills that are returning me to health.

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Once upon a time I thought my little fantasy was just a crazy feel-good distraction. But as I kept on dreaming it, it eventually started coming true. A doctor. A diagnosis. A magical pill. Me – well again.

After my visit with my Lyme Doctor yesterday I KNOW it’s not a fantasy. I’m on the path back to wellness, and I’m excited at the possibilities that lie ahead.

Don’t ever stop dreaming. You truly have no way of knowing how things might turn out. Sometimes that crazy idea you entertain on the darkest of nights turns out to be the truth that lights up your days.

Much love to you, Nicole xx

Pay Attention to the Messages You Get!

Microscopy of the spirochete Borrelia burgdorferi -

Microscopy of the spirochete Borrelia burgdorferi – www.rosenkilde.com

“There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth.”
~ Charles Dickens

Sometimes, I wish I’d had more faith in myself as I was starting out.

One of the things I always teach my students is the importance of trusting and paying attention to the messages they receive when working with their psychic skills, even as beginners, and to ask for clarification when they don’t understand.

Hmmm…

One of my clients recently sent me this email:

I was wondering if you could address something on your blog which I’m following and has been so inspirational as I get well from chronic ill health, which you said I would finally figure out. I worked it out with your very accurate diagnosis. My question is ‘how come you have been able to be so precise and accurate and spot on with my life and health diagnosis yet it has taken you so long to get your diagnosis for yourself?’ Am quite new to your world and blog over the last year and have just found that an interesting phenomenon which I don’t understand.

Yes, well… that’s a good point.

And the truth is, I DID get some really good information on my health, way back in 1997. My health had been problematic for some time, and I had already been to countless doctors and alternative medical practitioners with no real results. My sister, who is very pragmatic and scientific, said to me, ‘Why don’t we ask your Guides?’

So, I did a trance channeling session with Rollo, one of my Guides, while my sister asked questions.

What did I bring through?

My poor health was a result of spirochetes.

And how could I fix this problem?

Sulfur.

Yep. In 1997 I actually diagnosed myself with spirochetes, and my diligent sister (the one who kept the tick that bit me) wrote it all down. The channeled information supports the lyme and other co-infections I have now been officially diagnosed with in 2013.

Image from tumblr

Image from tumblr

Back in 1997 I had no idea what spirochetes were.  My sister had to explain it to me. It didn’t sound very serious. I mean, it wasn’t some nasty disease, or cancer or some other terrible thing. At least I didn’t think so…

And doctors and naturopaths kept telling me there was nothing really wrong – even as my health and mental cognition continued to slide.

Back in 1997 I did not even think of using sulfur-based drugs.  I did not do any real research.  Instead I started eating sulfur-rich foods, and in desperation I even ate the raw sulfur that we bought in bulk as a supplement for our organic cattle herd. It did seem to help a little.

I didn’t go to a doctor.  I mean, what would I say? ‘Hey, I channeled some information through and apparently I have spirochetes.  You need to prescribe me a truck-load of sulfur-based meds.’

Who could I tell? Who would believe me?

And why didn’t I see the problem in myself? Of course, I can see YOUR aura, and work effectively as a medical intuitive for YOU. I just can’t see my own aura or what’s going on in my own body. (Guess what? With psychic gifts that’s how it usually works!)

The psychic gifts I have are for me to use in service to YOU. My Guides did try to help me, and they were very specific and accurate in their information.  But I didn’t trust it enough to really investigate and truly understand what they were trying to tell me. I didn’t ask enough questions.

So, roll on sixteen years, and the massive spirochete load that nearly killed me is being treated with truckloads of sulfur-based drugs. And the treatment is working. The synchronicity in how it’s all come together is quite another story. Suffice to say I feel watched over, and very blessed.

I wish I’d paid attention to myself all those years ago.  But I guess we all have to learn the hard way to trust ourselves, and to back our intuition and insights.

There’s one good thing that comes out of all of this though.  In fact, two!

1) I conclusively validated my own channeled information.

2) Perhaps my story will encourage you to trust yourself a little earlier, or at least to ask more questions.

Be well, and know that you are in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, ♥ Nicole xoxo

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Diagnosis – Lyme Disease

Image from www.caryinstitute.org

Image from www.caryinstitute.org

‘All delays are dangerous in war.’ ~ John Dryden

There’s a war going on in my body.  In fact it’s been going on for a quarter of a century.  First there came the enemy invasion. There was no loud and obvious display of force. Instead it was an invasion by stealth. A mass of tiny bacteria, regurgitated from the stomach of a tick, entered my body via its bite.  My body fought back, and it’s been fighting ever since, but this is a war where the odds for victory aren’t high, and decrease resoundingly over time.

Amazingly, I recorded a tick bite in my sister’s school diary in August 1984, and actually taped the tick to the page! (Why would I do that?) A short while later I was diagnosed with German Measles, but looking back I am sure my rash was tick related, and anyway I had already had measles, and at the time no one else at home or school became sick. I was sixteen years old; bright, ambitious and high-achieving. Sadly, that was all about to change.

For some reason Simone remembered and dug the book out, all these years later…

TickInDiary5

Oh my goodness what a rough road it’s been since then.

My recent diagnosis after years of chronic illness is end-stage lyme disease with heart and neurological complications. I first received a clinical diagnosis of lyme weeks ago, based on my medical history and symptoms.  But I have come to distrust diagnoses – I’ve had so many, and been so disappointed when I’ve not been able to be healed of these things, or the diagnosis has later proven to be wrong. Then, two days ago, I received lab results that made the diagnosis definitive for me.  I finally have a piece of paper I can hold in my hands, reassuring me this whole thing is most definitely not my imagination.

It’s not a great diagnosis. There is much collateral damage after such a long time with this war raging within me. My results list brain lesions, advanced Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, lyme carditis and dilated cardiomyopathy, a weird undiagnosable multi-drug resistant gut parasite, severe adrenal fatigue, almost zero DHEA or cortisol or other good hormones, tumors on my ovaries, enormous uterine fibroids, lots of deficiencies due to malabsorption issues, and in fact I could go on. It’s a long and very depressing list, and the catalyst for it all is Lyme…

Here’s my brain in 2000. It’s much worse since then. In fact, I stopped getting SPECT scans because they became more and more depressing.  There is nothing quite like watching your brain get hole-y and feeling your cognitive function slide. Luckily I had a genius IQ to start with (seriously – LOL) so I had a little more up my sleeve, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself!

SPECT Scan A

I have fought for a diagnosis for a long time, and I’ve had many. Included in the list have been Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Ross River Fever, Q fever, multiple chemical sensitivity, ME, Fibromylagia, Post Viral Syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and multiple sclerosis (both later recanted), Bell’s Palsy, Guillain Barre, Acquired Brain Injury (I love this one – it sounds like I went down to the shop and just ‘picked one up’…), depression, non-specific auto-immune disorder, mitochondrial disease, endometriosis (but my gynacologist can only ever find gross inflammation, NOT endometriosis affected tisssue), and recently ideopathic dilated cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure..

I’ve also been told over the years that this is all in my head, and that my condition is psychiatric. That’s done so much damage.  I doubt everything that happens. I blow off the worst of symptoms and take ages to act on new health problems. After complaining of severe chest pain on many occasions to my general practitioner, I was told it was stress related, given a script for ‘something to relax me’ and advised to ‘learn to meditate’. It was recorded in my chart that I was a hypochondriac two days before I was hospitalised with a major heart attack.

I always knew there was something VERY wrong, but it has been so hard to find doctors who would take me seriously, or who could manage me on an ongoing basis.  I’ve seen so many specialists and natural therapists, I’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on my health, and it is still my greatest ongoing expense. I’ve done everything you can possibly imagine in my quest to be healthy, but it’s never worked completely, and I’ve never achieved wellness.

Past life regressions?  Done. Faith healers, reiki masters, and psychic healers? I’ve seen the best. Diet?  I have tried and complied for YEARS with many, including being a raw food vegan, fasting, a macrobiotic vegetarian, an elimination and anti-candida low allergy diet, food combining, paleo, body ecology and a few other weird and wonderful ones.  I even drank my own wee!

Image from www.ukskeptics.com

Image from www.ukskeptics.com

I’ve IV chelated until I whimpered with pain at every session and vowed I would rather die than do one more treatment. I’ve detoxed and sauna’d, had my blood removed from my body and passed through ultraviolet light before being pumped back in again, I’ve done health retreats, hypobaric chambers, hormone therapy, psychology, psychiatry (they said my problem was physical and send me to an infectious diseases specialist), seen a geneticist, cardiologist, immunologist, gynecologist, ear nose and throat specialist, rheumatologist, environmental medicine specialist, and many other wholistic doctors and clinics. I’ve tried EVERY form of natural and complimentary therapy, and most of the multi-level marketing pills, potions and lotions.  I’ve also used vega machines, biofeedback, Hulda Clarke’s zapper machine and held onto electric fences in fits of inspired desperation after reading about farmers who had cured themselves of Ross River Fever doing the same thing…

I still use homeopathy, meditation, acupuncture, chinese and western herbs, nutritional supplements, chi gung, diet, chiropractic and prayer. In fact, I am convinced that my twice-daily meditation and visualisation sessions have saved my life and maintained my ability to function.

Over time I have become very good at managing my condition, and keeping things in a crazy kind of semi-balanced state. But if I’m honest it’s not living. It’s existing.  Existing with good bits and gratitude, yes, but I have been robbed of so much. So many years and opportunities I will never get back.

There is an upside, of course. I have gone deep within. I have done more work on myself than I ever would have, had I not walked this path. When everything else failed, I have always had my psychic ability and my spiritual connection. It is the one thing that allows me to say I wouldn’t trade this if this is the gift I received in exchange. But it’s a gift that isn’t very useful if I’m dead, which is the way I was recently heading.

So, now I have a diagnosis, what next?

One doc says it’s manageable but not fixable, one doc says it’s sort of treatable although he is not hopeful of a positive long-term outcome this late in the game, and one doc says to me I have drugs for the bacteria, and they’ll make you sick, but they might make you well – what do you think, Nicole?

I said ‘Give me drugs. Give me all the drugs. Cos I’m gonna kill all the things!’

kill all the things

In my long war I have used everything else, and it has all helped. But I have never used targeted antibiotics, anitparasitics and anti-microbials. So now I have a fistful of scripts and I shall rattle like a maraca but it’s something. And I am hopeful. Hopeful I can mend my heart and my brain.  Hopeful that my future here is not only a long one, but one with a better quality of life.

I’ll keep you posted. And I may spend a little more time blogging health things and wellness things, in with my usual mix of stuff. Over the past 25 years I’ve learned so much about health that has aided my journey. Perhaps some it will be useful to you too.

If I have one message for you out of all of this, it’s this: Back yourself.  Trust yourself.  We always know deep down, when something isn’t right.  Don’t ever give up looking for answers. Don’t ever give up expecting that you can have a better life.

Much love to you, Nicole ♥ xoxo

Image from www.weheartit.com

Image from www.weheartit.com

Some useful links:

Lyme Disease Association of Australia

Karl McManus Foundation Australia

Lyme Disease Association, Inc United States

The Canadian Lyme Disease Foundation

We All Have Days Like That…

Image from www.sodahead.com

Image from www.sodahead.com

“I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little – if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.” ~ Coco Chanel

Ah, it’s inevitable, isn’t it?

The one day you leave the house, looking like a fright but convincing yourself that it won’t matter, is the one day you bump into everyone you know.

Now that we are no longer flooded in and life has returned to normal, I really did need to pop into town and pick up a script for some new medication I’m on. These meds are rather fearsome, and have been making me just as sick as the problem I’m trying to sort out.  Think vomiting, diahrrea and misery. And a whole lot of other unhappy-making things we won’t go into here…

I felt so ill I wondered if I could get out of my pyjamas.  But I made a supreme effort and managed a clean t-shirt and shorts.  I gave up on my hair, which was knotty and wild, and soap and water was my supreme effort for my face.  No make-up, although I did think to use a squirt of perfume. LOL

Don’t worry, Nicole, I said to myself.  You’ll just be in and out.  No-one will even see you. In and out I chanted as I drove from the farm into our little hamlet we importantly call a town.  Just five minutes.

Of course I parked MILES from the chemist. And as I walked up the street TWELVE people stopped me to say hello.  Thank God for the perfume, cos most of them wanted to hug me. Dropped in my script and had to wait so I decided to go to the Post Office.  Outside I ran into someone else who said, ‘Gee Nicole, you’re taking casual to new levels’ followed by ‘you look like you’re coming down off meth!’ I should have laughed, or thought of something witty but all I wanted to do was burst into tears.

Furtively I ducked into the alcove where the mail boxes are.  And wondrously my box was stuffed full of letters and little cards claiming that I had a package. When I went inside to claim them I ran into an old friend from the CWA (Country Women’s Association) and had to have the obligatory update on EVERYONE, followed by a hug, but bless her she didn’t notice what a fright I looked.

At the counter, receiving my mountain of mail and recognising the senders, I burst into tears. I felt suddenly and completely wrapped up in love and well-being.

We all had a good laugh at my emotional reaction, but a kind laugh, and I left with armfuls of stuff, picked up my drugs and managed to get back to the car hiding behind my packages.

Let me share with you the magic that was my yesterday…

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Inside the most gorgeous of hat boxes was a home for fairies and their treasures. The love and attention to detail still reduces me to happy tears.

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A diary, hand-covered in pretty pink and green fabric, for my heart healing, and with a note admonishing me not to work so hard.

2013-02-04 15.02.03Delicious home-made soaps for me and Ben, and for my dogs!

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Notes of love, encouragement and support…

2013-02-04 15.04.18A book to uplift me.

2013-02-04 15.02.16And the most exciting, wonderful and happy-making card from my blogging friend Daisy in New York.  After the floods and me being so sick we’ve had to cancel our holiday which would have taken us there, so to receive a card of the New York Skyline means I can put it beside my bed and visit it in my imagination for now, instead. (Promise I’ll get there one day, Daisy!)

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We’ve all had one of those days. One of those days that reminds you of the caring nature of people, a day that swells your heart with gratitude for your friends, that proves how fortunate and blessed you are, just when you might have been feeling otherwise.

Life has a wonderful way of shining a light into our darkest hours.

Right now I’m beaming out some of the love and gratitude to you.  Bless ♥ xx