What Got Me Through

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”
― Roy T. Bennett
“If you want to be happy cope, do not dwell in remember the past (I did this before, I can do it again), do not worry about focus on the future, focus on living fully in as much as is humanly possible ignore the present.”
―edited by Nicole Cody

Hey, Lovelies.

Honestly, sometimes a motivational quote IS NOT WHAT WE NEED!!!! (Ever felt like that yourself?)

Right now I am on Day 3 of my new heavy-duty drug and herbs regime to treat late-stage Lyme, Bartonella and Sarcoidosis.

It sucks. Badly.

Supported by such clean eating. When all I want right now is carbs. And grease. My kingdom for a cheese sandwich, or Vegemite toast and sweet tea with milk, or… honestly, that train of thought isn’t helping…

I’m nauseous. Or worse. It’s head in a bucket or bum on a toilet. It’s raging headaches and stabbing body pain and roiling misery. It’s gripey guts and burps and… yeah. It’s awful.

And I only have a year to go. Or maybe more. We’re not sure yet.

I’d forgotten just how miserable and sick it is possible to be, and of course right now I am on the lowest doses of everything, to give my body a chance to adapt. Imagine how much fun this will be as things ramp up. 😊🥳🎉 (Yes, I know. Sarcasm. Sorry.)

One thing stood clear in my mind though, as I endured an agonising night. What helped last time (when I first did this regime in 2013 and 2014) was blogging. What helped was having a focus outside of myself. What helped was sharing my journey.

Actually, thinking about it, what also sometimes helped was, God, I can’t believe I am saying this but it’s true… what also helped when my nausea and inability to eat was at its absolute worst was nibbling at fries and a Quarterpounder and sips of cold lemonade. That’s NEVER the food I go for, but back then, weirdly, for a few meals, that was what settled my stomach when nothing else would. Ben’s idea to stop me hurling in the ute when we were going backwards and forwards from Brisbane to the farm… And he was right! I’m nowhere near the Undeath-by-Macca’s (Macca’s is what most Aussies call the restaurant of the Golden Arches – McDonalds) part yet, but who knows how this will all go?

Right now, I don’t feel like I can do much that is useful, so I just want to offer you some support and encouragement in a non-inspirational way.

This year is a big healing year. Hooray for that. It’s a year where we can pattern-break, do things differently, change things up, get things done and then MOVE ON in new and better directions that work well for us.

It’s likely that you’ll face your own hard-to-do thing this year. Maybe you need to finally address money issues, or relationship stuff. Maybe it’s time to knuckle down and get that thing finished, or that book edited, or the garage cleaned out and everything listed on Marketplace or whatever is your best vehicle for selling unwanted stuff.

Maybe you need to drink more water, stop drinking alcohol, start exercising, eat vegetables, stop online shopping, get more sleep. Maybe you just need to work less, socialise more, allow yourself permission to have a little fun.

Whatever it is, chances are, you already know it. But knowing it, and DOING IT are two different things.

Change is usually hard, which is why we avoid it, but it’s also a Universal Truth that most of the things we want are on the other side of hard.

This year I’m cheering you on as you choose hard. Or face up to hard. As you do the strange new thing. As you break molds, break patterns, break old versions of yourself in order to become something different to who and how you’ve been in the past.

Align to that future version of yourself, and then do the hard things that can make those dreams come true.

We’ve got this!

Sending all my love and encouragement, Nicole xx

PS – I’m rolling on and off these drugs throughout the year – or at least that’s the plan this early in to my treatment regime – so that I will still be able to work. But right now, until things settle down, we’re not planning too far ahead. I’ll keep you updated as we go along. I seriously had not expected to be this ill this fast. And of course this is exactly what happened last time too. I just forgot how bad it was. Fingers crossed this eventually settles or at least gives me windows of calm!