I take giving my word very seriously. Promises made are never made lightly, and since childhood I have rarely needed to break one.
But I’m going to break one now. This isn’t information I’d normally share, but I have given so much thought to this that I felt my musings might be helpful to someone else in a similar situation…
A while ago I blogged about knowing when to let go. Today I realise that for me, with one relationship, it’s time. Why now? Because where I find myself is not what I signed up for. Let me explain why I’m walking away.
When I came to your aid you were drowning. Drowning and calling my name. I jumped into that seething river, (as any reasonable person who could swim might), held up your head, and with all my might I edged us back towards the shore. As you stopped panicking, as we moved to shallower water and your feet touched bottom, you quit struggling and began to help yourself. Finally we got to shore. You thought that was the end. I knew it was only the beginning, and I pledged to stay.
We moved further up the bank, away from the danger. Others came to help. You were safe. And after a while I quit holding my breath and trusted you.
But you keep throwing yourself back in that damned river.
And you expect that I will keep jumping in after you.
So far I have. Every single time. And each time you’re sorry.
And then you do it again…
It has worn me out. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t uphold a promise when you won’t value it yourself.
To keep jumping in after you puts ME in danger. As much as I have a responsibility to you, I also have one to myself.
So I will stay here on the bank. You know where to find me. I can help you from here. And we’ve been in that river enough times now that YOU know how to navigate the hazards and get back to shore.
I’m not giving up on you. I’m still loving you. But it’s time to love yourself. That’s one thing I can’t do with you, and I sure can’t do for you.
If you give up on yourself I’ll feel so sad for you. But it won’t make me save you at my own expense. I’ve learned to love myself more than that. I pray one day you learn that too. ♥
