A ‘Renovator’s Delight’ Is Rarely A Good Relationship Choice!

“There is only one real sin, and that is to persuade oneself that the second-best is anything but the second-best.” 
~  Doris Lessing

 

In Australia we have a term for houses that need a stupid amount of work to make them habitable. We call them Renovator’s Delights, and you can be sure that anything that is advertised as such is sure to be a money pit, no matter how much a Real Estate Agent might tell you otherwise in their eagerness to get you to commit to a sale. These houses have much more than cosmetic flaws that could be easily fixed with a coat of paint or some new handles or light fittings. A Renovator’s Delight hides serious structural flaws that are often not apparent to the rookie buyer. This kind of work is expensive to repair, if it can be repaired at all. A smart buyer would be better off looking for a different investment opportunity.

Sometimes a seller will disguise a Renovator’s Delight with a quick paint job and some landscaping so that it looks visually appealling – they can sell you on ‘the dream’ as long as you don’t dig too deep. This is an even worse situation for a buyer who hasn’t done their homework and organised a complete building inspection because they won’t be prepared for the devastating structural issues they will one day find below that pretty surface.

So what does that have to do with relationships? A lot, actually.

In all my time of guiding, advising and counselling others, especially sensitive and empathic souls and those who identify as ‘spiritual’ or ‘healers’ I’ve seen many good men and women choosing the human equivalent of a Renovator’s Delight in love relationships.

Very few people lead with their faults and flaws in a new relationship. That’s normal. We all want to be thought well of, and to be successful in making a relationship last. And what’s perfect anyway? All of us have idiosyncrasies and quirks. Much of that is also what makes us appealing to others. This truth is evident when you see people buy a home. Oh my goodness, one person will say. I can’t stand all those funny little stained-glass windows. That alone will be enough for them to choose not to buy. Oh my goodness, the next person will say. Look at all those funny little stained-glass windows. I totally love that! After which they will buy the house because those funny little windows really spoke to something in their soul.

Image from Alamy at www.architecturaldigest.com

Sometimes after we’ve lived in a home, loved it and been happy there, disaster strikes. A pipe bursts. There is a fire in the kitchen. Termites eat out a pillar or a roof support. But it’s our home. We love it. So we fix it, or try to. We do the work together with our partner, friends or family, we bring experts in, or in some cases we decide to just accommodate the problem and we learn to live with it. In human terms this can be a sudden illness, a bad decision, a stupid action, a transgression, loss of a job or some other calamity. Our commitment to what has been a good and happy relationship and the love involved allows us to stay together, despite a structural flaw. Importantly, everyone acknowledges that flaw. No-one covers it up or suggests that it isn’t real.

Human Renovator’s Delights in new relationships often know that they have serious flaws but they are not invested in fixing them, and they go to great lengths to hide them. Some trade on these flaws or backstory in order to get or keep attention and to excuse behaviours and beliefs. Some will be honest and tell you they are not good relationship material. They mean it, and they say it to give you an out, but a Lightworker or empath will then feel it is their responsibility to stay, help, and fix things.

Inside all of us is a compass that helps us to see if the person in front of us has quirks that will endear them to us or that we can learn to live with, or if there are serious structural flaws that make this relationship not worth our investment. What’s always needed for sound relationship decisions is time and the ability to tune in to that inner compass.

I have friends and clients going through hard times in relationships right now, and they’re wondering how they ended up where they are – with a lover who cheats or gambles, with a husband who suddenly wants out, with a boss who keeps lying.

They’re hurt, distressed and devastated at what has happened and they’ve asked me the questions: Why did this happen? How did this happen? Why did I not see this coming?

Truly, a wise part of them did see it coming. A wise part of them already knew. All of us have intuition, and instinct. This force within us operates with a vast amount of information – not just our conscious awareness.

When pressed, all of these people eventually admitted that there had been things in their relationship from early on that made them uncomfortable. Or there was a point where things began to change, and that point was a long way from where they are now.

In each situation my clients and friends had intuitively picked up on an energy or behaviour that was out of flow, out of truth – either with the way the other person was presenting themselves within the relationship, or with how their partner’s actions and behaviours conflicted with their own values and beliefs. In each case their intuition  red-flagged something, using those feelings of discomfort and that instinctive knowledge to bring the situation to their conscious attention.

So why didn’t they allow themselves to be guided by that intuition? Quite simply, their mind got in the way. They discounted, excused, second-guessed or validated that discomfort away. They saw what they wanted to see, or needed to see, rather than what was. They gave second chances, chose to believe what they were told, and shoved that discomfort back down where it no longer bothered them. In many instances they convinced themselves that the person could change, or that they could help them heal or find ways to help them overcome the issue. Or, they thought that they’d already invested too much to walk away, or that any relationship was better than being on their own.

In many situations this person’s life then became completely consumed by the relationship and their worries over how to fix it, or whether to stay or go. All of the energy that they could have spent enjoying life, being creative, practicing self-care, building or maintaining other relationships was instead diverted into somehow trying to transform their relationship Renovator’s Delight into something more safe and habitable.

Just like a property that is a Renovator’s Delight sucks all your money, a relationship with a Renovator’s Delight sucks all your time and energy until there’s nothing left for anything or anyone else. (Narcissists and Sociopaths – the kind of Renovator’s Delight that can NEVER be fixed – will actually feed off your energy and then discard you once you’re broken or no longer of value to them.)

 

Tune in for a moment. What’s your intuition been telling you? How much of your time is wrapped up in this relationship? Are you both emotionally invested in solving problems and making things work? Is there any action or is it all talk and broken promises? Is it worth it?

A friend of mine recently sold a Renovator’s Delight after finally accepting (ten years and hundreds of thousands of dollars later) that she was never going to make it what she needed it to be. A new couple bought the house and then promptly demolished it to leave a clean canvas for their dream home. After my friend got over the shock she bought herself a brand new apartment with everything she needs – all in full working order. She couldn’t be happier.

The energies this week, and this month, support big decisions and coming into alignment with your values and inner core. Maybe it’s time for you to make a change.

You might also find these resources useful:

Using Your Internal Compass to Navigate Life

Understanding Intuition and Gut Instinct

or this program of eight free exercises designed to help you connect to and work with intuition, energy and the metaphysical:

Strengthening Your Intuition – A program of Exercises

Biggest hugs and love to you, Nicole  xx

 

 

Psychic Connection and Soul Mates – Monday Oracle 3 April 2017

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
~ John Joseph Powell

 

Hello, Lovelies!

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen this Monday, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead. I use any oracle or tarot cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. ‘Soulmate’ is from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Deck by Tori Hartman.

If you read my forecast for April, you’ll remember that April is all about the mind, our thoughts and self-talk. It’s a month for untangling old not-good-enough stories as we identify what’s working, what’s broken and where to from here.

So, what gifts does Soulmate bring for you this week?

It’s a card about connection, wisdom and tuning in.

This card gently reminds us that our head holds our mind as well as our Third Eye and Crown Chakras. Our mind is a lot like a computer. We exist as consciousness outside of our mind. Our mind does not define who we are – our mind is merely a tool and a governing agent for our body and systems.

We are not just our minds. We are also our emotions. We are also our experiences. We are also our intuition. We are souls having human experiences. Our Crown and Third Eye Chakras are gateways for Universal Flow. We are so much more than just our minds. And EVERYONE is made this way.

This is a big week for intuition and spiritual awareness. It’s a week where inspiration will come, where dreams will hold answers, where spiritual and psychic connection will happen easily and well.

Most importantly it’s a week where your soul and your own inner wisdom will help you to use your mind positively and productively. This week you can reach deep levels of awareness and understanding.

And those of you who were hoping that this was a post about FINALLY finding your true love?

Well, you can use your mind and your intuition to get clear about what you want in a relationship and then draw that to you. Don’t know how? I’ve created a range of activities and a guided meditation that you can use to guide you here.

It’s also a great week for falling in love! <3

Supportive crystals this week?

Snowflake Obsidian will help to remove old negative self-talk and replace it with optimism. Selenite will help you to connect into your guides, angels and psychic ability. Amethyst will truly boost your intuitive abilities and help you on your spiritual path.  Rose Quartz if you’re ready to attract love.

Helpful essential oils? 

Young Living’s Envision essential oil blend, or a combination (or singly!) of any of Geranium, Spruce, Ylang Ylang and Frankincense. Envision oil is one of the oils I use with my students when I teach my intuition and channelling classes. It calms your mind and opens your awareness – and it smells so good! It’s a combination of spruce, orange, sage, geranium, lavender and rose. Just brilliant for connecting heart and mind, and for gently opening you to your psychic capabilities It’s my oil of choice in my diffuser this week. You can find all the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for a you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

Image from ruthking.net

Valentine Chocolate Oracle

valentines-oracle-ver-3

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
~ Pablo Neruda

 

Valentine’s Day has a wonderful sentiment – that we should celebrate love and lovers, that we should name the emotions that often sit silent in our heart.

But why have just one day for the celebration of love?  Why not live with that sense of appreciation and joy every day! And of course it’s not just for the young, for couples, and for romantic love.  Love is an emotion that is available to us all.

Today’s blog gives you a mini-reading about love, in many different forms. It’s not a fortune-telling exercise for finding a soul mate, instead it’s about letting more love into your life. All you need to do is scroll through the pictures of my Valentine Chocolates, and choose the one that appeals to you most. Then go further down the page to read the meaning for the chocolate treat you have chosen.

♥♥♥ Love, love, love to you, Nicole xoxo ♥♥♥

Today’s Chocolate Selection

1. Kaleidoscope of Colour!

2.  Celebration Ball!

3. Magical Mousse!

4.  Love Rises Up!

5. ♥ Regal Enchantment!

6.  Artful Luxury!

7.  Playful Reminders!

8. Companionable Cupcake!

♥ The Love Message and Gift of each Chocolate♥

Each Valentine Chocolate has a message for you. I have also selected a crystal to best support the message and energies of your chocolate choice.  You could wear or hold this crystal, pop it in your pocket, under your pillow or beside your bed. (If you’d like to know more about working with crystals click here) The Power Word is a word to remind yourself of the quality you most need and that you are strongly attracting right now.  You can turn it into your own personal mantra by saying “I choose ___________ ” (insert your Power Word). Your Magical Healing Environment is a place or activity you’ll find supportive and healing.

♥ Kaleidoscope of Colour! – Celebrating the joys of life! Life is about living – not just existing! It’s time to enjoy life’s everyday offerings a little more. Take yourself out to a movie or an art exhibition. Meet a friend for coffee. Go to a concert. Visit someplace near home that you haven’t been before. Go shopping somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit and just appreciate all the choices available to you. Pack a picnic and go visit a favourite outdoor place or picnic on the lounge-room floor of a loved one’s space!  *If you’re in a relationship, or happy on your own, spend your time exploring the world outside your front door. Change up your routines. Find the pleasure in life again! If you’re single think of joining an interest or dinner group – it’s time to put yourself out into the world.   Best Crystal – Rutilated Quartz  ♥ Power Word – Enjoyment  Magical Healing Environment – Anywhere that reminds you of the blessings and opportunities in your life.  Wandering through the city or your favourite mall, an art gallery or favourite cafe, a florist shop or a beautiful garden.

Celebration Ball!  – Treating yourself well and living your best life! It’s time to value yourself more. You might need a mini-make-over – a new hairstyle, a manicure, a new perfume or cologne, some new clothes that truly suit you and make you look and feel good. It might be time to sort your health out, join that yoga group, and throw out all the junk food. Or maybe it’s time to enrol in that study you’ve always dreamed about. This is your one beautiful life – not some dress rehearsal. You won’t get a chance to do this life over, so make every moment count.  *If you’re in a relationship, refresh the energies with some together time and appreciation. Maybe plan a holiday together, or take yourselves out for a special dinner. If you’re happily single, think about your dreams and goals and make one of them a priority. Make sure your life is rich with meaning and satisfaction. If you’re looking for love, aim high. No renovators delights for you. If love doesn’t elevate you and make you feel safe, warm and cherished it’s not worth settling for.  Best Crystal – Citrine   Power Word – Self-worth  Magical Healing Environment – Anywhere that makes you feel good about yourself. This could be a day spa, a session with a personal stylist, time with your wise and loving Nana, a yoga class or a bookshop. It might be sitting in a lecture theatre or kayaking around the bay.

 Magical Mousse – Adventures in Sensuality.  It’s time to bring pleasure and sensuality back into your life. Explore tastes and textures, indulge all of your senses, make time for massages, lovemaking, dancing and beautiful food. Buy yourself some gorgeous underwear, perfume or body lotion. Let yourself come alive again. *For couples, find ways to bring magic and pleasure back into your relationship. For happily singles, nurture and nourish your senses.  If you’re looking for love, embrace your sensual side. Think about what pleasure means to you, and get comfortable with it!  ♥ Best Crystal – Garnet  ♥ Power Word – Feel  ♥ Magical Healing Environment – anything that reconnects you to your senses.  Bubble baths, clean sheets, music, dancing, lying in dappled sunlight on soft green grass, ocean swims, perfume and cologne, warm embraces, patisseries and chocolate shops.

 Love Rises Up! – Stand Up For What You Believe In!  When we sit in our hearts we know what matters. It’s time to stand up for what matters. Maybe you need to start sharing your message or your work. Perhaps it’s time to become an activist or to join a local community group who are working to make one corner of the world a better place. If you chose this oracle the Universe wants you to know that what you care about matters, and that it’s time to give that thing your energy and care. *For couples,have the conversation about what matters to you. Support each other to pursue that thing. For happily singles, go make a stand or start towards that dream of yours. For those of you looking for love, you may well find it on the front line of a protest or at that charity dinner. Go follow your heart and the universe will take care of the rest!  Best Crystal – Amethyst   Power Word – Empowerment   Magical Healing Environment – Anywhere that fires your passion and lets you know that your presence matters. Political groups, activist groups, protest groups, organisations or movements for social good, environmental groups, writers groups, support groups, or you on your own, toiling away at your dream!

 Regal Enchantment! – Love of Knowledge! Knowledge and learning can be a beautiful thing. Getting to know yourself, getting to know each other, learning about something new, or taking existing knowledge deeper. Classes, courses, books, travel, study – or you out in the world teaching and sharing your own wisdom. This isn’t superficial learning. This is knowledge that transforms and enriches you. *Couples, go travelling together, or learn something as a team. Happily singles, indulge in whatever learning takes your fancy, or spend time in conversation with someone you’d like to know better. If you’re single, follow your interests and be brave enough to go deeper with them. Don’t be surprised if love aligns itself to this new you.  Best Crystal – Fluorite  Power Word – Wisdom  Magical Healing Environment – Time for yourself and your interests. Read books, join a course, attend a lecture, go travelling, make space to think deeply and to soak up knowledge.

 Artful Luxury! – Levelling Up In Love and Life!  Life is too short to settle for second best. In your job, in your relationships, in your living environment. It’s time to let your life level up. Don’t stay in situations or relationships where you are not happy and fulfilled. Don’t stay friends with people (or family!) who put you down or treat you badly. Value yourself!  *For couples, talk about your future and where your life is headed. Get help if your relationship is in trouble – whether that is counselling to stay together or to exit the relationship. Happily singles – be discerning about your life and reward yourself with things that matter deeply to you.  For those of you seeking love, set your sights high and know that this is the year you can make your romantic dreams come true.  Best Crystal – Tiger Eye  ♥ Power Word – My Highest Potential   Magical Healing Environment – Change.  Change can be a force for good. Plan out your future, a future that you’ll love. Spend time thinking about what positive changes you can make in your life and know that the Universe is supporting you to do so.

 Playful Reminders – Choose Creativity and Playfulness.  Love expresses itself often through creativity. What do you love to do? Or a better question, what did you ‘used to love to do’? Re-acquaint yourself with lost loves, be that art, craft, music, foods, hobbies, places or activities. Make room for a creative project in your life, or at least rub shoulders with creative spaces for a while. *For couples, find a common creative interest and go do that thing together. For happily singles make room in your life for something that gives you creative joy. For those of you looking for love, join a group or class that supports a creative interest. And watch out for pregnancies – the ultimate form of creativity! ♥ Best Crystal – Carnelian  ♥ Power Word – Explore   Magical Healing Environment – Anywhere that gets you in that creative mood. Hardware stores, book stores, craft supply shops, kitchen stores, the library, or wherever you can make, create and play.

 Companionable Cupcake! – True Heart Connection!  Who makes your heart sing? Open your heart and connect with them. Spend time with the important people in your life.  It might be your partner, a best friend, a family member or a pet. We sometimes take the love of others for granted.  What can you do to let another know that you value and appreciate them? Don’t forget quality time for yourself too! *If you’re in a relationship, honour and celebrate your togetherness. If you’re happily single, dwell on the things you like about yourself. If you’re looking for love, get clear about what your values are, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Know that you deserve someone who will love you well and just as you are.  Best Crystal – Rose Quartz   Power Word – Relating  Magical Healing Environment – Togetherness, wherever that works best for you.  Cuddles, time together over a meal or a coffee, phone calls, a movie, spending time doing something you used to do together but don’t get time for anymore. Time communing with a favourite place or hobby.

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 28 November

totality-osho-zen-tarot

“May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and no holding back, the way it is with children.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Hello, Friends!

Welcome to the final days of these fabulous November energies.

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen, and my take on the energetic outlook for the week ahead.

‘Totality’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck, and it heralds  a week of flow, good timing and helpful people.

It’s a week where you need to act on intuition. Trust your reflexes. Go with your gut. Know that the first thought will be the right thought.

It’s a week that favours completion of tasks. You’ll find that it’s the kind of week where you can get the impossible done. All it requires of you is focus and commitment. This is not a week to be wishy-washy.

This is a week where the pieces will start to come together for you.

It’s a week where you’ll get more done if you work with a team.

It’s a week where your unwavering commitment to a goal or a dream will see you making progress or experiencing breakthroughs beyond what you conceived as possible.

Within this week’s pattern of advancement and completion we will leave some things behind. Or they will bid us adieu.

That’s okay.

Everything has its season.

Be gracious about these endings. Don’t try to hold on to things that have finished their cycle. Many relationships, situations and patterns of behaviour will come to an end in the lead-up to 2017. It’s their time.

Stay in flow. Be open to what comes next. Be open to the possibilities that this positive change will bring for you.

This week the energies of change will make it hard for you to delude yourself about your true feelings. Situations and solutions will become clear. You’ll feel compelled to do something.

Trust.

Act.

Stay in flow.

It’s a big week for commitment. Saying ‘Yes’. Saying ‘I love you’. Saying ‘Let’s do this!’.

Be brave and jump in!

 

 

 

You’ll feel a return to energy this week. You’ll bounce back stronger. You’ll be able to look the world in the eye and say ‘I’m going places. Come with me or get out of my way.’

Flow with it – whatever it is. Give yourself to the task, the idea, the project, the relationship.

Commit, commit, commit.

You’ll amaze yourself with what changes and gets done!

 

Supportive crystals this week? Fluorite, Amazonite, Citrine and Tiger Eye.  Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Clarity essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of cedarwood, lemon, ylang ylang and bergamot.

Wishing you a wonderful week and holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations. I can’t wait to see where this week takes you.

Nicole❤ xx

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 21 November

loversosho

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
~ Dalai Lama XIV

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
~ Leo Buscaglia

 

Hello, Friends!

Welcome to the fourth week of these awesome November energies.

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen, and my take on the energetic outlook for the days ahead.

‘The Lovers’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck, and the powerful message of this card is that love is what is needed right now.

On the most personal of notes, this is a week that encourages you to reconnect with your partner – as lovers, as friends, as confidants. Not many people talk about how much work actually goes into successful relationships. Partnerships are gardens that require regular attention. There is ample opportunity to rekindle the magic and to rediscover what first created sparks and joy between you. It’s a week for forgiveness, for acceptance, and for celebration of your shared history.

If there’s love still there, but you’ve lost your way, or forgotten how to connect and communicate, seek help to get you both back on track and travelling forward together.

Mostly, what relationships need is time spent together. How can you do more of that this week?

In a relationship that’s fresh and new? You will find ways to deepen your understanding of and commitment to each other in the days ahead.

Those of you who are trapped in relationships that are past their use-by date, that are deeply unhealthy, broken, or finished in all but the leaving, will find that this week facilitates decisions to put yourself back out into the flow of life on your own again. The ending of 2016, and the finalisation of this old, old energetic era we’ve been in is the perfect time for freeing yourself up if your relationship no longer serves you.

If you’re single and looking for love, well… magic is in the air. <3

Above all, this week – love yourself! Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you. Nourish yourself with self-care, kindness and compassion.

Love is an emotion that extends far beyond the sexual, or the intimacy of a partnership. Love is always bigger than that…

This week you’re called to reach out to those you care about – family, friends, neighbours, community – and let them know that you care, let them feel the warmth of that connection, and the reassurance that comes from knowing that their life matters to someone. You can do this in so many ways: a hug, a shared meal, a chat over coffee, a phone call or connection via social media or email, an act of kindness, volunteering time or money, writing letters on behalf of those with no voice, adopting a shelter animal, making a donation, joining a group that does good in the world.

 

Many people have contacted me after my recent post about sensitive and empathic souls and the current energies of upheaval that are affecting us.

I understand that many sensitive souls are having a difficult time right now, and are engulfed with fear, frustration and deep despair around world events.

This week we are reminded that there is always something we can do.

This week we’re encouraged to send love out into the world, and to direct love back to ourselves. Love fills and heals the dark wounds and uncertain spaces caused by fear and hate.

How do we move the world back from the tipping point of divisiveness? Love. Kindness. Compassion. Forgiveness. Inclusion.

Living from our hearts, meditating and sending love into the world, using prayer and visualisation, all of these things help.

 

When we come from a place of love we don’t talk badly of others, or spread gossip or perpetuate stories that feed the energies of uncertainty and fear.

What the world needs now is not more darkness and argument. We don’t need more violent thoughts or deeds. We need love. We need lifting up. We need kindness. We need laughter. We need understanding and coming together.

We need gratitude for what is good in our lives.

We need to place our focus on what we want, and what is good, rather than devoting any energy at all to the things we don’t want.

love

This image by my lovely friend Suzie Cheel over at www.suziecheel.com

Supportive crystals for the days ahead? So many to choose from! Rose Quartz, rhodonite, citrine, mookaite jasper, lapis lazuli and malachite.  Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Joy essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of neroli, rose, ylang ylang and sandalwood.

Wishing you a wonderful week and holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations. You matter to me. I love you.

Nicole❤ xx

 

Here are some simple guided meditations you may find useful this week:

Loving-Kindness Meditation

Forgiveness Meditation and Journalling Activity

Meditation to ease suffering in self and others

Simple Three Minute Meditation using Essential Oils

Guided Meditation for Heart Healing

Tibetan Singing Bowl Healing Meditation

Guided Meditation for Panic, Anxiety and Fear

Trusting Your Instincts In Relationships

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust: First Part

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”
~Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

 

I have some friends going through hard times in relationships just now. They are wondering how they ended up where they are – with a lover who cheats, with a husband who suddenly wants out, with a boss who keeps lying.

When I’ve talked with them they’ve been so hurt, so distressed and devastated at what has happened.

Then they’ve asked the questions.

Why did this happen?

How did this happen?

Why did I not see this coming?

And the truth is, a wise part of them did see it coming. A wise part of them already knew. So, where did it all go so wrong?

All of us have intuition, and instinct. This force within us operates with a vast amount of information – not just our conscious awareness.

When I pressed my friends, eventually all of them admitted that there had been things in their relationship, from early on, that made them uncomfortable. Or there was a point where things began to change. And that point was a long way from where they are now.

In each situation, my friends had intuitively picked up on an energy or behaviour that was out of flow, out of truth – either with the way the person was presenting themselves within the relationship, or with my friend’s values and beliefs. My friends’ intuition had red-flagged something, using those feelings of discomfort and that instinctive knowledge to bring the situation to their conscious attention.

So why didn’t they allow themselves to be guided by that intuition? Quite simply, their mind got in the way. They discounted or second-guessed or validated that discomfort away. They saw what they wanted to see, or needed to see, rather than what was. They gave second chances, chose to believe what they were told, and shoved that discomfort back down where it no longer bothered them.

Haven’t you done that before? I know I have.

But that’s okay. Intuition is not a one time thing. Our internal wisdom will connect with us over and over again. Our job is to listen, and to pay attention. To give ourselves space to think things through and to honour these feelings and ideas that arise from deep inside us.

Of course, intuition doesn’t simply show us what’s wrong. It can also show us what’s good. We have a compulsion to introduce ourselves to someone at a party. Things blossom into a beautiful relationship.

Suddenly it seems like we can’t stop thinking about a business idea, or studying again. When we are brave enough to honour that instinctive direction we find ourselves loving the changes we have made. They feel so right for us.

We come to an awareness, without evidence or proof, that maybe the aloof girl or guy in the office is just shy, and when we make an effort to get to know them we find out that we were right.

Intuition says, Hey – let’s drive down this street for no apparent reason – come on, humour me! And there you find your dream house, or the shop with the thing you want, or an old college friend walking their dog, the same friend whose address you lost years ago and who you’d had no idea how to track down.

Image from Pixabay

Image from Pixabay

Intuition and instinct show us where we are out of flow with the Universe, and also how to get back into flow again, with relationships and actions that support our Highest Good.

So the big question is – are you honouring your intuition? Or are you second-guessing yourself?

Maybe it’s time you started paying attention, and trusting what comes up for you.

If you’re not sure how to do that, these posts will help:

Using Your Internal Compass to Navigate Life

Understanding Intuition and Gut Instinct

or this program of eight free exercises designed to help you connect to and work with intuition, energy and the metaphysical:

Strengthening Your Intuition – A program of Exercises

Image from forsurequotes

Image from forsurequotes

 

Saying No to Conditional Love

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“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” 
~ C. JoyBell C.

*Warning: Swear alert. Swears ahead.

I did something quite out of character for me yesterday.

There is someone who has been an important relationship in my life for a long time. You know the kind of relationships you just expect to endure, and to stay strong and connected. This person knew me, loved me, and was proud of me back when I was well and riding the crest of a wave of successes in my personal and business life.

The life I like to think of as my ‘former’ life. The one pre-illness. The one pre-psychic awakening.

The life I live now embarrasses the hell out of this other person. It has made things uncomfortable and awkward between us, without any kind of touchstone where we can easily connect, no matter how hard I try.

But in truth, we’ve been grown apart for a very long time, and so much of my championing and nursing along of the relationship comes from a sense of duty as much as from a place of love.

We speak intermittently. It’s been months now. I do my best to keep them in the loop of my life, so they were aware that I have been unwell. That I’m still unwell. When they called my home yesterday, Ben answered the phone because I was outside with my head in the toilet, violently ill from my lyme meds. He let the person know that I’d be a few minutes. He was politely honest about my situation.

Still, in keeping with the way this relationship has headed, the person did not ask after Ben, or me, or the farm. They talked instead of their latest achievements, and the achievements of others in their family.

When I was finally able to take the phone, this person did not ask after my health, not even in the polite way we all do where we don’t really need to hear the answer but we do want to observe social graces.

They just wanted to know what was happening with my career. Was I published yet? Why was everything taking so long? What was the hold up?

All I could do was stumble around saying that these last two years hadn’t been my finest (for those of you who don’t know, I was dying from unresponsive congestive heart failure, and then received a diagnosis of lyme disease where the treatment is saving my life but in the process making me endure the seven circles of hell) as this person insistently reminded me of who I used to be, and what I used to do. The life I had no choice but to walk away from.

For a moment I felt like one of life’s greatest losers. The shame was overwhelming. I felt so small.

Image from Midlife Rebel

Image from Midlife Rebel

I’ve been raised to be polite. But something happened yesterday. I got angry. And in that space of anger I also felt a need to put a stop to this.

“Fuck off!” I said gruffly. And then I hung up.

I shocked even myself.

But now, with some time and space between me and the big ‘hang up’, I’m feeling better about things. Cleaner.

Truth is, I still love them.

And I see the insecurity in THEM. The need for me, as part of their life, to be someone who others will judge well, and so judge this person well too.

But allowing them to heap shit upon me is not an act of self-love. Perhaps you remember that back at the end of 2013 I ran a retreat where all of us made a sacred vow – to love and treat ourselves well in 2014, to put ourselves and our needs front and centre in our lives rather than always playing second fiddle to everyone else.

I’m living that vow, and it is radically changing my world. In the best of ways.

It really is okay to say NO to conditional love. I hope that in sharing this experience, you can embrace that truth too.

Much love to you, Nicole xx

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