When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off.
Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.
I want to talk to you about something important today.
I want to talk with you about boundaries and intuition, and how often that gets screwed up in highly sensitive souls, because we are so attuned to the emotional states of others and we usually seek to spare the feelings of others, to please, and to create peace, flow and inclusion.
You were born sensitive for a reason. It’s a blessing, and a strength. You have a great capacity to feel into a situation or relationship, and be guided well by your intuition. But I know you don’t always listen to those finely honed instincts of yours because you are polite, caring and kind.
Still, here’s the thing. Your intuition is designed to help guide you, and to keep you safe. How many times has a situation or a person raised a little red flag in you, but you were talked out of your intuitive warning bells by others, or by yourself? How many times have you given the benefit of the doubt, or excused the behaviour of another, instead of paying attention to the thing that was ‘off’? Later on, when your intuition was proved correct, you said to yourself I knew they couldn’t be trusted, I knew that wouldn’t end well, I knew… Insert whatever the thing was that your intuition showed you.
How many times were you right straight up, but it took too much time and damage before your intuition was PROVED right and you acted? I’ve done it, we’ve all done it, but once is enough. We need to learn from the times when we ignored that message, and make different decisions the next time. That might not feel comfortable or easy when you first start, but I promise it gets easier with practice.
I want you to know that it is always okay to set a strong boundary, to change your mind, to put yourself first, to remove yourself from a situation or not go along with something, and to create space and safety for yourself.
If you’re wrong, there’s no harm done. All you did was assert your personal needs in the moment.
But if you were right, you have averted something that could have had negative or even terminal consequences.
Please, listen to that wise voice inside you. The more you trust it the stronger it will get. It could be the difference between a great night and a rotten one, a bad employee/relationship/friendship or the chance to find a better one, or even life and death.
Back yourself. If you don’t, who will?
Why am I telling you this? I lost a member of our community yesterday to domestic violence. This gentle and wonderful woman had initial grave concerns about the relationship, I strongly advised her it was not a good one to pursue, and her adult children and friends also warned her, but she wanted to help this ‘kind but troubled and misunderstood man’, and two years into the relationship he killed her.
Your intuition is there for a reason. I know you trust it when it comes to helping others. I want you to trust it when it comes to helping yourself.
Love, encouragement and a deep desire to protect your personal safety and wellbeing, Nicole xx