One of those days. One of those nights…

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”
~ James Baldwin

 

I had high hopes for yesterday.

A few early morning pathology tests, and the rest of the day stretching empty and waiting to be filled.

But no.

Yesterday was pooping into jars. Bloods. And then meds. A big fistful of meds to kill what might be lurking in my gut.

After which my day went to hell.

And my night too.

A dose of this drug to treat  lyme would be a quarter tablet twice a week, and I took a fistful of tablets. Because I’m not treating lyme. I’m treating persistent gut bug that won’t go away. Too bad, lyme. You’re going down too!

My face is numb. My body’s arched in pain. I can’t see out of my good eye and my bad eye is all wonky and double visioned. Old herxing patterns.

Awesome.

So I’ve cried a bit and felt sorry for myself. But the vomiting is done. And there’s no more blood in my poo. And it all seems to be working. And I know the trajectory of this. I feel bad to get better. That’s something I know how to do.

I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll already be 100% more fabulous AND with less lyme.

Win-win.

In fact I can finally go home to the farm today. Hooray!

Sorry, lovelies. I’m a little more unreliable just now than I had expected.
Love you all heaps. A thousand apologies again.
Nicole <3 xoxo

19 thoughts on “One of those days. One of those nights…

  1. Dont ever apologize! You are lived and supported- just like the many times you have loved and supported us.
    Let yourself heal! Much love!

  2. The need to be flexible and listen to yourself is part of being unwell – no apology needed. I hope the side effects are not too horrendous. Anything sounds better than the bug at the moment !!!

  3. Sending love and light to you. Thank you for all you write.   Joy to all the worlds,Bargwww.barbarabarg.com

    _When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. _

    _When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat._

    _ — George Carlin_

  4. Hang in there girl I understand as watching My granddaughter Imogen go through chemotherapy it’s difficult for sure and you are brave for letting us know.
    Love to you dear one Nicole ❤️💋
    Julie Roberts xoxo

    Sent from my iPhone

  5. Dearest Nicole,

    Hope you get better soon. Take all the rest you can get; we aren’t going anywhere. We’ll all be waiting right here for your company.

    Lots of love,

  6. Rest up and know that all that read your blog are sending you positive thoughts, healing energy and prayers. Take care, you are appreciated and treasured!

  7. So very sad to read your blog today Nicole…. one has to wonder why such pain is visited upon one who has worked so hard to ease other’s pain. I know you won’t think me insensitive when I suggest that your complete healing could be accomplished easily if ‘off world’ medical technology were applied to your being. And I know it exists. As do you…. Sending you huge hugs and all that jazz for a thoroughly spectacular recovery. Peace.

  8. You never need to apologize Nicole we all feel your pain plus our own life is so hard but we are fighters. I love you Nicole I hope you have a better day

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