Insomnia’s Beautiful Gift

 

“When I was little, I used to think that the sky at night was a big, black blanket that separated heaven from earth, and the stars were a whole bunch of little pin holes that the angels poked in the blanket so they could look down on us.”

– Robin Jones Gunn

Hey, Lovelies.

I’m lyme-y at the moment. It’s a drag, but it is what it is. I have late-stage lyme, where I was diagnosed late in the cycle of the disease AND also where my original antibiotic therapy was cut short when my treating physician’s practice got shut down overnight – leaving me and hundreds of other patients without options (don’t get me started on Lyme disease in Australia and how controversial it is, and how hard it is to find adequate care). At this stage of illness progression there is no hope of cure – only of disease management.

Now there is no antibiotic treatment left for me, and I have been relying on natural and unconventional treatments to manage my illness. It’s a balancing act. Too much treatment makes me really sick. Not enough treatment and my infection levels and symptoms build up over time. That’s the way my medical team and I work now. Cycles of hard treatment that cripple me and lay me out, followed by a few years of gentle treatments that let me live, but that will always lead back to needing to treat more aggressively. I have a great medical team. So please don’t send me suggestions about potions and lotions and miracle drugs/herbs/light machines/water/crystals/positive mental attitude/repentance from my sins etc. Chances are I’ve tried it, am using it, or discounted it already.

I have enjoyed a wonderful few years of minimal treatment. I’ve been able to travel, enjoy life, and have a functional body and mind. But my symptoms are ramping up again. Awful nerve pain, heart disease, nervous system issues, muscle twitches, fatigue, body aches, muscle cramps, vision disturbance, headaches, loss of balance and co-ordination, issues with my vestibula, digestion issues, chest pain and heart irregularities, major thyroid imbalance, weird rashes, neurological incontinence (oh no!), and insomnia. I know I’ll have to go hard on treatment again soon. We have a plan for that. So that’s okay.

I’m coping with most stuff. It’s just the insomnia that’s hard. I’m not only having sleep disturbance. I’m also having brutal pain from which I am unable to find relief.

Fortunately my bed looks out over a night-time forest vista, and I can see the sky, trees, moon and stars, all from the comfort of my own bed.

That’s actually made this past week a lot more magical.

Overhead right now here on the Sunshine Coast in Australia are a host of shooting stars thanks to the Perseids, the Southern Delta Aquarids and the Alpha Capricornids meteor showers. Each night I have been able to lie in bed and watch the sky light up with shooting stars. The Delta Aquarids are quick thin golden fizzles and streaks of light. So fast and fun, so joyful. The Alpha Capricornids are much less common – and they are slower, weightier and brighter silver-white orbs and streaks that feel like a celebration. The Perseids meteors are bright fireballs with long and colourful tails. All of them are visible with the naked eye.

Each night, especially between about 11pm and 3am, my hard nights have been made easier by the majesty of the nocturnal skies. It helps put my pain in perspective, and it links me up to others who are suffering under that same night sky, and everyone who is watching with awe and wonder at the spectacle above us.

Even on the crappiest of days. or the crappiest of nights, there is something to be grateful for.

I’m grateful for you too.

Where ever you are, and what ever you are facing right now, know that you are in my daily thoughts, prayers and meditations.

I’m sending love, light and hugs to you, Nicole xx