Suicides and Sudden Deaths – Perspectives From My Experience as a Psychic

“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”
~ Tiffanie DeBartolo

 

The morning I am blogging about suicide comes directly after the night where I have been awake for most of it, messaging and then skyping with a suicidal client.

It comes directly after the news that another person in one of my Lyme support groups has taken their own life.

It comes two days after a very ill friend died, in a way that could technically be viewed as assisted suicide. She had been in great pain, and was in palliative care. The morphine given to her in increased doses relieved her pain but depressed her respiration and slowed her heart rate, speeding her death. All of us were relieved that there was no pain or suffering in her final hours.

Suicide, and thoughts of suicide, are common in our society. I’m grateful that we are starting to have more of an open dialogue around this. As a psychic I have been witness to perspectives on suicide that most people don’t have. I’d like to share these perspectives with you, in the hope that you will begin to see suicide differently.

 

Suicide is defined as the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life. I have seen four circumstances that I define as suicide (*note that this classification is my own):

  1. Being in a situation where help is (or is perceived to be) unavailable and the escalating pain, illness (mental or physical) and lack of control make ending a life seem to be the only viable option. This situation, arising out of desperation, exhaustion, disconnection or other intense negative emotional states is the most common form of suicide that I have encountered. It is also the one most regretted by those who take action to end their lives.
  2. The deliberate sacrificing of one’s life for a greater purpose or higher ideal. The primary motivation behind this type of rare act is love, and it is usually a spur-of-moment choice. I do not include martyrdoms for ideological causes (such as suicide bombings) in this category. Instead think of the parent who risks and loses their life to save their child. The spouse whose last act in a car accident is to position the car so that their partner is spared the worst of the impact.
  3. The assisted and hastened death of someone who is already dying and whose life has run its course.
  4. The deliberate ending of a life where that life’s parameters are non-negotiable, non-changeable and no longer acceptable to the person living that life. That person is not in the same situation as the first circumstance I discussed. The decisions made here come from a place of clarity and peace, rather than from heightened emotional distress or disturbed thinking.

Suicide is, in so many ways, a complex issue.

There is much to say about this topic, and it has raised so many questions from you, my dear readers, that I am going to break this subject down into more posts over the coming Wednesdays. I’ll examine each type of suicide, and I’ll also look at accidental and sudden deaths, and how these impact the soul, as well as those left behind.

Be aware that in the overwhelming majority of suicides there is a realisation of deep regret at their actions in the moments before and after death –  when they understand that it was truly not what they wanted to do, that they have made a terrible mistake but that it is now too late to change this sudden ending of their precious life.

And of course the fallout for loved ones left behind after suicide is often immense, life-altering and devastating.

No matter what the circumstance of the suicide I can render the truth of it down to this. After death, ultimately, a soul returns to love.

Wherever you are this week, and whatever head space you are in, know that you matter to me, and that you are in my thoughts, meditations and prayers.

Be kind to yourself. Reach out to others. Live from compassion. Life is messy and sometimes hard, but we’re all in it together.

All my love, Nicole xx

 

Need Help To Cope?

The following links provide support for those who are suicidal or bereaved by suicide:

Australia List of links and contact numbers here

 

International Support 

Wikipedia has a great list of international support services here

Suicide.org also lists support services for all corners of the globe here

 

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 21 November

loversosho

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
~ Dalai Lama XIV

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
~ Leo Buscaglia

 

Hello, Friends!

Welcome to the fourth week of these awesome November energies.

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen, and my take on the energetic outlook for the days ahead.

‘The Lovers’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck, and the powerful message of this card is that love is what is needed right now.

On the most personal of notes, this is a week that encourages you to reconnect with your partner – as lovers, as friends, as confidants. Not many people talk about how much work actually goes into successful relationships. Partnerships are gardens that require regular attention. There is ample opportunity to rekindle the magic and to rediscover what first created sparks and joy between you. It’s a week for forgiveness, for acceptance, and for celebration of your shared history.

If there’s love still there, but you’ve lost your way, or forgotten how to connect and communicate, seek help to get you both back on track and travelling forward together.

Mostly, what relationships need is time spent together. How can you do more of that this week?

In a relationship that’s fresh and new? You will find ways to deepen your understanding of and commitment to each other in the days ahead.

Those of you who are trapped in relationships that are past their use-by date, that are deeply unhealthy, broken, or finished in all but the leaving, will find that this week facilitates decisions to put yourself back out into the flow of life on your own again. The ending of 2016, and the finalisation of this old, old energetic era we’ve been in is the perfect time for freeing yourself up if your relationship no longer serves you.

If you’re single and looking for love, well… magic is in the air. ❤

Above all, this week – love yourself! Don’t wait for someone else to do that for you. Nourish yourself with self-care, kindness and compassion.

Love is an emotion that extends far beyond the sexual, or the intimacy of a partnership. Love is always bigger than that…

This week you’re called to reach out to those you care about – family, friends, neighbours, community – and let them know that you care, let them feel the warmth of that connection, and the reassurance that comes from knowing that their life matters to someone. You can do this in so many ways: a hug, a shared meal, a chat over coffee, a phone call or connection via social media or email, an act of kindness, volunteering time or money, writing letters on behalf of those with no voice, adopting a shelter animal, making a donation, joining a group that does good in the world.

 

Many people have contacted me after my recent post about sensitive and empathic souls and the current energies of upheaval that are affecting us.

I understand that many sensitive souls are having a difficult time right now, and are engulfed with fear, frustration and deep despair around world events.

This week we are reminded that there is always something we can do.

This week we’re encouraged to send love out into the world, and to direct love back to ourselves. Love fills and heals the dark wounds and uncertain spaces caused by fear and hate.

How do we move the world back from the tipping point of divisiveness? Love. Kindness. Compassion. Forgiveness. Inclusion.

Living from our hearts, meditating and sending love into the world, using prayer and visualisation, all of these things help.

 

When we come from a place of love we don’t talk badly of others, or spread gossip or perpetuate stories that feed the energies of uncertainty and fear.

What the world needs now is not more darkness and argument. We don’t need more violent thoughts or deeds. We need love. We need lifting up. We need kindness. We need laughter. We need understanding and coming together.

We need gratitude for what is good in our lives.

We need to place our focus on what we want, and what is good, rather than devoting any energy at all to the things we don’t want.

love

This image by my lovely friend Suzie Cheel over at www.suziecheel.com

Supportive crystals for the days ahead? So many to choose from! Rose Quartz, rhodonite, citrine, mookaite jasper, lapis lazuli and malachite.  Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Joy essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of neroli, rose, ylang ylang and sandalwood.

Wishing you a wonderful week and holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations. You matter to me. I love you.

Nicole❤ xx

 

Here are some simple guided meditations you may find useful this week:

Loving-Kindness Meditation

Forgiveness Meditation and Journalling Activity

Meditation to ease suffering in self and others

Simple Three Minute Meditation using Essential Oils

Guided Meditation for Heart Healing

Tibetan Singing Bowl Healing Meditation

Guided Meditation for Panic, Anxiety and Fear

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 14 November

osho zen tarot outsider Nicole Cody blog

“Chronic self-doubt is a symptom of the core belief, ‘I’m not good enough.’ We adopt these types of limiting beliefs in response to our family and childhood experiences, and they become rooted in the subconscious… we have the ability to take action to override it…” ~ Lauren Mackler

“All it takes is one person in any generation to heal a family’s limiting beliefs.” ~ Greg Braden

 

Hello, Lovelies!

Welcome to the third week of these awesome November energies.

Here’s the oracle card I have chosen, and my take on the energetic outlook for the days ahead.

‘The Outsider’ is from the Osho Zen Tarot deck, and it heralds breakthroughs and opportunities. This week you are supported to end negative and habitual ways of thinking that keep you stuck or isolated.

The catch is that you have to be brave enough to take action. Change won’t be delivered to you on a plate. This is a collaborative effort where both you and the Universe need to show up, and then work together. It’s an exercise in trust and in listening deeply to yourself and your inner wisdom. To do that you might have to shout over the old voices which keep telling you that the thing you want can never happen, that you’re too old, that it’s too late, that you’re not good enough – or whatever other familiar refrain you’ve spent far too much time listening to.

When you make changes to entrenched habits and limited ways of thinking this week, you’re clearing them across your ancestral line. Yep, it’s that big. So worth it, don’t you think?

This week you’re encouraged to grow up and become who you came here to be. Not someone else’s vision of you but YOUR authentic soul expression. It’s an exciting week, rich with possibility.

Dwell in possibility

Image by Sqidesign at http://www.teepublic.com

This week look for opportunities to collaborate. Look for opportunities to elevate yourself. Look for opportunities to say yes to your dreams and yes to putting your gifts and talents out into the world. Take time for acts of creativity and innovation. Dream a little.

Don’t fall into cynicism or fear. Keep living with the energy of that open-minded, open-hearted innocence, trust and wonder that dwells in the hearts of all children.

Let this week be a week where anything is possible. Even miracles. Especially miracles. Because this week the only thing holding you back is you, your thinking, and your lack of belief. Embrace hope.

Remain hopeful.

Keep your eyes on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Guard your language so that you speak only good of yourself and others. Others need elevating and shift this week too, so use every opportunity to rise and to lift others also.

Supportive crystals for the days ahead? Amazonite, Red Jasper and Amethyst. Helpful essential oils? Young Living’s Joy essential oil blend, or  a combination (or singly!) of any of frankincense, geranium and bergamot.

Wishing you a wonderful week, and holding you in my thoughts, prayers and meditations,

All my love, Nicole❤ xx

The Week Ahead – Oracle Reading for Monday 17 October 2016

osho zen

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”
~ Patrick Overton, The leaning tree: [poems]

 

Hello Lovelies!

It’s a little bit challenging choosing an oracle card just now. I don’t know my current 2016 deck well enough to read it when I can’t see, so instead I have fallen back on an old favourite – my Osho Zen Tarot deck, whose images I know by heart and blindfolded after twenty years of working with them.

Well then, let’s begin:

This week’s card? Adventure!

What does that mean for the week ahead?

We’re being asked to get out of our comfort zone. We’ve being asked to walk out into the unknown.

It means starting things without knowing where you might end up. It means putting yourself into situations where you can’t control the outcome. It means breaking out of routine to try something new. It means trusting in positive outcomes, even if your knees are shaking and it takes everything you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

For some of you, this is a week where you’ll look back years from now and see how this small and seemingly insignificant (although scary!) step you took was the one that changed everything.

For some of you, being brave enough to go outside your routine will mean new opportunities, new relationships, bold new discoveries or a rediscovery of something important that you need to be reminded of right now.

Many of you will find that getting out and about this week provides happy moments, shared joy and a boost to your social life. It’s also a great week to hold or plan parties, launches and grand adventures (think holidays and expeditions!) to be taken some time in the future.

The seven days ahead unfold a deeply spiritual week. A week that reminds us that we’re not alone. That the Universe has our backs. That miracles happen daily. That sometimes the crap we’ve been slogging through was only ever to enable us to step into a brighter future – wiser, stronger, clearer, better. It’s the kind of week where incredible ideas can just slide into your mind, or bubble to the surface. The kind of week where what seemed crazy just days ago now seems entirely possible.

Image by Raven N. from www.liveluvcreate.com

Image by Raven N. from www.liveluvcreate.com

Make sure to find time for joy this week – no matter how small that joy might be. Take time to sit in your favourite cafe, or to drink your favourite beverage – curled up with a book, a game or a loved one. Play your favourite music, dance and sing along. Go on a little adventure in your own home-town or suburb. Gee, you could even have that adventure in your own backyard!

If you’re looking for a crystal companion this week, you can’t go past Labradorite or Green Adventurine. Essential oils? Neroli, Jasmine and Rose.

This is a week for restoring hope, and we can always use more of that.

Sending much love to you, Nicole ❤ xx

 

A Me Update

Image from ibnlive.in.com

Image from ibnlive.in.com

“Solar Eclipse

Each morning
I wake invisible.

I make a needle
from a porcupine quill,
sew feet to legs,
lift spine onto my thighs.

I put on my rib and collarbone.

I pin an ear to my head,
hear the waxwing’s yellow cry.
I open my mouth for purple berries,
stick on periwinkle eyes.

I almost know what it is to be seen.

My throat enlarges from anger.
I make a hand to hold my pain.

My heart a hole the size of the sun’s eclipse.
I push through the dark circle’s
tattered edge of light.

All day I struggle with one hair after another
until the moon moves from the face of the sun
and there is a strange light
as though from a kerosene lamp in a cabin.

I pun on a dress,
a shawl over my shoulders.

My threads knotted and scissors gleaming.

Now I know I am seen.
I have a shadow.

I extend my arms,
dance and chant in the sun’s new light.

I put a hat and coat on my shadow,
another larger dress.
I put on more shawls and blouses and underskirts
until even the shadow has substance”
~ Diane Glancy

 

It’s been easy, in recent weeks, to forget for hours at a time, or even days, that beneath my skin lurk a host of bacteria. Lyme, bartonella, babesia and some other nameless beasts. They drill through the flesh and fluids of my interior. Many have been killed over these past two years as I have flooded my body with antibiotics, herbs and essential oils. But not all.

It’s the ones that remain which are so bothersome. Some have not been well targeted by any protocols I’ve yet undertaken. Others have cleverly changed form. They deconstruct parts of me and then rebuild themselves with pieces of my DNA, rendering themselves invisible to my immune system. They slough their cell walls and then slip into my own cells soundlessly, hidden from view. Hidden from drugs. Hidden from so many kinds of treatment.

These past weeks I haven’t thought much about all of these pesky invaders. Instead, I’ve tasted normal. I’ve known delights lost to me for so long I’d feared I’d never know a time for them again.

My body is stronger. My mind is working better. My immune function is the best it has been in years. So my docs asked if I felt ready for a round or two of more aggressive drug treatment before I went back to gentler, more natural methods of healing. Intuitively for me it was a yes – before I even got my bloods back. Yes. Ready. So, we began last week.

I’m lucky – I had the luxury of some free time before I need to be functioning well again for work. Weeks I had slated for writing time and a holiday before I gear up for my next retreats became the perfect opportunity for embarking on new treatment adventures. I knew this was right timing. It all seemed to fall so easily into place for me.

Except that I’d conveniently forgotten just how horrible such treatment adventures can be.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

It started with vomiting and pain. My body did not like the drugs. Or what they were doing to me.

The misery ramped up as the bacteria within me began to die. Glands the size of golf balls. Night sweats. Fevers. Chills. Seizures. A tongue that rolled around in my head unable to grasp at words, or to make much more sense than a drunk. A brain on holiday. Night and day merged, hours merged. It got messy. Really messy.

Then there was the pain.

I’d forgotten about the pain, and how bad it can be. Body pain. Nerve pain. Brain pain. How did I ever live with this pain before? This loss of function? This rendering of myself into a million screaming and incoherent fragments?

There have been other delights too. Loss of vision. Confusion. Immense fatigue. The kind of fatigue where it takes all you have to lift your head from the bed, or to track your eyes across a room. Indignities such as loss of bladder control. Streaming eyes and nose. Rashes and shakes and parts of me misbehaving, no matter what my brain was bidding that body part to do.

Everything that had become easy was suddenly hard again.

But I know it’s not for long.

I know it’s just for this short window of time, after which this current treatment will end and I’ll step back, regroup and allow my body time for healing and rehabilitation.

There’s not one pill that will fix this. Not one magic bullet. I have thirty years of complex bacterial infection. On top of that, all of the chaos and damage those infections have caused to my brain, my organs, my central nervous system and hormonal systems.

What I’m doing to heal my lyme and co-infections is working. My results prove that. My daily life proves that. But it has taken a lot of gritted jaw to get through this last round of drugs and I have a few more weeks to go. Although I pray I am through the worst of it now.

I’ll tell myself that anyway. Just like I always do…

This is what life is. It’s what I’ve learned over time. Life is ups and downs. Mysteries. Breakthroughs. Dead ends. Wrong turns. Wrong turns that lead to the right places. Breathe in, breathe out. Place one foot in front of the other. Rest. Keep going. Keep growing.

In the ten days I have been on this new treatment three lymies (people with late stage lyme disease) I know have taken their lives. Too much pain, too much damage, not enough support, no access to adequate doctors or treatment, no light at the end of the tunnel, and they each reached the end of their respective ropes.

I understand that space. There have been times over the years – even the last two – when I have sat on that same bench, and had that same conversation with myself and those closest to me.

It puts my own illness into perspective, my treatment into perspective, my recovery into perspective.

I won’t do myself or this illness the disrespect of rendering the lyme journey down into a handful of trite new age slogans. Loving my disease, making peace with myself, loving myself – they’re all noble and worthwhile sentiments, and I honestly do my best. But how many people who got hit by a bus or a dose of MRSA from a hospital stay, or a life-threatening bout of meningococcal disease get those flags waved at them? Who of them would be expected to be healed by the simple waving of a crystal, the chanting of an affirmation or a thorough investigation of their past lives?

For me, a wholistic approach to healing means using intelligent diagnosis and solutions – a range of traditional and alternative treatments. Science. Ancient and modern. Spiritual practice. Drugs. Energy medicine. Herbs. Oils. Intuition. Food as medicine. Doctors and practitioners who use their brains in an investigative manner, allowing space for curiosity and open-mindedness, and a synergy of puzzle pieces. I expect that to be my own practice too. Of course there is room for magic and miracles, of course there is learning to be had. I’m open to it all.

Thanks for all your well wishes, and I’m sorry if my silence had you concerned. But you know me by now. Whenever I’m quiet so long there is always something going on.

I’m busy getting well. That’s what’s going on. Messy business, but I’m making progress, and things will be back to some semblance of normal here just as soon as I have the energy for it all.

Sending so much love your way, Nicole xx

Image from emiliesquotes.com

Image from emilysquotes.com

 

A Cleansing Storm

“…I don’t just wish you rain, Beloved – I wish you the beauty of storms…”
~ John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

 

I came home late yesterday afternoon to our little farm.

The heat and humidity were oppressive and you could feel that rising tension that always signals a storm.

Sure enough, after nightfall a low rumble began.

The sky, which all day had been fringed by gathering cloud, was lit from behind with a light show worthy of a festival.

Still the heat clung, and the air was soupy and thick.

The rumbling escalated, and lightning arced between the clouds, or shot bolts down deep into the ground.

We waited.

Finally the rain came.

The sky shuddered and a gentle wind blew its cooling stream across the paddocks. The earth signed with pleasure and a slow rain began to fall.

I was lulled to sleep by that hypnotic pitter-patter of rain on the tin roof, the smell of damp fresh earth sweet and heavy in the air.

This morning everything is clean and calm. The air has a hint of Autumn to it.

It is so good to fill my lungs with peace and hope and goodness.

Wishing you a beautiful, heart-connected day today ❤ xoxo

roserain

A Lovely Night of Normal

“Become major, Paul. Live like a hero. That’s what the classics teach us. Be a main character. Otherwise what is life for?”
~ J.M. Coetzee

 

One of the problems of having a chronic illness like Lyme Disease is that so often you end up marginalised in your own life. If you choose to expend some of your precious energy in one area of your day, there’ll be none left for other choices. In fact, there may be no more energy for days.

Because of that, life usually dwindles to a handful of survival skills, and a few crumbs of a greater existence that you do your best to grasp and experience as deeply as you can. If you can. When you can.

As Lyme has stolen my moments, my energy, my social life, my cognitive function, my family, my bodily functions, my years, the one blessing is that I’ve mostly been too ill to care.

But I’m actively healing now. Life is changing. I am changing.

I am reclaiming this wider sense of me.

So, in that spirit, I celebrated Christmas with a staff party this year.

Party? Dinner, really. Nothing too wild. And staff? So far I have just one. Although my dreams are big. 🙂

I just felt the need to say thank you. To my one staff member, to my darling husband Ben, who is my greatest support, and to the Universe, which has conspired with me to change my fortunes and expand my horizons.

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This little party was so important to me – so symbolic and imbued with meaning – that I deliberately stopped my Lyme meds long enough that I would be able to enjoy an alcoholic drink or two, like a real proper grown-up healthy person!

Dana, my wonderful PA, came over to my house in the afternoon and we talked hair, clothes and all the sorts of girly things I haven’t done for years. It reminded me of when I was back in College, getting ready for a big night out. Oh, it was thrilling.

Late in the afternoon I washed my hair. I thought about what I would wear. I painted my toenails!

Darkness fell, and out Ben and I went. We met Dana and her husband at a beautiful Japanese restaurant, and sat at a table with a view out over the sparkly night.

img_7495

We ate delicious food, I enjoyed TWO excellent Asahi beers (I had planned cocktails, or champagne, but in the end, after such a hot day, those beers were mighty fine!), and then, some of the last diners to leave, we ventured out into the tropical evening and caught a taxi home.

Today it’s back to green smoothies, detox food, and my usual routine of pills, potions and therapies.

I’m hope-filled right now. To be reclaiming these small spaces in my life feels like a miracle.

Today I’ll be planning my year ahead; with my journal, my coloured pens, and the reading I gave myself on the Soul Sanctuary Retreat.

I wonder how many people shall be gathered at my Staff Christmas Party table in 2015, and where we might be?

How exciting it will be to see this next year unfold!

How about you? What are you planning, dreaming and scheming for 2015? I’d love to know!

Much love to you, Nicole xx

Image from flickr.com

Image from flickr.com