The Voice

“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” 
~ Lauren Kate, Torment

Yesterday afternoon I lay down for a nap and fell into the deepest, dreamless slumber.

A deep male voice woke me up. It was authoritative. And loving. It said this:

“Remember this. This is the sickest you will ever be. This is lowest you will ever be. Look at yourself. Remember this. Tonight you shall turn the corner.”

I felt so calmed by that voice.

Staggering out of bed I went to the bathroom and peered into the mirror. Here I was. Sick, fat, dumb-headed, exhausted, miserable.

The words kept echoing in my head, tonight you will turn the corner.

Still half asleep I slipped on some shoes and wandered down the paddocks to the cattleyards where Ben was feeding the weaners. Sitting beside him on a hay bale I told him about the voice.

“Better take some pictures,” Ben said. So he pulled out his phone and snapped a few. “This time in a year we’ll be able to think back from some holiday somewhere and look at how far you’ve come.”

This morning I woke up and so much was still the same. I’m exhausted, sick, sore. I still have my little window of ‘me time’ before I take the first drugs of the day and descend back into hell.

But something inside me has shifted. The only way I can describe it is as a spark. There is a spark of golden light inside my chest, comforting and restoring me.

I can’t explain why, but I trust that voice. I feel that spark.

So.

Onwards…

24 thoughts on “The Voice

  1. What a fantastic revelation. Ben is so right, you will look back at this turning point and wonder at how far you have come. Love and health and strength to you xxx

  2. Go with anything that gets you through Nicole . How can you ignore such a positive voice . Hang on in there .
    Cherry x

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  4. BRILLIANT! It reminds me that while some healings are spontaneous, most are a process. Sending you light and more light and much more healing light to help you to take that corner on two wheels and keep on going

  5. Goosebumps and happy tears..so wonderful to get that reassurance that you are now moving in the direction of wellness. Happy healthy days ahead! Keep resting and nourishing your body while it does it’s magic xxx

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