“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.”
~ Lauren Kate, Torment
Yesterday afternoon I lay down for a nap and fell into the deepest, dreamless slumber.
A deep male voice woke me up. It was authoritative. And loving. It said this:
“Remember this. This is the sickest you will ever be. This is lowest you will ever be. Look at yourself. Remember this. Tonight you shall turn the corner.”
I felt so calmed by that voice.
Staggering out of bed I went to the bathroom and peered into the mirror. Here I was. Sick, fat, dumb-headed, exhausted, miserable.
The words kept echoing in my head, tonight you will turn the corner.
Still half asleep I slipped on some shoes and wandered down the paddocks to the cattleyards where Ben was feeding the weaners. Sitting beside him on a hay bale I told him about the voice.
“Better take some pictures,” Ben said. So he pulled out his phone and snapped a few. “This time in a year we’ll be able to think back from some holiday somewhere and look at how far you’ve come.”
This morning I woke up and so much was still the same. I’m exhausted, sick, sore. I still have my little window of ‘me time’ before I take the first drugs of the day and descend back into hell.
But something inside me has shifted. The only way I can describe it is as a spark. There is a spark of golden light inside my chest, comforting and restoring me.
I can’t explain why, but I trust that voice. I feel that spark.
So.
Onwards…
Very powerful post and reminder, Nicole. Your strength is amazing. Will pray for the best for you.
Sending more prayers for massive healing your way, Nicole. We’re all looking forward to the day that you’ve turned that corner for good and all! xo
Wow Nicole. Even just reading this post filled me with the most beautiful light of hope and calmness. What an incredible and strengthening experience for you – and I love your openness and honesty in sharing, too. I also love that you don’t feel moved to ask any questions – so complete was your experience. Perfect.
So much love and support to you. Your determination on this journey is SO inspiring, and I’ve been following your posts in sheer amazement at your strength, honesty and positivity. Just wow. You are a beautiful shining light in this world – thank you.
Goosebumps and happy tears..so wonderful to get that reassurance that you are now moving in the direction of wellness. Happy healthy days ahead! Keep resting and nourishing your body while it does it’s magic xxx
BRILLIANT! It reminds me that while some healings are spontaneous, most are a process. Sending you light and more light and much more healing light to help you to take that corner on two wheels and keep on going
Wonderful voice!
Go with anything that gets you through Nicole . How can you ignore such a positive voice . Hang on in there .
Cherry x
WONDERFUL! Keep going…..it’s not much longer. We are all cheering for you!
How exciting!
What a fantastic revelation. Ben is so right, you will look back at this turning point and wonder at how far you have come. Love and health and strength to you xxx
Happy dancing for you Nicole!!!!
💃💃💃
Yes…onwards! Much love to you dear Nicole. Big hug-Julie
Wow! I believe this is the beginning of health!
Yeah I agree with the others a big high five for the voice
Wonderful. Such a comfort. Wish those drugs were done tho’. Be well…xxx
sending you lots of love Nicole! xoxo
This is so good to read. What a beautiful voice that spoke to you. May that healing spark that has ignited continue to glow within you as you turn the corner. With love.
Beautiful <3
What remains when all else has burned away? ……. Sufi saying love is the fire I am the wood ….
Whoooooo hooooooooo xxxxxx
It’s always darkest before the dawn. Celebrating your corner-turning from here! <3
right beside you sweetheart…holding you close to my heart…X
Yay!
Yay for the voice! What a great message. Let that spark grow and be comforted by the calmness. You can do it. X