“Become major, Paul. Live like a hero. That’s what the classics teach us. Be a main character. Otherwise what is life for?”
~ J.M. Coetzee
One of the problems of having a chronic illness like Lyme Disease is that so often you end up marginalised in your own life. If you choose to expend some of your precious energy in one area of your day, there’ll be none left for other choices. In fact, there may be no more energy for days.
Because of that, life usually dwindles to a handful of survival skills, and a few crumbs of a greater existence that you do your best to grasp and experience as deeply as you can. If you can. When you can.
As Lyme has stolen my moments, my energy, my social life, my cognitive function, my family, my bodily functions, my years, the one blessing is that I’ve mostly been too ill to care.
But I’m actively healing now. Life is changing. I am changing.
I am reclaiming this wider sense of me.
So, in that spirit, I celebrated Christmas with a staff party this year.
Party? Dinner, really. Nothing too wild. And staff? So far I have just one. Although my dreams are big. 🙂
I just felt the need to say thank you. To my one staff member, to my darling husband Ben, who is my greatest support, and to the Universe, which has conspired with me to change my fortunes and expand my horizons.
This little party was so important to me – so symbolic and imbued with meaning – that I deliberately stopped my Lyme meds long enough that I would be able to enjoy an alcoholic drink or two, like a real proper grown-up healthy person!
Dana, my wonderful PA, came over to my house in the afternoon and we talked hair, clothes and all the sorts of girly things I haven’t done for years. It reminded me of when I was back in College, getting ready for a big night out. Oh, it was thrilling.
Late in the afternoon I washed my hair. I thought about what I would wear. I painted my toenails!
Darkness fell, and out Ben and I went. We met Dana and her husband at a beautiful Japanese restaurant, and sat at a table with a view out over the sparkly night.
We ate delicious food, I enjoyed TWO excellent Asahi beers (I had planned cocktails, or champagne, but in the end, after such a hot day, those beers were mighty fine!), and then, some of the last diners to leave, we ventured out into the tropical evening and caught a taxi home.
Today it’s back to green smoothies, detox food, and my usual routine of pills, potions and therapies.
I’m hope-filled right now. To be reclaiming these small spaces in my life feels like a miracle.
Today I’ll be planning my year ahead; with my journal, my coloured pens, and the reading I gave myself on the Soul Sanctuary Retreat.
I wonder how many people shall be gathered at my Staff Christmas Party table in 2015, and where we might be?
How exciting it will be to see this next year unfold!
How about you? What are you planning, dreaming and scheming for 2015? I’d love to know!
Much love to you, Nicole xx