“I DON’T CARE!” Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”J.K. Rowling
“You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”
So, Lovelies, let’s talk about pain.
Physical pain. Emotional pain. Psychic pain.
I’m not talking minor annoyances. I’m talking about deep pain and trauma and grief and loss – pain that feels like it will rip you apart, that might stop your heart, pain where it seems impossible you can ever breathe freely again, live again, be who you were BEFORE that pain. (Know that even without pain, every day you wake up different to the person you were yesterday. Change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same, including you.)
I have experienced these kinds of pain. This is what I have learned.
Meet it head on. Breathe into it. Face it. Let it roll over you.
It’s like being in a gigantic thrashing surf. If you turn your back it will smash into you and tumble you over and over until you lose yourself.
So, face it. Own it. Be with it. Attend to it.
I know, it’s terrifying. But don’t turn your back. When you turn your back and get lost in that tumbling white water you might not ever find your way back to shore.
Stay with the pain. Feel into it. Let it fill you completely until it is all you are.
Soon, you’ll find that you will stop holding your breath. You’ll find a way to be with the pain. It might take everything you have, and it might completely surround you but you will find yourself surviving the unsurvivable. You will continue to breathe. You will continue to exist in the midst of pain.
Over time, existing in the pain will create space. Just a tiny bit of space. Breathing room where you can expand yourself out just a little more.
You’ll find ways to cope. You’ll find a way to bear the pain. To co-exist.
The pain will teach you. It will teach you how to survive. It will show you who you are when the pain has burned everything else away. You’ll find a path forward. Pain can become a clarifying place, and a healing place – just as long as you keep facing it head on. Because if you keep facing it, your honesty will render it smaller. And smaller still. You’ll find a way to be with it.
Eventually you’ll find that the pain becomes small enough that you can hold it in your hand. Now you have a choice. You can make a place inside you, so you can carry it safely, and continue on in life, existing with that pain, managing it and at peace with it. Or you will see that you can put it down, and walk away. And its shape will leave you changed, but free.
Pain visits us all. It reveals us. It transforms us.
You may have no say in how the pain arrives, or in what form, but you do have power and choice in how you face it, and how it evolves or destroys you.
You’re stronger than you know. Courage, my friend.
All my love, Nicole xx