Small Acts Of Kindness – We Need More Of Them!

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
~ Mark Twain

 

Small acts of kindness ease our burdens. They remind us that we are loved and that there is still hope and goodness in the world.

Don’t ever underestimate the gift of small acts of kindness.  A simple phone call, a cuppa and a chat, a bunch of flowers from your garden, a casserole or a pot of soup, the loan of some books or DVDs – all of these simple gestures can make a vast difference in the life of someone who is busy coping with whatever life has just thrown them.

Anyone who has suffered from depression, ongoing family or relationship issues, the prolonged care of a loved one with a chronic or terminal illness, or who has suffered a loss or setback in life will tell you that support is often strong to start off with, but fades away, or worse – people begin to tell them to ‘think positive’, to ‘look on the bright side’, to ‘snap out of it’, ‘get over it’, ‘move on’ or equally unhelpful sentiments.

Some situations in life are over in an instant but leave a lasting impact.  Some situations take a very long time to resolve. And we all manage grief and loss in our own way.  (Side note –  It’s actually okay to let people who are in the midst of misery express grief, be sad, feel flat or lost, and be anything but the life of the party.)

So how do we help when difficulties are drawn out for our friends and loved ones?  Think about the times in your own life when things have been hard. What made a difference to you?  Firstly, don’t judge your friends and loved ones, and don’t feel you have to fix anything or take responsibility for changing them or their situation.

Ask them how they’re going.  Ask them what they need.  Sometimes we need to talk things through, sometimes we need to talk about ANYTHING other than what’s really happening, sometimes we want to be left alone. And our needs might change from moment to moment, hour to hour.

The best advice here is to stay in contact, and then ask the simple questions:

‘How are you?’ or ‘Are you okay?’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

If you can see an obvious need, don’t be afraid to ask and then step in.  Or if it’s appropriate, just go ahead and do it – hose the garden, mow the lawn, bake the cake, mind the kids, take the washing off the line, bundle up a care parcel.

Sometimes all that’s needed is a hug or a kind word.

When I was ill recently, a dear friend brought me homemade chicken soup, and another loaned me a book. It was the difference between me eating something healthy and going without, and I had soul food in the form of something new to read. Heaven.

Yesterday, after a difficult day, I went to my front door and found a posy of flowers and a tender note filled with love and encouragement. It brightened my spirits immeasurably. Friends texted me to check in on me. I felt loved, affirmed and connected.

It’s these small acts of thoughtfulness, these simple gestures of kindness that ease the way for us when life’s road gets hard.

How can you be a friend today?

Much love, Nicole  xx

Letting Go – Do you need to? How to decide!

“Be brave and let go. Let go of fear, and pain. Stop holding to the thing that is tearing you apart. While you hang on, grimly gripping and clutching this to you, you deny yourself freedom, new gifts, love. It is madness to presume that you are more wise than the Universe. Let go. Trust.” ~ Nicole Cody

 

There are so many reasons why we struggle with letting go.

Some of us don’t like to fail – if we say we’re going to deliver, if we take a marriage vow, sign up for a deadline, have ethics that are all about family or mateship, hold strong religious or spiritual beliefs, made a public proclamation about a certain thing, have other people telling us that this is what we need, then we may hold onto a person or situation longer than necessary.

Sometimes we spend our lives thinking about everyone else; not wanting to let people down, wanting THEM to be happy even if we must sacrifice something or all of ourselves to do that. Perhaps we have been raised to see this as worthy behaviour, or the way to be lovable – earning love through good deeds and sacrifice.

Sometimes we become so fixated on achieving the end goal that we stop asking ourselves the right questions: “Does this still serve me?  Does this still honour me?”  “Did it ever…”

Sometimes we’ve let something define us for so long that we no longer know who we are without that thing in our life. Even if it’s killing us or making us miserable.

Sometimes we let our heart rule our head. Sometimes we let our head rule our heart. And it’s not making us feel good. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

Or maybe we are afraid. Afraid that if we let go nothing will ever come to replace it.  Afraid that people will judge us or turn away from us, or leave us. Afraid that if we let go, the thing might suddenly come good, and all our struggle will have been worth it.

Sometimes we think we don’t deserve any better.

So how do we know when we need to let go?

When duty is the only thing that drives us and all the joy has faded from our lives. When we’ve forgotten the reason we signed up for this in the first place.  When we’ve become indifferent to life, our relationship, this thing… When our health is in tatters, when the person in the mirror is a stranger, when our finances are in ruins, when we’re choking down anger and resentment on a daily basis, when we are no longer a person we like or believe in, when we’ve lost ourselves, it’s time to let go.

When we have gotten to a place where everything is hard, everything is dark, where we can see no place in our lives for hope, or joy or happiness, then it’s time to let go. When we can no longer keep our eyes open and our hands on the wheel, and we’re popping pills to keep going, white-knuckled from fear and exhaustion, it’s time to let go.

When it’s in the past, where we have no way to change it, we need to let go.

Why do we need to let go?

When we are in struggle, we are out of the flow of Universal Good. In that place where we are battling against the current of life we exhaust ourselves, and often have nothing to show for our efforts. It is all hard, hard, and harder.

When we surrender and let go, we stop swimming against the current. Life picks us up and supports us and begins to move us in a new direction. There is a wisdom and grace in the Universe that far exceeds our own.  It we can only trust and let go, finally, we can begin moving towards a better future, to new opportunities, new relationships, new adventures.  We give ourselves a fresh start.  We give ourselves a chance to be happy, a chance to find ourselves and to open ourselves to bright new possibilities.

Even if that means for a time we must sit alone, hands empty…

How do we let go?

Sometimes we need to ask for help. It’s not important to have the answer, it’s only important to have recognised that we need to change. There are many skilled and caring people in the world who can help you make the shift once you’ve decided that it’s time.

Sometimes we will already know what to do.

All change requires effort, but change is possible. If you know you’re unhappy and you can longer work out why,  imagine the current choices and relationships in your life. Imagine the problems. Now imagine removing them. Is there a sense of loss or panic, or a sense of relief? Sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Sometimes we only need to put our burdens down for a time. When we’ve rested, or found someone to share the load, then we find we want to continue, that we can continue.

So many times we let go of the job, and we land on our feet. We let go of the relationship, and we meet our soul mate. We pack up and go, and an unexpected direction leads us to a happier and more fulfilled life, unlike anything we could have imagined for ourselves.

When not to let go

You’ll know it. It’s as different a feeling as night is to day. This is an energy within you infused with light, hope, clarity, determination, strength, courage.

It’s the thing that helps you keep swimming, towing a drowning soul with their head above water, when you are both exhausted. It’s the thing that helps mothers lift a car to release their trapped child. It’s the voice inside you that tells you to call someone, or turn up at their house, or dash into a burning building. It’s the conviction that helps you stand by someone when you believe in a better outcome for them but they are in a place where they can’t yet see it for themselves.

That’s the energy of Love. That’s the feel of God as our wings. That’s Divine Grace working through us. There is something within us that will not give up the fight, something within us that KNOWS we can do it, that we will do it. That we would rather do this and die trying than to walk away. This is a feeling of being energised, vital, alive, burning with a seering focus.

Image from www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com

 

Tune in.  How are you feeling? Answer yourself honestly.  Make a decision.  Trust…

I’m holding you in my daily prayers and meditations. You’re not alone in this. I’m with you, and I believe in you,

All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

Guided Meditation and Activities to connect you to your Heart Wisdom

 “Don’t love to be loved in return. Love for the sake of loving.” 

~ Connor Chalfant

 

Our heart, and Heart Chakra, is both a receiver and a transmitter for love and wisdom. The more we open our heart by giving, the more we can connect into receiving. This positive flow of loving energy allows us to live from our hearts as intuitive, connected and compassionate human beings.

Activity:

Our hearts love to love. Here are some suggestions for expressing that energy in the world this week:

  • Play with your pets, or go feed ducks in the local park. Animals are wonderfully intuitive, loving and giving.

  • Make a connection that expands your own heart. Read to a child, or even to an adult.

  • Catch up with friends for a coffee, a meal or a movie.

  • Play tennis with a friend, or go to a yoga class together. Do anything athletic that involves someone else, some encouragement, some sharing and some laughing.

  • Visit or call an elderly relative or a family member who’ll be glad to see you!

  • Spend an hour giving random but sincere compliments to strangers. Tell the waitress you like her earrings or the supermarket attendant that you’re grateful for the skilful way he packs your bag so your bread doesn’t get squashed. Smile.

  • Leave a kind and supportive message on a pillow, tucked into a pocket, or posted on a blog.

  • Volunteer, and care for others in some way. Humans love to give, and to help, and to be united in the energy of that caring.

  • Plan a party or a special event to bring together people that you love, even if that event doesn’t take happen straight away.

  • Join a retreat, workshop or holiday tour and meet new friends. Be open to connecting with others.

Journalling:

Meet your heart on the page. Take a minute or two to calm yourself, by closing your eyes and breathing deeply. Focus on your heart, and build that energy within you. Visualise the colour green. (If you wish, work with the energy of the meditation below before you begin!) When you are ready start writing, starting with the words,

“The thing my wise heart really needs my conscious mind to know is…”

Meditation:

This six-minute meditation will help you tap into your heart’s own intuition and wise guidance, opening you up to deeper and deeper levels of spiritual connection.


Sending love from my heart to yours,

Nicole  xx

The Importance Of A Shared Table

 “If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him – the people who give you their food give you their heart.” 

~ Cesar Chavez

 

One of the things I am most interested in for myself, and for you, is this: what do we need to do to nourish our souls and feel more connected to our lives, our loved ones, our bodies, our communities, our planet?

An interesting answer to this question has been coming up time and again in my channelling sessions, and it wasn’t what I was expecting. It’s this: one of the most fundamental acts of connection and nourishment is the pleasure of a shared meal.

It doesn’t matter whether that meal is tea and toast or a feast, whether it is served at your own table or at a local cafe or a fancy restaurant. What matters is that time-honoured human ritual of sharing food and conversation, of being in each other’s presence, of making time to truly be present with the meal and with the company. It’s how we have always done things. It’s encoded in our DNA.

So, can you find time to share a table with someone soon? Can you put the screens away and just focus on being present with each other and with the food in front of you?

I’m doing just that this week in Adelaide, and it has been so good for my soul. I’ve also loved seeing other people out and about, catching up over food or a coffee, laughing and sharing and caring.

Wishing you a spot at my virtual table, where we all can share food, love and laughs across the miles, and sending much love your way, Nicole ❤ xx

 

How To Use Forgiveness To Get Yourself Back In Flow

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” 
~ Steve Maraboli

 

Negative emotions can disrupt the flow of your life force energy and your heart chakra just as easily as boulders in a stream. How many boulders have piled up in your heart over time? Each boulder represents a major hurt, a major resentment, a major betrayal or disappointment, a deep wounding, shame or grief.

When the flow is disturbed or slowed, stagnation happens. Stagnant heart flow breeds anger and resentment, depression and self-loathing. It muddies the clear waters of the heart, and that dirty water spills over into everything you do.

So how do we get those boulders out?

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of self.

Forgiveness is the gift that sets us free. It’s not about condoning or approving what has been done, it’s about releasing yourself from the pain and the hurt of the past, and allowing yourself to move from stuckness back into flow.

Journalling to Clear Your Heart Chakra:

To clear our hearts, we first need to feel our feelings. Give yourself permission to feel into one of those boulders in your heart. Allow yourself to feel the pain or anger or betrayal. In that space of reconnecting into misery start writing, beginning with the words, “If only that had never happened I would have been able to…” then keep going and pour all of that hurt onto the page.

Get it out. There’s no point keeping it all bottled up. All this stuff is doing you damage, all these half-truths and misconceptions and limiting beliefs. Clear your heart stream of these sticks and stones. When you’re done, take a breath. Give yourself a ‘mental’ hug. Good work. Feel the space you’ve just created in your life.

Coming Back Into Flow:

Now send love and light and forgiveness to the situation or relationship you just wrote about. This is not about them – this is about you releasing yourself and the energy that is tied up in this situation from your past. Write on the page and then say in your mind “I forgive you and myself. I wish you well. I send you love. I bless you and I set you free” If you truly can’t conjure forgiveness for the other person that’s okay. Use this affirmation instead:

“I disconnect from the past and release it back to the light. All is well in my world. I am love. Love is what I am attracting.”

You may also find this short guided meditation useful:

Here’s a simple guided meditation on forgiveness that can help open and clear your heart chakra:

My intention for you is that you come to a place of peace in your heart, where you can move past hurt and pain and to a place of open connection and sharing, ready to accept joy and love into your life again.

Much love to you,
Nicole ❤  xx

How To Attract a Soul Mate Into Your Life

“When you make a choice, you change the future.” 
Deepak Chopra

 

July is a wonderful month for love. But what if you don’t have any in your life yet? Today I’d like to share a simple technique with you that can help you call in a soul mate or rejuvenate an existing relationship. (Yes, Leisa, I wrote this post for you!)

When it comes to manifestation the Universe works like a giant restaurant. It will only deliver you what you order. If you keep changing your mind it makes it hard for those hard-working kitchen angels to create the right ‘dish’ and deliver it speedily to you.  Mixed messages are confusing for everyone, and will ultimately frustrate you in your attempts to find true love.

Most people spend more time choosing a car than they do choosing a life partner.  How often do people fall into a relationship and then try and make it over into the one they want?  We throw so much time and energy and money into trying to make square pegs fit into round holes.  Often years of our lives are spent fighting battles we were never meant to win.

Discernment is the key to successful relationships, and discernment must ALWAYS start with awareness.  Are you aware of what you want in a relationship?  For many people, their clearest opinions and decisions start out being based around what they DON’T want.  This is as good a place to start as any, as long as you are able to then turn each negative into a positive.  “I don’t want a partner who will cheat on me” becomes, “I deserve a partner who will be faithful and loyal to our relationship.”  Look to the good and unsuccessful relationships around you to guide you in making your love choices.

Take time to really think about the sort of partner and the type of relationship you are looking for. As you become clearer about what you want, begin by writing down the qualities and characteristics of this relationship. Create a ‘Love Shopping List’ and add to it as your awareness increases. Take your time with this. Do you rush into buying a house, or choosing an expensive once-in-a-lifetime holiday? Make your list comfortable, accurate and reflective of your innermost desires.

If you meet someone who clearly does not fit what you ordered, then wait!  Maybe the Universal Chef is still cooking your meal.  (And. of course, they may wonderfully surpass all of your expectations!)

 

Activity

I have used this method myself, and so have many of my students, friends and clients.  This activity involves letting the Universe know exactly what you are wanting in a love relationship so that it can deliver this to you. In every single case that I am aware of it has been successful! I also know of people who have refreshed and revived existing relationships using the same technique.

When you have compiled your list of characteristics and qualities for your desired partner (as explained in the previous paragraphs above) review them until you are satisfied with your choices.

Take a clean white sheet of paper and write the following:

I, (Insert your name), now chose the following in my life partner:

Now write down your list. Finish the work by writing, I now accept this or better in my life. Sign the work and set it to one side. 

Take a second piece of paper. On this piece write down all of the qualities and characteristics within YOU that you can offer a loving partner.  Be honest and humble.  Sign it with, I offer this and better to my life partner.  This part is important because the Universe is governed by laws of energetic exchange – you don’t get anything for nothing!

Now fold both pieces of paper and seal them in an envelope. Hold the letter in your hands. In your mind’s eye, imagine these pieces of paper and surround them with a pink bubble of Light. Pour love energy into the pink bubble until your letter feels fully charged.

Put the envelope somewhere safe, and place your expectations to one side. If you ever think of the letter send more love and light to the pink bubble of energy surrounding it. Be open to what comes to you. The Universe always surprises us with more good than we could ever imagine for ourselves.

Wishing for you a month of kindness, love and heart healing,

Nicole  xx

A Week For Love And Heart Healing – Monday Oracle 9 July 2018

“We must serve each other in love and in humanity.
~  Aberjhani

 

Hello, Lovelies!

July’s energies are so heart-full! They are all about love and togetherness. Make sure you find time for the people and things you love in July, and if you’re looking for love know that this is a very supportive energy for starting new relationships. Keep that in mind as we look at the gifts of inspiration which the oracle card Two of Hearts brings us.

This week focuses on two areas – connection and emotional healing.

It’s a week for deepening existing unions, for breakthroughs where there has been stuckness and forgiveness where there has been pain.

If you’re seeking a new relationship this is the week to put yourself out there, to make the first move, to be brave enough to say yes to that invitation or to ask that person out for a coffee.

Suffering from a broken heart? This week is a good time to get counselling to help put yourself back together.

This is an exceptional week for connecting with friends and family and for any kind of reunion or reconnection with people with whom you’ve lost touch.

This week also supports spiritual awakening and metaphysical connection, art and all forms of self-expression, art as therapy and the joy of being in flow with doing what you love.

 

 

Supportive crystals this week?

Rose Quartz is a stone of love and nurture – it helps you to be open to the giving
and receiving of love. Yellow Obsidian is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and for embracing change.  Kunzite (pictured) connects your heart and mind, and allows for profound emotional insights, helpful communication in relationships, and healing of relationships and emotions.
Unakite opens your heart to love and draws love, friendship and helpful people to you. It helps you to overcome feelings of isolation or loneliness.   

Helpful essential oils?

Rose Essential Oil is my choice this week. This sweet and uplifting oil inspires deep emotional connection and opens our heart chakra to love. It enhances our mood, helps to balance hormones, brings emotional healing and draws joy and peace into our lives. Apply it to your pulse points at wrist, neck and over heart like a perfume. Place a few drops in your bath water. Diffuse it. Put a drop in the palm of your hand, rub hands together and then inhale the aroma. (Here’s a simple three-minute meditation you can do using geranium or any of your favourite essential oils – click here)

If you can’t access a pure rose essential oil,  try Ylang-Ylang, which opens our hearts and minds, helping us to feel deserving and open to abundance.

Need an extra boost of encouragement? Try Young Living’s Believe essential oil blend. It’s fabulous in your diffuser while you work, or as a quick pick-me-up with a three-minute meditation. Believe is uplifting and promotes confidence, spiritual connection, clarity and belief in ourselves. It also helps us to let go of fear, doubt and old emotional pain and hurt.  A perfect choice if you’re bravely stepping into a new relationship space this week.

 You can find the oils here.

Holding you, as always, in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, and intending for you a life of abundance and joy, where you are no longer limited by your doubts.

All my love,

Nicole ❤ xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, ‘Two of Hearts’, is from the Inner Child Cards – A Fairy-Tale Tarot. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different to the meaning found in a book. 

 

 

 

Energies of July- 2018

“Building a relationship is rare. Make the commitment wholeheartedly. Just do it and do it for both of you. Love doesn’t have to be perfect, but it needs to be true.” 
~ Napz Cherub Pellazo

Hello, Lovelies :)

Was there ever a better month for love and togetherness? Maybe not! Make sure you find time for the people and things you love in July, and if you’re looking for love know that this is a very supportive energy for starting new relationships.

Cards for the Month:

I’ve chosen two cards for July for you: one from Colette Baron-Reid’s Enchanted Map and one from Steven Farmer’s Earth Magic Oracle. Please note I don’t use these cards in a conventional way, but rather as a stimulus for channeled information.

Here is what I have received from each card:

“When you become the image of your own imagination, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do.”
~ RuPaul

Did someone say LOVE? July amplifies love and connection in all areas of our lives.
Most importantly, that energy extends to the way we see ourselves. We feel a deeper
connection to ourselves and the journey we have had through this life so far.

This month we will also feel a greater connection to our wider family and ancestors whose lives have shaped our own.

As we become more comfortable in our skin we realise that if someone doesn’t like us
that’s their problem. July supports us as we stay true to ourselves.

Relationships that are toxic and harmful to our well-being are easy to recognise and step away from this month.

 

The second card I’ve chosen is Ancestors. 

“That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.”
~Deb Caletti

July is a month that supports all energies around family, relationships and emotional healing.

It’s a month for hanging out with friends, for meeting new people, and for romance.
Existing relationships can be rekindled this month, and there is magic in the air as we
connect heart-to-heart with those we love or are falling in love with.

July encourages us to connect into the community, to live from our hearts, to entertain and celebrate, to work and play with others rather than walking through the month alone.

This month put relationships first. Plan some time for socialising, for romance and for family.

Best crystals this month?

Rose Quartz and Yellow Obsidian

Rose Quartz is a stone of love and nurture – it helps you to be open to the giving
and receiving of love.

Yellow Obsidian is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and
to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and for embracing change.

Essential oils to support your journey?

Rose Essential Oil is my choice for July. This sweet and uplifting oil inspires deep emotional connection and opens our heart chakra to love. It enhances our mood, helps to balance hormones and brings joy and peace into our lives. Usage: A drop over your heart and on your wrists as a perfume. If you can’t access a pure rose essential oil,  try Ylang-Ylang, which opens our hearts and minds, helping us to feel deserving and open to abundance. You can find the oils here.

Image from juicingforhealth.com


Remember to fill your heart with love this month, whatever that might be for you. Wishing you a love-filled, satisfying and wonder-full July.

Lots of love, Nicole❤ xoxo

 

A Reminder About The Energies of 2018

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” 
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I was talking to one of my students yesterday, who told me she was giving up on a project. ‘I’ve pushed and pushed and pushed’ she said, ‘and it’s going nowhere. I’m killing myself for this project, and I’d rather be home digging in the garden or looking after my kids. I’ll wait for the next idea, but right now I’m too tired to even think.’

After which she told me that she felt like a failure.

I reminded her that her actions were absolutely aligned with 2018’s energies, and that she was making the right choice. I thought you might need a reminder about these energies too.

The Sun is our guiding card for 2018. It’s a heart-centred year. A year for connection and inclusion. It’s a fine year for all forms of creativity, fertility and innovation. A great year for healing old hurts, mending fences and rebuilding relationships. It’s also a year where you’ll clearly see where to walk away and put your energies to situations and relationships that are more suitable for you, and where to end situations and relationships that are no longer working.

The Sun shows us that this year we’re supported to spend time in acts of creativity and innovation. Ideas will flow. Things will come together. Making money, making art, connecting in love, original ideas and projects – all of these things will become easier – but we can’t push to make them happen. Better to get the framework down or explore the ideas this year, better to get things set up so 2019 won’t be a standing start. This isn’t a year for making huge forward progress in business – it’s a year for opening and closing doors, for innovating and exploring, for healing and for recovery.

2018 is also a year for socialising, for celebrating and for connecting with family and friends. Relationships – with yourself, with others, with your work – that’s what matters this year.

The energies of 2018 are strong and flow to us as vitality, vision and enthusiasm. We will gravitate towards teamwork, mutual decisions and being part of something bigger. There will be an urge within us to heal rifts and to co-operate in solving problems. It’s also a fabulous year for physical and emotional healing.

If there are problems to address or healing to be done this will take priority over everything else. Go back and read that again. In fact, let me repeat it: If there are problems to address or healing to be done this will take priority over everything else. 

This is a year for groundwork, repair and restoration, for beginnings and foundations. In 2018 we’re encouraged to live with a bigger vision for ourselves and the planet. This year supports all kinds of innovative and creative work, and is a time where many useful new ideas and projects will be birthed into the world.

The Sun’s energy is strongly aligned with our Solar Plexus Chakra – our centre of Self. Our solar plexus is the beautiful bright yellow chakra that sits around the navel, and this chakra is all about our identity and sense of self, our individuality and self-sovereignty. It’s time to be more true to ourselves. We need to shine our Light in the world by being who we came here to be.

After years on a path of struggle and feeling alone in the world, 2018 opens out onto a kinder energy where we can finally begin to feel like we belong or create a world where we can. But we might have work to do here in knowing ourselves and finding our voice and direction.

Don’t waste your year on hard work and striving unless that is absolutely the thing that lights you up, and even then make sure there is ample time to smell the roses.

Most importantly, rest when you can. 2019 will be one of those years that rockets us along. So rest, repair, relax and get ready in 2018 – this is a quieter, more relationship-focused year for a reason. Don’t beat yourself up if your life has been more about people than ‘progress’. That’s what this year encompasses.

Biggest supportive hugs to you, Nicole ❤ xx

That Day We Always Knew Was Coming…

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” 
Robert Frost

I’m feeling achy and sad inside today. Late on Monday afternoon, we sent Ben’s elderly mum to hospital. She’s in her nineties and has always been stubbornly independent. And she’s been able to stay at home on her own with help which is just the way she wanted it.

But she’s been in increasing pain from a degenerated hip. Her vision is failing. She’s moved into dementia. Bit by bit we’ve watched as she’s stopped driving, stopped shopping, stopped cooking. We’ve all worried over her, and what to do for her, and what might happen when she moved into that place of no longer coping.

Now, over the past few days she’s not been eating, not drinking water, and all she’s done is cry from pain no matter what we’ve done or with what home doctors have prescribed. So off she went in the back of an ambulance – with a small bag packed with nighties, a hairbrush and toothbrush, a dressing gown, her house keys.

We met with hospital staff yesterday and we realised we’d reached that time we’d always known was coming. She won’t be able to go home to her own home. The hospital will do their best to manage her pain, and to find the best options for her. But when she leaves hospital it will be to go into care.

So last night after we left her in her hospital bed, Ben and I went over to her house to take the perishables from the fridge, water the pot plants and put out the bins for her.

We didn’t think we’d cry, but of course we did. It’s hard to believe that she left in her pyjamas with that tiny bag, and now she won’t be coming back to her home and all the memories and everything she loves.

The only thing that matters to all of us is that she is safe, well cared-for and most importantly that she is not in pain. So she’s in the right place, and this is the right time, but oh, I didn’t think it would be so terribly hard, so terribly sad, or that we would be this emotional.

Maybe it’s better like this. No big dramas, no long-winded goodbyes. No big scenes about putting her into a place she said she’d rather die than have to end up in. She’s happy to stay in hospital or ‘medical places’ until they can get her pain under control. It was a blessing to say goodbye to her yesterday and see her face a little less drawn, and watch her burrow down under the covers and go to sleep in clean sheets, a hot meal in her tummy and kind nurses checking in on her.

Still, we’re struggling with it. Still, we’re wishing there was another way.

Love cracks you open, doesn’t it? But isn’t it fiercely, beautifully worth it to feel it all so deeply.

Biggest hugs to you, my lovelies, from your slightly broken-hearted friend,

Nicole ❤ xx