Wild Life

 

Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
― Dave Barry

Hey, Lovelies.

A few nights ago I went upstairs to bed, only to be greeted by the sight of a giant spider stretched across the space between the wall and the ceiling on Ben’s side of the bed. Ben was downstairs watching TV, and I thought about calling him. Because, honestly, this spider was gigantic – bigger than my outstretched hand – with hairy twitchy limbs and a jumpy nervous disposition.

But having lived at the farm for so many years, where house spiders were the norm, I knew what he would say. The spider won’t hurt me. It won’t run over my face in the dark. It’s his house too. If I take it outside it will only come back. All of which are true.

I decided on a new approach. The 2023 Nicole is okay with giant spiders in her bedroom…
I took a shower (carefully shaking out my towel in case a spider was hiding there (this is a technique perfected from necessity) and when I came back the spider hadn’t moved.

I opened all the windows wide. It’s okay, I told the spider. You obviously got lost. I’m leaving all these windows open so you can find your way back outside again. Okay, spidey mate? Is that a fair deal?

Bravely I got into bed and read my book, one eye on the page and one eye on the spider. He didn’t move. I told myself that he would scurry for the open window once the light was off. Eventually, bravely, I turned off the light. When I woke to go to the toilet a few hours later he was still there. By two in the morning he had crossed the ceiling and was now positioned above an open window on the far side of the room. By morning, he was gone. Hooray. Spider gone. Nicole happy, I did it. I survived!

There was no spider the next night. Yep, my technique had obviously worked.

Then, last night, I went up to bed early, and there he was in the bathroom, munching on a moth. Man, that spider was HUGE. Okay, I told him, you just stay there. I’ll open all the windows for you. I was feeling okay with that, sort of, and then I saw the extra legs. These legs were peeking out from behind a picture frame beside the bed. There were TWO giant spiders.

I couldn’t stop laughing. My spider had probably never even gone outside the window. He had simply gone behind a painting.

I decided not to panic, and to let Mr and Mrs Spider do their spidery thing, trusting they would not run over my face in the dark.

I managed to sleep pretty well, until I woke to the sound of madly beating wings at 1am.

Wings?

Yes, flappity flappity zoom, zoom.

In the stairwell, outside our bedroom. The noise was oddly familiar…

Suddenly I was sure it was a microbat. We’d had plenty of those at the farm, and after all, our treehouse is totally open to nature on one side. It would be easy for a bat to fly in.

I turned on the light briefly. Yep, a microbat. I turned the light off, and opened the double bedroom doors wide. The windows were already open for the spider…

It only took a moment for the bat to find the doorway and slip into our bedroom. The little bat zoomed around the room a few times and then found a window opening and escaped back to outside.

I went back to bed absurdly happy.

Bats and spiders are my friends. How awesome!

It was only this morning that I remembered the kids who used to live down the road from us in Brisbane. The ones who thought I was a witch. I bet her house is full of bats and spiders, one of the boys said as they bravely congregated outside our house one night on their bikes.
Yep, kids, it’s true. Bats and spiders!
Love, and a good dose of wild life, Nicole xx