Gumboot Adventure and a Lyme Update


“One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am – a reluctant enthusiast….a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive the bastards.” 
~ Edward Abbey

*Note: I recommend reading all the way to the end of this post. Past the pictures even. Oh yes, I do.

People are always asking how I am and I almost always say ‘fine, thanks’.

Truth is, I have advanced late-stage Lyme disease, and as with any chronic degenerative illness I have a catalogue of woes so to actually tell you how I am might take hours. Boring. I’m over it long ago. So ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ mostly does the job. I manage. Many days are great, and I am working, living and making the most of what I can. Happy, happy. I don’t dwell on my health or lack thereof.

Mostly.

I’ll level with you, though. The last few days have been rough.

I’m miserable right now.

I picked up a cough while visiting Ben’s mum in the nursing home. After four weeks it has steadily become worse and I can’t shake it. Because of that, my UTI flared up. I’ve been peeing five times a night and my bladder is agonisingly sore. I have been feeling myself slowing getting more run down no matter how good my self-care and health care has been.

So I started on new Chinese herbs two days ago for my latest infections. Great news – they’re working! Less great news? They are also killing Lyme Bugs so I am herxing like crazy as the Lyme dies and releases toxins into my already overloaded body. My eyes are red and streaming and only one is working, only one side of my face is mobile and responsive, my skin is on fire, I’m photophobic, I have stabby pains and night sweats and swollen glands and bone aches and head aches and nerve spasms and tender teeth and numb fingers and toes and neurological incontinence (I wee my pants for no reason!) and generally more misery than I remembered was possible. Yay? But fighting bugs, so yay!!!!! Now we’re working on getting the dosage correct so that I can manage the chest and UTI infections without going mad from herxing. Please don’t worry. I’m in good hands. (And yes, I have cried, screamed and whimpered often this past few days because I’d forgotten how truly awful herxing can be.)

I’m smiling here, honest! It’s just that only one side of my mouth lifts up right now…

In the midst of all of this misery I needed to go open a gate at the farm for Ben. I got out of bed, left my pyjama top on, threw on some shorts and my gumboots and slogged down to the Tractor Shed paddock.

Oh. It was so beautiful there in the misty cold afternoon. The ground was soft and green and lush. The trees shone with a vibrant light, and the birds sang. It felt good to be out of bed and outdoors.

When my short adventure was over I hastened back to a hot shower, fresh pyjamas and more rest.

It was worth it to have that little gumboot adventure.

I’m wishing you little adventures too. No matter how shitty life gets, a little tiny adventure, a small moment fully lived, a simple pleasure fully and mindfully experienced – that’s what makes it all more manageable. I rate my coping skills as high. And that’s one of the reasons why!

Biggest love and hugs from this tired and battered Lyme Warrior. I’ll be back at my best soon, I’m sure. Meanwhile, I’m happy to be herxy. (Well, mostly! xx)

PSS – Thanks if you scrolled down this far. Just a reminder that I am massively sleep deprived and in pain right now. So if you:

  1. suggest that positive thinking might be beneficial or a cure-all,
  2. offer to hook me up with your miracle-inducing network marketing product, or
  3. remind me that I somehow manifested all of this as a learning experience,
  4. or that this is karmic

then I can’t be held responsible for my actions. Need more help with this because you’re itching to do one of the above? Read this first.

I was horrified the first time it happened…

“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.”
~ Harvey Mackay

I remember, years ago, when I first started channelling.

It was excruciating.

My logical mind was stuck in judgement, cynicism, scepticism and disbelief. My soulful self trusted anyway and urged me on. I was conflicted, confused and stuck, with no-one to show me the way or help me.

And then my sister stepped forward.

She used her scientific curiosity and encouraged me to do the same. With her beside me I stepped more and more into the person I am today. I worked from a trance channel space, with my sister or trusted friends sitting with me, asking questions, guiding the sessions and recording them for me or taking notes.

At first I channelled Guides and Spiritual Beings. Their messages were helpful and wise. We found evidence of things that proved that I wasn’t making it all up. That helped me to not give up. I worked on my craft and became more and more competent in what I was doing. It was fascinating. I began to feel good about my abilities.

And then the awful day came.

I was with my sister and some Aboriginal friends; Vynette, Leanna, and Liz. We meditated together and then I settled into the trance space. But instead of channelling one of my Guides I channelled this squeaky-voiced, childlike being.

She told us her name was Sokli, and that she was what we humans would call a fairy.

My friends asked her many questions, to which she happily responded. Sokli was funny and earnest and talkative.

The session ended and everyone was abuzz.

Everyone except me.

I was horrified. I had just channelled a fairy. What if someone found out? How would anyone take me seriously ever again? I didn’t know anyone who channelled fairies. All the spiritual and psychic folk channelled dead people or Ascended Masters and Master Guides and Very Important Energies With Wise Sharings For Humanity.

Perhaps it was a fluke, I convinced myself. But at the very next session she turned up again. And again. And again.

Gradually we began to know her well. That was over twenty-five years ago, and Sokli has now become a dear friend and companion. She’s still funny and wise, and all of my students and clients who have met her have been entranced by her eagerness to help, her specific and personalised wisdoms about health, food, crystals, animals and plants. Sokli is generous and caring, and she has a beautiful innocence and straightforward way about her.

I’m embarrassed that I was so awkward about all of this emerging spiritual and psychic phenomena back then, and about people finding out that I believed in fairies. I still worried so much about how I would appear to others, and about my credibility.

Now I feel blessed to have Sokli as one of my crew.

Humans from all corners of the earth have long believed in spirit beings who came from the earth herself, and who could – at times – walk between worlds or dimensions. Not Gods. Not Angels. Not ETs. Beings different to ourselves who are intrinsically tied to nature and the planet. There are many names for them. Many cultural beliefs. Our Ancient Tribes have always believed.

Children believe in them.

But as adults in the modern Western world, we are taught that this is childish. After twenty-five years of experience, I beg to differ.

Come hang out with me and Sokli in Brisbane on June 22 (Details here) and find out for yourself.

And don’t worry if you live too far away to make it. After the event we’ll create a special online package to share the magic with you, no matter where you live!

I’m Stepping Away From Work For A Few Days

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” 
~ Lemony Snicket

Hi, Lovelies.

Just letting you know that I am stepping away from my blog and my work for a few days and will be back again next Monday.

Yesterday morning we lost a loved one and so I am taking some time out to be with family. It’s one of those times where we need to sit and be with each other and talk about things and drink tea and laugh and cry and re-adjust.

Life is all about these cycles of love and life and loss, and I need to take time to honour this changing season in our lives.

Ben and I thank you for all your love and support,

Nicole ❤ xx

Why Being ‘Nice’ Can Be Poisonous To Your Soul


“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.” 
~ Dan Pearce

Lovelies, today I want to share my perspective on ‘making nice’ with you.

Kindness is a loving balm, understanding is a mental tonic, compassion grows our hearts, love is food for the soul, but niceness? Far too often niceness is a poison administered to ourselves by our own hand.

There is a trend (and I recognise it because I once was in that same place!) where people beginning to become spiritually aware try to live from a place of unconditional love. That’s a beautiful thing, but too often what gets practised is not actually unconditional love but ‘niceness’.

Many people consider niceness to be a virtue; a sign of living from heart, and acting from love. I’m not referring to kindness, or good manners, or amiability. I’m talking here about pleasing others, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, and being agreeable and amenable, even if it comes at a high cost to yourself.

Speaking our truth honours us, and it teaches us honest and direct communication that honours and respects others. Can we come from a place of unconditional love and still speak our truth? Absolutely! Because the premise of unconditional love is that we also love ourselves.

Authenticity requires us to live with honesty – not with silencing ourselves or suppressing our true thoughts and emotions.

Niceness is not about unconditional love – it is about giving up honesty in order to avoid disapproval, confrontation, rejection, ridicule or embarrassment. It elevates the happiness and well-being of others above your own. It is based on falseness, and by its nature, niceness prevents honesty and authenticity. When you come from niceness you teach others to devalue you, and disrespect you. You do not set clear boundaries.

Niceness does not come from a heart-centred life. It grows out of fear and a lack of self-worth. It is a behaviour that goes counter to our intuitive wisdom, and to those gut-based mechanisms that keep us safe.  We tell people what they want to hear, we do and say things to keep others happy or to keep the peace. We act in a way that pleases others but that robs us of a little (or a big bit!) of ourselves.

There is always a way to tell the difference between being nice and being kind.  Kindness comes from a place of being centred, and it empowers us.  It strengthens us, as it strengthens others. We can act with generosity or compassion and there is no cost to us, or it is a cost we willingly bear.  We give without expecting anything in return, for the sake of uplifting others.

Niceness always leaves you with an aftertaste – you know you have’t spoken truthfully; you feel that twang of inauthentic energy, that twinge of discomfort, or you even get that sense of being taken for granted or taken for a ride.

Niceness diminishes us, even when it strengthens others. We bite our tongue in order to say the flattering thing, we do the act with a little flame of resentment in our heart. And sometimes it starts out as kindness – but our kindness becomes expected, or disrepected – we are taken advantage of but we are unable to speak up about that and voice our own feelings. So we act nice instead.

When we choose niceness it poisons us.  It leads to depression, anxiety, shame, emotional distress, guilt, anger and despair.   Life-long patterns of niceness leave us open to exploitation and invite difficult, damaging and dangerous relationships into our lives.

We end up doing things we don’t want to do – we can become an entirely different person to who we are on the inside. We can lose ourselves so completely that we have no idea any more what makes us happy, what our preferences are, what we want in life…

Taken to extremes, through living a life of niceness we can cease to exist. Instead, we become a support role in someone else’s life. We become Cinderella, at home scrubbing the floors while her stepsisters are out having fun!

Are you too nice?

Maybe it’s time to start honouring your own truth. Love starts with the self, and healthy self-esteem can only be built by standing up for yourself, giving your feelings a voice, and attending to your own needs.  You can do that and still be polite.  You can do that and still be kind.  You can do that and still be likeable, lovable and accepted.  Don’t keep drinking that from that poisonous niceness bottle!

And if your acts of self-respect and kindness aren’t taken well by others? Maybe it’s time to  get some space, maybe it’s time to stop giving, maybe it’s time to move on… If you have to be ‘nice’ in order for your life to work, the price will always be too high.

You might be surprised. As you begin voicing your honest thoughts, you give others permission to do the same. Being authentic can create great change. It invites miracles. And this week supports that kind of energy, so be brave and embrace your truth then live from that space and watch the magic begin to happen in your life. Choose love. Choose kindness. And above all, be true to yourself. It’s worth it! 

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

Image from www.simplereminders.com

Shush! Writing!!!


“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” 
~ Rumi

It’s too late to back away from this memoir now. I’ve started this final rewrite.

I’ve peeled apart my old drafts and stuck sticky notes all over them. I’ve crossed out whole sections, entire chapters. On some pages I’ve simply drawn a big red question mark with a Sharpie pen to indicate that I had only given you the facts, not the truth. They are the pages I despise the most because of what they are waiting for me to say.

I have boldy written a list of all the things I am TERRIFIED to share out loud. None of which were in any of the previous eight drafts.

I tacked it above my writing desk where it challenges me to keep writing whenever I falter and look for an easier path.

F*ck. I hate this.

(I’ve actually screamed that out loud on more than one occasion so far and I’m only mere pages into this new draft. It’s not that I hate the writing, or even the story. I hate that I am making myself so uncomfortable, so exposed, so… ugh, it makes me sick to write this truth and to let it stand there all alone on the page.)

Anyway, I have no more time to devote to the blog this morning. I must write.

I must.

I know you understand.

All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

PS. I still hate this…

Humble Thank-Yous


“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

Hey, Lovelies.

I just wanted to thank you for the outpouring of support and love that you showed me yesterday when I updated you on why I’ve been so stuck with my memoir.

Not long after I posted my blog Facebook brought up a memory from six years ago for me to look at. It was a flock of Black Cockatoos that I had photographed as they flew over our farm. And most of you will know that Auntie always promised me her mob would show up as Black Cockatoos when they had a message for me or to keep an eye on me.

Later in the day they turned up in person, roosting in the hoop pines and calling loudly to me and to one another.

I took all of these things as strong signs that I need to bravely press on and just keep on writing til this story is done.

Thanks again. Your support means the world to me. It can get very lonely on this side of the screen, and your responses really helped remind me of WHY I am writing this book,

Biggest love and hugs, Nicole ❤ xx

PS – the short video below is for anyone who doesn’t know these beautiful birds and their haunting cries.

Easter Egg Oracle for 2019

It’s when you crack open a chocolate Easter egg, that smiles emerge.
~ Anthony T. Hincks

It’s Easter!

If you lived closer I’d pop over with some Hot Cross Buns or some Easter Eggs and we could sit and have a cuppa and a chat. But the Cauldrons and Cupcakes family is a global community so my Easter Gift to you will have to be a virtual one.

Today’s blog gives you a mini-reading. It’s not a fortune-telling exercise; instead it’s about seeing yourself and your life from a fresh perspective. All you need to do is scroll through the pictures of my Easter Eggs, and choose the one that appeals to you most. Then go further down the page to read the meaning for the Easter treat you have chosen.

♥♥♥ Love, love, love to you, Nicole xoxo ♥♥♥


Today’s Easter Egg Selection

1. ♥ Magical Grow-Power Eggs!

2. ♥ Social, connected, cuddled!

3. ♥ Time for Cake and Tea!

4. ♥ Love Bunnies!

5. ♥ Artisan Eggs!

6. ♥ A Sacred Nest!

7. ♥ Blessed and Blissful!

8. ♥ New Life, Fresh Start

♥ The Message and Gift of each Treat♥

Each Easter Treat has a message for you. I have also selected a crystal to best support the message and energies of your choice.  You could wear or hold this crystal, pop it in your pocket, under your pillow or beside your bed. (If you’d like to know more about working with crystals click here) The Power Word is a word to remind yourself of the quality you most need and that you are strongly attracting right now.  You can turn it into your own personal mantra by saying “I choose ___________ ” (insert your Power Word). Your Magical Healing Environment is a place or activity you’ll find supportive and healing.

1.♥ Magical Grow-Power Eggs ! – From Little Things, Big Things Grow! You are given your ideas and feelings for a reason. You’re coming into a time of great change and shift, and all of it for your own best outcomes and results. All of those niggling feelings and tiny ideas for change need to be given light and space so that they can grow into something tangible, creating a map for you to follow from lost back to being on track again. It’s a wonderful year ahead. Be brave and keep going. Don’t be afraid to make BIG changes. It’s your year for that. And all of this change will lead to stability, harmony and peace. ♥ Best Crystal – Ametrine (or an Amethyst and a Citrine)  ♥ Power Word – Transformation ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Quiet time in nature or spaces that nurture and inspire you.  Nature walks, ocean swims, watching the snow or rain fall as you sit inside drinking a warm drink with your journal by your side, being in an art gallery or favourite cafe, a museum or a beautiful garden.

2. ♥ Social, connected, cuddled!  – Life is a journey that’s meant to be shared! What’s needed in your life right now is fun, connection and companionship. A family movie and pizza night, a dinner out with friends, a holiday with your bestie, a camping trip or a cooking workshop. This isn’t online connection – you need skin time, face-to-face time. Make new friends or re-connect to old ones. Reconnect to activities and places that were important to you in the past. Plan a party or a get-together. Work less. Live more. And if you’re in love and it’s all going well? Make that bigger commitment! ♥ Best Crystal – Ruby in Fuchsite  ♥ Power Word – Connection ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Anywhere that lets you be in the same space with other people in ways that support or entertain you. This could be your backyard barbeque area, a restaurant, a classroom, or a coffee shop. It could be a weekend music festival or a pottery class, a birthday bash or a school reunion. It could also be a wedding or a baby shower 🙂

3. ♥ Time for Cake and Tea – Indulging in mindful pleasure!  On one level you are completely exhausted, my beautiful friend. And yet you keep pushing on. It’s time to bring pleasure and down-time back into your life. It’s time to get out of your head and back into your body. Better to choose one exquisite thing than a bucket full of mediocre. It’s time for quality rest and recreation and for gifting yourself the time and space to reinvent and recharge yourself.  It’s also a time for conscious eating and mindful movement as you chart a path back to balance, wellness and emotional satisfaction. ♥ Best Crystal – Garnet  ♥ Power Word – Slow  ♥ Magical Healing Environment – anything that reconnects you to your senses. Bubble baths, clean sheets, music, sleep, good books, dancing, lying in dappled sunlight on soft green grass, beautiful healthy food, exquisite small indulgences, essential oils, fresh flowers, warm embraces.

4. ♥ Love Bunnies! – A Focus On Love! You are lovable. You are worthy of love. If you’re in an existing relationship it’s time to give that relationship some extra love and care. Give yourself permission to fall in love all over again. Love isn’t a fairy tale. It’s fun and hard and tears and magic and pain and growth and sharing. But it’s also incredible! Haven’t found that special someone yet? Know that love is in the air. Love isn’t just romantic love – it’s friends and family too. Go be with them! Happy on your own? Then it’s time for some self-love and acceptance of yourself just as you are. Love those quirks and bumpy bits. Your very existence is sacred. You are a miracle. There is always someone out there for you, and who will love you just as you are, just like you’ll love them. Start to believe that. ♥ Best Crystal – Moonstone  ♥ Power Word – Cherish  ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Sitting in your heart, and being with your loved ones. Life isn’t scripted, and romance and love grow in the heart of the everyday. Our job is to be mindful so that we can be in that moment and help that love grow. Put your screens down and be present. Don’t be afraid to give yourself a makeover too, if that helps you feel good about yourself and how you walk this world.

5. ♥ Artisan Eggs! – Creative Talents and Ideas! There is something that only you can bring to the world. Your gifts and talents are meant to be shared. It might make a big impact on many people. It might change the life of just one. But if you don’t work to shine your light and share your gifts a little part of our timeline will forever stay darkened., because no-one can replace you and your offerings. No-one. It’s time to move from procrastination to action. It’s time to value your ideas and gifts and to dream your dreams into being. There is so much energetic support for you. All manner of help and miracle-making at your fingertips. So, what’s stopping you? Only self-doubt, and we don’t have time for that anymore. We need you to just get out there and do your thing. ♥ Best Crystal – Smoky Quartz ♥ Power Word – Authentic ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Your creative lair, office or art space, or wherever else you make your magic. Which could be the garden, kitchen, or the counselling couch. This is not a time for learning or planning, it’s a time for doing and being! Thank you for being you.

6. ♥ A Sacred Nest! – Wherever You Go, There You Are! What’s needed for you right now is a sense of sanctuary.  It might be your bedroom, your study, your altar, your backyard. It might be your writing space or your office. It might be your entire home. It needs to be clean. It needs to be comfortable. It needs to make your heart feel glad. It needs to be a space that reflects who you are and what you love. Move if you have to. It’s okay to end and begin things now. And if the mess is inside you, get help with that. Do whatever it takes to bring yourself back to a place of inner peace and calm. ♥ Best Crystal – Snowflake Obsidian  ♥ Power Word – Sanctuary ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Home (whatever that means to you).  Create a space that allows you to feel safe, comfortable, supported and surrounded by beauty and meaning. Start with one small corner. Simple is fine. De-clutter. Make space for rest and new growth.

7. ♥ Blessed and Blissful – Levelling Up Spiritually.  Spiritual connection and flow is not a difficult or complicated process, although we often try to make it that way. You are coming into a time of deeper connection, deeper knowing, and deeper intuition. Give yourself some breathing space to contemplate the bigger questions in your life. Make time for reading, meditation and journalling. Expect a bigger connection to God, your Guides and Angels and your own Wise Self. Expect answers to those big questions, and a clarity about your way forward. All is well.  ♥ Best Crystal – Lapis Lazuli  ♥ Power Word – Become  ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Sacred Spaces or alone time. Churches and temples, parks, sitting under old trees, your meditation corner, a library or a quiet corner of the house when no-one else is home.

8. ♥ New Life, Fresh Start – Troubles Falling Away!  Sometimes it’s hard to know what happens first… Our troubles begin to resolve so we begin to feel better, or we begin to feel better so our troubles resolve. Any way it happens, know that things are finally looking up for you. BUT you need to let go of the old story about all your troubles too. Open to the possibility that things can change for the better. Even if you never quite understand how or why.  Prayers answered, breakthroughs and an end to going round and round in circles going nowhere. Hooray! ♥ Best Crystal – Tiger Eye  ♥ Power Word – Blessings ♥ Magical Healing Environment – Your life! Nothing specific you need to do, and nowhere you need to be. It’s all progressing beautifully. Soon you’ll see that shift you’ve been hoping for.

Things People Have Said To Me When They Found Out I Am Psychic


“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” 
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Things people have said to me when I told them I am a psychic:

  • I don’t have a problem with it but you shouldn’t tell people or they might judge you. It’s pretty flaky to say you’re a psychic.
  • But you seem surprisingly intelligent…
  • God will smite you and your family. Repent!
  • That’s incredible. You seem so normal.
  • You can come to our barbeque on the weekend? Great. But is it okay if you don’t tell my friends what you do? Because one is a lawyer and one is a surgeon and they’re both really smart and they won’t understand someone like you. And they won’t understand why I am friends with you. Just tell them you’re a writer. Okay?
  • Did something bad happen to you as a child?
  • Can you tell me if this guy is into me or is he cheating on me?
  • What’s this rash?
  • Oh man! Don’t say that. You can’t say that. That’s so offensive. Can’t you tell people you are emotionally aware or something like that?
  • You’re kidding me, right? I thought you were normal.
  • You seem so balanced.
  • Are you bi-polar or something?
  • No-one will ever take you seriously EVER again.
  • OMG, that’s so embarrassing, Nicole. Shut up! Never speak of it again. No, I’m not kidding. Don’t ever talk to me about this again.

But there’s also been this:

  • My dog died, and he was my best friend in the world. Can you tell me if he’s okay?
  • When my nana died she came to visit me in my room. I was only five but I still remember it. No-one believed me. Do you think that was real?
  • I sometimes get these feelings about people – you know, a good feeling or a bad feeling – and it turns out to be right. Is that normal?
  • I always know when my mum is about to ring me.
  • One night I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend from high school. I hadn’t thought about her for years. The next day I heard she died in an accident that same night. I thought I could tell you that.
  • I knew I was pregnant from that very first day and I knew I would have a son. This is him. His name is Cole.
  • Whispers to me, ‘I have crystals in my bra’.
  • I think I might be psychic too. Can you help me?

If you’re psychic, intuitive, empathic or energetically sensitive I want you to know that it’s okay. You’re fine, just as you are. Be proud of who you are. There are more of us out there than you realise!
All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

How You Shape My Morning


“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.” ~ Margaret Mead

Good morning, Lovelies!

It’s just after 5am. I am here at my desk, about to begin writing my blog, and I thought today I would share how you shape my morning routine.

I was awake a little before 4am, as I always am, to meditate. Right now I am meditating twice a day for the students who recently attended my ‘Connect to Your Calling’ Retreat. I check in on each of them energetically and work on them as they need it. Then I tune in to you. I offer up my prayers for you and your families. I send you love and healing, I hold the intent for you that you know yourself, care for yourself and are able to express your unique personality and gifts in the world. I send love and light and peace to situations, places, people and leaders. And finally, I ask how I can best serve you today which is usually how I come up with whatever I will write in my blog.

My husband is still sleeping. My dogs are asleep. The world is quiet. It’s just me, holding space for you. This is my sacred time. The time where I can reach out to you, or make a positive difference in your life somehow.

I know some of us have never met, in person anyway. But you matter to me. Caring for you shapes my day. You see, when I was younger and very ill I felt so alone. I had no energy for friendships or connection. My first marriage had recently failed. I was completely broke and broken. Each day was a struggle. I felt that if I were to die no-one would even notice. I was socially and emotionally isolated.

Then one day I went into a tiny shop in Brisbane that sold items from Tibet. It became somewhere I hung out at whenever I had the energy. I bought my first singing bowl, and a Buddhist monk taught me some Tibetan meditation techniques using the singing bowl and a mala, and gifted me some mala beads. One day a new group of monks from Tibet arrived and through a translator I learned that they meditated for their community and the world every day. Each of them worked to support different groups of people, and in that moment I understood that somewhere in the world were people I had never met who were including me in their prayers, thoughts and meditations, with the sole intent that they somehow provide comfort or support to me. They explained to me that many monks and nuns from different faiths did this kind of work, and that this work of holding space for people was something I could do too. This was something I had also been shown by my Aboriginal Aunties.

The monks helped me to establish my own meditation practice for serving others, and I have done that in my morning and evening meditations ever since.

Often I have woken in the night because of my connection with you. Perhaps I will hold you in my thoughts and send you love and energy. Sometimes I will get out of bed and contact you directly by message or phone, or I will see that you have reached out to me or have posted publicly about a problem and I will respond. I see that as part of my life, a life where we are all connected even if we have not ever met in person.

This morning I need you to know that in this tiny corner of the world is a woman whose first thought each morning is you. That the prayers I offer, the meditation I do, the incense I light is for you. Know that there are many others who hold that prayerful and loving space for you too. Our humanity unites us, our love and service binds us. Tune in and feel those waves of energy, those ripples of love that are always there for you. You are truly loved. You matter.

So, that is how you shape my morning.

I’m going to make a cup of tea now, and write in my journal. Then the day will unfold and off I’ll go to meet it.

But tonight in my meditation, and tomorrow morning, I will be with you.

All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

A Heart-Gladdening Walk


“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” 
~
John Muir

I felt raw yesterday, raw and exhausted and all used up. (not sure why, read this post)

I tried to sit at my desk and work, but couldn’t find a rhythm. My overflowing inboxes were overwhelming. I didn’t have enough words left in me for writing or for guiding. So, in the end, I left the hotel and began walking.

At first I walked without noticing anything but my feet moving along the footpaths and roads.

My head was strangely full of the sudden worry of becoming old and ill and having no-one to care for me. I have a chronic degenerative illness. My husband and I have no children. My siblings have no children. My circle is small and ever-dwindling. Who will advocate for me at the end? Who will hold my hand?

Stupid fat tears kept rolling down my cheeks.

Stupid.

I kept walking.

The more I walked the more these worrying thoughts emptied out.

I began to notice my surroundings. Shopfronts, cafes, flower carts, old churches, street musicians, the aroma of coffee and freshly baked bread.

I began to notice people.

Suddenly I was laughing. My heart filled up with beauty and wonder. I have faced death before and in those hours strangers were there for me. Nurses and doctors and kind-hearted hospital workers.

In someone else’s trials I was there for them.

That’s how it’s meant to work. How can I trust the spiritual flow of my work and not trust that this flow will also somehow support me in my time of need?

Silly me. It’s all okay. It will always be okay.

After my long walk I came home and slept. Then I returned to my desk. There is much work to be done and I am the one to do it and that’s okay too.