“Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.”
~ Haruki Murakami,
“It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert,
Sometimes, life is so exquisitely painful that I can scarcely breathe.
Is it odd then, that I find those moments compellingly beautiful too?
I’m not talking about the human me. Not the me who is down there on the floor sobbing in great ugly gulps, or stumbling endlessly through the paddocks with eyes streaming and a great big hole inside me. Or the me sitting silent, numb from shock and horror.
Not, not that me.
There is another me. An eternal me. A me filled with wisdom and kindness and so much love that if all of that soul energy were to dwell within me I would burst open and be nothing but sparks and flame.
That eternal me sat with me last night and held my hand. As I sat at my kitchen table and wrote, earphones delivering me a steady stream of musical novocaine, tears blurring the screen, the keys, the outside world, I was able to slip into that wise observer me and see how alive I was in my pain. How aware I was of the fragility of life. How humbled and overcome all at once. How connected I was with all other souls in this journey of joy and suffering.
Oh lovelies, this is such a wild and mysterious and crazy ride, this thing we call life.
We are, all of us, okay. Even when we’re not.
Holding you in my prayers and meditations,
Nicole <3 xx