“Live in the moment but just be mindful that you are working towards something.”
~ Eric Zaccone
I know, I know. It’s Sunday. And on Sundays I don’t blog, and I don’t go on the internet and I don’t do any work.
Except that on this particular Sunday I am!
I’m taking some time over a cup of tea to revisit my yearly goals, my One Big Thing and my support focus areas using my Year of ME Planner. I’m thinking about the months ahead, and the plans I had for August, and how I might need to amend them or juggle them around. Plans are what hold me together in rough seas, and right now my sea is rougher than usual.
As you might know, I am scheduled for major surgery on September 5. Seeing I’ve shared such embarrassing issues as vomiting in public places and incontinence here on my blog, I figured I might as well continue in that same spirit of disclosure! I have an old problem that was put on the back-burner a few years ago because my heart was failing and I wasn’t up to surgery at that time. Other health issues became a bigger priority. Most people with chronic lyme disease have similar stories – they have multiple serious health issues over time, rather than just one thing…
Just a few weeks ago (well after my holiday had ended, thank goodness) I was revisited by reminders of this old problem. I suffer from fibroids, benign tumors in and around my uterus which have caused pain and heavy menstrual bleeding for most of my adult life. Three years ago my doctors chose a method of halting those symptoms while we dealt with my heart and my other ongoing issues that were of more pressing priority.
The treatment for my fibroids worked, and the problem slipped to the back of my mind. My doctors and I were hoping that menopause might slow the growths or shrink them and that we could avoid surgery. For the past few years I’ve been symptom-free.
(And before I receive an avalanche of helpful advice about natural cures for fibroids… I have been doing them all for thirty years, and none of them have worked. I’ve also had surgery three times previously. Believe me, I have never wanted to get to this point, and have done everything in my power to reverse this. All those other methods have failed. All of them.)
From my latest scans it is apparent that I now have nearly thirty of these fibroids, including one that is 15cm x 4 cm, and a 20cm x 30cm new growth that is enlarging rapidly, and which has become involved with some of my other organs and internal structures.It will be long and complicated surgery to remove and repair all of these things. The growths in my belly are causing me a lot of pain and discomfort and a small amount of worry.
There. Now you know what’s going on with me.
Anyway, life goes on. It’s Sunday, and Sunday is my planning day. So I am planning. I hope you are, too!
I pulled this week’s oracle card for some guidance, and I thought I’d share it with you so you could see my process. No, I don’t use the little book’s meaning for the card. I let the card speak to my intuition instead.
I love this card. It’s optimistic. It’s hopeful and positive. Here’s the fox, sitting on the egg of all her hopes and dreams and potential. It makes me feel like she is guarding those dreams carefully. That resonates for me. I was drawn to her soft, vulnerable underbelly and her complete dedication to her task. She gives me a sense of strength and direction.
She is also gazing intently through her telescope. A telescope brings certain things into clear focus. What things do I need to focus on right now? Into the future?
The telescope was the key image for me this week. Narrowing my focus. Bringing things into clear perspective. Keeping my eye on the destination and not being distracted by all the bombs going off around me.
Miss Fox is being watched by the moon, and by her unseen loved ones. She feels protected and very loved.
The word OBSERVER reminds me not to get caught up in my head or my emotions. Detachment is a useful skill.
The numbers 4 and 9 are also significant for me this week, although often I pay them no attention at all. 4 speaks to consistent work and steady effort. It’s a number of organisation and systems and attending to plans. 9 is for the completion of cycles. I am taking that as my personal good omen! Both of these numbers give me direction and a lift in my spirits.
I may not be able to barrel forward at my usual rate of knots this week, or in the coming months. That doesn’t matter. I can let slide whatever isn’t important. I can ask for help. I can delegate. I can do what I CAN do, and I will keep my eye on the prize.
Okay, time for me to finish my planning session. How about you? What’s ahead for you in this new week? Where would you benefit from putting your focus between now and the end of this year?
Thank you too, for all of your messages of love and support. It has really buoyed me up.
See you tomorrow.
Big love and hugs, Nicole xx