“The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.” ~ Pandora Poikilos
If you read my blog last week you’ll know that I received an apology from someone I’d known at College – ‘James’ (not his real name), a man whose behaviour with me had been less than stellar. You can catch up on that story here.
Yesterday I had a message in my inbox from James’ oldest daughter. We then caught up by phone.
She wanted to let me know that her Dad found my blog, and had read the post about him. He’d then left it open on his laptop while he’d gone out of the room for a moment. Meanwhile, his wife brought him a cup of coffee, saw the computer screen, read my blog and put two-and-two together. Her husband was the man who had assaulted me at College and then propositioned me a few days ago, even though both he and I are married.
The daughter found them arguing loudly, and as her parents fought her mother made her daughter read my blog too. The daughter told me she was appalled at what she’d read, but she was also angry at herself for never having said anything because her dad had done this kind of thing for years. So she yelled at both of them; her mum for putting up with her father’s poor behaviour and her dad for treating his wife so disrespectfully. She told her mum that unless her dad changed she should leave him. Then she stormed out and left them yelling at each other.
The result, now that things have calmed down? Her mum and dad are going to marriage counselling because James recognised that his attitude and behaviour were not who he wants to be or be remembered as, and he is not being the kind of man he would want his own daughters to marry. He loves his wife and he loves his daughters. He wants his marriage to work. He’s committed to change.
His daughter loves him very much and assures me that he has been a good dad and that her parents love each other although her dad’s behaviour has not always reflected that. She really hopes he changes. I do too. I’m holding space for a good outcome for them all.
Some of the most beautiful relationships I know have come through the hardest of times. I hope they find a way forward and rekindle that love, respect and connection. I wish them well.
“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.” ~ Dan Pearce
Lovelies, today I want to share my perspective on ‘making nice’ with you.
Kindness is a loving balm, understanding is a mental tonic, compassion grows our hearts, love is food for the soul, but niceness? Far too often niceness is a poison administered to ourselves by our own hand.
There is a trend (and I recognise it because I once was in that same place!) where people beginning to become spiritually aware try to live from a place of unconditional love. That’s a beautiful thing, but too often what gets practised is not actually unconditional love but ‘niceness’.
Many people consider niceness to be a virtue; a sign of living from heart, and acting from love. I’m not referring to kindness, or good manners, or amiability. I’m talking here about pleasing others, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, and being agreeable and amenable, even if it comes at a high cost to yourself.
Speaking our truth honours us, and it teaches us honest and direct communication that honours and respects others. Can we come from a place of unconditional love and still speak our truth? Absolutely! Because the premise of unconditional love is that we also love ourselves.
Authenticity requires us to live with honesty – not with silencing ourselves or suppressing our true thoughts and emotions.
Niceness is not about unconditional love – it is about giving up honesty in order to avoid disapproval, confrontation, rejection, ridicule or embarrassment. It elevates the happiness and well-being of others above your own. It is based on falseness, and by its nature, niceness prevents honesty and authenticity. When you come from niceness you teach others to devalue you, and disrespect you. You do not set clear boundaries.
Niceness does not come from a heart-centred life. It grows out of fear and a lack of self-worth. It is a behaviour that goes counter to our intuitive wisdom, and to those gut-based mechanisms that keep us safe. We tell people what they want to hear, we do and say things to keep others happy or to keep the peace. We act in a way that pleases others but that robs us of a little (or a big bit!) of ourselves.
There is always a way to tell the difference between being nice and being kind. Kindness comes from a place of being centred, and it empowers us. It strengthens us, as it strengthens others. We can act with generosity or compassion and there is no cost to us, or it is a cost we willingly bear. We give without expecting anything in return, for the sake of uplifting others.
Niceness always leaves you with an aftertaste – you know you have’t spoken truthfully; you feel that twang of inauthentic energy, that twinge of discomfort, or you even get that sense of being taken for granted or taken for a ride.
Niceness diminishes us, even when it strengthens others. We bite our tongue in order to say the flattering thing, we do the act with a little flame of resentment in our heart. And sometimes it starts out as kindness – but our kindness becomes expected, or disrepected – we are taken advantage of but we are unable to speak up about that and voice our own feelings. So we act nice instead.
When we choose niceness it poisons us. It leads to depression, anxiety, shame, emotional distress, guilt, anger and despair. Life-long patterns of niceness leave us open to exploitation and invite difficult, damaging and dangerous relationships into our lives.
We end up doing things we don’t want to do – we can become an entirely different person to who we are on the inside. We can lose ourselves so completely that we have no idea any more what makes us happy, what our preferences are, what we want in life…
Taken to extremes, through living a life of niceness we can cease to exist. Instead, we become a support role in someone else’s life. We become Cinderella, at home scrubbing the floors while her stepsisters are out having fun!
Are you too nice?
Maybe it’s time to start honouring your own truth. Love starts with the self, and healthy self-esteem can only be built by standing up for yourself, giving your feelings a voice, and attending to your own needs. You can do that and still be polite. You can do that and still be kind. You can do that and still be likeable, lovable and accepted. Don’t keep drinking that from that poisonous niceness bottle!
And if your acts of self-respect and kindness aren’t taken well by others? Maybe it’s time to get some space, maybe it’s time to stop giving, maybe it’s time to move on… If you have to be ‘nice’ in order for your life to work, the price will always be too high.
You might be surprised. As you begin voicing your honest thoughts, you give others permission to do the same. Being authentic can create great change. It invites miracles. And this week supports that kind of energy, so be brave and embrace your truth then live from that space and watch the magic begin to happen in your life.
Choose love. Choose kindness. And above all, be true to yourself. It’s worth it!
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” ~ May Sarton
April calls you to live from your heartspace. This month lifts you above your obstacles, or helps you to blaze a trail through them. Expect magical insights and guidance to help light the path ahead. It’s time to believe in yourself and your dreams even if no-one else yet believes. Keep that in mind as we look at the gifts of inspiration which the card Truth brings us.
Truth speaks of the importance of being able to take off your mask and let people see you the way that you really are. But it’s also about being protective and protecting your inner truth or those tender parts of yourself when you need to. This is an act of self-love and an honouring of your self-worth.
So this is really a message of discernment – knowing when to show yourself and when it’s actually okay to mask or hide or protect aspects of yourself from judgment or from ridicule. This week you’re urged to know yourself and to put thought into knowing when to share.
Truth is also about evaluating your relationships and knowing who you can trust and who you can be yourself with. There will always be people who are judgmental and unsupportive – keep your precious and tender energies and ideas away from people who would ridicule, reject or smash them down. Instead, look for people who can champion the authentic you and the gifts you seek to share with the world.
Truth asks you to look at where you are not being honest with yourself. Look to where you are numbing yourself with food, alcohol, work, sex or drugs and ask ‘Why am I doing this? What am I really feeling?’
Be brave enough to examine your life honestly this week to make sure that your inner truth is reflected and supported in your outer journey.
Most of all, remember that as much as self-reflection and self-awareness are important skills in your life, so is the ability to laugh at yourself and not take everything so seriously. Look to places where your life or your attitude would benefit from ‘lightening up’, and do your best not to give yourself or anyone else a hard time.
Supportive crystals this week?
Malachite is a stone to help you overcome perceived limitations. It is a stone of manifestation and abundance that gifts focus and resilience. Amethyst helps you to tune in to all forms of spiritual guidance and to make wise decisions. Green Jade works with your Heart Chakra to bring balance and integration of Body, Mind and Spirit. It is positive and nurturing, strengthening self-worth. Citrine (pictured) supports your Solar Plexus Chakra and sense of identity. It is a stone of abundance, clearing blocks of low self-worth and creating flow.
Helpful essential oils?
Wild Orange essential oil supports your Inner Child, and fosters creativity, curiosity and an upbeat mood about life – Wild Orange uplifts mood and replaces anxiety with a grounded optimism too. It’s my favourite oil to use when I am anxious or feeling flat. Sandalwood is a fabulous oil for keeping you grounded and assisting with overcoming fear, exhaustion and overwhelm. It will help with moving you to a place of emotional and spiritual renewal, and aids mindful awareness and intuition. These oils can be diffused on their own or in combination.
I’m passionate about essential oils and their capacity to support our wellness journey and our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to know more or want to source the oils I recommend and trust visit this site or contact me at email@example.com
Want to Join Us For A Tea Party in June?
Are you in the mood for a tea party with friends? Some time with like-minded people in a magical environment that honours nature and the fairy realms and the everyday magic and intuition that resides within us all? An event with yummy food, fun activities and time to talk, meditate, be a little crafty and a little witchy too?
We are so excited to present to you our beautiful High Tea that celebrates the Winter Solstice and all things Fairy! I will be hosting this event with my dear Fairy friend, Sokli, who has lots of Fairy Wisdom to share with us.
Here are all the important details:
St Columb’s Hall – Victoria Street, Clayfield
Saturday 22nd June from 11 am to 2pm.
$97 per person – including High Tea and all Activities (Click here to book your tickets)
DRESS CODE – Fabulously Fairy or A Little Bit Garden Greenery!
This week, sit in your heart. Honour your truth. Dare to show people the parts of yourself you have hidden away. Be brave and vulnerable. You’ve got this!
Lots of love, Nicole ❤ xx
PS: Monday’s oracle card, ‘Truth’, is from the Sacred Power Reading Cards by Anna Stark. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different from the meaning found in a book.
“Make new friends, but don’t forget the old. One is silver, the other is gold. ” ~ Joyce Cody (My Nana, from my Autograph book, 1976)
I’ve had a dear friend staying at the farm these past days. She’s someone I’ve known since school. Someone who knew me before Ben, before my first serious boyfriends, before the openly psychic stuff, before illness, before so many of the big events of my life. When we met we were still children and we were both young, idealistic and clever. We made big plans for our lives and we expected that nothing would stop us. Any barriers? We’d just work through or bust through them. We were eighties women – it was what we did.
Who would have thought, all those years ago, as we stayed at each other’s houses and grew to know each other’s families, that one day we would still be friends and that the lives we thought we would have for ourselves would look so very different to how they have turned out?
Who would have expected there to be so much suffering between then and now? So much pain? So much strong outer appearance accompanied by inner upheaval and doubt? So much joy? So much unexpected wisdom and grace? So much music and books and laughter and travel? So much growth? So much love?
And seriously, who would EVER have thought that 1980s high-waisted jeans, undercuts, plaid and shoulder pads would be back in style?
When my Nana wrote that quote in my Autograph Book (remember those!) all those years ago I thought it was a bit dumb – as you would at age nine. But at fifty I finally get it. Nana was right after all. New friends are silver, old friends are gold.
To share memories, common history and a deeper sense of knowing about each other is a rare, powerful and special gift. But don’t worry if you don’t have someone like that in your life right now. True friends may not always walk in step with you. Your life paths may draw you away from each other and then back together again over the course of your life.
The rest of 2019 is wonderful for all kinds of reconnection, so if you’ve been thinking about someone from your past, or a loved one with whom you lost touch don’t be afraid to instigate contact. At worst nothing will happen, or you’ll find you grew apart. That’s okay. You will have lost nothing by trying. But somewhere you may find gold, and that gold will be precious and wonderful for you both.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.” ~ Blaise Pascal
October brings our focus back to our home environment, our heart-space and our soul’s journey. We’ll feel a need to nest, to clean and beautify the spaces where we spend most of our time (this could be your body, home, work or even your car!) and to have to hand the things we need to make our time in these spaces comfortable and productive.
It will also be important that these spaces reflect who we are, and who we are becoming.
Cards for the Month:
I’ve chosen two cards for October for you: one from Colette Baron-Reid’s Enchanted Map and one fromSteven Farmer’sEarth Magic Oracle. Please note I don’t use these cards in a conventional way, but rather as a stimulus for channeled information.
Here is what I have received from each card:
“When you want to hurry something, that means you no longer care about it and want to get on to other things. I just want to get at it slowly, but carefully and thoroughly, with the same attitude I remember was present just before I found that sheared pin. It was that attitude that found it, nothing else.”
~ Robert M. Pirsig
It’s a time for inviting people into our heart-spaces, and for deepening our soulful relationship and connections. This could be candlelit dinners with a romantic partner where you talk about your hopes and dreams, it could be time spent planning an important trip or a life goal, or even a backyard picnic with friends reminiscing about the good old days and reaffirming your connections and shared experiences over time.
Use a little time this month for reflection. Think about what makes you happy and what fills you up. Find ways to get more of that into your life.
The second card I’ve chosen is Gaia.
“Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” ~Deborah Day
No matter what we do this month it needs to be in alignment with our soul energy and truth. Too tired for connection? Then say no and have an early night all to yourself. Work doesn’t feel right? Tune in and see if it’s still for your highest good or if it’s time for a change. In every instance, no matter what you are doing, take a moment and breathe deeply to centre yourself, close your eyes and then tune in to your body – your energy levels, your emotions and your intuition. Let that be your guide this month and always as we move forward in this new era. It’s time to be more aligned with yourself, your values and your needs.
Best crystals this month?
Bronzite and Angelite
Bronzite promotes inner harmony, reduces worry and allows you to feel grounded, calm and safe.
Angelite nurtures your soul, gifting you expansive connection and deep emotional nourishment. A stone for revelations and insights about what is good for you.
Essential oils to support your journey?
Young Living’sJoy essential oil blend, or Orange and Lavender essential oils are my picks for October.
Joy opens our hearts and tunes us in to our own inner wisdom and is uplifting, comforting and empowering. Dab a drop of Joy on your Crown Chakra, back of neck, over heart, on wrists and the soles of your feet, inhale directly or add to your diffuser.
Orange essential oil helps us to see the possibilities for ourselves and our life and is reaffirming, uplifting and happy-making! It’s also one of the best anti-depression, anti-anxiety and anti-burnout oils I know! Use Orange in your diffuser or add a few drops to your bath. To bring a sense of tranquillity, optimism and safety to your home or workplace add equal drops of Orange and Lavender essential oils to your diffuser or your bath.
“Fun is one of the most important – and underrated – ingredients in any successful venture. If you’re not having fun, then it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else.” ~ Richard Branson
I’m in Adelaide right now, which is cold and wintery and wonderful. Thanks so much to everyone who came out to my channelling event on Monday night. I love being able to hug people and put a name to the face of friends I have only known online.
This week I have a balance of work and fun, and I’m lucky to have one of my favourite families taking me around the sights and to delicious eateries and magical places.
Yesterday included private appointments in the morning followed by bookshops, pop-up crab spaghetti restaurants (no – that platter in the pic was not all for me!), ice-cream and lots of laughter, hugs and sharing. After dinner I had an early night back at my hotel room with meditation, a hot shower and then a long sleep beneath clean sheets.
July is a month that focuses on relationships, heart connection and soul nurture, and I’m certainly getting plenty of that right now! I hope you’re managing to find some connection time too.
Much love to you, Nicole ❤xx
“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.“ ~ Brian Andreas
Mostly when we think of kindness, we think of how we can act towards others. But today I want to focus on another equally important type of kindness – that which we extend to ourselves.
Too often we forget ourselves in the hurry and bustle of the year, and many sensitive souls get so busy looking after others that they forget to look after themselves at all.
Why not let 2018 be your year of aware self-care?
Here are ten simple acts of kindness you can give as gifts to yourself:
1. Eat well – a simple, nourishing home-cooked meal eaten slowly and with appreciation – to replenish your body and comfort your soul. If there’s no time for cooking, have some healthy take-out options already thought through so that you don’t succumb to junk. (Pictured below is my Easy Kale and Orange Salad with Miso Dressing)
2. Say no when you’re too tired. No-one can run on adrenalin forever. Honour your feelings and your own needs. Listen to your heart. Let yourself rest. Replenish those batteries. * Good advice here: Are you too nice?
3. Indulge in some self-maintenance. Get your hair cut, have a massage, update your wardrobe or make that appointment with the doctor or dentist. For more info try 8 Ingredients for Better Health
4. Move your body! We were designed to move, and exercise is good for the body, mind and spirit. Choose an activity or sport that you enjoy, or simply go for a walk.
5. Read a book. Self-help, romance, educational, escapism, fantasy or non-fiction. Reading is a wonderful way to take some time for yourself, to relax or to give yourself a mental stretching session.
6. Make time for the things that you enjoy. Indulge your hobbies, and connect with like-minded people who share your interests.
7. Spend some real time with people (and creatures) you love! Friends, family, pets – everyone who loves us and who makes us feel good about ourselves. Social isolation is an insidious thing – facebook and texting can’t make up for that special energy of meeting up face to face for love, hugs, and laughs.
9. Hang out in nature. Spend the day or a week! Feel the sun at your back, the wind in your hair, the rain on your skin. Let nature fill you up and get you grounded again. Read more here: The Healing Power of Nature
10. Ask for help. Sometimes we just can’t do it on our own. And sometimes we just don’t know what to do or where to start. On the days when we’re wrung out and hanging on by our fingernails, there will be someone out there who cares and is in a place where they can extend that guidance and support to you. Asking for help is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can give ourselves. There’s more on this here: Sometimes your only job is to ask for help
You are worthy, beautiful, and you deserve love and kindness. Most of all, you need it from yourself. The way we treat ourselves sets the tone in the wider Universe for how we expect to be treated. And our expectations have a way of manifesting… Choose kindness!
“When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him. In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus
If you read my Welcome to March post you’ll remember that this month is all about relationships and being committed to what matters to us.
Energetically we’ve just gone through a few weeks with solar flares and planetary alignments creating situations where many of us have faced challenges or have needed to face or address problems in our lives.
I know you will have felt it, as all of you here in our Cauldrons and Cupcakes community are intuitive, empathic and sensitive, which is why we get along and understand each other so well.
So my friends, here’s my weekend challenge to you, based on how you’re feeling. Choose the option that suits you best. And yes, you can choose more than one.
Phone a friend or relative to touch base, say hi and check on how they’re doing. This is especially important if they have ongoing issues or if something has happened recently or a while ago in their lives. The world has a short attention span and often only offers support and caring in the first five minutes of an event. Be that voice of kindness at the end of a phone line.
Catch up with some loved ones or friends. Go for a coffee. Ask them around to your place and have them bring a plate to share. Go bowling or to a movie together. Hang out in each others company and catch up on each others news. Yes, this includes your partner and kids! And maybe your pet needs some attention too 🙂
Spend some time on something that matters to you and that will refill your tanks. Alone or in a group – whatever it is that you most need right now.
If you’re the one feeling wrung out or fragile reach out to someone. Phone a family member or friend, join a support group or make an appointment to get some help from a professional. You don’t have to do this alone.
Do something that makes you feel alive. Dancing, travelling, laughing, gardening, surfing. Something new. An old favourite you don’t have enough time for anymore.
Connect up. Use prayer, meditation or your favourite spiritual practices to connect into the comfort and wisdom of your Higher Self, Guides, Angels, God, Nature or whatever is your faith.
We’re all in this crazy life together, and it’s our togetherness that will get us through.
biggest hugs and love, Nicole❤xoxo
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ~ Douglas Adams
I’ve had a busy few days since Friday, the day of our anniversary Vomageddon. I worked all Saturday in Brisbane doing psychic readings and coaching, which was wonderful and then expected that on Sunday I would rest, write and have a quiet day.
Then on Saturday night I had a call from a long-time client. Her 42-year-old husband, injured in a motorbike accident two weeks before, had collapsed at home and been found unconscious on Thursday. He’d had a massive bleed in his brain and there was absolutely nothing that could be done for him. His medical team were going to turn off his life support system and she asked me if I come and sit at the hospital with her on Sunday morning before that was done. They have three young children together. What a gut-wrenching situation. So I held her hand and we meditated and prayed together, and I did what I could to provide her with comfort and guidance, and it was an emotionally shattering day for all of us.
The past two days I’ve been at another hospital supporting my own family while one of them has undergone major surgery followed by complications and more surgery.
I’ll be there again at the hospital today, and for the next few days too.
Everything else can wait. Everyone else can wait. What matters now is us, each other, and being together.
But right now on this early morning, I’m sitting at home in the city with Ben, the dogs at my feet, drinking Melbourne Breakfast tea by the mugful and soaking up the calm and quiet before another hectic day.
My Nana always said that a cup of tea made everything much better, and I do believe she was right.
2018 is a year of relationships and focusing on what matters. It’s a year for family, love, friendship, creativity, happiness and a slower pace of life. I’m really taking that to heart. How about you? Are you giving enough time to the people and activities that you love? Life is short and precious. Make sure that the choices you make help to minimise any regret over time wasted on the wrong priorities.
“Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings.”
~ Victor Hugo
Yesterday was Friday.
Friday in our household is also now our official Nicole and Ben Day.
It’s a day that we have chosen to dedicate to spending as a couple. Not a day of leisure – that’s what our Unplugged Sunday is for. Nicole and Ben Day is a day where we sit together and talk about our plans. We discuss our long-term dreams and goals, and our shorter-term projects. We talk work. We talk farm stuff.
It’s a day for doing things together. Home maintenance, tax, business and creative projects. We get to go on expeditions – yesterday it was a trip to the Farmers Markets, and then into Lismore, our closest big town, so that we could visit an office supplies chain, the rural produce store and do a quick grab of some dry goods groceries. Which also meant lunch at Steve’s Bakery! (One massive cheese and salad sandwich and one egg and lettuce sandwich and a pot of tea for two to share – deluxe!)
Friday’s also a day where we can just be together.
I’m tired right now from all of these treatments I’m on. So after our busy morning we made a pot of tea (Melbourne Breakfast – it’s a robust black tea with a hint of smooth vanilla) and sat on the veranda, watching the rain and relaxing with Harry Dog at our feet.
There is a birdbath under the jacaranda tree, just across from where we sit. It’s one of my great pleasures, watching all the birds come down to drink and to bathe. All spring and into summer it has been unseasonably dry here at the farm. Ben or I have hauled a hose over to refill that birdbath every day. But the last two days there has been enough rain to fill it for us.
And finally, after I got my hands into the dirt and planted new seedlings in the rain yesterday afternoon, we went for a swim while it rained. The rain was cold. The pool was warm. It was glorious.
But what was most important was that we had an entire day to consciously connect, and to talk about and work on what matters most to us.
How about you? Do you have dedicated time for yourself, or time for being with your partner or family members, where you can deepen communication and focus on personal projects and plans? I highly recommend this as a practice.
Sending much love to you, on the wings of happy-dancing birds, Nicole <3 xx