“Make new friends, but don’t forget the old. One is silver, the other is gold. ” ~ Joyce Cody (My Nana, from my Autograph book, 1976)
I’ve had a dear friend staying at the farm these past days. She’s someone I’ve known since school. Someone who knew me before Ben, before my first serious boyfriends, before the openly psychic stuff, before illness, before so many of the big events of my life. When we met we were still children and we were both young, idealistic and clever. We made big plans for our lives and we expected that nothing would stop us. Any barriers? We’d just work through or bust through them. We were eighties women – it was what we did.
Who would have thought, all those years ago, as we stayed at each other’s houses and grew to know each other’s families, that one day we would still be friends and that the lives we thought we would have for ourselves would look so very different to how they have turned out?
Who would have expected there to be so much suffering between then and now? So much pain? So much strong outer appearance accompanied by inner upheaval and doubt? So much joy? So much unexpected wisdom and grace? So much music and books and laughter and travel? So much growth? So much love?
And seriously, who would EVER have thought that 1980s high-waisted jeans, undercuts, plaid and shoulder pads would be back in style?
When my Nana wrote that quote in my Autograph Book (remember those!) all those years ago I thought it was a bit dumb – as you would at age nine. But at fifty I finally get it. Nana was right after all. New friends are silver, old friends are gold.
To share memories, common history and a deeper sense of knowing about each other is a rare, powerful and special gift. But don’t worry if you don’t have someone like that in your life right now. True friends may not always walk in step with you. Your life paths may draw you away from each other and then back together again over the course of your life.
The rest of 2019 is wonderful for all kinds of reconnection, so if you’ve been thinking about someone from your past, or a loved one with whom you lost touch don’t be afraid to instigate contact. At worst nothing will happen, or you’ll find you grew apart. That’s okay. You will have lost nothing by trying. But somewhere you may find gold, and that gold will be precious and wonderful for you both.
Hugs and love, Nicole ❤ xx
Really touched a chord wth me,I lost a dear friend last year, and I still miss her, think about her and expect to be able to connect with her.We met in our twenties , she knew me before my husband did. We lost touch when I migrated to Australia.I visited our home town four times but was never able to find her( She’d moved towns!)Then in 2013 she contacted me via Facebook.It was as if we had never been apart, no need to explain our pasts, our thinking we knew each other. Emails and phone calls aplenty and then she eventually confided in me she was sick.She didn’t want to talk about it, or be treated any differently. As thr contacts got longer between them I knew ( but didnt want to know) that she was getting worse. She died in March 2018-it hit me really hard – as we were the same age.Tomorrow I celebrate another birthday andc realsie hwo fortuante I am to still be here.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sonia. Sending hugs and friendship your way xx
I have no friends let alone old friends
Joanne. Are you a member of Nic’s YOM? It is a beautiful group and you will find friends amongst us. Sometimes the first step is just to reach out and say “hello”
I second that, Joanne. You’d be among friends here xx
You have me, and I am old so that sort of counts! <3
Most of those reconnects I’ve made are via FB, where you don’t actually ‘see’ each other. However, a couple have gone further and yes, it is a joy!
Beautiful post & just at the right time. At 47 I should not be having a crisis, but alas I am and your words are the exact words I spoke to my hubby this AM.
“Who would have expected there to be so much suffering between then and now? So much pain? So much strong outer appearance accompanied by inner upheaval and doubt? So much joy? So much unexpected wisdom and grace? So much music and books and laughter and travel? So much growth? So much love?”
Thank you for the reminder it’s okay to be where I am and to remember that things will get better.
I appreciate you Nicole.
Hang in there. Life is hard but also wonderful and precious and oh so short. Sending you courage and strength to get through this difficult period on your life, lots of love, Nicole xx
So wish we were closer… one day my friend one day