“Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them.”
~ Marvin J. Ashton
So today I begin the next round of drugs that are making me well. Problem is, in taking these drugs they are also going to make me sicker first.
It’s not just the physical symptoms either. The relentless high level pain, nausea, fevers and chills are something I’m getting better at dealing with.
Besides the pain, the worst part is that horrible space of insomnia, brutal depression, social isolation, abject misery and anxiety. That’s not a normal part of my psyche. Most of it is actually a documented side-effect of the drugs, and of the bacteria that have invaded my body. But it doesn’t matter WHY I feel it, the fact is it’s likely to be part of the scenery for the road I’m about to travel.
That’s why I spent a little time yesterday making preparations for the days ahead. I’m not being negative. Having walked this road before I know what to expect. Perhaps I’ll be fortunate and NONE of this will happen in Round Two. But if it does, I’m ready.
I have recorded myself some meditations and ‘bedtime stories’ full of gentle encouragements, relaxation and pain minimisation techniques, sleep inducers and reminders of who I am and what’s important to me for those moments when I’ll struggle to get into the right headspace.
I’ve been meditating for over thirty years, and I still have times where getting into a peaceful space eludes me. No point in forcing that. I need to make these next few weeks as easy for myself as possible. When things get tough I can listen to one of my guided meditations!
I also wrote myself a few little love letters, wrapped up some of our feel-good DVDs and CDs that never fail but make me smile, and filled a couple of postcards with coping strategies. Because let’s face it – who remembers this stuff when you’re down in the hole? I now have a box of letters and presents that I can ‘Lucky Dip’ into, trusting that I’ll pull out exactly what I need when the going gets tough and I need some extra support.
Maybe I’ll share some of these over the next six weeks. Perhaps you might find them useful too, if you ever feel the need to wrap yourself in a blanket of love. If it sounds like a good idea let me know and I’d be happy to do that for you.
Okay. Let the count-down to the other side of this ordeal begin!
5 weeks, six and a half days to go…
27 thoughts on “Love Letters to Myself…”
Dear Nicole, you deserve so much to make you better, thankyou for all your help, prayers, meditations and writings you give so freely to others. Love Robin.
Dear Debbie. . . I have read your posts for some time and, if you don’t mind, what illness are you suffering from? I feel your pain but sense that you are a very strong person and will come out on top of this. I wish you the best!
Sending prayers, positive thoughts and light. May you feel as blessed as much as you bless others. Stay strong, if possible, if not be kind to yourself and allow the weakness and pain as part of the process knowing all along “this too shall” and “something good will come of this”!
Hugs and Love,
I meant to say one topic that appeals is resilience – but maybe you got that XX
I am busy building the courage to start writing and blogging like you Nicole and one aspect that appeals is “resilience”. I think I have to ask you to do the foreword 🙂
Huge hugs XXXX
To share with each other and to express love has to be the most powerful cure . I ‘m up for it and I’m sure all the rest our lovely cauldrons and cupcake family are with me to wish u all the luck in the world …huggs.
Hugs hugs hugs! Would love to share in the meditations. Will be praying that this beautiful blanket of love wraps you up just as lovingly as you describe. Blessings Nicole!
Lots of love from people all over the planet coming to you. Batten down the hatches Pirate Nic, there’ll be a smooth port of call beyond the rough. Much love xo
How amazing are you? Nx
You are such a kind and thoughtful person. Even at your darkest you always think of others. I love the lucky dip idea. I will pass that on to others that are struggling with demons and the likes…if you don’t mind. As always my thoughts are with you. xxxxxxx
Holding you in the light! Sending a big warm cuddley blanket of love for you!
Much love and positive thoughts heading your way. Don’t let the bastards ground you down as the saying goes. Xx
Dear Nicole, wishing you a better journey than last time. But you know you made it through. So have confidence you can do it again. You have put great strategies in place, a brilliant husband and loving dogs around you those tough days. I look forward to reading your posts when you are ready to write. I too hang on to every word you type. You are an inspiration to so many. Keep strong, you can do it. Another day closer to finishing your current course. Thinking of you and sending you healing
Healing thoughts. Phone stopped typing. Much love to you. X
Hi Nicole, you are describing almost exactly what one of your ‘sisters in suffering’, Susan (Owls and Orchids) has been going through for over 12 mnonths now, since she started her Lyme medication. It’s a tough road and you have our thoughts and prayers. Since we are almost neighbours, perhaps you should call her and perhaps share some space and healing time together… I’m sure it would be great for both of you…
Best wishes with your journey, I hope you both come out of this cycle of suffering soon and get back to living normal lives, if there is such a thing.
All the best for your next round of healing.
I deal with a chronic illness also, and find that doing activities interspersed with lots of rests and alternating activities helps, though some days,I just want to completely rest. I always try to remember from the chronic pain clinic that for every day in bed. it takes two to recover! Any small thing achieved is a good thing. You are the bomb! Always love to see your beautiful photos of the farm, and love the recipies you share….mmm much goodness.
Looking forward to some rain soon I hope.
Cheering you on!
Beautiful Nicole, you are a beacon of positivity and persistence. You touch us with your perspective and tenacity. Thank you for your blog and for sharing your journey with us. Please remember that that you are not alone, as I read every blog and hang off every word, my heart wishing there was some better way of helping and supporting you than just reading what you put out into the world. Thank you for your insights and honesty. Please hang in there, it’s ‘only’ 5 weeks, 6 and a half days to go, though I’m sure it will feel endless when you are in it. You have our love, attention and intention and we will be sending you all the very best healing juju we can muster. xxxx
Beautiful set of practical strategies to help yourself when you down the more unpleasant rabbit hole. Remember you are loved and supported by so many and we’ll all be here on the other side fo this round.
You are all set *said in boxing dude voice* to ruuuuuuuumble. <3 <3
May the Force be with you and time be swift… Much love XXX
much love… xxx
Hi Dear Nicole, this sounds like a superb idea & I’m so glad you’re doing it – nice. Inspiring, as always…I definitely would love any shares you feel like, & I hope I’ll find some time to create some of my own things like this for after I’ve birthed my twins, when things are bound to get busy, little reminders = great idea. Thanks! Much LOVE & healing vibes to you xxx
wishing you the best on this next stage of your healing journey – you have such great strategies and are so well supported, but can imagine that only eases at times an otherwise tough journey. Today i’m asking for the healing angels to bring love, healing and companionship to all who living with physical and mental health imbalances. especially those with very little support and who are isolated. much love sx
you are so kind in sharing your strategies so others who are walking a similar path can follow suit. hugs sx
Much love and good thoughts to you xxxx