Attack of the Gorn

Image from The Hollywood Reporter
Image from The Hollywood Reporter

“Of all the things we can feel with our minds and bodies, severe pain is the purest, for it drives everything else from our awareness and focuses us as perfectly as we can ever be focused.” ~ Dean Koontz

 

There is this thing that happens to me on my current Lyme drugs.

It started in a small way. Bacteria began dying in my nerve endings. As they die, they release toxins. Awesome…

One night, delirious with fever, I thought that small lizards were hiding in my sheets and biting me. That was exactly what it felt like at the time.

And those lizards were mean!

Image from Sunrise Imports
Image from Sunrise Imports Toys

Then it settled down for a while, and I’d thought that was the last of it.

But as I’ve ramped up my meds, the lizards have come back, and this time they’re bigger!

Now it feels as if large mean lizards are taking random chomps out of me with their hard plastic mouths. These are some hungry lizards, that’s for sure. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.

Chomp on my cheekbone. Chomp on my thigh. Chomp on my belly, my eyelid, the top of my foot. Chomp on my lip, my hip, the very tip of my nose. Chomp, snap, chomp.

Image from Gweenbrick
Image from Gweenbrick

The sensations are horrid. Breathtakingly painful – somewhere between a stab and being tasered, although that only lasts a moment or two, after which it subsides to a less agonising sting. That’s exactly what a villainous lizard with a nasty mouth full of needle-sharp teeth would feel like, right?

Sometimes I can’t help myself and I will gasp with the pain of it. Or flinch and go all wide-eyed.

Which does look a bit odd when you’re out and about. But of course, how are you to know that I am under invisible attack?

My husband and I have developed a code for this now. I call it Gorn Attack.

“You okay?” he’ll ask me.

“Yeah,” I’ll nod. “Just Gorns.”

Have you met a Gorn before? Gorns are a brutal lizard-like race that Captain James T. Kirk fought so valiantly in Star Trek.

Where is Captain Kirk now, I ask? I could really use some help here.

Image from Kotaku
Image from Kotaku

Gorns then made a reprieve visit when Sheldon Cooper was conversing with Tiny Spock in Big Bang Theory. Sheldon was horrified to be attacked by a Gorn. It was his worst nightmare.

I know how he feels. 🙂

Image from Big Bang Theory Wikia
Image from Big Bang Theory Wikia

I guess it is kind of interesting. Maybe all of this will come in handy some day for a sci-fi story, or if I ever do meet a real live Gorn or end up in a parallel Star Trek universe. I feel I am developing quite an expertise when it comes to handling Gorn Attack. My weapons are primarily meditation, ninja mind control and magic.

When that doesn’t work, epsom salts baths, infrared saunas and Himalayan salt with vitamin c drinks often do the trick.

I have another four and a half months on these particular drugs. Maybe more. And there is no way I’m quitting.

So, Mr Gorn, bite me!

Image by Jim Doran
Image by Jim Doran
Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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14 thoughts on “Attack of the Gorn

  1. You have such a great sense of humor despite your extremely tiring and troublesome healing journey. It is so great that you can come up with this stuff and make us laugh (in a way) about this horrid pain that these bad Gorns are bringing to you. I hope this latest session of drugs will kick butt on these bad guys and get you some relief. Bring it on all you’ve got, bad guys, cuz Ninja Nicole Cody is going to kick some ass and wipe you little mofos right out of town. Sending love and some extra ninja kicks your way…..maybe some shooting stars too!

  2. Sorry to hear about the latest sharp pains, it sounds like a real challenge to go through your day while quietly dealing with such things. I am sending you love and courage (even though you seem to have incredible courage already). You have come so far with your health – it is worth the struggle if those meds work. I am cheering you on !!!!
    Down with the lizards !!!!

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