“I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to
successof any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature.”
~ John D. Rockefeller
Thanks so much for all the love and positive energy that has flowed my way the past week or so. I’ve felt it, and it has helped.
Firstly, for everyone who asked, the dogs weren’t in the car with us. Thank goodness, because they would have been squashed. The other driver has cracked vertebrae but will be okay. I am stiff and sore but getting better. Ben’s even been back to our wrecked car and retrieved all our personal effects. So that chapter of our lives is over and it’s time to think about new cars, new directions and new eras.
It has been a strange week since the accident. Useful, but strange.
I found that there is a place inside me brimful with fear and memories of prior trauma. It came very close to the surface a few days ago. After seeing the doctor we stopped at the coffee place we had originally been heading to before our car crash. I sat with my coffee in front of me and as I picked it up my hands began shaking so much I had to put the cup down.
My heart raced. My eyes filled with tears. Suddenly, every shitty awful thing that has happened in the past came rushing forward. So many. Too many.
Oh my God, I thought. I’m having a breakdown.
Ben put his big hand on my leg.
It broke the spell and I half-laughed with tears running down my face. ‘Just peachy’ I told him. ‘Really, I’m fine.’
Of course I am. I’m still here. Life goes on. Sh*t happens. I roll with it.
It made me see how I have stuffed certain emotions deep down inside me as a coping mechanism. Each time I did it consciously and mindfully so that I could keep existing
And do you know what?
Every time I did this I truly was okay. I got through things I never thought I’d survive. I managed. Not always gracefully. Sometimes limping through with no style at all. But I kept going. I kept saying to myself, ‘I’ve got things to do. I’ll deal with this later’.
People have been saying to me lately that they don’t know how I have coped, with so difficult many things one after the other. But the truth is that when you’re deep in the middle of something you find a way through.
Am I going to sit and explore all that pain and trauma stuffed down in me? I’ve already done that on many occasions. I’ve done more self-work and reflection than anyone I know. This is what I’ve discovered. If I endlessly replay all the old hurts and traumas I get stuck there. Instead I always look to HOW I COPED and WHAT I LEARNED.
All that pain in me is actually a strength. From it arises a wild and ferocious warrior women who will carry me through any fire and emerge me out the other side. Sure, maybe battered and singed and partly broken, but still here.
When I came home from the coffee shop I sat in meditation and reached into that place of pain. I saw that beside it and equal to it was a place of calm and wisdom and compassion. That tranquil inner place in me was born of the fire. It didn’t come first, it came as a response. It came BECAUSE I had suffered.
I’m sharing this with you because you may have forgotten that you are stronger than you know. You are stronger than any obstacle, any current circumstance. You’ll get through this too.
Holding you, as ever, in my prayers and meditations, Nicole ❤ xx
12 thoughts on “Nicole Update and a Pep Talk!”
You are an amazingly strong woman Nicole and so inspiring. Even through all your dark times you never fail to see the blessings. Sending you lots of love and good wishes. xx 🙏
Powerful post…saluting all the warriors 🙏
It’s lovely to read your update Nicole. Go you! Both of you guys are still in my 🙏 Lots of ❤️ and continued inner and outer healing xx
I am glad to read that you and Ben are doing better.
I can truly say I know the aftermath of being in a car accident. Several years ago, someone ran a stop sign and plowed into the side of our car (thankfully the back door and not mine!). The impact caused the car to flip onto its roof and we slid to a stop, while sparks were flying.
The car was totaled but we were not. 🙏
So pleased to read that you are on the road to recovery and feeling better. Things can only get better now ! xx
So glad that you and Ben are fine. Thrilled the puppers weren’t with you. May you have many wonderful journeys in your new car. You always begin your fabulous posts with a quote. Here’s one I saw that reminded me of you:
She made broken look beautiful
and strong look invincible.
She walked with the Universe
on her shoulders and made it
look like a pair of wings.
Sending you love, Nicole xoxoxo
This quote☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼. Love. Sums up Nicole perfectly.
Thinking of you Nicole 🌹💖 you’ve got this 🌈
Love You XOXO Love Ben too XOXO
I have been considering my power word for this year and one I was drawn to was “perseverance”. The quote at the start of this blog has sealed the deal PERSEVERANCE is my power word! Big love to you Nic – you sure are a warrior. A love warrior! xxx
Good afternoon Nicole, As many others, I have been reading and saving many, many of your posts. If I were right there, which of course I am not, I would want to give you a bear hug. Since I am in PA, the States all I can do is send my love. I am glad your pups where not in the car with and so very glad you and Ben are fine. Your posts have helped me cope with much loss, and reading this one today, I needed it as much as many of the people reading along with me. Please stay well, and yes, I am braver and stronger than I ever knew. Sincerely with love and peace, Susan