Choosing to be curious is choosing to be vulnerable because it requires us to surrender to uncertainty. It wasn’t always a choice; we were born curious. But over time, we learn that curiosity, like vulnerability, can lead to hurt. As a result, we turn to self-protecting—choosing certainty over curiosity, armor over vulnerability, and knowing over learning.
~ Brené Brown
April is finally here, with its big energies of endings and beginnings.
March has helped me to let go of expecting things to ‘go back to normal’ with my health and life in general, and I have been grieving that, but I can feel that grief coming to an end too.
I feel empty, exhausted, and a little shell-shocked if I’m honest. Except for one small corner of me. Here in this dusty and long-neglected corner of myself is a little store of courage, curiosity and anticipation. I don’t know what’s next. I know I can’t plan for it, and the intensity of my overall discomfort is disconcerting. But in this dusty corner of myself is a tiny spark of excitement.
Everything is breaking down. An ending is almost here.
Out of the ashes of that something else will rise.
In front of me is an unknown possibility.
It’s the first time I can remember where I don’t have a plan. And I think that’s the point. Great transformation requires nothing less than destruction of the old.
Like any birth it will be messy. I’m far enough into the process of transformation to know there is no turning back. All I can do is embrace the unknown, and rise to greet it with an open heart, an open mind, and a childlike sense of wonder.
Part of me has long known this change was coming. I can feel it. I just can’t sense the shape of it. I don’t know what comes next. So I will wait, knowing that it will reveal itself to me in right timing.
This might be true for you too – that you are facing endings without knowing what your new cycles and your beginnings will be.
That’s okay. We can still do the work of connecting, of meditating, of sitting with ourselves, our souls, nature, the Divine. We can still chop wood and carry water. We can set fire to the unwanted in our own lives, where it helps to do so. We can clear out the old, and get ready for the new.
Isn’t life a glorious adventure, even when you’re right down in the muck of it?
Sending you courage and love for your own journey, Nicole xx