“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
It’s too late to back away from this memoir now. I’ve started this final rewrite.
I’ve peeled apart my old drafts and stuck sticky notes all over them. I’ve crossed out whole sections, entire chapters. On some pages I’ve simply drawn a big red question mark with a Sharpie pen to indicate that I had only given you the facts, not the truth. They are the pages I despise the most because of what they are waiting for me to say.
I have boldy written a list of all the things I am TERRIFIED to share out loud. None of which were in any of the previous eight drafts.
I tacked it above my writing desk where it challenges me to keep writing whenever I falter and look for an easier path.
F*ck. I hate this.
(I’ve actually screamed that out loud on more than one occasion so far and I’m only mere pages into this new draft. It’s not that I hate the writing, or even the story. I hate that I am making myself so uncomfortable, so exposed, so… ugh, it makes me sick to write this truth and to let it stand there all alone on the page.)
Anyway, I have no more time to devote to the blog this morning. I must write.
I know you understand.
All my love, Nicole ❤ xx
PS. I still hate this…