How To Drop The Drama And Nurture Inner Peace

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” 
~ Dalai Lama XIV

Many people are telling me right now that they feel a compulsion to drop the drama. These are people who are going through a spiritual or psychic awakening or who identify as empaths, intuitive, sensitive or psychic.

Suddenly they don’t feel like being with ‘friends’ who gossip destructively, who drink excessively or who otherwise drain them. They find themselves putting up barriers, or going into behaviours such as avoidance by not answering their phone or returning emails. They feel themselves withdrawing from the complexities and overwhelming interaction of their lives. They also feel the need to ‘get their house in order’. For some people that might be doing seven years of overdue taxes. For other people, it could be de-cluttering their home, or even their social calendar so that they can reclaim some calm quiet space for their transformational journey. Does that sound like you?

Many people have also asked me if it’s okay to feel like this? Of course it is! Sometimes we need to simplify and create time for ourselves so that we can heal and reconnect.  When we reduce the outside chatter and the need to be organised and involved we are free to spend times with ourselves, in self and spiritual exploration. Our inner world is rich and filled with delights, directions, ideas and advice, but we can only connect with this aspect of ourselves through peace, solitude and rest. And sometimes we need to rest FIRST. Reconnection can begin after our batteries have recharged enough that we are no longer just in survival mode.

Most of us live bombarded by situations, workplaces, devices and relationships that over-stimulate us. In fact, this overt stimulation seems ‘normal’ and we don’t realise just how frazzled, stressed and over-extended we are because that’s how everyone lives!

In this state of bombardment, our bodies produce extra chemicals to hype us up and help us cope. As we become more stressed we are less able to hear our own inner guidance systems and Universal guidance. This further taxes our body and soul. We also become much more left-brain dominant. Our left brain analyses and organises and prioritises and schedules and criticises to help us cope with the overwhelming inflow of stimulation and information. (I feel exhausted just reading that!) 

Our creative, emotive, spiritual right brain is used much less when we are under stress. That aspect of us becomes ignored. As a result, we become depleted, depressed, exhausted and just plain old stuck. In fact, sometimes we become so depleted or overwhelmed that the Universe assists us in our need to hibernate and reconnect by gifting us an illness, accident or other life-altering drama so that we have no choice but to rest and re-evaluate.

If that sounds even remotely like you, it’s time to nurture some inner peace. Inner Peace is a place of calm connectedness, an energy of stillness and silence that is found deep within you. It replenishes you, it heals and refreshes you, and it radiates from you to touch, heal and calm others.

Here are some simple suggestions for nurturing Inner Peace:

  1. Declare certain days or times of the day to be screen free.
  2. Simplify your life.
  3. Spend less time doing things you don’t want to, and being with people who tax you.
  4. Instead of going to shopping malls and crowded places, try a beach, a park, your garden, or even your lounge or bedroom. (But no TV, phone or computer!)
  5. Let go of some of your extra commitments and activities.
  6. Book a weekend break somewhere in nature where you can eat, sleep, walk, read and rest. Leave the phone and laptop at home and resist the urge to listen to the radio, read the newspaper or watch TV.  Practice being lazy and indulgent.
  7. Learn to meditate.
  8. Take up yoga, tai chi or qi gong and practice it daily on your own.
  9. Indulge in a regular massage, health or beauty treatment that is relaxing and/or healing.  Ask the practitioner not to talk unless the question or instruction is part of the treatment.
  10. Spend five minutes each day just being mindful of where you are, how you feel, what is happening around you in nature, and what is happening in your body.
  11. Walk.
  12. Go on a retreat.
  13. Start a hobby you can do on your own like art, woodwork, knitting or writing.  Make the hobby a form of meditation.
  14. Dance. It frees and builds energy within the body, and promotes joyfulness.
  15. Sleep. (It’s a remarkable antidote to fatigue!) 

Here is a short guided meditation to nurture your connection to inner peace:

Take care of yourself, today and always,
Much love, Nicole xx

Higher Perspectives and Healing – Monday Oracle 15 July 2019

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” 
~ Albert Einstein

Hello, Lovelies!

July is a powerful month, bringing insight and empowerment. It’s a month for understanding what is holding you back and keeping you trapped. It’s a month for honestly identifying and owning any addictions, self-destructive or self-sabotaging behaviours and damaging relationships (with people, beliefs or situations). July also gifts you the clarity, energy and courage to end those things that do not serve your Highest Good. (And I have a gorgeous new online course which will help you capitalise on all of this good energy! Details Here) Keep July’s energy in mind as we look at the gifts of inspiration which the card Air Guardian brings us.

Air Guardian encourages you to look into all the old hurts, pains and shames of your past. Know that it is possible to do that without being triggered back into pain this week. Instead, you’ll find that – often for the first time – you can look at that situation or relationship and see the learnings that have come from it, so that you can take the learning and then close the door on the past.

Air Guardian supports you as you grow wiser. This is not knowledge from books. This is hard-won wisdom from the experiences of life. Wisdom that is owned in every cell of your body – the kind of knowing that, once understood, can never be lost.

See everything that has happened as part of your growth.

Know that healing is possible. You are a different person today. Today is a new life. Yesterday is forever in the past and your future is anchored in the NOW. Air Guardian invites you to live mindfully in the now, looking forward with hope and your hard-won wisdom.

Supportive crystals this week?

Amazonite (pictured) helps you to live bravely and from your heart. It will boost self-confidence and self-worth. Mookaite is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and embracing change.  Dalmatian Jasper helps you move forward, living in mindfulness. It releases stress and amplifies joy. Yellow Obsidian is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and for embracing change.

Helpful essential oils?

I’m loving Frankincense and Ylang Ylang essential oils again this week. Frankincense is the Master Healer and is fabulous for connecting to your inner wisdom. Ylang Ylang has proven ability to promote relaxation and positive emotions.

These diffuser blends will work well for you:

  • 2 drops of Frankincense, 2 drops of Ylang Ylang and 2 drops of Cypress to promote clear thinking, forward vision and personal empowerment
  • 3 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Bergamot and 1 drop of Vetiver for a blend that is grounding and uplifting and sure to shift you into a positive headspace and support taxed adrenals
  • 3 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Geranium and 2 drops of Lavender for a sublimely relaxing and nurturing blend (this one’s good in the bath too!)
  • 2 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Jasmine, 2 drops of Sandalwood and 1 drop of Frankincense to promote deep meditation and heightened intuition

I’m passionate about essential oils and their capacity to support our wellness journey and our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to know more or want to source the oils I recommend and trust visit this site or contact me at channelnc@gmail.com

Do you want some support for your journey?

My new self-paced Journey of Transformation online course teaches you how to use your intuition and oracle or tarot cards to gain insight and guidance for life’s troubles or to get clear on your future direction. Suitable for complete beginners and advanced students. The feedback from students already enrolled in this course has been amazing and their results have been too! Click here to find out more.

Be gentle with yourself this week. There’s no point in beat yourself up about the past. The only place where you have power is when you are in the moment. Learn, grow, turn your face to the sunshine and keep moving forward.

Lots of love, Nicole  xx

PS: Monday’s oracle card, Air Guardian’, is from the Angels and Ancestors Oracle Cards by Kyle Gray. I use any cards shown as a prompt for channelled messages and my own intuitive wisdom, so my take is sometimes quite different from the meaning found in a book. 

Do Your Eyes Do This Weird Thing During Meditation?

“An awake heart is like a sky that pours light.” 
~ Hafiz

Yesterday I received an email from a reader who has been experiencing something unusual when they meditate:

‘Just a small question about meditation. Have you experienced a change in lighting sometimes, like the whole room’s lighting changes? Such as, everything has a slight yellow and blue or even green extra layer to it, like overlayed on top or on the side of the object. It’s really quite annoying during my meditations and I cannot seem to concentrate. It’s happening every, single, time. There’s no resources online for this, so I thought I might ask you. 

If I could describe it in another way, it would be like as though someone took the room’s image into a computer program, and changed the hue on the image to only yellow, blue and green output then stuck it back over the original image. Or a five-year-old’s school art project. 

I guess 1 more bit of crucial info would be that my body sort of locks into place, a sort of temporary paralysis, kind of like when your body does that before astral projecting, going into trance or doing a journey.

Sorry that’s about as much as I know. Your expertise would be greatly appreciated. 

Dear Reader, let me start by reassuring you about the eye tints. I have been meditating in earnest since I was eleven. In the past 41 years, I have experienced everything you’ve described. Many of my students have also experienced aspects of this as well. In fact, today I feel that my eyes have become permanently altered through meditation. One eye holds a warm orange tint when I look through it, and one holds a cold blue tint. It’s unchanging and no optometrist or opthamologist has ever been able to give me an explanation.

Try not to let it bother you. You are adjusting to seeing energy differently. This doesn’t happen to every meditator but it often happens to people who have intuitive and psychic ability. It will settle over time. But it may always happen to some degree.

As to that feeling of being locked into place? That’s also quite normal. An aspect of your consciousness has been outside your body. You must be fully ‘back in’ your body before you regain the capacity to move. Don’t let it alarm you. It’s a very common occurrence.

Try to see both of these quirks of meditation as signs that you are having a genuine energetic experience of an altered state. Feel good about that. It’s an indication of a greater capacity for metaphysical work.

Stay tuned. My team and I are working out the final details of our online spiritual mentoring course which helps give you foundation skills for psychic and spiritual development. We’ll blog all the details just as soon as we’ve nutted them out. That course will be useful for you. And next year I’ll be launching my new online Academy so that there will be somewhere for you to go to learn about your abilities and how to use them, and so you can meet and hang out with other like-minded people.

Until then, keep meditating. It’s one of the best things you can do for stabilising and expanding your metaphysical gifts.

Much love, Nicole xx

12 Signs You Are Having A Psychic Awakening

I suspect everybody has a degree of psychic ability, just as a everybody has a degree of athletic or artistic ability. Some people have special gifts; other people have a particular interest that leads them to develop their abilities. But the phenomenon itself is ordinary and widespread.” 
~ Michael Crichton

I’ve had many people asking me about the difference between Spiritual Awareness and Psychic Awakening since my post a few days ago. Spiritual awareness leads to an opening of our hearts and to a period of personal and spiritual growth. Psychic Awakening leads to an opening of our hearts, to personal and spiritual growth AND an unmistakable, unignorable call to a path of service.

Here are twelve signs that what you’re experiencing is an awakening of your psychic abilities. You may have experienced any or all of these:

1. Crowds become overwhelming, distressing and make you feel psychically battered and energetically drained.

2. Your dreams become increasing vivid and seem to contain messages, information and symbols that go beyond what your normal subconscious would put on the nightly view-screen of the inside of your eyelids. You remember these dreams and keep thinking about them during the day, trying to work out what they mean.

3. You become confused at what people tell you, when part of you knows that the words they are saying don’t match their emotions, inner thoughts or energy. You can’t put it into words, but you feel that conflict and find it disturbing. You have no way to prove what you feel.

4. You get feelings of heat in your palms and fingers, your feet, around your heart, on your forehead around your third eye chakra, or in the top of your head. You may also get a sensation of moving energy or tingling.

5. Your sleep becomes disturbed. You wake up at 2am, wide awake and waiting for something. But what? Weirdly, by about 4am you can get back to sleep again, and you don’t become tired from this crazy routine.

6. You become suddenly attracted to crystals, healing arts and metaphysical tools. You may feel energy in stones, places or people, or access impressions or information if you touch a person or an object.

7. You get a fullness or a choking sensation in your throat (or throat chakra) like something is stuck there, or you want to speak, but there isn’t anything you can think of to say.

8. Electro-magnetic energy, wi-fi and electrical fields make you feel fuzzy, off-balance or exhausted. You feel immediately better in nature, or out of cities.

9. Your sense of deja vu increases and you experience moments of having been somewhere before, reliving a conversation or performing an activity again, even if it really is the first time you have experienced this thing.

10. You know things about people or situations that prove to be correct, even though there is no way you could have consciously known about those things.

11. You have been compelled to make sudden changes in your life, such as giving up smoking or drinking alcohol, or leaving a long-term relationship. Or you haven’t done it yet but you’re seriously thinking about it and know it’s inevitable that you will.

12. You should be happy but… your life doesn’t feel like it fits anymore and you no longer feel like you know who you are, what you want or where you are going even if from the outside you look like you’ve got it all together. You’ll also feel like no-one will understand if you try to explain how you feel.

If this sounds like you, please don’t feel that there is something wrong with you, or that you are going crazy. Intuitive ability and psychic awakening is a normal part of our soul’s development. Modern western culture may no longer recognise the path you are taking, but it is very real, and you are not alone in this journey.

Trust that your time is now, and that you are very much needed in the world. Know that there is a place for you here in my tribe, and that I value you and all you are experiencing. Stay tuned for next Tuesday’s blog, where I’ll have all the details of my new Online Spiritual Mentoring Course for people who are going through Psychic Awakening.

Much love, Nicole xoxo

You’re Gone And I Still Miss You

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” 
~ Alfred Tennyson

Yesterday was July 4. It’s our niece’s birthday. It was our first dog Charlie’s birthday, Charlie who is now Harry. And it was Kate’s birthday.

Kate was such a dear friend. I met her hanging over the fence at my Auntie Doff’s when I was a kid – both of us in primary school. I was a goody-two-shoes. Kate was a foster child, a tough kid and ‘bad girl’ who secretly had a heart of gold, a wicked sense of humour and a shared love of books. She became my penpal at a time when people used to write letters to stay in touch and we became entwined in each other’s lives, using each other like a ‘Dear Diary’ and witnessing each other’s trials, tribulations and wobbly successes.

She died in 2010 and yesterday, July 4, she would have been 49 years old.

Kate was a crap cook, and a lover of junk food, a killer musician, circus and aerial artist and street performer. She was famous for her cupcake kebabs and Horses Doovers Towers – her only two and best dishes!

It’s been nearly ten years since she passed. Still, sometimes I find myself thinking that I’ll call Kate or send her some stupid Facebook thing I know she’d love. Sometimes the grief I feel and the still-missing-her is ferocious. I never knew it could continue to take my breath away at unexpected moments after all this time.

My friend Carls (none other than THE Carly-Jay Metcalfe) was a mate of Kate’s too and we always remember Kate on her birthday, message each other and make sure to eat cake. Kate would have been all for that. She was a girl who loved life and lived it hard.

The older I get the more my heart is marked by those strange unhealable wounds that are created when a loved one has left this life. I’m glad for those wounds, and for my dinged-up battered heart. I feel these departed loved ones around me still and they live on inside me. I still talk to them. I still think about them. I still hold them close.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I miss them so much I can hardly breathe.

That’s okay. That’s just what love does to you.

Hugs and love, Nicole xx

Need Help To Navigate Your Psychic Awakening?

“You can’t stop a teacher when they want to do something. They just do it.” 
~ J.D. Salinger

There’s a difference between ‘Spiritual Awareness’ and a full-on ‘Psychic Awakening’. Spiritual Awareness happens when we begin to understand that there is more to the Universe than meets the eye. It leads to such things as asking the Angels to find you an excellent parking spot right out the front of a crowded supermarket or deciding to learn Reiki. Spiritual Awareness is gentle and lovely and helps you feel connected, loved-up and curious about all kinds of spiritual and energetic things.

Psychic Awakening is a crazy ride, where your psychic and intuitive awareness becomes hyper-stimulated and hyper-alert, and where you cannot control how or when that happens. It leads to a rapid acceleration in your psychic and intuitive gifts and it can be so traumatic that it can tip people into mental illness or breakdown OR cause them to stall in their development or close off their intuitive abilities altogether.

Psychic Awakening is an unstable and often scary time. It’s lonely too because there’s usually no-one to talk with who’ll understand what you are going through. But I do, because I’ve been there. One of the things that led me to the work I do now is that I never wanted another person to have to find their way through a Psychic Awakening on their own and without a teacher – which is what happened to me all those years ago.

Once you’re through your Psychic Awakening you’re open to your intuitive gifts and you can use those gifts to support you in whatever you came to do in this life. Because EVERYONE who goes through Psychic Awakening has come here to this life to be of service in some way. You’ll all have a Calling, a reason for being here, and using your psychic and intuitive gifts will support you in your Calling.

I was sitting with a client yesterday, doing a Life Direction Reading with her. Before we started she told me about why she had come to see me.

‘I was in Bali and it came through in my meditation that I needed to see you. I got your name in my meditation and I googled Nicole Cody and then I made a booking. That probably seems crazy to you!’

‘No,’ I said. ‘It doesn’t sound crazy at all. There’s a certain group of people who find their way to my door because they need my help with a specific thing – their Psychic Awakening. That’s why you’re here.’

We had a great session together, but to navigate a Psychic Awakening you need more than ninety minutes. It just wasn’t enough time for me to give her everything she needed. And that bothered me because she left still needing my help.

My client was the fourth person I’ve seen in the past few weeks who is sitting in full-blown Psychic Awakening, and one of several I’ve talked with who feel that they are in some kind of strange feedback loop or go-slow with their psychic development after stepping into the initial stages of Psychic Awakening.

Which is why I’m posting this today. You see, I’m noticing this huge upswing in Awakening as we move toward 2020, and I know it’s the beginning of a major shift in consciousness.

So, I am considering creating a pilot ‘online spiritual mentoring course’ to help people cope with their Awakening and to teach them foundation skills for using their psychic gifts. Keeping it online means you’d be able to join in from wherever you are.

The format would be me leading a group of you through live teaching webinars and Q and A sessions, as well as giving you access to workbooks, videos, weekly activities and a private forum. I’d be mentoring you and showing you everything I’ve used to open up my own gifts to a place of stability, connection and flow. It’s the stuff I usually only teach on retreats, and some of it is stuff I’ve never taught to groups before. But it’s time, and I know you’re ready.

I’m thinking of an 8-to-10-week format, and for the course to start in mid to late August this year. If enough people are interested.

So, if this sounds like something you’re interested in you need to let us know.

Leave a comment below or contact my PA, Trish Lyons, at nicolecodyinfo@gmail.com

Lots of love, Nicole xx

Energies of July 2019

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” 
~ May Sarton

Hello, Lovelies!

At the beginning of every month, I discuss the energies and gifts of the month ahead and how we can best use them to make our lives satisfying, meaningful and productive. I also choose a card to support the energies of the month. The deck I am using this year is The Good Tarot by Colette Baron-Reid, and July’s card is TEMPTATION

July is a powerful month  –  it is both your wake-up call and your warning, and it will lead to further self-empowerment!

It’s time to identify what is holding you back and keeping you trapped. It’s a month for honestly identifying and owning any addictions, self-destructive or self-sabotaging behaviours and damaging relationships (with people, beliefs or situations). July also gifts you the clarity, energy and courage to end those things that do not serve your Highest  Good.

Where are you being pulled off your path?  Where are you failing to walk your truth or to put yourself, your values and your important projects or calling first?

Don’t be a slave to debt, to abusive relationships of any kind, or to situations where you are not valued.  This is a month that calls you to free yourself from those chains. Look to where you feel or are indeed trapped –  then work out what to do about it.

July shows you that there is no need to go for the quick fix or to chase after every bright shiny new promise.  All you ever need is the simplicity of well-considered goals that you care about and find engaging and satisfying.

Don’t be swayed by the lure of materialism either. At the end of your life what will have counted most are experiences, relationships, accomplishments, shared moments and moments where you have glimpsed the face of God – whatever you perceive that energy to be.

This is a month to overcome fear and doubt, a month to become stronger in yourself and your life direction, a month to remind yourself about what truly matters.

Best crystals this month? – Amazonite and Mookaite

Amazonite helps you to live bravely and from your heart. It will boost self-confidence and self-worth.

Mookaite is a gently shielding stone that helps you to think clearly and to break patterns of self-criticism and negative thinking. It aids in looking for positive solutions to life’s dilemmas and embracing change. 

Essential oils to support your journey?

I’m loving Ylang Ylang essential oil for July. It’s one of the main ingredients in the perfume Chanel No. 5 and it’s famed the world over for its luxurious uplifting floral fragrance. Ylang Ylang isn’t just a pretty scent though. It has proven ability to promote relaxation and positive emotions so it’s a great addition to your emotional wellbeing toolkit.

Try massaging a drop or two into the back of your neck to soothe you when you’re frazzled, or put a few drops into an Epsom Salts bath for deep relaxation.

If you’d like to diffuse it, try these blends:

  • 3 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Bergamot and 1 drop of Vetiver for a blend that is grounding and uplifting and sure to shift you into a positive headspace and support taxed adrenals
  • 3 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Geranium and 2 drops of Lavender for a sublimely relaxing and nurturing blend (this one’s good in the bath too!)
  • 2 drops of Ylang Ylang, 2 drops of Jasmine, 2 drops of Sandalwood and 1 drop of Frankincense to promote deep meditation and heightened intuition

I’m passionate about essential oils and their capacity to support our wellness journey and our spiritual and emotional wellbeing. If you’d like to know more or want to source the oils I recommend and trust visit this site or contact me at channelnc@gmail.com

Ylang Ylang flowers
Ylang Ylang Flowers. Image from www.malva-parfum.ua

Extra Help for Your Spiritual Journey

Are you ready to learn how to use Oracle or Tarot cards intuitively? Whether you’re a complete beginner or if you’ve been using cards for years you’ll love my new online course Journey of Transformation. I don’t teach you how to read cards the traditional way – I show you how to use them as a tool for your intuition!

My new self-paced Journey of Transformation online course teaches you how to use your intuition and oracle or tarot cards to gain insight and guidance for life’s troubles or to get clear on your future direction. I show you how to do a ten-card spread and how to interpret each card to answer questions that will give you insights and clear guidance for your life. This versatile spread can be used for yourself and others and is a favourite of mine when I’m looking for more than just a superficial answer to a current challenge.

Everyone who has done the course is raving about it, and many have compared it to the kind of in-depth teaching I do during my exclusive retreats. It’s only $47 AUD and that includes over 2 hours of instructional videos, two guided meditations and a beautiful downloadable workbook. Click here to find out more.

Above all, look after yourself this month. Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your hopes, your dreams, your values and the causes dear to your heart.

Refuse to let others treat you badly. Refuse to treat yourself badly. Honour this precious life for the gift that it is. And on this journey remember to slow down every so often to smell the roses.

Great change is coming. So start preparing now by tuning in to what is most needed in your life. Act on that wisdom.

I’m holding space for you to be all you came here to be, and I’m cheering you on!

All my love, Nicole xx


Just Be Kind, Okay?

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” 
~ Desmond Tutu

Hey, Lovely!

Can you do me a favour?

Be kind to yourself today. Be kind to those you meet. Smile. Give encouragement, or a compliment. Even if your own road is hard, or your heart is breaking, or you have nothing left in the tank.

The Universe acts in response to and amplifies energy. So every act of kindness anchors love and goodness and helps counteract those other energies – the ones that would tear us apart and break us down to rubble.

Be kind to yourself and everyone you meet. Life’s road is sometimes hard and you don’t know what positive ripples will flow out from you in life-changing ways just by living from your heart-space.

Thank you, and much love, Nicole xx

PS – I’m grateful for the outpouring of love and support for Matt and his family, and for the kindness and care you’ve shown me after yesterday’s post. Matt is off life support, but still in ICU. He’s stable and he and his family are being well looked after. As expected I ended up with an inbox full of hate-mail so your love was a beautiful counter-balance to that. I needed that sunshine on such a hard day. Thank you <3

Does God Make Mistakes? What Happened After Israel Folau’s Homophobic Post

“Encourage yourself, believe in yourself, and love yourself. Never doubt who you are.”
~ Stephanie Lahart

*Note – names and details have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. I have been given permission to post this story on the condition that this family remain anonymous. It’s a long read and an important one. Maybe make yourself a cuppa before you start.

One Saturday afternoon in Brisbane a few months ago, I heard a knock at my door. There stood a sweaty eager-faced young boy with grazed knees, clutching a bicycle helmet and a grubby envelope. His bike, wheels still spinning, was laying on the lawn in my front yard.

‘You’re Nicole Cody, right?’ he said. ‘I’m Matt. My parents have seen you. You know, Julie and David Smith. I’d like to see you too please.’ He handed me the envelope which was stuffed with five and ten dollar notes. ‘That’s my mowing money. Is it enough?’

I handed back his money, got him to stow his bike in our garage and invited him upstairs into my office. ‘No charge,’ I said. ‘Let’s just have a chat instead’

And then Matt told me his problem, cracking my heart open with his honesty and self-awareness.

‘I’ve got a big problem,’ he said. ‘You see, I’m gay. You know, a homosexual. I’m sure about that. I was born this way and I’ve known since I was little. I’m only twelve, so I’m not sexually active yet, but I’m attracted to men, not women. I’ve already had crushes. Not with my friends or anything. Just with people on TV and stuff. You know, all kids get crushes. When I was little I wanted to marry Justin Bieber. I thought you could marry anyone when I was little, but now I’m old enough to know better.’

‘So this gay thing is a problem for me right now,’ Matt continued. ‘You know Dad was a footballer, and my older brothers are all good at football, and I love playing football and maybe if people know I am gay or if my school knows they will ask me not to play any more, or my friends won’t want to be around me in case I fall in love with them, but I don’t think it works like that anyway. And it gets even worse than that. It’s a lot of problems.’ He sighed heavily.

I asked him to tell me more.

‘The biggest problems are all mixed up together and they are that I haven’t told my parents yet, and I’m worried about what they will say or maybe they will be ashamed of me or they won’t love me the same way any more. Right now they love me and they don’t know, and we don’t have any gay people as our friends so homosexuality is not a thing they know much about.

‘I don’t think they’ll be happy about my news. Dad was against the Gay Marriage Bill. Then when we were at Church last weekend the Minister was really negative about gay people and their lifestyles. I’m not sure what he meant but he is God’s representative and I really like him. So that upset me because if he knows I am gay he won’t approve of me and he won’t like me anymore, or maybe he will need me to leave that church, or maybe he will ask me to change but I prayed and prayed to God to change me already and nothing ever happened.’

Matt started to cry. Tears trickled down his cheeks and I slid a box of tissues over to him.

‘Keep going,’ I said. ‘I’m listening.’

‘Well, there is this footballer. His name is Israel Folau, and he is one of my favourite athletes because he is so good and talented and he wrote this thing about gay people and how we are going to Hell and so that’s two people who are important to me and both of them are telling me that I am a bad person and a faulty person because I am gay. I follow Mr Folau on Instagram and that’s where I saw this.’

He’d saved a copy of the post on his phone, and he showed it to me.

I noticed that Israel Folau would probably include me and most of my community under the label of ‘witchcraft’. I’ve been up against this kind of ignorance before.

‘That must have been difficult for you to read,’ I said, ‘especially coming from someone you respect and admire.’

‘It was. Really difficult.’

Matt looked suddenly smaller in the chair. He was just a boy, after all. A boy who should have been out playing footie with his friends.

He started again. ‘I know you are not a minister but my mum says you are really wise and a kind of Earth Angel and so I thought you would know the answer to this big question I have that is all I can think about.’

I nodded encouragingly. I couldn’t speak for the lump in my throat.

‘My question is…’

He paused and then his voice got so quiet that I had to lean in to hear him.

‘My question is does God make mistakes, and am I just a mistake?’

It took all I had not to cry with him.

He kept going. ‘Israel Folau says that I am going to hell with the drunks and liars and thieves and other bad people. I am only twelve and I am trying my best. I thought God loved me but now I don’t know anymore. I just feel bad and ashamed. I don’t know what to do.’

Then he said the thing that made my heart stop.

‘It makes me feel so bad that I wish I was dead. I think everyone might be better off without me if I can’t fix this problem.’

The boy was crying so much now that he was a tear and snot-soaked mess. We talked some more about how God is Love, and that if God is Love then God can only have love for Matt and that he wasn’t a mistake at all. He was simply part of the beautiful diversity that is humanity. When he was calm I made him a cup of tea and then I rang his mum, Julie. She came straight over and I supported Matt while he had a very hard conversation with his mum about his sexuality. Both of them cried and we all hugged and Julie promised her son that she still loved him and that everything would be okay.

Then Julie sent Matt downstairs to put his bike on the racks on the back of her car. ‘I’ve thought that he might be gay ever since he was two or three,’ she said. ‘And of course his Dad will be okay with it. It’s 2019. We’re a modern family. All we want for our boys is that they are healthy and happy.’

‘Did you know he’s been thinking about harming himself?’ I asked.

Julie went pale. ‘No,’ she said, her eyes filling with tears. ‘Okay, thanks for letting me know. I’ll take him home now and we’ll get this sorted.’ We hugged again and she drove away.

I was deeply affected by my visit from Matt. Matt’s homosexuality is not a ‘lifestyle choice’. He is a child of only twelve. He was born this way and has felt this way since his earliest memories. As Israel Folau might see it, Matt was made that way by God. If God is all-powerful and all-loving, then this is no mistake but an act of pure love. Matt is a clever, kind, funny and sensitive boy who is popular at school, a good sportsman, an active member of his church and a good citizen. It devastated me to see him feeling so judged and condemned that he was contemplating self-harm.

Like Matt, I struggled as a child, being different to others and feeling like I was ‘a mistake’. I was born the way I am too. I am psychic. I’ve been this way all my life. I can’t change it. It’s hard-wired into who I am. It took a long time for me to be open about my abilities as an adult for fear of being judged. Many Christians have ridiculed, humiliated, judged and bullied me. I’ve had people refuse to sit beside me at conferences after finding out who I am, quoting Leviticus (the Bible) to me: “If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.” and “A man or a woman who is a medium or a necromancer shall surely be put to death. They shall be stoned with stones; their blood shall be upon them.” I don’t believe that. I believe that we come from Love and return to Love, and that love and kindness are more Godly than judgement and cruelty.

Julie rang me late yesterday. Matt is in hospital after a suicide attempt. He’s twelve. He’s a great kid who has been terribly distressed by everything that is happening right now about Israel Folau’s fight with Rugby Australia over Folau’s right to freedom of speech, and about Matt’s idol’s continued stance on homosexuality as a sin against God.

Israel Folau, I support your right to your own opinion and to practice the religious beliefs of your choice. But you are also a role model and a public figure representing your country, a club brand and a sporting code. As part of that code, and your acceptance of your role within that code and the pay packets you received as an employee of that code, you had a duty of care to uphold the values of that code and to not do harm to your fans and supporters. You have failed that duty of care.

I am struggling to find the words right now for the fallout your post and subsequent actions have created. If any good is to come of it, then I hope that is this – we start having the conversations we need to have around these issues, and that we can find a way forward as a community that is inclusive, compassionate and kind.

With much love, Nicole xx

PS – Need help? In Australia you can contact Kids Helpline or  Lifeline, and for people outside Australia you can find help here.

Sokli’s Lessons About Life – Via A Broken Crystal

“Did you know that pottery can be repaired with gold?” Kami asked. “Then it’s meant to be stronger than before, and more beautiful. Which is awesome, though it seems expensive.”

Her grandmother had nodded. “Makes sense to me,” she said. “Why be broken when you can be gold?” 
~ Sarah Rees Brennan

“…in repairing the object you really ended up loving it more, because you now knew its eagerness to be reassembled, and in running a fingertip over its surface you alone could feel its many cracks – a bond stronger than mere possession.” 
~ Nicholson Baker

When I take students on Retreat I spend time choosing personal crystals for each of them. These stones then sit in a grid out on the land on my farm, under sun and clouds and moon and stars and rain and wind and the songs of birds and the meanderings of critters.

I meditate with each stone and pour energy, intention and programming into it.

Then on Retreat I teach the participants how to do the same. By the end of our time together their stones have become potent energy tools, and a great comfort to hold in meditation or while doing soul work.

One of my students sent us a message a few days ago. Her crystal broke and she wasn’t sure what to do. This is what she wrote:

My crystal broke. Has it completed its mission with me? Do I need another one? (It would have to be from the bargain basement table 🙁). Transfer the info into something else I have? Maybe another stone Nicole’s given me? How do I transfer? Wing it? Do I just use the broken one? Waaaaaa

My dear friend Sokli (the fairy!) had an immediate answer, and it was one I had not expected. I love Sokli’s response because it is such a powerful reflection on life. This student has suffered from health challenges and other difficulties recently and it is fair to say that they have had a hard time of it although things are now improving again.

From Sokli: Hullo hullo hullo dear friend (we’re keeping the name private). So your rock broke and that is sad but also you broke and you are still okay and we still love you and you are still awesomey so this little rock needs GLUE and then it can remind you that broken things still have power and power and magic and magic and usefulness even with a cracky bit and needing glues. When you get glued back together you can just keep going and that crack is a scar just like when human people and animal people get doctor peoples to sew them up when they get cutted or busted open so just mend it with love and it has even more power than before from your very true friend SOKLI xxxxx

Sokli made me think of the Japanese art of Kintsugi, where broken pottery is glued back together with resin that has been mixed with gold. Instead of hiding the damage it is highlighted and given value so that the piece shares its honest history and is valued more for that history.

Not everything that is broken is devalued.

Broken things can be repaired and their scars become a part of their history and of their story of strength and resilience.

Fairy wisdom is good for all of us.

Much love to you, Nicole xx

PS – Want to learn how to use your intuition and oracle or tarot cards to gain insight and guidance for life’s troubles or to get clear on your future direction? You need my Journey of Transformation online course. Click here to find out more.

PSS – Think you might be psychic? Know that you’re intuitive but don’t know what to do with that? Looking for a teacher, and a great bunch of friends to join you on your spiritual journey? Come join us in our YOM Membership group and community with access to online courses and materials, meditations, exclusive webinars and a very active Facebook group. Click here to find out more.