Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Yeah, we knew it would happen.
Lots of people had an opinion about my post yesterday explaining my current state of hair mattedness. And some people reached out privately to share them.
They fell into two distinct groups.
The first group of private messages went like this:
My dear friend. I love seeing your face knotted hair and all. If you need a hand to wash and brush I will be there. I could even do it while you lie down. I’m serious and I’m double vaxxed. Jen
That kind of message made me feel so loved, so connected, and so grateful. There is so much goodness and kindness in the world, and I am fortunate to have people like you in my life.
And then there was the second group of messages. They mostly went like this:
Oh girlfriend! Sorry you’ve been unwell AGAIN. Looking pretty witchy there. I have a great cosmetic tattooist who could sort out your patchy eyebrows and she’d also put some filler in the major crease above your nose. Smiling that way doesn’t do your eyes any favours. You could be so beautiful with a little help. Makeup would be a plan, and a colourist to sort out all those greys. Also, I do think you’re ruining your brand by banging on about your health all the time. Someone has to tell you. No-one will want to do business with you soon. Maybe you could get a copywriter to batch some psychic-related posts for you. Get a good business coach to help you streamline things. Maybe even employ a bunch of online psychics and run a live-on-demand psychic readings business, endorsed or trained by you. That’s where the money is. Just focus on that. Get some proper photos done. Get some up to date branding. Employ a stylist and a brand strategist like I did. I think you’d be better off to outsource the whole thing. You’ve got so much capacity. I wish you’d let your friends help you more. Mel
I’m sure they are well-intended, but that’s just not what I’m about. Also, what is success supposed to look like? To me it’s about being true to yourself, and how you treat other people, and how true you are to your art/heart/purpose/dreams – not how many followers or likes you have.
I’m far from perfect.
So are you.
That’s the truth, and that’s okay.
Also, I live with chronic illness every day. That’s my truth. It might be your truth too – now, or into the future.
Here are some statistics for you, to put things in perspective:
15% of the global population lives with some kind of life-limiting disability. That’s around 1 billion people.
50% of adults globally live with some form of chronic health condition. Around 8% of children (aged 5 to 17) globally live with a chronic health condition that limits their capacity to engage in normal daily activities.
Many people who live with illness and disability are also active members of the community, employees, business owners, entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, writers. Our illness or disability may be invisible. We learn to adapt and to work with or despite our conditions.
I’ll keep showing up here, unless I physically can’t, or am on some incredible holiday somewhere. I’ll keep sharing MY life, all the parts, not just the parts that society deems acceptable or worthy.
I am worthy, just as I am. And so are you.
Long live kindness, friendship and being genuine and real.
Lots of love, witchy Nicole who now has two plaits (woohoo to progress!) and a whole bunch of friends ready to help me deknot!
PS – patchy eyebrows? I didn’t know I have patchy eyebrows. A new thing to get insecure over? Nah, I don’t think so. Although after I read Mel’s text I did go check them out in the mirror. They are blonde eyebrows. They look like my eyebrows. I’m okay with that. And if you’re not, well that’s your business.