“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
~ Sigmund Freud
It’s never healthy to swallow our grief, to stuff down our pain, to ignore our heartache.
And I also know that sometimes you just can’t fall afford to fall apart in the moment. You might be a care-giver. Or there’s no-one else to support you. You have to get to work on time. You got the bad news on a bus. There’s so much going on and it’s just one hit after another. You need to pick up the kids or keep going until you get through your final exams. One of those things. All of those things.
But honey, it’s not healthy to bottle all that stuff up. Eventually those feelings need to be felt.
I have a prescription that works well, and it can be taken at a time that’s convenient to you.
Give yourself a decent length of time. It might be a night. It might be a weekend. It might be a week. You’ll know what feels right.
Get yourself ready by making sure that you’ll be on your own at home. Find some DVDs that you KNOW tap into your emotions and help you to truly feel and to cry. They will allow you to find a way back to your own repressed feelings through the journeys and stories of others.
Have some tissues on hand. Some food. Clean sheets, pyjamas, things that will comfort and nurture you.
Then sit on the couch and watch those movies.
Play the soundtracks that reduce you to tears.
Cry. Wail. Howl. Sob. Blubber like a baby. Scream with grief and rage. Storm around the house in despair and futility. Cry some more.
Get it all out.
Do this until you’re done.
You’ll know it because you’ll feel an easing. Sunshine will begin to pour into that space that’s been cramped and dark and musty. You’ll feel lighter somehow. You’ll come to a space of peace.
Feelings need to be felt.
Maybe it’s time to feel yours.
I’m holding that space for your healing.
All my love, Nicole xx
14 thoughts on “How to Connect with Unexpressed Grief and Emotional Pain”
I have known for a long time I had to do grief work, but put it off with medication,TV, food. None of it works anymore and have said Yes – now is the time. I am 66 years old.
As a young child I was severely beaten by my mother for refusing to go to school. I was only 5 and was not ready for first grade and the nuns. The sad thing was I was told I had a choice – the beating or school. I chose the beating, but still had to go to school. I believe I learned then and there not to express my opinion,not to say what I wanted or needed, not to trust. I remember sobbing myself to sleep.Two months after that my father, who was a firefighter passed away in the line of duty. I don’t remember grieving for him until I was 40 and saw the movie ‘Backdraft” – The tears just flowed. I was always extremely shy and did not talk and became a people pleaser well into my 50’s. Have been working on change for a long time. Thank for for your advice on how to release the grief.
Kathleen, thank you for sharing your story with us. This is a very loving and supportive community here at my blog. I just wanted to acknowledge all your self-work, and to send you the biggest hug. Bless <3 xoxo
Thank you, Nicole. Lovely post. I often listen to the same song over and over to help access grief and bring on the tears. I love how well it works.
Fantastic post and absolutely true! I know too many people who avoid or ignore the pain at their own peril.
Reblogged this on Beginnings & Endings.
Like I have said before and will say again Nicole ‘YOU’ should be on prescription . You have to have felt pain to give advice on pain …that is why you are so good at it …bless you .
My Dad has passed. It has been a long, slow dwindling.
Although he was old it is still very sad.
Thank you for this post. It was timely.
I will be coming back to Australia for his funeral.
sharing this with a niece who lost her daughter from suicide…Oh, how hard it is!…your words touched me…so maybe they will help her!
Ok, so this woman is pretty woo hoo, but I like her stuff. Saw the image at the bottom and it reminded me of my thought that the only way out of pain was through…spent an amazing day yesterday at the cancer support unit at the San with a friend who has cancer who was finishing her life writing course (may train to be a facilitator there next year), and helped Liam’s class be the hero in their own stories last week…trying to say, reframing and re telling your story with yourself as the hero or victor with knowledge to impart can be very powerful, as can telling stories in general…was exciting. Sorry for the ramble, will get back to your email soon 🙂
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Wise words of advice, Nicole 🙂 <3
Yes a great post. Very much needed by a lot of people at the moment. Take care xxxx
A bloody great post my friend