“A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness.”
~ Robert Frost
It’s been an emotional few days for me. One of our community lost her partner to suicide on the weekend. Another, her teenaged son. Two unexpected deaths. Two families left behind, broken and powerless and emptied out of reason and hope. And I have done my best for them, to bring comfort and support and to be there as friend and witness. To hold them in my meditations and prayers.
With the energies of the past few months, and the intensity of the full moon, it’s been hard for many sensitive souls. It’s been harder than usual for people with mental illness. So I’ve been busy. My psychic senses have been working overtime. The past two nights I’ve woken suddenly in the early hours and somehow found myself at my computer, or on the end of a phone, talking to clients who were suicidal. Reaching out to others too, who I knew were doing it tough.
Each time I woke unexpectedly, with someone on my mind, and sent a message out into the world so I could check on them. There the person was – in a world of pain and darkness, ready to end things except that now I was talking with them instead. Talking and holding space and helping them come back to themselves, helping them to know that their feelings were momentary, and not worthy of a permanent action they would regret.
Fulfilling work but exhausting too.
So this morning I will walk on the beach, I will sit beneath tall trees, I will let the sunshine and rain fill me up and empty me out. And I will read Bukowski. Many years ago this poem helped me through some of my own dark days. We all have dark days. It’s part of being human. Know that they will pass.
Bukowski was right. Bless Bukowski, and bless all of you.
You are precious and dear to me, and your life matters. I’m here for you.
There are many others who are here for you too. Seek them out. Ask for help. Talk to someone. Connect with someone. Know that things will change, and that you can change too.
Sending so much love, your friend, Nicole ❤ xx
‘The Laughing Heart’ by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvellous
the gods wait to delight
8 thoughts on “Catching my breath…”
You are such a special gem xxx
❤️❤️❤️❤️ for you Nicole xx
I choked a little reading post…kinda makes wanna cry
Suicide is such a terrible thing and those affected by it need strength to go through the pain
Sending big hugs and love your way. Such a sad time for those affected by it. Taking time for you it “Vital”. Hope you have time to have a dig in the garden, planting new seedlings and watching the bees come to the flowers in the clover. A picnic or a morning tea on the lawn sounds like the perfect thing to do. Do take the time to fill your well. You deserve it. xxx
Ah Nic. Thank you for being so strong for everyone in the midst of all you do. We’re here for you too. And each other. You’ve created such a beautiful warm and kind community. Xoxo
Blessed Be and Blessed are we for you in our lives…XXOOXX
I wish you much joy and love on the beach, under the trees and in the sunshine.
You have helped me enormously, I can see the light again.
And yes, I did find myself in that deep dark space from which you pulled me out.
Thank You and God bless you.
Sending you much love and Hugs.