A Heart-Gladdening Walk


“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” 
~
John Muir

I felt raw yesterday, raw and exhausted and all used up. (not sure why, read this post)

I tried to sit at my desk and work, but couldn’t find a rhythm. My overflowing inboxes were overwhelming. I didn’t have enough words left in me for writing or for guiding. So, in the end, I left the hotel and began walking.

At first I walked without noticing anything but my feet moving along the footpaths and roads.

My head was strangely full of the sudden worry of becoming old and ill and having no-one to care for me. I have a chronic degenerative illness. My husband and I have no children. My siblings have no children. My circle is small and ever-dwindling. Who will advocate for me at the end? Who will hold my hand?

Stupid fat tears kept rolling down my cheeks.

Stupid.

I kept walking.

The more I walked the more these worrying thoughts emptied out.

I began to notice my surroundings. Shopfronts, cafes, flower carts, old churches, street musicians, the aroma of coffee and freshly baked bread.

I began to notice people.

Suddenly I was laughing. My heart filled up with beauty and wonder. I have faced death before and in those hours strangers were there for me. Nurses and doctors and kind-hearted hospital workers.

In someone else’s trials I was there for them.

That’s how it’s meant to work. How can I trust the spiritual flow of my work and not trust that this flow will also somehow support me in my time of need?

Silly me. It’s all okay. It will always be okay.

After my long walk I came home and slept. Then I returned to my desk. There is much work to be done and I am the one to do it and that’s okay too.

10 thoughts on “A Heart-Gladdening Walk

  1. Badass girl. Cannot express the number of times you have saved me from myself. Know that your words resonate far beyond this blog.

  2. Nicole, I’m here and always will be for you, as you were for me. I will never forget. Much love and big hugs my dear friend xox. 💖🌈💐

  3. Blessings Nicole. This wisdom you share and the tenderness of your vulnerability and truth is such a healing thing in our world. I can literally feel the ripples flowing out. I am currently the recipient of such kindness in a different context and it fills me with the knowing that one day, I too, will be able to help others in perhaps small but important ways. Much love Simone

  4. Biggest hug and love beautiful Nic..
    glad you are feeling a bit better after your walk I totally understand the overwhelming feelings you are having about everything.. I am always here for you.. love you very much and we are very overdue for a catch up.. ❤️💖🥰✨🌈

  5. What you share always moves me to my core. You touch on things that hit home and make me cry, smile, and help. God bless. Love, Susan

  6. Oh, sweetheart. You must know you’ll never be left alone, without advocates. You’ve built and you lead a community of souls through your own love, light and generosity. Your circle is immense, deep and close. Any time you need a hand, or a word, or an advocate, you need only reach out. I for one will be there, and I won’t be the only one. Take good care, and lean on us when you need to; we lean on your strength often enough. xxx

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