“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”~ Paulo Coelho
Is it better to know or not know?
It’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times that I can no longer trust the answer.
I am dancing a slow dance with something that is robbing me of my life, in pieces so tiny and inconsequential that it seems, some days, like it’s all in my imagination.
Constantly I adjust my gaze. Shift to a new paradigm of normal. And each time my world diminishes a little bit more.
When my gaze is recentered I look for the positive, the uplifting, the beautiful.
At times, I’m Blessed with expansion. Or sometimes I force it and pay the price later. But isn’t that what life is for? For living?
I try not to look beyond the boundaries of my shrunken world. To do that is to long for a life I can’t have right now. Possibilities and choices left far behind. I’ve seen what that does to people. It fills them with bitterness and regret. It sucks the goodness out of what remains.
We, all of us, live with diminishment, doors closed, things ended, storms that come and wash it all away.
And if it wasn’t for this unknown thing, I never would have explored this rich inner world, and the worlds beyond that. I think that’s a fair trade-off.
It’s still a beautiful life. It’s still good here in my little corner, even as the storms pass over. The trick is learning to dance in the rain, while I wait for the sun to come out again…