Lovely, Lovely 3am

moonlight

“You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized.  It’s okay.  Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do. ”
~ Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, & Grumblings for Every Day of the Year

 

Every day, since I was around twelve years old, I have risen early to meditate, to write, and to reflect on my day before the rest of the world wakes up. That quiet time is my gift to myself, and I have come to value it as sacred time.

Today, the day after my birthday and the first day of my new year, I am awake more early than usual. I wanted to reflect on my year ahead. What that might mean for me. How I would shape these coming days. What choices I might make.

If I am the Captain of my own ship, then I must set my own direction.

I grew up in an era where I was told that girls could do anything. That my life would be a whirling dance party of endless opportunity. That makes me smile now, thinking back. There is such hope and breath-taking naivety in that assumption. Perhaps it’s true that you can have anything. But in choosing one thing it often precludes others. No-one ever talked about that!

Image by Vladimir Pervunesky

Image by Vladimir Pervunesky

So here I am, standing in the doorway of another year. What a privilege to have these days stretch out before me. Having lived on the cusp of demise so long, it buoys me up to think that the quality of these next three hundred and sixty-five days may be better. That I may enjoy improved health, more energy, and a brain that can grapple with the bigger questions.

Life has certainly been a big teacher for me. Lyme disease, left undiagnosed so long, has until recently left me rendered down to so few possibilities and functionalities.

This year, as I contemplate the advancing year and how I may best use it, I am able to be steered by my values. What’s important to me. What actions, philosophies and relationships matter to me.

There is great comfort in that. And that comfort has been won by so many years of early mornings, of quiet reflection, of painful self-examination and wordless wonderings.

I have whittled down all of those endless possibilities into a handful that have meaning for me. Later today I will sit with my journal and a pot of tea, and create a map for myself, steering me toward what matters, and away from what doesn’t.

How about you?

Do you ever gift yourself time for reflection? Do you actively make choices about the person you wish to become, and the life you desire to lead?

It’s not too late. You can start today.

There is something precious in honouring the finite choices of our life. There is power in choosing this thing over that thing. Our choices are how we shape ourselves. Making choices consciously is how we claim back our emotional and spiritual centre, turning life into a delicious adventure.

Your life, like mine, is a precious gift. I’m excited to be unwrapping the beginnings of another year.

Bless xx

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10 thoughts on “Lovely, Lovely 3am

  1. I love your posts Nicole. I feel so blessed and filled with gratitude for the day I stumbled upon your website and for you sharing your wisdom and life and your heart so openly. You have helped me to turn my life around and fill it with peace and calm, I would like to thank you, thank you, thank you for the greatest gift of all, other than the gift of life itself, and that is introducing me to the wonderful beautiful soul that is me! I have finally realized what my life’s purpose is! It is….Just be me!! So simple, but oh so difficult! Through your many beautiful and loving guided meditations and posts I am finally learning the art of loving myself! Thank you again Nicole, I too am excited to be unwrapping the beginnings of another year! Sending much Love & gratitude to you Nicole. You are an Earth Angel you are! For which I am indeed grateful! I can only imagine what it would be like to be in room with you in it, and feel the beautiful positive energy you radiate! WOW! for want of a better word.

  2. Dear Nicole. Thank you so much for these quiet, beautiful inspiring words. They really resonate with me – across the Earth, from Australia to Denmark :). I also want to thank you for your meditations, you have a wonderfully soothing voice, and it’s enhanced when you sit outside, and are backed by crickets, frogs and birds. I wish you good health and happiness for your next 365 days! Hanne

  3. I hope that the coming year is 365 days of regaining your health and strength and each of these days brings happiness and special times and memories to cherish. After the years of ill health and pain you have coped with my prayer for you is that this can be the year of many rainbows after the tumultuous storms. To sit and reflect in the stillness of early morning is a special time of the day and I can appreciate how much it means to you. It is the time of day when I also can put plans into action, pray for loved ones that have daily struggles with personal and health problems and thank God for all that my life has brought my way. I found your posts through my sister in laws face book page and am thrilled that I can read your special pages xx

  4. I had a busy live, being a single mum. Struggling to be the “perfect Mom” putting my dreams and aspirations on hold until they were older and self sufficient. They are now but I have been chronically ill nearly all my life with symptoms worsening. MSIDS ( Lyme’s) diagnosis last year threw me into a tailspin. My life has become so small and I miss the days the girls were stll around. I miss my life and had/have to learn to love and live with myself. I am still trying to make sense of it all and what the purpose is. Your blog has made me realise that moments are all we have and to enjoy the good ones. Thank you

  5. I’m in the same stage of life after long-time lyme. It is indeed amazing to see possibilities open back out before one after seeing them close in year after year. We do learn very well how to prioritise and simplify, though. I hope I can keep that as i go forward and not let all the other stuff creep back in.

  6. Belated Birthday wishes Nicole (somehow I missed it?) Looking forward to hearing more about your life choices; you are not only an inspiration but a giver of great wisdom. Thanks Hugs X

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