It would not be possible to praise nurses too highly.
~ Stephen Ambrose
I’m staying home today. I’m not planning on going ANYWHERE. And if you’re squeamish or have issues with bodily emissions stop reading now, or go straight to the bottom of the page…
As most of you know I am following a strict medical diet right now while my doctors test medications and supplements to see what might work for me as future treatment.
Part of that monitoring is a series of lab tests where I must get samples to a strict protocol.
Some of the tests I can get done by having bloods drawn. Easy.
Some of the other tests involve collecting samples of bodily emissions (think saliva, urine and faeces) over a 24 hour period after taking base-line samples and then ingesting prescribed meditations and seeing how my body eliminates/absorbs them. Because of COVID I can collect my non-blood samples myself, at home. They then get picked up and taken to the lab.
My doctors walked me through it in ten minutes. It seemed straightforward as long as I followed the detailed instructions. They sent kits out to me – because I’ll need to do the tests three times. Yep, I could still work and have a normal day as long as I got all of my samples done and followed the instructions. It shouldn’t be too intrusive on my day, they said. So – that was my initial plan.
Then, I talked to a clinic nurse…
The first thing she asked me was if I had set a day, or possibly two aside, to do the tests.
Why?, I asked. I explained that I’d planned to work, but I work from home.
She asked what kind of work that was and I explained that I may need to sit in a chair talking to a client online for up to 90 minutes at a time.
She laughed. How are you going to get your samples like that?
In my breaks, I said. This is what the doctors had confirmed would be my plan.
She eyeballed me. I monitor these tests in hospital too. Most people get urgent and explosive gut and bladder reactions to these substances. That gets worse as the day goes on. You’ll want to be at home, near the toilet, wearing comfy clothes that are easy to take off quickly if you get the urge to go, and near a shower in case there are any accidents. No pants is best, and a big t-shirt or nightie. Wear a jumper or dressing gown if it’s cold. Lots of people also get bad headaches and feel very unwell. It would be much better if you stayed quiet, rested and just focused completely on getting your samples done properly.
Then she went into great detail about how to get my various samples, and how to capture every drop of my urine over a twenty-four hour period. She suggested baby wipes and protective cream for the period AFTER my sample-gathering, because she expects that I will be sore and raw. She gave me tips for taking the medications and for managing the vast quantity of water I must drink. She told me I would likely want to sleep the next day away after my sampling is done, because it is likely I won’t sleep well during the twenty-four hour sampling period. She gave me a list of the best foods to eat to settle my digestive system after the tests are complete. She told me to call her or the other clinic nurses if I had any questions or problems and they would be there for me.
So, this morning I am ready. And I honestly can’t thank the clinic nurses enough. Because I actually feel prepared in practical ways, and I feel that I know better what to expect. I have a great team of doctors, but today it’s the nurses who are making me feel ready to do this. Nurses are the best!
Wish me luck. And if there’s no blog tomorrow, it will be because I am still sampling, or asleep!
Love and the delights of medical research, Nicole xx
PS – Meanwhile, my flash sale over in my ETSY shop is still happening. Go here to grab your bargain Nicole’s ETSY Sale, but know that if you order today I most likely won’t be filling that order til Monday!