Not Fighting It

 

Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before.

You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.
― Elizabeth Edwards

Hey, Lovelies.

Thanks for all the love and birthday wishes you sent my way. You really brightened my day.

So, was it quiet? Yes. Gloriously so. There was cake and good snacks, some wonderful old movies, naps and lots of quiet reflective time. It was the birthday I needed, and then yesterday was the day in bed I needed, because gee it’s taking me longer to get back on my feet this time.

I’ve decided not to fight it, this deep fatigue in me. Usually, I would. I’d work hard to get more energy, I’d push myself to get things done or to be there for people, or to not let anyone down. I’d find ways to prop myself up with herbs or acupuncture or supplements or stubbornness. But that’s something I don’t seem to be able to do anymore.

Now, if I’m tired I go back to bed. If I run out of puff in the middle of a conversation I apologise and then go rest. If I only have one good hour, or two good hours, then I do what I can for these hours, and when I feel myself fading I call it a day.

I figure I haven’t ever tried this whole ‘acceptance of what is’ thing before. Not really. I’ve given it lip service but underneath I have kept hustling, and maybe that was part of the problem. So, I’m open to however my new way of being will look, and to however long it may take to get my oomph back, and also to the fact that it might never come and that I will find a way to navigate that too. I’m weirdly okay with that.

Maybe not fighting what is might work for you too.

Love, hugs, comfy armchairs and soft pillows, Nicole xx