“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.”
~ Steve Maraboli
Recently I received a message on facebook that I thought it was worth answering here on my blog.
Random Question – What does one do with the compulsive need to ‘save’ people or fix things?? You know, when you can feel and sense everything bubbling away. The stuff they are not even willing to acknowledge. I get very burdened by that and have this burning desire to get it up and out and make it right, it’s not always good…..
I love this question.
Can you see any aspect of yourself in this? I know that this describes the way that I once lived in the world, and the way I used to feel about so many things.
It’s an especially big question for lightworkers, healers of all persuasions, coaches and counsellors, and people who are waking up to their own intuitive and spiritual nature.
Often, we can see a better way to do things. A fast way to fix something. A clear solution to someone else’s situation or problem.
As the author of this question wrote, sometimes you can see ‘stuff they are not even willing to acknowledge’.
So, what should you do?
Firstly, sit quietly in your own good self and ask yourself What’s this really all about?
Is it possible that you are simply very sensitive or perhaps even over-sensitive to emotions, energy and disharmony right now? Is the choice or behaviour or situation of another person causing you irritation, frustration, anger or great sadness? If that’s true for you then it’s best for you to go spend time in nature, to be alone for a while, to find some quiet time and space where you can rest, ground and unwind a little. When we get this sensitive we often react in ways that aren’t helpful for ourselves or others. Acknowledge your own emotional state. Look after your own needs first.
Perhaps your great big heart is simply stretched to bursting with worry and compassion. You hate to see this person suffering, or making bad choices, or causing suffering to others. In this case the best place to start might by using meditation or prayer for this person, and visualising them as transcending or overcoming their current circumstances in ways that allow them to be happier and healthier. Practice kindness and understanding. Know that this is their journey, and their learning. It’s hard to learn a lesson or to build skills and confidence in solving your own problems if someone else sorts it all out for you. Can you wait until they ask for help? Can you offer help, but be okay if they don’t take you up on that offer? Do all that you can not to sit in judgement, or to say things that will make the person feel worse about themselves.
Is it even your place to interfere? Of course, I’m not talking about walking past a person bleeding out in the street or whose house is burning down. Rendering help to someone genuinely in need is always a good thing to do. But that is about being of service. That is about the Universe working through you in coming to the aid of another in a time of trial or crisis. It’s not about fixing what is broken in someone.
And lastly, do you find yourself focusing on everyone else’s pain points because you are avoiding something in yourself or your own life?
Some of my most powerful lessons have come through my own bad choices, wrong actions, overt need to please others, or plain carelessness. If I had been ‘saved’ or ‘fixed’ in any of those situations I would never have grown wiser or moved to the space beyond that place of stuckness or pain. Ultimately it was me who needed to see and own the problem, and to actively work on seeking a better outcome so that I could evolve to a space of greater wholeness.
As a lightworker you can be of service by offering to help, by supporting with kindness, by being a compassionate listener, or simply by allowing things to unfold and sitting in a space of love and non-judgement. By offering guidance when asked for advice. Life is messy and hard for all of us at times. Each of us are capable of acts of great ignorance, ego and stupidity. Hardship often happens when we least expect it.
All of us deserve love anyway.
This compulsive need to save or to fix? Check that it’s not coming from a deep insecurity and a need to earn love from others.
Check that it’s not coming from a place of standing on higher moral ground.
Check that it’s not coming from the instability that is always created when we step into the beginnings of psychic awakening and become aware of emotions, energies and thoughts in other people – in ways that can often be confusing for us, or make us feel as though ‘we have to do something!’
I have come to see that life is far more complex and multi-layered with meaning that I can rightly understand. Things that make no sense at all in the moment reveal wisdoms to us only years later.
We are all wounded. We are all vulnerable. We are all, at times, oblivious. And that’s okay.
When we view the world with loving eyes, and come from a place of kindness that seeks to understand and accept, we also begin to create a deeper sense of harmony and inner peace within ourselves. We lift ourselves up. We smooth our own ride through life.
I hope that helps.
I honour the place in you that so loves others, and that wants to alleviate their suffering and ease their journey.
Sending much love to you, Nicole <3 xx