Shiny Unicorn Attack (Cos It Had To Happen…)

“Never laugh at live dragons.” ~ J R R Tolkien

So, I’m standing in a health food store yesterday, waiting while someone finds a product I’d ordered.

I’m miserable. My eyes are streaming and one is gummed closed. My face is blotchy and puffy. I have a UTI and a chest infection and I am herxing badly from Lyme die-off. I’m wearing an adult diaper under my jeans. I am wheezing and coughing. I’m in pain. I look like death. I feel like death. I’m sleep deprived. It’s not my best day. (see yesterday’s blog for the full update)

I’m so uncomfortable. To distract myself while they find my stuff I go for a wander through the aisles. I could use some new lip balm. A sales assistant sidles up beside me and asks me how I am. ‘Awesome,’ I respond.

She looks at me and I smile.

‘Ok,’ I add. ‘Not awesome, but I’m doing okay. Thanks for asking.’

And then she does it. She hits me with the big New Age Shiny Unicorn.

‘Your problem? It’s a mental thing,’ she says. ‘You created it and you’re in charge. Just use some positive affirmations and you can turn it all around. You’ll be feeling better in no time.’ She attempts to lead me towards a helpful display of positive thinking books and Louise Hay affirmation cards.

I had to seriously reign in my violent thoughts.

‘Actually,’ I say, ‘it’s not a mental thing. I’m in pain. A lot of pain. I’m quite unwell. I’m happy, and I have a great life and a lot of gratitude and a good attitude, but I also have pain. No amount of positive affirmations are going to fix that right now.’

She tries again, beaming at me. ‘Oh, come on. You won’t know if you don’t try! You’re a master manifestor who is just doing it wrong. What else is possible? How could you create a happier day?’

I’m sure I’ve wet my pants. I think I can feel urine trickling into my shoe. My skin feels like insects are biting me. I excuse myself and go back to the front counter.

After I’ve paid for my supplements I have a quiet word with the manager about her overly-cheerful staff member and explain the conversation I’ve just endured. The manager has the good grace to look horrified and we agree that some staff training might be appropriate.

Rant over. If you don’t know what the problem is here then refer to this blog post.

Hugs and love, cranky Nicole who is actually still mostly happy and with a good attitude xx

Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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15 thoughts on “Shiny Unicorn Attack (Cos It Had To Happen…)

  1. Nicole I am 66 and I have had much ill health in my life. More than I deserve I reckon.
    Some days are good days, some days are bad days and some days are really bad days.
    Like you I put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
    That’s all there is to it I reckon. I always have a little Hope the next day will be better.
    I hate it when well meaning people say things like “You don’t look sick” or “Your looks don’t pity you”. I know they mean well but I wouldn’t mind swapping places with them.
    I read somewhere we are exactly where we are meant to be so I’m me and that’s okay.

  2. Brave & Brainy with a great sense of humour my admiration on your talent of expression and stick ability. Babe !! What’s that song soldier on . AMAZING 😉

  3. Amazing restraint! These unthinking people just dont know what damage they do.Thankyou for taking the time to speak to her manager!I am not sure I could have been that civil.Sending good wishes that your journey improves quickly!!

  4. Such great restraint! I was watching “You can’t ask that” on ABC last night. It was on people who had somehow survived catastrophic disasters – Port Arthur massacre, Granville train disaster, Bali bombing, etc.
    One of the questions was “it was a long time ago, can’t you get over it?”
    They patiently explained one by one you never get over it.
    The shop girl was probably naive enough to believe that and just trying to be helpful BUT as you told the manager, she needed training! 💖

  5. So sad that so much is turned into a meme…these days . I often find myself, when I’m corrected with memes when I talk about myself, apart from a hearty NO, is “that is a superficial meme, and is offensive to say the least” . Health food stores have an abundance of “superior beings” :). While Louise Hay did great work in the 80’s ….let it go guys isn’t relevant now

  6. Its all too common, a little knowledge is a very dangerous thing sometimes. When learning about co-creating our reality, we need to also learn that reality is also a dimension and that we have lots of power over how we respond to things and events that we cannot always have power over. There can be lots of shaming from the new-age newbies and a lack of understanding that everyone’s path is different. When I was very ill, my friends with new age training wheels thought I MUST be guilty of a massive outage for the dis-ease to manifest. Never mind the big pharma that gave my mother DES in the 60’s- never mind the science behind what I was going thru. PISHAW, it was a chakra block and tsk tsk that I hadn’t been more centered. When I face this sort of thing now I think 2 thoughts in quick succession. 1. Oh dear hun, just you wait…you think you are keeping yourself safe but that’s not what this is about….when life gets real for you in whatever way it appears, you are going to feel betrayed…. you did EVERYTHING right… why did that happen to ME?!?! So I send a quick wish for a soft landing when the rug gets pulled. 2nd- my wise grandmother always taught that god fits the back for the burdon. meaning, – some people just couldn’t handle what you have been dealt, just kiss em on the head and keep moving on your own path. Thinking of you Nicole. Heal well dear.

  7. Grrrr! I can’t even count the times I’ve heard people spew naive crap like that shop girl did. So aggravating and insensitive. xoxo

  8. Unless you gone through this stuff it’s impossible to really get it!!
    You poor darln.. you did really well Nic to not lose it at the girl in the shop… if only she new you the wisdom and experience you have she would feel so small.. hope u have a better day today.. xo

  9. I’m sure that many of the people who suggest positive affirmations as a cure-all have never experienced major illness, pain, loss, grief or trauma. And I hope she never does. I’m all for positive thinking but there are times when even the suggestion of it becomes offensive. Meanwhile I am proud of myself that I didn’t lose it!

    I may have yelled profanities at my screen though, when someone messaged me to say that this is my soul contract which I chose for myself and I created this illness and because we come from the divine everything is curable. I just have to choose that. Yeah, I may have lost it a bit over that…


  10. Oh sweet Nic. It’s okay to poke someone in the eye if necessary. But your solution was perfect. It’s bad enough that you are so ill. Well meaning idiots are the very last straw. 🥺🤬

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