Dear Frenemy, I Am Not Listening To You Anymore

I’d rather have an enemy who admits that they hate me, than a friend who secretly puts me down.

Karen Salmansohn

Hey, Lovelies.

I had an interesting day yesterday.

A writer friend of mine saw that I had successfully completed the NaNoWriMo challenge and messaged to congratulate me.

It’s good to see you writing again, she texted. You have so much talent. Maybe next year will be the year you get some work published.

I am published, I said. My blog is out there in the world and my Planner is a book.

No, Nicole, she answered. Your Planner is stationery. You published it yourself. It doesn’t count. When you’re a real writer you will understand.


As I sat in my packing room last night, wrapping Planners (the book that is not really a book by the writer who is not really a writer) to ship out to people, I read messages people had sent through with their orders.

Good morning Nicole, I just wish to say thank you so very much,  my journey planner has been the best thing for me over the past few months – I’m not the best at it but holy moly I can feel and see the change, I like me and I thank you

Hi Nicole, Thanks again for your lovely planner, this will be my 3rd year of using it. Merry Christmas to Yourself, Ben and the Pupsters Xxxx

Hi Nicole, just a note to say thank you. Your Planner has changed my life in so many positive ways. It has so much goodness between the covers, and I love reading every word. Thanks for your blog too. You, your blog and your Planner have helped me through some tough times.

I have purchased the previous 2 years journals and I can’t be without it, now. It is the best spiritual self-help tool I have found… absolutely brilliant!

Nicole, I love your Planner so much. It is so packed with great content and I love the illustrations and all of the practical tips. It’s my favourite gift to myself every year. Thank you xx

That made me feel better.

Then I thought about what it is to be a writer.

A writer is someone who writes.

Whether I ever get anything traditionally published by a publishing house or not, I am a writer at my core.

And as of last night I am a writer who no longer hangs out with judgmental frenemy writers. I lost too much confidence and too much direction with my writing for years by listening to people to whom I gave agency and authority, and who never had me or my best interests at heart.


I wish you well.

But I choose me. And to do that, we can’t be friends anymore.

Love, excellent stationery, and evidence of real-life happy readers of words I write (which surely makes me a writer, no?), Nicole xx

PS – My Planner really IS excellent.

Grab one now, so you’ll be ready for my next free challenge to help you get your year off to a strong start.

You can buy The Journeymaker’s Planner 2022 Hard Copy at Amazon USA or ETSY.

The digital version of The Journeymaker’s Planner 2022 is available at ETSY.

It makes a great gift too, and if you order from ETSY it comes gift-wrapped (by me, of course!)

Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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17 thoughts on “Dear Frenemy, I Am Not Listening To You Anymore

  1. People who undermine do so because they feel threatened by your accomplishments and your achievements, that was just somebody who’s threatened than somebody who truly is a friend, obviously.

    People who downplay your successes and achievements are always threatened, jealous and envious, or else why would they bother?

    I look at and hear your beautiful wise words, and it is writing,- you are an author, & sorry I didn’t even know you self published till you pointed it out.

    Narcissists always put other people under a microscope, and yes you are free, you do not need petty ill will and cruelty in your life.

    You are a beautiful person who is intelligent, gifted, smart & wise.

    I hope you do not let this person or others like them to effect you, & yes it is disappointing, and unnecessary.

    Love Caterina xoxo

  2. Can’t read all the comments Nicole will later am rushing out but look …not many can say they write a book of dreams, of gentleness and wisdom, a book that creates a landscape of hope and possibility….my goodness what a book that is….even if some twits call it stationary…..envelopes are stationary…much love from the magical, wild and wintery west of that place on the edge of europe… keep doing you Nicole..and hope you find that tree ….

  3. Gosh what an old fashioned way of looking at writing! Its been at least 15 years since self publishing has been recognised as being ‘real writing’. And blogging is also recognised as being ‘real writing’. What do they think writing news paper articles is? Its just glorified blogging. The big publishers dont hold the power anymore. You can sell more ‘self published’ books on Amazon than any publishing house and can control every aspect of your creation- that is being a real writer. When you build your own audience who follow every single word you push out – thats being a real writer. And your planner is so much more than stationary. Have they even looked at one? Argh attitudes like this make me kinda angry. I assume from the tone of the comment they consider themselves a ‘real’ writer? They need to stop trying to prop up their own ego at your expense. Because all they have done is sign their control of their writing and a large chunk of their profit away by signing up with a publisher. If thats being a ‘real writer’ you dont need it.

  4. Not a “real” writer? Then what the fuck am I reading and looking forward to reading mostly every day? I love your blog, Nicole. I love your kindness, thoughtfulness, your wisdom and your adventures (positive and challenging). You are a PROLIFIC writer. I guess your frenemy doesn’t get it. I would say what they said to you says everything about them and nothing about you.

    Seriously, some people are just dickheads.

    No idea what their problem is, and quite frankly, don’t care. My suggestion – BLOCK / DELETE.

    Sending you all the love

  5. When I was a student nurse, in the early 70’s,there was a saying that the more senior nurses would eat their young.Bullying was rife.Instead of building each other up,it is was as if a rite of passage was to be beaten down an emerge bloodied and bruised from your training.I never understood this, and the need to be hateful to your junior colleagues. It is the same in many walks of life sadly.Let us be builders and carers,and nurture our fledglings, so we can all fly together.

  6. I love your writing! It lifts me up and nurtures my soul. X

    Ps. I enjoy using the block function on my phone on occasion, when you know you don’t need to hear from anyone anymore and you’ve already said goodbye/no/stop.

    1. Nicole, I forgot to add…A quote I love to use as a mantra for such an experience as what you had is ‘YOUR OPINION OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!”

      It’s a good thing to remember when people have an “opinion” LOL

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