A message for strong people who aren’t coping

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

Marcus Aurelius

Hey, Lovelies.
Right now my inbox is jammed with messages from strong people who are suddenly not in a great headspace, or who are having problems coping with the curve balls 2020 has thrown their way.

What do I mean by strong people?

Strong people are used to coping. They are used to leading. They are used to taking charge. It’s what they were born to do, or who they have become. Strong people are able to put their own hurt and exhaustion aside when others rely them, or the job needs to get done. If they struggle? They never show it. They never miss a beat while others need them to be strong.

Strong people are the people who front up to life each day, often with a smile on their face, and you’d never know how tough it is for them to keep doing that. The single parent juggling two jobs and an impossible ex. The husband living with a wife with severe depression. The mum whose child has an addiction issue; the oncologist who doles out bad news all day; the person with a mountain of debt and a health problem; the teacher motivating kids who come from homes where no-one cares; the manager running a department fraught with problems and no end in sight; the short-handed team trying to meet a crazy deadline; the calm poised person who turns up to work each day, but who goes home to loneliness or a horrid family or spouse.

You know who I mean. It’s likely you are one of them!

Strong people were built to cope, and when you aren’t coping (even though no-one may know that), it is vital that you get some time out, find some support, or make some decisions that help you move back to your natural state of strength.

When you are a strong and capable person, you shine brightly.  That’s why people turn to you, follow you, ask for your advice. And often when people are leaning on you for strength, they want and need you to be who you always portray yourself as, who you’ve always been for them.  Even if you are affected by the same issue, it’s likely they won’t see how exacting this toll has been on you.

Sometimes, it’s because you hide it so well.

Sometimes it’s because people don’t even realise that you might hurt, that you might need help yourself.

Sometimes it’s because needy people, in their own world of hurt, have no idea that you might be suffering too. They need to see you strong because seeing you strong gives them faith and hope that their own lives will be okay somehow. When you are championing them, you are helping them to know that there is a light within themselves.  You give them hope to believe in themselves.  It is only after, when they have found their own light within that they will be able to acknowledge your darkness, and your humanity.

So, my strong friend – look after you. Withdraw if you must, regroup, find your feet. Close the door to others if there is nothing left within you to give.

Often some time for self-nurture or a break away from the stress is all you’ll need before you are refreshed and ready to carry on.

You might also need greater support, therapy, a change of scenery, an ending – so that you may start over fresh. If you do, then seek that support or change. Life is too short and precious to live it on your knees. Do what gives you relief. Value yourself as much as you value the wants and needs of others.

As a strong person you’re a bright light in the world.  It is your choice to be that bright light, and it is also your Calling – you can’t help but be who you are.  When you are the one at the front of the class, everyone else looks to you.  They don’t see you as a person any more, they see you as Teacher, Healer, Captain, Wise Woman, Father, Madam Muse.  And you ARE all those things.

But I also see also the person in you that the people you support won’t or can’t acknowledge. The person who is tired and frightened and battle weary. 

I know you have the strength to get through these hard times. It’s okay if you need to pull back for a while. Resting and healing will help you to shine again one day when you’re ready to be that thing once more.

It’s a tough act, being a leader or support for others. Know that you were made for these hard times. Rest, recharge and then reach in to yourself and you’ll find the strength to keep going.  Because you are made of stardust, you are made of light, you are made of love, you are made of steel. And you’ve got this!

I’m sending all love your way, and including you in my prayers and meditations. ♥ Nicole xx