People will be who they are.
Sounds like a bit of a crazy statement doesn’t it, but if you ignore this truth it is often you who becomes crazy…
I have a friend who was in great emotional pain over her relationship with her mother. Each time they meet she came away upset, or disappointed. Her mother was always so critical. This had been going on for over fifty years. My friend kept hoping that just once her mother would be supportive, or approving.
I have a friend who was in great emotional pain over their relationship with their partner. They went through a pattern of honeymoon and then abuse, honeymoon and then abuse, honeymoon and then abuse. My friend kept hoping their partner would change.
People can change. And they can also, at times, act out of character, but… mostly people will be who they are.
Each person is driven by their own beliefs, values, education, experiences. They will have their own pattern of behaviours and responses. Once you begin to understand this, life becomes easier. Relationships become easier. Why? Because when you accept what is, you can make choices based around truth rather than desire.
People will be who they are. They will not be the way we hope they will be. They will not be the way we fear they will be. They will not be the way we want them to be, or expect them to be, or need them to be.
People will be who they are. This, of course, goes for us too, and this is the important bit. We cannot change others but we can change ourselves. We can change our responses, our expectations, our level of tolerance. We can also choose to walk away.
Knowing that someone behaves or thinks in a certain way, but wanting that to be different, sets us up for disappointment every time. Or perhaps worse.
If you are honest with yourself about the true nature of your relationship with another, you begin to create new freedoms around those old expectations.
My friend with the critical mother? She has accepted that her mother will never change. She still spends time with her, and since she no longer waits for the approval or support, her relationship with her mother has actually improved.
My friend in the abusive relationship? Had some counselling, ended the relationship, and is now with a loving partner who treats them with kindness and respect.
Needing someone to be different, expecting them to change, also prevents us from loving and accepting the other person as they are, which is all anyone ever wants.
(How many times have you wished someone would love and accept you as you are?)
People will be who they are. If this works for you, embrace it. If it doesn’t change your expectations, or move on.
♥ Life is too short, and too precious, not to give yourself every chance at happiness. ♥