She looked as if she were about to burst into tears,
but she was wonderful at catching the ball of her own mood in mid-air.
Well, this has certainly been the year. As you know, I live with a complex bucketful of dodgy genes, autoimmune diseases, chronic infections, post-viral syndrome and the associated damage all those things have done to my organs and endocrine system – but mostly I’ve managed. I’ve cobbled together treatments, I’ve found great practitioners, and I’ve just kept going.
I even had yet another crappy diagnosis of a genetic problem – a degenerative neurological/muscular thing and I managed to keep my eyes focused forward and not lose myself in self-pity. I made changes to my calendar and my working life, I simplified, I got more help, I got more rest, and I thought that would be enough.
But something new felled me this week.
Something I’d never even heard of.
For months (since late last year if I’m honest), I’ve had this feeling deep in my being of something being ‘not right’. Periods of deep fatigue, mental confusion, depression, anxiety, arrhythmia, terrible insomnia and lots of ‘thyroid-y’ things. I’d get on top of it, only to slide back down. It got to the point where I reached out to functional medicine experts a few months ago to work with me on figuring out what else I might need to tweak or add to the mix. Bloods showed lots of rampant auto-immune, stealth pathogen and thyroid stuff, so we embarked on a series of trials to work out what I might be able to do to feel better and manage my health more effectively. I wasn’t looking for a cure – at this stage of my life I just want to be manageable, mostly pain-free and to stop things getting worse or breaking.
I finished my first round of tests and trials, and that’s when the wheels fell off the bus.
For the past week I have been feeling more and more tired, more cold, more brain foggy, and like I have been moving through molasses. An odd feeling. An awful feeling. I have been plagued by a sense of doom. (Been there several times before, and it has almost always been infection-based.)
My chest pain and breathlessness ramped up, I was not hungry at all, and even drinking seemed to be a chore. My body felt like it was filled with lead, and I ached and stiffened and limped around. I got puffier and puffier. The feeling of something being seriously wrong grew and grew. But I hate to make a fuss, so I just sat with it, waiting, hoping I’d figure it out. I mentioned this to my sister and she urged me to get myself checked so I rang my doctors and let them know what was going on. By that stage my heart rate was low, I was starting to slur my words a little and my voice was hoarse. My specialist advised me to seek urgent medical attention. The kind of urgent where they tell you to ‘go now’.
So, it turns out I was having what is known as a myxedema crisis – a medical emergency where the body’s thyroid shuts down. If untreated it leads to a coma, and fatality in 60% of cases. It can also cause organ damage and organ failure. It’s reversed by thyroid meds, steroids and other drugs that stabilise functions. I was lucky enough to catch it before the coma stage. But I was heading that way.
48 hours later I am home in bed, with a raft of medications to take, regular tests to monitor my progress, a wait to find out what my latest prognosis will be, and a lot of thinking to do, once my brain is working properly again.
I’m a little thrown.
Okay, a lot.
I’ll get my head around it. I always do, and then I’ll be fine. Chronic illness is always about learning to adjust, adapt, and acknowledge – without falling into the pit of despair or self-pity.
Meanwhile, Ben and the boys are taking excellent care of me, but I’ll be off the airwaves for a bit while I rest and put myself back together. Also, I have amazing artwork on my bedroom wall and a gorgeous view out over trees and sky. So there is that too.
Love, gentle hugs, and gratitude for my still-beautiful life, Nicole xx
19 thoughts on “Well, That Was Unexpected…”
Just in case it’s true that energy goes somewhere, I’m concentrating all my hope that you won’t feel like this again.
Sending love Nicole 💜🌈 you have had such a rough time, I hope feel much better soon 🤗
I a m just fucking angry..
Sending blessing. Every day.
Sending you all the love and healing vibes, Nicole. I’m so glad you caught it in time. We need you in this world.
Feel better soon 🙏
Must be time of health curve balls. I received one yesterday. Be well and sending you healing light. 💫
Holding you in my prayers Nicole
Thoughts coming your way, Nicole.
Take care Nicole, hope you get on top in no time! X
This hasnt certainly been your first battle and most unlikely the last. Though of a different colour, you’ve mastered the survival drill. This shall be the same way too , ofcourse, with time. Rest up and whatever is right by you shall come your way. We shall patiently wait here with hands folded till you get better. This too shall pass.
Oh Nicole, thoughts are with you for a quick recovery xx
Sending love and healing to you Nicole xx
Oh Nicole you have, and are, going through so much. I pray you will get back to “your best normal”. Not that it helps you but your post today reminds the rest of us to “buck up” and realise what seems the end of the world can be, in some cases, minor (especially talking about my health issues here). Know that even from your sick bed how much you are helping us to keep going, trust, and live for today xxx
Thank goodness for your sister who (hopefully slapped you and) urged you to see your doctor…… (you are a stubborn soul!)….. love ya heaps
Oh Beautiful 💜 rest up. Sending loving light your way x
Ooooh dear. Sending love for rest and gentle care while you gather the bits of yourself back in close. Your face tells a million stories of what you just went through. We are all around you now in a tight circle of love. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh Nicole, I am sorry for you. I hope you will recover soon and come as close to perfect health as is possible for you. Whatever that may be.
Beloved & most loved Nic … oohhhhlaaalllaaa NOT … what an effing bummer of a roller coaster you’ve been on yet again. You’ve got this girlfriend… rest up with Ben & pups playing nurse …. Sending you oodles & oodles of LOVE always XOXO
Feel better soon….sending hugs❤