We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.Brené Brown
It had to happen.
I received the mother of all vitriolic attacks yesterday, in response to my post about having had my first COVID vaccine.
The person who abused me is a natural health practitioner, someone I saw for years, someone I once referred others to. They helped me in areas where I was struggling with mainstream medicine. I didn’t get a cure, no matter that I followed all of their directives diligently. But it did help alleviate some of my symptoms, and for that I was very grateful. They helped me at a time when modern medicine had nothing to offer. Let me state right here that I am a big believer in complimentary medicine and have used many modalities, wholistic, alternative and intuitive practitioners for years, and still do. I have the utmost respect and regard for so many of the practitioners in this space, and their dedication to their craft.
The person who abused me? Like anyone, we have always agreed on some things, and not on others. That’s okay. You can still have a deep friendship, a deep respect, a deep connection with someone who holds differing views. That’s healthy. That’s normal. We don’t have to agree on everything. But I had always believed that we could have a discussion, and choose to differ, and that to listen to each other and to respect each other’s viewpoint would be enough.
I appreciate intelligent discussions. They challenge me. As I consider other points of view I have often come to change my own, and to develop or expand my understanding of something. You talk. You think. You ask questions and ponder on what is being shared. It’s the basis for connection, and for growth.
When did this stop being how two people communicate?
I blocked this person yesterday, because their stream of abuse was angry, intimidating, full of hatred and rhetoric, and deeply distressing to me. It was the messenger equivalent of yelling in my face, their blobs of spittle landing on me, their chest heaving in righteous indignation, fists raised. The level of fury directed at me was off the charts.
When I blocked them on Facebook, they carried on abusing me from their business profile. And then by text to my phone.
Their vile abuse was out of character, and it left me deeply shaken.
Did I mention that this person is a respected natural therapist and teacher?
If this was a health professional I would have been within my rights to report them to their regulatory body. That kind of behaviour would not be tolerated in a professional setting, nor should it be.
I’d like to say that this has been an isolated incident, but it hasn’t. Too many people from the mind/body/spirit community have engaged with me in this same way. They sprout messages of freedom, and of love, and of ascendance and unity, and a dawning of a new era of enlightenment, but they bludgeon me with their words, abuse me, and ridicule me.
My crime? I am supposedly one of them (this mind/body/spirit community), but I have ‘crossed over to the dark side’ because I choose to wear a face mask, I believe that the pandemic is real, and I am not joining them in spreading messages about the truth of children hidden in networks of tunnels used by the pedophile elite, the vaccine as mind control or fertility control or a depopulation or tracking tool, COVID as a device for the great unnamed to exert total authority over we, the people. I should know better. I should set a better example for my community. I should stand up for ‘what is right’. My beliefs and behaviours are seen as a betrayal.
I don’t want to argue.
I want to sit down with you.
I want to know what is behind your anger and your rage. I want to know what has generated so much hate and aggression in someone who I know has a good heart. I have seen your care and kindness so many times. Now, I want to be able to understand your pain. I want to connect with the feelings behind the vitriol.
I want to create a safe space where you can cry and rage and get in touch with the part of you that is isolated, hurting, powerless, aching to be seen and heard and understood and included.
I’m sure, once the rage had calmed down, you would tell me things like I’m worried about the consequences of this vaccine, I don’t want history to repeat itself, I feel that the government isn’t listening to people who are suffering from lockdowns, I feel uncertain or anxious about the future, I don’t feel that my voice is represented at any level of government, and so many other things that are your own legitimate concerns and feelings.
I don’t have all the answers. You don’t have all the answers. But when we come together and honestly witness and listen to each other with respect, we can usually find some common ground.
Right now, I don’t know how to reach you, and to tell you that I still care.
Right now, I know you’re not hearing anything I might say.
Right now, I am exhausted from this seemingly endless barrage of anger and hostility directed towards me, and to many of my community.
I am weary of holding space and compassion, when all you do is scream.
I don’t know what to do now, to help healing happen, and for all of our voices to come to the table and be heard.
But, I do know one thing.
I have boundaries.
If you cross them, and hold your fist in my face, and scream abuse at me, I will walk away. I will close the door. I will not engage.
All the same, I wish you well. I wish you peace in your heart, and an alleviation of your suffering.
With love from a slightly more battered and worn-down version of myself today, Nicole xx