The Bad But Useful Dream


“The future depends on what you do today.” 
~
Mahatma Gandhi

I had a disturbing dream last week. One of those dreams where I knew it was more than just a dream, even as I was dreaming it. I was night flying, like my Aboriginal Aunties had shown me, but this was in a dream state, not in a meditation – which is my usual way for getting into that space.

I flew over a house that seemed familiar and suddenly I found myself inside. I was invisible to the occupants there and I could move through walls or furniture as though they were made of smoke. (On reflection, maybe it was me that was less than solid!)

The house was in darkness, it was late and almost everyone was in bed except for a man, who was standing at the kitchen sink, the refrigerator door still open, as he poured and drank a large glass of milk. I knew that man! He and his wife are clients and friends. He’s a doctor and he had just come home from late night rounds at the hospital where he works on rotation. I watched silently as he drank, and I saw how tired he was, and how rundown.

More than that, I saw a small hard round lump under the skin on the right side of his throat, and I watched it move as he drank. That lump wasn’t anything good. My heart plummeted. I knew I’d have to say something.

The next morning I woke with the dream still clear in my head. As soon as it was a respectable hour I called the man and we exchanged a few pleasantries, after which I said, ‘I’m worried about you. Can you feel a lump in your thyroid?’

‘F*ck’, he said to me. ‘I can feel something, it’s small but I can feel it. As soon as I heard your voice I knew this wasn’t a social call. It’s thyroid cancer, isn’t it?’

‘I think you should get it checked out,’ I said steadily. ‘Please.’

‘Yeah, I will,’ he promised. ‘Thanks for the call.’

He called me yesterday to update me. He’s already had the surgery and it was cancer. The good news is that it was contained and hasn’t spread beyond the thyroid. We caught it in time. His prognosis is excellent. Meanwhile, he and his wife are taking some time out to re-evaluate their lives and put some plans in place to slow down and ‘live a bit more’ after the shock of this unexpected news.

It was a bad dream with a good result!

Living as a psychic isn’t easy, but it’s worth it for moments like these. Please look after yourselves, look after your health, and take time out to slow down and rest – this is your one precious life and your well-being matters.

Much love, Nicole ❤ xx

Things People Have Said To Me When They Found Out I Am Psychic


“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” 
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Things people have said to me when I told them I am a psychic:

  • I don’t have a problem with it but you shouldn’t tell people or they might judge you. It’s pretty flaky to say you’re a psychic.
  • But you seem surprisingly intelligent…
  • God will smite you and your family. Repent!
  • That’s incredible. You seem so normal.
  • You can come to our barbeque on the weekend? Great. But is it okay if you don’t tell my friends what you do? Because one is a lawyer and one is a surgeon and they’re both really smart and they won’t understand someone like you. And they won’t understand why I am friends with you. Just tell them you’re a writer. Okay?
  • Did something bad happen to you as a child?
  • Can you tell me if this guy is into me or is he cheating on me?
  • What’s this rash?
  • Oh man! Don’t say that. You can’t say that. That’s so offensive. Can’t you tell people you are emotionally aware or something like that?
  • You’re kidding me, right? I thought you were normal.
  • You seem so balanced.
  • Are you bi-polar or something?
  • No-one will ever take you seriously EVER again.
  • OMG, that’s so embarrassing, Nicole. Shut up! Never speak of it again. No, I’m not kidding. Don’t ever talk to me about this again.

But there’s also been this:

  • My dog died, and he was my best friend in the world. Can you tell me if he’s okay?
  • When my nana died she came to visit me in my room. I was only five but I still remember it. No-one believed me. Do you think that was real?
  • I sometimes get these feelings about people – you know, a good feeling or a bad feeling – and it turns out to be right. Is that normal?
  • I always know when my mum is about to ring me.
  • One night I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend from high school. I hadn’t thought about her for years. The next day I heard she died in an accident that same night. I thought I could tell you that.
  • I knew I was pregnant from that very first day and I knew I would have a son. This is him. His name is Cole.
  • Whispers to me, ‘I have crystals in my bra’.
  • I think I might be psychic too. Can you help me?

If you’re psychic, intuitive, empathic or energetically sensitive I want you to know that it’s okay. You’re fine, just as you are. Be proud of who you are. There are more of us out there than you realise!
All my love, Nicole ❤ xx

Do You Have Psychic Anxiety?


“Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms.” 
~
 Paulo Coelho

Over the years I have come to recognise a certain set of feelings which I have given the name ‘Psychic Anxiety’. It’s a very unpleasant sensation that can last from an hour to a couple of days, and it is one of the least fantastic aspects of being spiritually and energetically sensitive.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not unbearable, and in fact I have worse feelings related to psychic work at times, especially if it involves violent crimes and dead people.

The biggest problem with psychic anxiety is this unshakable feeling of impending doom, dread and unease, that sensation of icy chills and ‘something crawling over your grave’ as my Nana used to call it.

Psychic anxiety became so bad for me yesterday that I threw up and felt ‘off’ for most of the day. There was no logical reason for it, but then I long ago stopped needing logic to explain my life.

People who are psychic, or sensitive, generally feel the highs and lows of life more acutely. I like this diagram below, because for me it represents the differences between me and someone who is less sensitive.

Most people live in the middle of the red and green lines, and can go to the high or low ends of those fields but may seldom do so. They also usually have a physical robustness to them.

Energetically sensitive people are represented by the blue line.  We feel and react to energies both above and below those regular red and green bands, although we may also live somewhere in the middle of our band of felt frequencies most of the time. Sensitive people are just that – sensitive – and without the robustness of some other folk. We may act with great robustness for a while, while we are needed or need to get things done, but that sort of energetic output is always at a price.  And sometimes that price is high. Still, while we are not robust we are resilient, and sensitive souls have great inner strength to draw on. Remember that. Sensitivity is not weakness.

The blessing of sensitivity is that we can feel, see, connect with and know some wonderful and amazing things. It is easy for us to tap into creative flow, to feel love and gratitude, to notice things around us and with the emotions of people around us, and to get high on life…

The difficulty is that sometimes it connects us into those more extreme energies, and this is a painful experience on a soul level, tough emotionally and sometimes physically hard as well.

Usually if I get a psychic message or connection out of the blue (in other words I’m not consciously inviting or controlling it) it feels like this – a big bang on an otherwise normal day:

I get a sudden flood of images, sounds, sensations, feelings, knowledge – all flooding me with a great intensity.  It’s momentary, it passes; although the information will remain, the emotions and energetic kick dissipate quickly.

Psychic anxiety is different.  It’s like an unseen hand rachets up the control knob.  I can’t turn the emotions and energetic kick down or off, but I am also given no information. All I have is the feeling, sometimes so strong that it wipes me out in the same way a severe migraine might. Like an old TV with no image on the screen, cranking out a discordant sound that makes you want to cover your ears or run away screaming.

I know that certain things affect me.  When there are polar shifts I end up flat and exhausted, a little depressed, and often with big hormonal swings.  When there are solar flares I feel restless, unable to sleep, irritable and wound up tight.

But this, this is different.  And I’m grateful it doesn’t happen too often. It’s always tied into great disaster, injustice, cruelty, suffering, death. It’s either building up to happen, or happening as I feel it.

In the days to come the news may let me know what it was all about.  That’s how it was for September 11, the Bali bombing, the tsanamis in 2004 and 2011.

Sometimes I find out years later – a massacre in Kosovo, in Iraq, in Rwanda…

Sometimes I never find out at all.

So I ride it out.  I keep myself away from crowds.  I swim in the ocean.  I sit under trees, walk in the rain, spend time in the gracious and calming company of my cows.

When I feel stronger I meditate.  I pray.  I light candles. I flood the world with love.  It’s all that I can do. A tiny flicker of light in what can seem like a sea of darkness. But I do it anyway and hope that somehow it helps.

If you ever feel that same hit of psychic anxiety remember that it will pass. Take care of yourself and withdraw from situations that overburden you emotionally or energetically. Eat foods that ground you, and get plenty of rest. Hydrate. And then, when you can, radiate love and light back out into the world. Focus on what is good in your life and practice gratitude. Don’t focus on what is troubling you. It might not seem like those simple acts of self-care and energetic expression will help much but trust that they can make a difference.

Embrace your sensitivity – it’s actually a strength. Keep shining your light in the darkness and stay true to you.

I’m thinking of you, and sending love, Nicole ❤ xx

Being Held By The Universe

Image by Simon Beedle www.simonbeedle.com

Image by Simon Beedle www.simonbeedle.com

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.”
~ Anne Frank

 

I didn’t write a post on Saturday, although I intended to.

The Universe knew better. I’d had a huge week of work in the city, both paid clients and out-of-hours emergencies that are just part and parcel of my wider life in spiritual service. There was Alan on Monday night, a man on the brink of suicide. There was Steve on Thursday night – a man on the brink of dying. Steve had been involved in a terrible accident, and he needed my help. I’d hoped to tell you about it but it’s still so raw that I find the words aren’t coming yet. Only tears.

It was a crazy busy week of drama. On top of so many other people who have been in crisis or needing help with major life issues. On top of my Planner community and my regular readings.

I thought I’d been coping okay, even under a full load. I’d honoured my feelings, and sat in my emotions and done my best not to bottle anything up. I’d been gentle with myself. Psychic work is hard. It often drains me. And my tender heart is regularly bruised by life, even as I love and celebrate the journey we all share.

That’s me below, exhausted and shiny-faced with tears after helping Steve to pass over on Thursday night. A process which left me completely shattered. My new computer, which I still can’t use properly, managed somehow to capture a screen-shot of me just after I’d hung up from skyping Steve’s wife. It was about 5am, and I’d been talking with them since just before 11pm the night before.

As I wandered around my city home on Friday morning, packing to return to the farm, all I did was cry. Walk and cry. Clean and cry. Pack and cry. The tears kept streaming down my face and I couldn’t control them. They were just a release of all of the energy I’d accumulated as I spoke to the living and those in the place we go to after death. I was also in deep fatigue after experiencing my second night in four days of zero sleep while I did unscheduled psychic work.

gh564

I really thought I was okay, apart from the tears and the tiredness.

But when we got home to the farm on Friday afternoon I finally understood how emotionally bankrupt I was.

Mother Nature knew. The Universe knew. They whipped up an enormous thunderstorm, followed by lashing rain. After which came another storm, and more rain.

My little farmhouse was a sanctuary, surrounded by trees and cut off by flood waters.

I crept into bed at 4pm, and curled up under the sheets to the sound of thunderous rain upon the roof.  I lay facing the window, watching the play of lightning across the sky, and the trees  swaying and dancing in the wind. I felt safe and loved and deeply connected to the natural world. All night the storms raged, and I moved in and of sleep. In the morning the air was clear and the world was quiet.

Very quiet.

We’d lost phone connection and power.

I couldn’t blog or check my email or do any work at all.

‘See,’ my husband said, ‘even God thinks you need the morning off.’

So I spent my morning barefeet on the grass, sun on my face as I meditated or dozed, and by lunchtime I was completely restored to myself.

Thank goodness for my farm, and for trees and sky and rain and tempest, for birdsong and silence. Nature is medicine for my soul.

Today is my Wedding Anniversary, so I’m taking a day off to spend with Ben. The other fine medicine for my soul. We’ll walk on the beach, swim, rest, find somewhere yummy to eat a meal (and probably take Cafe Dog) and talk about life and all that good stuff.

It’s an incredible privilege to be here on this planet at this time. Even if some days do get hard for all of us. Take care of yourself today and always, and remember that nature is always there to embrace you.

Sending much love to you all. Nicole xx

Image from liftupideas.com

Image from liftupideas.com

The Long Drive Home

2015-03-05 10.36.25

“When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing.”
~ Jarod Kintz

 

It was a slow trip from the country to the city yesterday.

It didn’t take long to pack the car, but the detours and delays, they were the things which took the time.

It was such a beautiful morning. I had to keep looking up at the bright blue sky.

2015-01-24 18.15.56

Finally we were on the road. But we’d forgotten one thing. Milking time. The road was thick with cows, ambling along, enjoying all the car horn toots from more impatient drivers as the herd stopped every now and then to eat some tasty shoot or leaf. We were happy to creep along behind them, and it gave Harry and Bert something to get excited about. Long car trips are often quite boring for dogs so we all made the most of cow appreciation.

2015-03-05 10.36.43

Coffee.

We needed fortification for the long drive to Brisbane. We took a quick detour to Harvest Cafe.

Of course, you can’t have a coffee without talking to friends, enjoying hugs and chats and sharing all the latest news. It was a very sociable, newsy kind of coffee break. My friends Wendy and Satisha got to see which bead on the mala was theirs. My mala was around my neck the entire time, so you were all there with me, enjoying the early morning of love, friendship and excellent hot beverages. I felt your presence close, and was glad to be giving you such a loving start to the day!

2014-10-23 08.23.43

Finally, we were on the highway and the dogs caught up on some beauty sleep.

By the time we got home Harry was well rested and all ready to race inside and out the back to greet the dogs next door. Bert? Well, Bert was mostly still asleep and needed gentle coaxing with the promise of a biscuit before he would leave the comfort of his position.

2013-06-19 14.53.39

I’d only been home ten minutes and my work day started.

A full-on afternoon of psychic readings, a quick dash to the shops for provisions, the total pleasure of take-out Indian food for dinner, and then my nightly meditation and an early night.

All in all a very satisfying day!

Sending much love your way, Nicole xx

Filling Up The Well

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
~ Eleanor Brownn

 

This past week I’ve given all I had and then some. I was glad to do it, and grateful to be well enough to be able to sustain a high level of service and support for others. I’ve had days and long nights of being on call. High stress. Just a few hours sleep.

There were two spaces I lived in. The one where I was being strong for everyone else, providing guidance and love, messages and psychic insights, and endless support. There was the other space. The private space where I retreated late at night or early in the morning to rage and grieve and process all of my own emotions. After which I’d gather myself back together and start again. Crazy. Intense. Demanding.

No-one can work like that all the time.

Why do I know that? I used to try, and of course it always ended with me crashing and burning. Eventually. Or sooner.

I’d love to say that it’s all about balance. But I’ve found that life is rarely so organised. Sometimes it does demand all that we have and then some. Sometimes we’re twiddling our thumbs with time on our hands.

I’ve also found that making the time for self-care sometimes demands more courage than to keep driving the bus, crazy-eyed with exhaustion and white-knuckled from the effort it takes to hang on to that damned steering wheel.

When I’m in that place now, I pull over.

Image from apollo.tvnet.lv

Image from apollo.tvnet.lv

I’ve learned to be present when I’m needed, and to step back when it’s all over, making myself unavailable to others so that I can fill my tank back up again. I do that with rest, meditation, good food, time on my own, lots of hugs, and things that give me nurture and inspiration – music, books, movies, writing in quiet morning cafes. I do it with clear boundaries, and an awesome husband and PA (Thanks Ben and Dana!) who are able to maintain those boundaries – which sometimes includes them telling me to step away and rest! 🙂 I also do it by giving myself time to feel my emotions. To cry or be angry or sad or bereft or awestruck or whatever else is going on for me.

I no longer try to pretend to myself or the ones closest to me that things are okay. I no longer push through it. I no longer plaster on my happy face if I cannot do that. (Sometimes I can, and it is what is needed for that moment.)

Self-care is an antidote to burn-out. It’s the solution to relationship, job or care-induced resentment. It’s the magical tonic that puts the spring back in your step, the smile back on your face and the music back in your heart.

If you’re feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, underwhelmed, cranky, short-tempered or lacking in joy, maybe you’d benefit from creating some space to unplug for a while, so that you can focus on your own needs instead of the needs of everyone else.

Filling the emptying well so that you can draw from it again is the only way you can ever truly be your best, and give your best to others.

What fills you back up?

Do some of that this week, or plan to do it as soon as you possibly can. You’re worth it. And your life will begin to change in unexpected and wonderful ways when you value yourself.

I’m holding you in my prayers and meditations, and sending you so much love, Nicole xx

It’s Freak Out Week. So how are YOU feeling?

Image from googleimages.com

Let me ask you a personal question.  Do any of the following sound like you right now (although a few weeks ago you were fine, or certainly more fine than you are now)?

  • exhausted, for no apparent reason
  • achy and unwell in a very non-specific way
  • restless, or feeling like you want to run away
  • scattered
  • teary, for no apparent reason
  • easily triggered into old ‘stuff’
  • anxious, for no apparent reason
  • unable to make decisions
  • suddenly overwhelmed
  • wanting to cry or scream or punch things
  • panicking about decisions you have made
  • irrational
  • arguing with loved ones
  • worrying about things you haven’t worried about for years
  • dealing with issues you thought you’d resolved or worked through
  • bogged down with fear, guilt, or other negative emotions
  • feeling massively hormonal although it’s not your ‘time of month’

It’s not just you. My inbox is crammed this week with emails from people who are experiencing an abnormal increase in the above symptoms, and many of them report that they should feel happy or optimistic based on what’s going on in their lives right now…

For other people life currently feels like hard going, and no cause for optimism whatsoever.

So, if you’re feeling a little strange and out of sorts right now, you’re not alone.  In fact, you’re in very good company.  It’s just that most people are suffering in silence.

Image from chuckthisblog.wordpress.com

Blame it on the moon. There’s currently some big astrology going down. Blame it on 2012.  Remember 2012?  The year that was all about shifting and healing and clearing out the old to make way for the new? Oh yeah…

I know it’s hard just now.  I know it feels intense. But I want to urge you not to give up, and not to give in.  This energy will pass, this weight will lift off your shoulders, and things will become clear again.  The worst will be over by mid-November.

Shift Happens – original artwork by Bad Kitty Art Studio

So what can you do to cope better, and to get through this energy of clearing and shift?

Pull back a little and give yourself some breathing space.  Stand barefoot on the skin of the earth (this means dirt or grass or sand or rock – not concrete or carpet or a timber floor!) and really ground yourself. Do this daily if you can, or even more than once a day.

Nurture yourself.  Cups of tea, gentle walks, good food and plenty of rest.  Hugs are also excellent.

Don’t get stuck in your head.  None of this needs to be deeply thought on, and there is such a risk of over-analysing it all.  Just sit with it, and be willing to let it go.

Massage, body work, and other nurturing and supportive therapies are helpful.

Spend time with books, music, movies and places that uplift, comfort, inspire and restore you.

Meditate, explore yoga and try chi qung.

You might also find these posts helpful for further information and coping strategies:

2012 – A Reading for the Year Ahead

Living Authentically in 2012

Simple Guided Meditation for 2012

Living as a Sensitive Soul

Sensitive Souls and Polar Shifts, Solar Flares and other Astrological Phenomena

Dealing with Psychic Anxiety

Over the years I have come to recognise a certain set of feelings, to which I have given the name ‘Psychic Anxiety’. It’s a very unpleasant sensation that can last from an hour to a couple of days, and it is one of the least fantastic aspects of being spiritually and energetically sensitive.

Oh, don’t get me wrong.  It’s not unbearable, and in fact I have worse feelings related to psychic work at times, especially if it involves violent crimes and dead people.

The biggest problem with psychic anxiety is this unshakable feeling of dread and unease, that sensation of icy chills and ‘something crawling over your grave’ as my Nana calls it.

People who are psychic, or sensitive, generally feel the highs and lows of life more acutely. I like this diagram below, because for me it represents the differences between me and someone who is less sensitive.

Image from http://www.acoustics.salford.ac.uk

Most people live in the middle of the red and green lines, and can go to the high or low of those fields, but may seldom do so. They also usually have a greater physical resilience, a robustness to them.

Energetically sensitive people are represented by the blue line.  We feel and react to energies both above and below those regular red and green bands, although we may also live somewhere in the middle of our band of felt frequencies most of the time. Sensitive people are just that – sensitive – and without the robustness of some other folk. We may act with great robustness for a while, while we are needed or need to get things done, but that sort of energetic output is always at a price.  And sometimes that price is high.

The blessing of sensitivity is that we can feel, see, connect with and know some wonderful and amazing things. It is easy for us to tap into creative flow, to feel love and gratitude, to notice things around us and with the emotions of people around us, and to get high on life…

The difficulty is that sometimes it connects us into those low energies, and this is a painful experience on a soul level, tough emotionally and sometimes physically hard as well.

Usually if I get a psychic message or connection out of the blue (in other words I’m not consciously inviting or controlling it) it feels like this – a big bang on an otherwise normal day:

Uniform sine wave excitation graphic from opensees.berkeley.edu

I get a sudden flood of images, sounds, sensations, feelings, knowledge – all flooding me with a great intensity.  It’s momentary, it passes; although the information will remain, the emotions and energetic kick dissipate quickly.

Psychic anxiety is different.  It’s like an unseen hand rachets up the control knob.  I can’t turn the emotions and energetic kick down or off, but I am also given no information. All I have is the feeling, sometimes so strong that it wipes me out in the same way a severe migraine might. Like an old TV with no image on the screen, cranking out a discordant sound that makes you want to cover your ears or run away screaming.

I know that certain things affect me.  When there are polar shifts I end up flat and exhausted, a little depressed, and often with big hormonal swings.  When there are solar flares I feel restless, unable to sleep, irritable and wound up tight.

But this, this is different.  And I’m grateful it doesn’t happen too often. It’s always tied into great disaster, injustice, cruelty, suffering, death. It’s either building up to happen, or happening as I feel it.

In the days to come the news may let me know what it was all about.  That’s how it was for September 11, the Bali bombing, the tsanamis in 2004 and again last year in Japan.

Sometimes I find out years later – a massacre in Kosovo, in Iraq, in Rwanda…

Sometimes I never find out at all.

So I ride it out.  I keep myself away from crowds.  I swim in the ocean.  I sit under trees, walk in the rain, spend time in the gracious and calming company of my cows.

When I feel stronger I meditate.  I pray.  I light candles. I flood the world with love.  It’s all that I can do. A tiny flicker of light in what can seem like a sea of darkness. But I do it anyway and hope that somehow it helps.