Dealing with Mixed Messages

Mixed Messages

“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” ~ Spencer Johnson

One little discussed aspect of becoming more intuitive, more psychically or spiritually aware, is that you begin to realise there are a lot of mixed messages and mixed signals in the world.

I recently received this email, and thought it was worthy of a blog post.

Hello Nicole,

I have a question that I was wondering if you may shed some light on. I am an intuitive person and sensitive as well and I am wondering if being that way makes me highly aware of how others feel about me. Sometimes I can tell whether there is jealousy, insecurity or dislike from another person around me ~ is that part of being an intuitive type person? I often find it draining and find it hard not to take personally…

Have you had any experience with this in your life?

Can you relate to this as well?  It was one of the most unsettling aspects for me all those years ago, as I stepped more into energetic clarity and psychic awakening.

Yes – an aspect of being intuitive or sensitive is that you pick up on people’s emotions and thoughts – and sometimes, confusingly, what you’re sensing will be at odds with a person’s words or behaviour.

You aren’t going to be able to turn these impressions and insights off, so the big question is, what do you do about it?

Firstly, it’s good to appreciate that most people live with a level of incongruency in their lives.

We tell ourselves that we are happy with our marriage when we’re not, we tell ourselves it’s a good job, or that we like the sofa we just paid $2000 for which is actually too big for the room and a huge disappointment…

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Is that lying? Maybe. But over time I’ve come to be much less judgmental – I know that sometimes we tell ourselves these things out of stubbornness, sometimes out of habit, sometimes out of desperation. Sometimes we are so deeply in denial, or in our ‘stuff’ that we don’t even realise there is an incongruency – we’ve been telling ourselves that thing for so long we’ve come to believe it. It’s a very human coping mechanism.  The world is a complex and difficult place, and at times the best we can do is tell ourselves a story to help us get through the day, and avoid confrontation or unpleasantness.

Secondly, from the outside looking in, we can never be sure what’s going on in someone else’s life, no matter what outward appearances may tell you.

Being sensitive, or psychic, just means that you are getting an extra stream of data coming into your awareness. Another piece of the puzzle, another aspect to be interpreted. And where it usually goes wrong for us is in the interpretation.

Most sensitive people are… sensitive.

And we try and make sense of the world from the standpoint of us at its centre.

When our boss sees us in the carpark and grimaces, and we intuit that he is upset, we can so easily conclude that it’s about us.  He doesn’t like us. We never get anything right. (Hmmm – is that a story WE keep telling OURSELVES?)

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What if the truth is that he IS upset (his wife is leaving him – nice pickup on his emotional state!) and he was grimacing because he was passing wind (farting) just as you walked by. He never even saw you, but from his facial expression you interpret it as him not liking you.  It colours every interaction you have after that. And you modify your behaviour based on your assumption.

Part of the challenge of becoming more sensitive and psychically attuned is learning that random information you become aware of will often be just that – random – and not enough for you to put all the pieces together in an accurate way. When people are preoccupied with worries some of that energy leaks out, even when they think they’ve got a lid on those deeper emotions, and sensitive people like you pick up on that stuff.

The best advice I can give you about that is to stay aware, and be open to what you feel and ‘see’, but try not to take it personally and don’t try to figure it out.

Instead think to yourself ‘John’s upset about something’, or ‘Sally is very insecure about her looks’. Treat people kindly. Don’t overthink it, or make it personal.

Remember that emotional states are fleeting too. What you feel in the morning is unlikely to be the way you feel in the afternoon. You know how it is: when you’re tired and worried, petty things get to you; when you’re in love, or on top of the world, you never even notice that same annoying thing.

Looked inside the average person’s brain recently? It’s a mess in there!

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So you’re sensitive, and you’re realising that things aren’t quite what they seem, that people aren’t quite what they seem, and it’s all a little exhausting?

Welcome to my world. But don’t panic. It’s a beautiful world, and humans are the most intriguing and fascinating of creatures. Let this new information wash over you. Let it become part of the flow of the river that you’re in.  You’ll adjust. You’ll learn to see the world through more focused lenses, and it will just be a little brighter, or a little darker at times.

I promise you it will also be richer. And your heart will grow bigger.  Your mind will begin to lose its need to criticize or judge. You’ll see love everywhere. And it will be worth it.

Embrace your sensitivity. Get out of your head and live from your heart. Feel deeply. Smile often. Practice kindness and compassion for self and others. That’s my best advice.

And if you need a little more guidance on this new-found sensitivity, try this:

Living as a Sensitive Soul


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Hi! I'm Nicole Cody. I am a writer, psychic, metaphysical teacher and organic farmer. I love to read, cook, walk on the beach, dance in the rain and grow things. Sometimes, to entertain my cows, I dance in my gumboots. Gumboot dancing is very under-rated.
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17 thoughts on “Dealing with Mixed Messages

  1. wow Nicole, thank you for this. This really resonated with me even though i have a lot of spiritual growth to work on i am very sensitive to other peoples energies.

  2. If someone is passing gas, best to walk by quickly and not take it personally 🙂

    All joking aside though, what you say about interpretation is wonderful advice to everyone. It has taken me a long time to be able to get to the point where I stop, pause, and consider the possibility that with me as the center of my universe, I might not always get it right. I do try to more mindful of that now, one of the benefits I guess to being a little older 🙂

  3. Mixed messages. Yeah…false promises, undertakings undelivered, unmet hope, unheard knocking, reality kicks, disillusionment, spiritual poverty, grief, mistrust. Now no one likes that energy; do they.

  4. Thanks for this, Nicole. Awesome. Get this ALL THE TIME. It stressed me out to much at school, but then a wonderful friend told me, “You know, not everyone has to LIKE you.” nd I said, “But I haven’t done anything wrong! I’m not what they think I am.” And he said, “It doesn’t matter. People are ALLOWED to dislike you for NO REASON AT ALL. That’s their right. And it’s okay.” Wow. This was an explosion in my mind. From the second everything changed. I accepted the impressions I was getting (which conflicted with the words) and allowed them their right to their feelings. Sometimes, even close friends will have negative thoughts about me, and another friend might say, “She thinks this or this about you” and I say, “Well, maybe she’s right. I’m not perfect. Thank God she isn’t either. Thank God we all have a right to feel how we feel in private. After all, someone may KNOW their feelings are unreasonable, but have them anyway, and they will override them with the opposite words and behaviour because they want to do the right thing and create harmony. Of course, sometimes they are just being devious, but that’s not my problem to do anything about. Just to be aware. I know this sounds a little crazy, but what can you expect of someone who worships The Great Mannequin in the Sky. Anyway, just wanted to say that the kind of thinking you describe relieves so much internal pressure/angst/stress and creates a relaxed acceptance of all our sweet childlike imperfections. So thanks. xxx

  5. Given the what-is-in-the-water/air with a lot of people around me at the moment, this is a wonderful reminder for myself. Growing up like this and never understanding (except to have parents tell you “stop being so sensitive/stop taking everything so personally”) means I have to consciously reprogram a childhood behaviour. Thank you Nicole for the reminder. Deeply appreciated.

    I love the pic of the “inside a brain” 🙂

  6. This is a really insightful and valuable post – well done! i totally agree on being careful about interpretation, us sensitive people might get pieces of information but not the whole picture so it is wiser to just stay with the fragments of fact that we have. i’ve had many experiences of intuitive people picking up on things with me but then putting the pieces together incorrectly and making false assumptions, can be useful to check these things out

    also i love that distinction between integrity and honesty, i’ve had many times when my shadow side has been triggered (jealousy, anger, envy, pride, etc) and i really try not to hide it from myself, but i’m not always open and honest with people about what is going on for me, telling people they piss you off or that you are green with envy doesn’t always make for harmonious friendships, but i do sometimes share this stuff with really close friends. at the end of the day though i realise it’s my ego crap to sort out and not really the business of the other person anyway, so why drag them into it? does that make any sense

    ha i watched julie and julia last night, loved it, very sensual, gained 5 kg just watching it!! haha

    love and light

  7. As I deal with overstimulation and oversensitivity, I wonder if you have any insight into creating energetic barriers to deflect that which is unnecessary or unhelpful. My true challenge is absorbing other people’s energies, taking them on as my own, and not being able to release them. Any ideas?

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